Jenn

This week I learned so much about myself just by saying from the beginning of the week “I am going to try and not judge food or myself when I eat”.  Now I never thought I did before but of course how could we not when we are trying to lose weight???  I say “oh I so what to have this, but it is not really on my plan.  I mean I want to lose weight, is that a good choice?”  Well foods are not the enemy.  I still believe there is a lot of fake food out there for our potential consumption (Ha!), but nothing is off limits.  All that matters is where my mind is when I am providing my body with energy and nutrition. 

And this week, my mind has been here and there and everywhere, but my tools were with me to deal and enjoy.  What I noticed was that my body is not always hungry at the same time.  Feeding my actual hunger was a real good thing but somewhat of a challenge.  No points or calories were recorded.  I did not really journal, but when I was thinking about eating or eating I was aware of the positivity of my hunger and the occasional negativity of my thoughts.  It was wonderful to be an observer of my thoughts and not trapped in them. 

I did experience some mini binges (2) but it did not spiral and it did not mean anything.  Sure better choices could be had.  They ended soon after starting because I was THERE with myself.  I was not alone.  My company was plenty.  I did make a correlation to what foods I like to binge on and what I did when I was younger, feeling alone and scared.  It was really strange.  I almost always then and now go for milk products.  I never had them so much early in life but really had a lot in high school as I ballooned.  It was a comfort for some reason.  Anyways, this week I tried to have other foods when I wanted to eat and I felt myself consuming less…. It was a neat experience to NOT WANT ANY MORE…..  Very cool.  My hunger was satisfied.

I did feel the stress of not losing weight fast enough, because this process is sure to be so slow as it is not so weight centered.  It is behavior centered with the long term goal being health and achieving MY optimum weight.  This is something I will deal with and accept.  My ideal body weight is unknown.  I have to accept certain genetic factors for sure.  Yesterday it came to me who I am most like.  Sure I am over 200 pounds less then my aunt, but we are very similarly shaped.  We are pears, though I am a little more like an hour glass with my broad shoulders.  The weight will come off as it so wants.  Not really how I wish I could manipulate it.  (Doesn’t work anyways.)   By letting go of the control over food and diet, I noticed that control in other areas of my life picked up, so I was with those thoughts too and soon peace embraced me.   Things are so much better when you relax.  It has been a long time since I have said, I had a great week. Yah!

The scale says I gained today but it knows nothing of the fun I had yesterday.  It is not true weight.  We spent 8 hours geocaching yesterday and it was so much fun.  Food was not the focus, though some planning might have been an idea instead of some of the choices we made.   But it was nice to let go.  Could have drank more water too. *notes for next time* 

Just to share one experience we had, it seemed that something was lost when we were out and about and maybe I was not freaked out so much as it was not my loss, but I just felt at ease and then it was found.  David and I were in such a good place….hmm, relief?  And there for our fun was a bottle bubbles in the treasure box and so we blew bubbles and felt like kids in the middle of Somewhere Great.  It was priceless. 

Goals for my upcoming week: Review the principles of Intuitive Eating and consider some more then others, finish the business section of my course which gives me hives (lol) and have more fun…….  Maybe a loss too.   Have a great week Everyone. *hugs*

The journaling has been good. But what I am most impressed with is how my mind has calmed a little. I have been really anxious about the whole dieting mentality and hence this has lead me to open my eyes to new things (The Book, the only book, Intuitive Eating and the Joy of Silence). I am often racked with all kinds of hormones this time of the month, but this time when I wanted salt and chocolate I went with it. BUT I AM EATING WITH TRUE AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE. It is not the irresponsible eating that we call binge eating. Rather it is healthier view of food and myself where I did not judge the food or try to hide myself. Truly my emotions change like the wind, but this moment has been coming. Anything worth having comes with a preliminary hell. I will keep doing what I know is correct for my form and for my mind. That which is Beyond me is a comfort because I do not need to know the plan. I just need to do what I know is True. These are the challenges I face. I know I have to do things and change is always scary.

