Jennifer

Why am I up? (Being honest with myself….) - 2 lbs. up!

• Too much food (shocking!) - I went over my 35 points like a bad little monkey
• I had 2/7 good days (GET REAL!!!)
• Milk and milk products (not counting plain fat free yogurt which I did not eat enough of) - ice cream
• I may have put a little muscle on, but really, it is not likely this. Exercise is the only thing I did right! -5/7 GREAT days
• I did not eat like I did when I did have success in the last little while - Vegetarian/Vegan/Raw type meals more often then not.

My revised plan:

• Eat with in my points (24) and use my extra as I am really hungry - just to satisfy it. NO EATING AFTER 7PM unless it is an apple (it is very filling for me) or veggies!
• I want to have 6 great days. My treat each day is 10 grams of my fave dark chocolate- Lindt 70%
• NO ICE CREAM or frozen yogurt! Homemade frozen fruit Popsicles are okay. No real fruit juice. Only the actual fruit!
• I am thinking Core foods, but not restricting myself to this.
• Continue with my activity because that was great. I am laying off yoga and upper body weights until wrist is good and I am wearing my wrist support band for a few days.
• Eat more Vegetarian/Vegan/Raw meals and will eat fish and chicken when and if I feel like it. It is not so much a moral issue as it is I am not regular and it is making me into a Crab! But this Crab is going to “get her done” this week.
• 1300-1500 cal./day with an emphasis on whole foods
• Carbohydrates, protein and good fat (about 50-25/20-25/30 ) - This is just how I eat. It just works out this way as I have seen in the past when I do record my day with a food journal. This works with my body type and brain/emotions. My skin is good, feminine health is fantastic and my joints are thanking me. And, I am losing FINALLY.  (August 1, 2007)

These I write down because I really want to stay on plan. These are not hard things to remember. They are truly a part of who I am. I usually eat well, but this week I am more on then I have been. I really want to give this treat to myself. Nothing feels as good as eating well and feeling the effects of this kind of kindness. This I know.

Just a little motivation for me to move my numbers even further, I found an old Winsor pilates journal over the weekend which I did not finish back then. I have done well and am glad I am here and not there.

May 6, 2005

Chest: 40.5 inches (now 35)

Waist: 37 (now 29)

Hips: 44 (now 39)

Thigh: 28.25 (now 23)

Weight: 189 lbs (now 161)

I have a question about the Weight Watchers program and it involves fat. I was just wondering if anyone could explain why fat is double counted. I mean every 50 calories equals a point (actually 25-70 calories equals a point) but then I was wondering why if a portion of food is 6-12 grams of fat it is then counted as an extra point on top of the points already counted. Ten calories are subtracted for every 1 gram of fiber for that food first and then the fat is added on a second time if it exceeds 6.  (After 2 plus years points are second nature and the math thing does not phase me.  It seems a little complicated but it is not.  I just could not be bothered to carry my Pointsfinder around everywhere.  Plus, my dear BF found the WW formula online.)

Examples:

Hempseeds: 110 calories, 1 gram of fiber, 8 grams of fat / 2 T. - 3 points OR 1 point for 1 T.

Almond butter: 90 calories, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of fat / 1 T. - 2 points

Hummus: 120 calories, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of fat / 1/4 cup - 3 points

*I am not complaining, but I was just curious if anyone could explain to me why the fat is counted twice. I know the general rule for healthy eating is low fat, but that has to be a diet that is low in bad fats like the saturated and hydrogenated kinds. When it comes to good fat it is still counted the same. I understand, how could they make the distinction? Of course. Is it just to get people to lower their burger and fry intake? But what about the good fats? I suppose even they have to be moderated. Is there another reason? I think I may have worked out a near answer for myself in the process of writing this blog. But maybe I am still missing something. Thank you. I would appreciate any insight. Tea cheers.

A Setback: Fix what you can, move around it or through it and forge ahead.

