Jennifer

I have been all over the place with my diet lately. I do not want to be a burden so I ate meat when I went for a BBQ at my Mom’s. Sometimes I just do not want to stick out like a sore thumb, ya know? Even though David offered so sweetly to go to Costco to get some mushroom burgers. I said “no worries”. And then after this and just other things lately, I have given up a bit. The neighbor thing is only bothering me slightly. I know I just need to be ok about eating the way I want and planning things to a degree but also knowing that David can fend for himself. He has made jokes about being old enough to feed himself, but I feel like I have to feed him well or he will eat hot dogs and white ass bread every meal. Yuck! I am so exaggerating. He is not that bad. Not even close. Anyways I have disgusted myself with my poor choices too. I think that happens. When unhappy with something apparently external, it is us projecting our own internal aggravations. Well balance, I made a soup for him to go with his hot dog tonight. :)   But, I wish for all of us to eat well.  That is just in me.

I feel like I needed to get these thoughts out. I am not looking for a shoulder of a friend. I just needed to purge the thoughts so that I can start fresh. Exercise is still keeping me steady and from not jumping of the deep end. Just kidding. Even though I am down, I feel in control of my life and level. Thank heavens for this. I kind of feel normal. And it is a new day. I am going easy on the dairy (because DAMN that stuff really stays with me- thighs, mid section, etc.) except plain fat free yogurt, concentrating on feeding myself well with all the good things and eating smaller snacks and meals often. Water is my friend along with it’s companion Fiber. So not so many restrictions, but I am just eating to feed myself and my spirit. The whole meat thing kind of makes me feel depressed. I am only going to eat fish and chicken when I feel like my body needs it. I do not pray before my meals, but I may start. Why not! Especially when I eat the fleshy creatures, I feel compelled to say thanks for their energy. It sounds strange for me to even say this because I have NEVER thought like this. But I am just going to be thankful for even more things.

I talked to a lady who lives up north in the Yukon with her boyfriend. She hunts and eats only wild game. I thought that was fascinating. No hormones, pesticides and what you kill you eat and use. It is such an interesting and completely different life. It is just a simpler existence. But I suppose there are pros and cons to all things.

My goals: Muscle, not flab! (complete proteins, activies including light weights with more reps, cardio) AND

Feeding myself well for me - Not eating things just because they are there! I think that is specific enough for me to have success this week.

[A different thought: Why can I hit the space bar twice after a period in this program, but when it saves it shows up as single? There are many mysteries that I contemplate and this is the one in my head right now. I do not care enough to question it formally but just was wondering.]