My goal this week is to NOT hide behind food or use food to cause me to feel like a failure. This week I feel Everything. I have learned so much about myself by being present with the Silence and the emotions of loneliness and I could not have asked for a better teacher then the stillness of the moment. Also, I need to get my own copy of Intuitive Eating so I can mark it up.

I really enjoyed watching all the Olympics this weekend. There is a quality with in each athlete that is truly magical. Just one example, but watching that woman from Romania (Constantina Tomescu-Dita) just run and run and press on and on was truly inspiring. How is it that some have that drive and others just do not? Not everyone has great roots to inspire this strength, so what is it? Where does this belief in oneself come from? How does one become a believer in oneself? Just some thoughts I am having right now……..

Ok, my stomach is telling me it is breakfast time….

Before I go, the scale says a gain, but this is so far from the truth. GEORGE! My body is so different and this is due to exercise….walking and strength training. I am so thankful for all that my body does. I will do my best to respect it so that it might continue to provide me with this much loved movement. I am sending out a big thank you to my physical body! *THANK YOU*

Have a great week everyone! I will be back next Sunday. (I have updated my profile too.)

10 Principles of Intuitive Eating

1. Reject the Diet Mentality Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.

4. Challenge the Food Police .Scream a loud “NO” to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating under 1000 calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created . The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments. Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.

 5. Respect Your Fullness Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show that you’re comfortably full. Pause in the middle of a meal or food and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what is your current fullness level?

6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor The Japanese have the wisdom to promote pleasure as one of their goals of healthy living In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence–the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting and conducive, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decide you’ve had “enough”.

7. Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food Find ways to comfort , nurture, distract, and resolve your issues without using food. Anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger are emotions we all experience throughout life. Each has its own trigger, and each has its own appeasement. Food won’t fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you into a food hangover. But food won’t solve the problem. If anything, eating for an emotional hunger will only make you feel worse in the long run. You’ll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.

 8. Respect Your Body Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectation with body size. But mostly, respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are. It’s hard to reject the diet mentality if you are unrealistic and overly critical about your body shape.

9. Exercise–Feel the Difference Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it’s usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.

10 Honor Your Health–Gentle Nutrition Make food choices that honor your health and tastebuds while making you feel well. Remember that you don’t have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.

http://www.intuitiveeating.org/10_Intuitive_Eating_Princip.html

I just feel somewhat lost today. I really really wish to lose these last few. And that is why I joined the team - motivation. But I can not find that which is only located from within. Well this realization is tough, because like I said, I feel lost. Team spirit detests this kind of thought. But this is me. I do not fit in ANYWHERE.

This diet that I new was crap really went out the window last night and thank goodness for this. I really enjoyed the great outdoors and some regular, fun, fast food last night. I refuse to think it was BAD…. I have no room for negativity as I need to find the Jenn who is moderate, really moderate. I know that extreme dieting is not good and I do not know what I was thinking doing it…. so ridiculous when I know all that is important is good health and it IS NOT achieved with radical diets, no matter how much I tweak it…lol Intuitive eating and The Zen of Eating are great guides. But I started to be anxious about goal not reaching my goal. I think lately I have been letting go a little and fear crept in. Like it would be the worst thing in the world to not diet?!? What if I just ate well, exercise, slept and dealt with all things stressful in a helpful way? What if I did not use my health issues as the reason to lose weight? What if I calmed the heck down and ENJOYED THE FREAKING MOMENT….. ha!