Today is a new day!  Things have not been all rosy. In no particular order the following are my hindrances and issues: my wrist is acting up which has made some activity and even day to day life impossible (certainly weights are out! Bloody shit!), general not feeling like I can do anything right in my world, some people are grating on my nerves and I ate crappy yesterday. I know it is not a big deal long term but it will make it look like I had a bad week when I weigh in tomorrow. I really did not. Why do I do this? I let things bother me and then I self destruct. Not quite. I am not exploding or imploding. I am handling things emotionally pretty well but I had one bad day. My heart says that not yelling at people is good and that eating a big meal and having some no-portioned snacks is better then ripping into a rage, crying or becoming all depressed. I see this as true. Besides I have been so good lately, maybe I should have allowed myself to have some daily treats. Just something little would be good. I knew when I was eating why it was happening. I could see myself and understood myself, and yet I still wanted. I seemed at peace with this. At the same time I know I chose to not deal with somethings yesterday and maybe that was part of my issues too. Maybe putting things off just for a bit was my way of cooling off. Well I have to believe that at least some decisions were made for good reasons. That was yesterday. Today is today. I can not mend my week. You see I know my body and the food I ingested yesterday will affect my weigh in tomorrow, BUT that does NOT mean that I have had a bad week. I AM NOT GOING TO LET THIS SPIRAL. I will weigh in tomorrow, but I am also going to continue on my good path with my plan and weigh in either Tuesday or Wednesday. That will be good. Sometimes I feel it is easier to have a a few good days then 6 or 7 great days. I seem to want to prove to myself that I can have an awesome weigh in. I put too much pressure on myself. And I know why! I want to show myself that I am good. That is crazy but true. But I also have a weight loss goal of course! Though I am not so competitive in a group (I always want others to be well, I want to see people happy and never want to bring anyone down and that is why the Team thing does not work for me) I really want to do well for myself. I do want to be more and and to be better then I felt like I was programmed to be. Strange, but I am in a really good place and it is completely do to EMDR. I was lost really in my own maze of a head and my dear therapist in all her inexperience (I swear I felt like a rat because she was kind of new to it) got me thinking better. Life does not change. It is always going to happen! But I am dealing better. Not perfect. Just better. And though I have faltered a bit, it does not equal complete failure. I know this. I feel like I have written this blog many times. I keep playing the same CD. Why? What am I not getting? I really ought to be approaching a reality or something…hehe

So I am am sticking to my plan. My plan was good. I just have to be careful not to stress out my wrist. This old injury just asks up like a spoiled child. I will be feeling it when I am old for sure. I love doing free weights now. I can not believe I am saying this as I have hated weights forever. Anyways, I am focusing on legs which is not a bad thing. It might even be a good thing to just do legs and backside since they are my problem spots. Perspective is everything. And for sure, the negatives of this week were minor in the whole scope of my life. MOVING ON…….. *smiles bright*

Well we are doing well. But I am determined to not use more then my 35 points, but at the same time I am exercising my behind off, literally. So I am listening to the hunger and feeding myself. I have had 2 really good days. The first 2 I used them rather liberally, but that is ok. I believe my metabolism is working hard. Things have been crazy and busy, but I am not choosing to fail in these times. Now that is progress. I set my ticker back one and am weighing in Monday. I checked my measurements and my waist/hips/thigh are at 29/39/23 and that is also progress. My old measurements are somewhere in an old blog (not on the new site) and they were something like 36/43/26. I am not sure if those numbers were a year ago or when I started here. Grief! The memory is going too…lol Anyways, it is another long day and I am thinking if there is a god, he will grant me some patience and understanding to deal with all that I must do today.

I wish all success who are doing the challenges and team thing. Cheers to you and 3 cheers to all the team leaders who help so many stick to their plans. I am finally listening to that little voice inside my head more often then not. The voice that tells me NO when I need to hear no and YEH BABY when I am a good girl. When there is no computer around and no human voice to encourage me, I still have me to depend on. I have places I want to be and clothes I want to wear.

The things that are helping me…… All my protein powders (Vega, Naturade’s Veg & Equate’s Whey Protein Isolate (no aspartame or Ase-K!!!), my teas - herbal, green, matcha, chai, and rooibos (variety is good), water, veggies and a mostly veg. diet, fruit, oatmeal in the AM to keep me going throughout the day, 5-7 meals/snacks, recording, Oxygen magazine (I SUBSCRIBED even with all the pathetic supplement ads …*SPITS* - but it does make a 2 year subscription CHEAP!), cardio, strength training and flexibility exercises, fish, calcium, B6, multivitamin. I have some strong supporters too and that helps me tremendously. I am very thankful. But one of them wants his breakfast “meow, meow” so I am off. I will see my 2 lovely guys in 12 hours. And I need to connect with my buddies so that will have to be Saturday or Sunday when most are away. Well, this is the life. You do what you can when you can and always try to smile, eh ? lol

Wishes for peaceful thoughts…..

P.S.: Today I was asked what I thought about low carb diets. It may seem like I may not be eating carbs, but I so am. I personally could NEVER go low carb. For instance today I had my oatmeal, soybeans, sweet potatoes, fruit, veggies, crackers, hummus and sea salt and vinegar (Cheecha) Krackles along with plenty of protein and some good fat. If I go low carb, I am moody and depressed. It just happens like “that”. Some meals or snacks might be lower in carb, but in a day I get my carbs. That works for me. I know some do almost no carbs, but the brain needs the break down of carbohydrates into sugar to do it’s many tasks. That is just the way it is. Some people are more prone to low blood sugar and depression so I think Carbs are the best and necessary for combating these issues/ailments. Of course sometimes more is needed such as meds (Screw Tom Cruise!) or therapy, but how we feel in our day is so often due to our diets. A healthy diet of carbohydrates, protein and good fat works very well for weight loss if portions are remembered.

And so, I want to be a good little loser and actually lose weight and so I have been contemplating recording again. Due to life and temptations I have been slipping. But it was David who suggested he would like to record WW points as well and so for the first time in about 2 years we are doing the point system again. We both were starting to look a little pregnant (oops…. that was my spoken words) and so we are taking positive steps forward. My stomach distends a bit when I do not get enough fiber or good bacteria (yogurt) but have been managing to find a hefty supply of bad fat, sugar and general crap. It was such a horrible thing to say and if someone ever said it to me, I would be hurt of course. But truly it is about us and the result of our bad choices. David thought it was funny and I swear it is his sarcastic/edgy (South Park) humor that mingled well with my out of the blue edginess/rudeness? David calls my pregnant comment “witty and observant” whereas I think it is a complete double standard….. We had a good laugh…… Well I guess we do meet and are attracted to our opposites. Sometimes there are collisions but more often then not there is just shear greatness. Life. *smiles*

Working on Points (24/day with 35 extra through out the week which I will only use if there are emergencies…hehe), activity and drinking plenty of water……. That is where I am at. The scale read 162 lbs this AM, but I am not moving my ticker. When I move it, it will be going DOWN, NOT UP.

And so in David’s words “we are kicking the baby” this week. My understanding is that this comes from South Park but has nothing to do with anything weight related.  We are together kicking the baby!  My goodness….. hehe Life is fun if I see it right.

Not all can be so great though. I just learned today that an old client past away. He was suffering tremendously and so this is a blessing, not a sadness. I deal with pending death all the time and I deal well I think. But perhaps it takes a toll and it is always good to remember to laugh once in a while. They say everyday is good. Well that is a good goal too.

Cheers to all.

I am excited about this new place I am in. I can see the fat loss increasing and my muscle mass is starting to make an appearance. This pleases me greatly!

I am not a complete vegetarian, but I love the idea that I can eat well, feel good, have my vegetable protein sources and also my animal protein sources when I feel like it. I was beginning to think that I could not lose weight unless I ate meat and fish. Now I am confident that I can enjoy my food how I like to eat and still lose. Joy!

My findings:

http://www.cancercenter.com/after-care-services/protein.cfm (VERY good list and info. source)

http://www.wellesley.edu/Health/Studentservices/Nutritionfiles/veg.html (Simple and to the point. Good starter list.)
http://www.wildhealthfood.com/a-vegetarian-list-of-high-protein-foods-staying-healthy-eating-vegetarian-protein. (Again, just interesting info.)

http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/news/20020529/will-eating-more-protein-help-your-body-gain-muscle-faster (This is a great source of info. And with all this talk of protein, it is important to realize that one can consume too much of a good thing!)

http://allrecipes.com/recipes/everyday-cooking/vegetarian/main.aspx (There are so many recipes out there. Who has the time to try them all? This is just one of those sites that looked great.)

http://www.myvega.com/main.asp (Not the best tasting meal replacement, but it does NOT have crap in it like nearly all powders. It does combine well with fruit and liquid of your choice.)

There are so many great sources out there, but these are just a few I stumbled on to. I am making some of this new info. (some of it is old) a part of my diet and am enjoying the creative process of cooking.

I look at recipes and LOVE cookbooks, but I love to change them and create things from scratch. Usually they are simple and sometimes that is best. I would love to find a great vegetarian site with to die for recipes. But so far I am not bored. Plus I am not planning a dish for a party so there is no pressure….ha! Pehaps I should start collecting some decadent recipes because you just never never know when you might need one.

I once was watching a cooking show with Michael Smith on the Food Network and he made a chocolate cheesecake with Silken tofu. Michael even managed to get a big football player to ask for seconds. Then he told the poor soul what was the main ingredient. He still wanted seconds! Wow, was it rich and so you did not need a lot in my opinion. Anyways, I had to bring the dessert to a party and it was quite the hit as well. But it is hard to go wrong with dessert especially when chocolate is involved.

Cheers to us !