I have come to some new conclusions about food and health (through my own thinking and some reading). It is not so much what we eat that will keep us healthy, but it is what state our mind is in when we are eating and how we are eating. Real food is of course ideal, but stressfully eating healthy food and putting crazy pressure on our bodies is not a way to achieve optimum health. Perhaps it is this desire for peace within that is hindering me. I am just trying to hard, when I just need to stop. Smell, appreciate, enjoy…

Geocaching has actually brought me to a greater understanding of how I eat. Sometimes lately we have been out and about looking for treasure, but the goal did not distract us from the beauty of nature, the Moment. A couple times I have really just enjoyed where I was at, but then other times when we were out and about it was rushed, it was dark and we were hungry and moody. So, these are not the conditions to be enjoying an experience. And so back to diet and food…. One just has to be with them self and the food and the breath and the chewing. Before that food goes into my mouth I am going to consciously be aware of my mood, my state of mind, my emotions….my food. This is not something I have been able to maintain for any length of time…a journal for my emotions and food. YEh that requires me to get real with what usually wished to be stuffed down and down and down….. But I am taking a small notebook and I am going to write about my emotional connection to food for just 3 days. I have no plans. I do not know if I will continue or if I will give up. Like I so often feel I give up on everything! But 3 DAYS. I know George is coming and these emotions are somewhat connected to his visit, but I am tired of the constant BLAME game. Tis time to get real and be at ease because there is too much goodness to miss. Oh yeh, no dieting… just eating reasonably for my hunger.

I am cleaning the entire condo today because things have gotten forgotten around here with us being so adventurous. Well I look forward to even the mundane today. Laundry, vacuuming and gathering some items for Good Will. The rain is cheering up my herbs and I too feel so much better for getting this all off my chest. This is me, enjoying the everyday. Ok, I am smiling now.
This is still a nice place to be when I remember that this blogging space is mine.

As for Buddyslim, we are a neat little community that goes through a lot sometimes. I wish everyone the best and I hope that you are creatively seeing a way that suites your mind, your body and your spirit.

*wink*

I am following (lol) a very controversial diet called the Sacred Heart Medical Diet and I am doing it with some modifications. I believe that the guidance of a nutritionist or doctor is a very good idea. People are different and different people will likely require different things.

Modifications:

1. plain (cornstarch and gelatin free) yogurt (1% m.f.) instead of milk (because of the good bacteria and milk constipates me… )

2. I am eating things like lentils and peas (where the diet says avoid these starchy/protein veggies) WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT because I think fiber is important for me.

3. Since my knee injury I have been eating the same and that means too much fat for my activity level. SO this week I am eating no fat, BUT I am taking my omega-3s. NEVER mistake me for being anti-fat. I think healthy fats are critical for long term health and vitality. But I have been a twink lately when it comes to those healthy fats…lol

4. This diet recommends caffeine from coffee to help with #2 and I think this is just stupid. I am allowing for regular green tea, but mostly drinking my decaf green tea. Chamomile tea too. When I consume foods that normally would constipate me (meat and bananas) I will eat these foods without a lot of fluids to improve with my digestion. Likely have some fiber foods too with them.

5. Instead of a white potato on day 2 I am having a sweet potato

6. I am having my vitamins.

7. I am not relying on the soup like they suggest. I made the soup, but I am not drowning myself in it. Nor other fluids. This is me ACTUALLY DOING A DIET, moderately.

8. Changed the dry soup mixes to some that I prefer.  Not a big fan of MSG so I found some other alternatives. 

WHY THE DIET? I have to wait weeks and weeks to see my new doctor and my weight is really affecting my joints. I need to lose this weight to put less stress on my joints and recovering knee.

ALSO, this diet does allow me to do a cleanse. Lately I have been having food sensitivities to wheat, peanuts, corn, soy and it is time to clean up and feel some energy again. It is so nice to not even want and want. Plus it corresponds well with food combining.

The goal this week - 2-4 pounds loss.

I feel at peace and I am so thankful for this. Life is full of possibilities, treasures, adventures and LIFE IS NOT JUST weight loss and food. HOBBIES ARE SO MUCH FUN!! I really like that the food is taken care of. I do not have to plan. The day is planned and then I am listening to my body, but I am not thinking, “well what am I going to have when we go to this place or that?” PLUS (lol) there is not sneaking extra peanut or cashew butter once I have measured out my portion.