I have been all over the place with my diet lately. I do not want to be a burden so I ate meat when I went for a BBQ at my Mom’s. Sometimes I just do not want to stick out like a sore thumb, ya know? Even though David offered so sweetly to go to Costco to get some mushroom burgers. I said “no worries”. And then after this and just other things lately, I have given up a bit. The neighbor thing is only bothering me slightly. I know I just need to be ok about eating the way I want and planning things to a degree but also knowing that David can fend for himself. He has made jokes about being old enough to feed himself, but I feel like I have to feed him well or he will eat hot dogs and white ass bread every meal. Yuck! I am so exaggerating. He is not that bad. Not even close. Anyways I have disgusted myself with my poor choices too. I think that happens. When unhappy with something apparently external, it is us projecting our own internal aggravations. Well balance, I made a soup for him to go with his hot dog tonight. :)   But, I wish for all of us to eat well.  That is just in me.

I feel like I needed to get these thoughts out. I am not looking for a shoulder of a friend. I just needed to purge the thoughts so that I can start fresh. Exercise is still keeping me steady and from not jumping of the deep end. Just kidding. Even though I am down, I feel in control of my life and level. Thank heavens for this. I kind of feel normal. And it is a new day. I am going easy on the dairy (because DAMN that stuff really stays with me- thighs, mid section, etc.) except plain fat free yogurt, concentrating on feeding myself well with all the good things and eating smaller snacks and meals often. Water is my friend along with it’s companion Fiber. So not so many restrictions, but I am just eating to feed myself and my spirit. The whole meat thing kind of makes me feel depressed. I am only going to eat fish and chicken when I feel like my body needs it. I do not pray before my meals, but I may start. Why not! Especially when I eat the fleshy creatures, I feel compelled to say thanks for their energy. It sounds strange for me to even say this because I have NEVER thought like this. But I am just going to be thankful for even more things.

I talked to a lady who lives up north in the Yukon with her boyfriend. She hunts and eats only wild game. I thought that was fascinating. No hormones, pesticides and what you kill you eat and use. It is such an interesting and completely different life. It is just a simpler existence. But I suppose there are pros and cons to all things.

My goals: Muscle, not flab! (complete proteins, activies including light weights with more reps, cardio) AND

Feeding myself well for me - Not eating things just because they are there! I think that is specific enough for me to have success this week.

[A different thought: Why can I hit the space bar twice after a period in this program, but when it saves it shows up as single? There are many mysteries that I contemplate and this is the one in my head right now. I do not care enough to question it formally but just was wondering.]

I woke up the last couple mornings and was wondering, Why Buddyslim? Things have changed and I do not feel like it is my lifeline anymore. It is still one of my important weight loss tools and then I was reminded from a buddy that we are connected and we help people when we do not even know we are. I think that is important and interesting that we can accomplish so much by setting and sharing goals and doing our best to find balance AND then we can learn from and teach others - When we do not even know we are doing it. Ok, this is exciting. I know I have read many blogs since I have been here and though I have not read so much lately, I do recall that thrill of learning about others experiences and knowledge. I love this!!!

My sugar-free diet is going pretty well. I was on plan, but last night I was not perfect . Last night I had some treats (some Cheezie treats which has simple cornmeal I think, plus some unhealthy hydrogenated fat…hmmmm APPETIZING! They were so good), a small homemade protein brownie from my freezer (I WILL PUT UP THIS RECIPE SOMETIME) and alcohol. I was so proud of myself though, I had real lemon, lime, club soda and lemon gin. It was so yummy. I would not usually like those Cheezie things, but I played tennis last night when is was so hot. I was just sweating buckets…. quite the sight! Anyways, we had a little gathering on the terrace and it was fun. I am sure I could have had something healthier after my little tennis workout, but it matters not. I have had many more good days.

Towards the end of the night, my aristocratic gay neighbors for some reason were talking generally about the huge size of North American female athletes legs - “Thunder Thighs” is not a term that I appreciate for personal reasons. Female athletes ROCK!!! Anyways, men! Gay or not, they are men. The fact that they are gay should not be a factor, yet to know them, it truly is a huge part of who they are. I usually have great conversations with these friends/neighbours and will be sad when they move. I enjoy Settlers of Catan and Telepaths with them whenever. Their condo is being sold (they are renting) in this Booming time. Who knows who will move in next? Anyways, I felt bad about the longer-then-I-like thigh discussion. I was reminded of a Native Studies class as I relaxed in bed last night where Cultural Appropriation was the topic during one of the classes. And it goes like this, if you do not have the first hand experience to discuss something sacred, you do not have the right to speak of it. Well, boys, since you do not have female thighs of your own, DROP IT! Anyways, they were made aware of how it was not a good topic. I just said it was not a cool topic, it was dropped before my emotions had a chance to become engaged and also before they looked more idiotic then they did. I guess they just felt comfortable to discuss ANYTHING as I have felt really comfortable with them. It just brought me down a bit. All I could think was damn, I should not have had those Cheezie treats. Then that reminded me of how my friend Kathy and I use to pig put and then there would appear on the TV a weightloss commercial or a VERY large person. It was just a thing, a coincidence …lol I am able to step back and see that these past preoccupations are silly. Even though I did not talk about dieting with my therapist, I am seeing new and better ways to address those old ways of thinking. I appreciate the courage I had then to start and the awareness of my new thoughts now.