I guess I have always had a bad feeling when I think about myself on a diet (this is why I love Weight Watchers). But now it just seems nice to LET IT GO and know it is one week. Food is my nourishment. That is it. Next week I welcome some of those lovely tempting foods back into my world, BUT I HAVE A TOOL…. The Zen of Eating. Best book ever for those who find themselves fighting with food.

I would not do this diet week after week, but certainly great as a cleanse/and way to deal with some food sensitivities (do your homework if you think you have food sensitivities). I LOVE FOOD. Who doesn’t?…but moderation! Right.

IS THIS EVEN THE SAME DIET? Well it is the same diet tweaked and this is a good thing. Slow and steady and a little cleaning along the way…….

Love ya! Have a great week Everyone.

(also…. consistent activity through out my week.)

Yesterday a buddy sent out some nifty advice from “the universe” (thank you Naomi! Must find out where this is from.) and I decided to surrender to it’s wisdom…..

Today is the day!! Do something extraordinary today! Don’t analyze the whys of it…just do it!!

- the Universe

So what did I do? I decided in a instant to confront my self consciousness which does play a really negative role in my life. I do not like revealing my body. So what did I do? I found the first most revealing clothes I own and watered my herbs and flowers on the terrace…..not thinking until after that at least one person is home, the other couple is having their condo renovated and the workers are sometimes out for a break and that from one side neighbors can view, if they really look. Ha! I thought of this after. So this was big and it felt good to just go for it and relax. No thoughts. Just freedom and it was great. I want my body to be the best that it can be, but truly it is just a body!!! Why should I care that it is flawed a little. Perhaps my critical eyes are too harsh when this is just flesh. There is much more to my existence then the physical. I wanted to get out the music and blare You are Beautiful by James Blunt, but I thought maybe another day……… and the next thing I did was, study until my section was complete, wrote an exam and started the next section. This was a GREAT day! I felt so good. I exercised my brain and felt my spirit lift. I also did a variety of exercises but did not concentrate so much on the numbers. I did each movement well and even sweated a bit. But no pushing myself to achieve THAT number. Just pushed and pushed until I felt some burn and then a couple more. Fabulous!

This was my outfit….

This would have been tough, but it was spur of the moment and NO THINKING.

Listen and do.

Freedom.

So I want to write something quick and yet do not know what to say. It feels like I am just now talking to a new friend I have not seen in awhile. What to say?

I have been frustrated and I do not want sympathy, please! But just wanted to share that I injured my knee again, same thing and they will not do anything for it, they can’t they say. SO I NEED TO BE CAREFUL! No I was not even doing a sport, I was climbing up one very high step of a bleacher to watch a baseball game and just twisted it wrong. Not only that, instead of resting it properly I went a little hard with life when I should have just sat on my butt for awhile. So yesterday was a sit on my butt day drugged out on some most pleasant medication that actually helped me to keep my behind glued to the couch and bed. Seriously I felt drunk for much of the day. It feels so much better today. BUT I KNOW I MUST BE CAREFUL.

I have had some other health issues that have lead me to need to do a bit of a cleanse. Nasty cravings!! I am using food and as much activity as I can to cleanse/detox and get better. One way to really detox is to sweat a lot and work the big muscles (I can not work my quads…. *tear, tear*). Well since I am trying to take it easy with any kind of impact, this is tough. I am looking to the Wildcat activity chart and giving it my all, with in reason. Seriously I have been slacking and it is time to work on my strength and flexibility a little. Could I have re-injured myself because I have let certain activities fall from my routine? Perhaps. Could be just an old injury (my Mom has the same thing I just found out - weird!). Matters not now. Now it is time to get at it and make it better.