Well, I am doing well. I am handling things that use to just PISS ME OFF with much more grace and peace. I mean I feel, but I do not let it overwhelm me. Sometimes it is hard to see the progress. Why think about issues? Why eat healthy or exercise? Well when we stop ignoring and stop living a life of pure pleasure, good things can happen. But hey, you have to have fun sometimes! That is just good living.

I am reminded of that Body Break commercial saying “Keep fit and have fun!”

AND I LOVE MY THIGHS. They are great and improving and they will always be strong and beautiful. For me confidence is beaUtiful! I wonder if I will ever feel confident most of the time? Here’s hoping.

This site may not be my priority everyday, but it is always with me. We “get” each other for the most part. And I am so thankful for it in my weight loss journey.

Have a great weekend everyone.

P.S.: I have been enjoying the no/low sugar diet. My portions are good, exercise is up and with good variation and my emotions are clearly improved. Life is good with effort and relaxation.

[I read this tonight and I have to say I am not manic….LMAO. It is just what came out of my head this AM. ]

Well I can feel that funkiness returning to my head. Therapy does not solve everything.  I have to fight and keep things good.  I noticed something, my funks kind of returned when I started to eat fish/meat again.  Hmmmmm….. Coincidence, perhaps.  Or is it when I have too much sugar when I have had almost no refined sugar??? Could it be life after all and be a number of factors. I am thinking since I have an X chromosome and not a Y, this may also be a factor at this time. Anyways, I can see I need to really work at this. I gave into temptation last night and I do believe I am in this super funk because of nasty white sugar.  I do not even think it is guilt.  I think it is pure physiological. LOL….. why not blame the villain who can not speak for himself!?! SUGAR.  Bad boy!

I have experienced what it is like to go off sugar and the feeling is amazing so that is what I am doing.  I am not a complete sugar Nazi. Fruit is good! But I am off white sugar, brown sugar, Splenda, stevia, and all foods with added sugar.  I am saying no to the no calorie sweeteners because I want to get that taste for sweets out of me.  Obviously I am staying away from anything white that converts to sugar nearly instantly.  I am not saying this is the reason for my funk.  I am just letting my cravings know that there are RULES.  Just like children, those cravings can not be receiving this and that on a whim.  I am taking that mood and dealing with it before it spirals.

Ahh…. Oscar is screaming for me to get his food. I better go.

This was one of those rare weeks since I started here that I did not think about food really. I am usually extremely focussed in this area. But I kind of gave myself some freedom. It has been so hot here and rather then feeling sick and light headed, I just went crazy with salty foods. I have a moderate amount of food in me and I am feeling pleasant with my lightly puffy tummy. I do not even like when I am all caved in. I want to lose fat and I think retaining a little water actually makes me look healthy. I have talked about that loose skin, well I like the fuller look. I went to Mamma Mia on Saturday and sitting in the next row was this girl who was clearly anorexic to me. Perhaps it was a health condition that was not controllable or maybe it was what it appeared. Wow! Anyways, the show was FANTASTIC !!!

I also am really enjoying my muscles these days. I love seeing the toned or should I say the most toned body of my life. Specifically, I speak of my toned arms, calves and back. I worked out a great deal this week - pilates, yoga, free weights, walking, jogging/running. Friday night David went roller blading for his second time this year and I kept up by either jogging or running. We were out for 30 minutes so that was a good workout for me.  He said it was a good start for him.  I was exhausted for a minute after and was completely recovered after 2 or 3 minutes. That in itself is improvement.

I am not sure where the 2 extra pounds on the scale came from this AM, but I will take them. Is it food, water, muscle or fat? I do not care. This week I start fresh changing somethings and sticking to others. This is a really good and healthy place for me. Granted I have not lost my mind…hehe…. My competitive self is still present and healthy. I need this for myself. I have a different place I want to be in one week. So, I do what I can this week to get me closer to my goal.

I wish everyone a healthy and happy week.