Study, workout, read blogs at lunch time, study and go to book club tonight. Missed Canadian Idol last night. Yes I am watching it and loving it like the older gal I am. I hear from some young people that it is so yesterday……lol Well I guess I never use to watch it, but now it is a part of my week. I should be able to see it soon. *grins*

So have a great week everyone! It is time for a loss

I love FitDay !!! That is FitDay.com! It will be working for me because I am doing the nearly 100% processed free thing and I can actually find the foods I eat. I have been on other journaling sites where there is more processed foods listed then actual whole foods. Though no baby bok choy, but it takes more calories to digest anyways….

Hey when life throws you a curve ball or lemons, you just have to decide what good things can come of it.

Just taking it a bit easy and seeing the good things in life.

This is me today, short and sweet. Wishing everyone their best day! *hugs*

It was like I needed a test to make me loose my sanity and that I had when I decided to eat a common ingredient in many processed foods - Tartrazine (yellow #5). The junk - Kraft Dinner (Sharp Cheddar) which also contains MSG and phosphates *sigh*. This mistake caused me to wake up in the middle of the night with EXTREME AGITATION, headache and cystitis. I have had trouble in the past with this additive. I have felt so good lately but this was the complete opposite. Mentally I even felt like I was not even myself. This shit should be banned from all food. There is not need for it. No wonder kids are becoming more and more mental. Hmmm, let’s add some more chemical additives to food and call it nutritious. I am just mad because I am usually good with saying no to these junk foods, but I thought a little should be ok. I was so aggitiated I thought all kinds of negative things. Shall not go into detail *sigh* This trash may not affect all, OF COURSE, but is it affecting you or your loved ones?

Just a quickie here, but I had to share. What does your body say about the foods you eat? I am going to be lot more intelligent with my food choices this week. Conscious eating and awareness…..

http://www.ic-network.com/bev/march00.html   - wanted to read this later…..

What did I do to make the cystitis bearable? Drank plenty of water and took certain vitamins, a little allopathic medicine (I was desperate!) to assist it’s exit and help relieve the discomfort. I CAN NOT BELIEVE that I use to go through this for weeks and weeks and doctors could tell me nothing. Oh my new fave show, House. Too bad doctors like this do not grow on trees. But then again we might rely on the medical system a little too much when I think the time has come for us to take our health in our own hands and try very very hard to remember what Stupid is. Stupid was I then, but thankfully today and tomorrow are mine for Good Living.

Off to do some weights/activity…. a natural way to detox the body.

Respect - activity, balanced nutrition, portions, GOOD nutrition, savor, adhere to the principles of good digestion & feed my actual hunger! - I ate at night sometimes, but I feel good. Today, NOT tomorrow or Monday, TODAY I continue to make each meal count! The last is in the past, though after some late night Sunchips I did start my day light - spinach, tomato, snap peas and a hard boiled egg.

Faith - THIS REALLY worked and I feel great !

Record in journal - I did. 29 - 42 - 29 - 29 - 31 - today I am aiming for 26.

Relax & laugh each day. - everything in balance and I think this was a good one. Tuesday ate late night popcorn - a mistake really because even air popped popcorn is high in points.

Aim for at least 8 servings of fruits and veggies each day. 9 - 7 - 6 - 9 - 6 - Next week/starting today, I aim for more fruits and veggies, ESPECIALLY choosing fruit instead of sweets. How many times do I have to tell myself that buying a whole bag of dark Bliss chocolate for the Book cub is just a huge mistake 5 days before the actual meeting *sigh*

Appropriate fluids for the day. *check*

*** Will be adding that little reminder as one of my goals To Not Eat After Supper!!! …..unless starving

Well……………. Why wait!

No Eating After SUPPER ! (……………………………………..unless starving or uncomfortable. Must listen to my body.)

The scale will likely say I maintained. I did however really get my activity up there. I even did Hard Body Yoga and it hurt, in a good way. Most of all, I really liked my attitude this week. I would not trade that for even a loss, actually.

Now, in the moment…..