Jennifer

A Setback: Fix what you can, move around it or through it and forge ahead.

Today is a new day!  Things have not been all rosy. In no particular order the following are my hindrances and issues: my wrist is acting up which has made some activity and even day to day life impossible (certainly weights are out! Bloody shit!), general not feeling like I can do anything right in my world, some people are grating on my nerves and I ate crappy yesterday. I know it is not a big deal long term but it will make it look like I had a bad week when I weigh in tomorrow. I really did not. Why do I do this? I let things bother me and then I self destruct. Not quite. I am not exploding or imploding. I am handling things emotionally pretty well but I had one bad day. My heart says that not yelling at people is good and that eating a big meal and having some no-portioned snacks is better then ripping into a rage, crying or becoming all depressed. I see this as true. Besides I have been so good lately, maybe I should have allowed myself to have some daily treats. Just something little would be good. I knew when I was eating why it was happening. I could see myself and understood myself, and yet I still wanted. I seemed at peace with this. At the same time I know I chose to not deal with somethings yesterday and maybe that was part of my issues too. Maybe putting things off just for a bit was my way of cooling off. Well I have to believe that at least some decisions were made for good reasons. That was yesterday. Today is today. I can not mend my week. You see I know my body and the food I ingested yesterday will affect my weigh in tomorrow, BUT that does NOT mean that I have had a bad week. I AM NOT GOING TO LET THIS SPIRAL. I will weigh in tomorrow, but I am also going to continue on my good path with my plan and weigh in either Tuesday or Wednesday. That will be good. Sometimes I feel it is easier to have a a few good days then 6 or 7 great days. I seem to want to prove to myself that I can have an awesome weigh in. I put too much pressure on myself. And I know why! I want to show myself that I am good. That is crazy but true. But I also have a weight loss goal of course! Though I am not so competitive in a group (I always want others to be well, I want to see people happy and never want to bring anyone down and that is why the Team thing does not work for me) I really want to do well for myself. I do want to be more and and to be better then I felt like I was programmed to be. Strange, but I am in a really good place and it is completely do to EMDR. I was lost really in my own maze of a head and my dear therapist in all her inexperience (I swear I felt like a rat because she was kind of new to it) got me thinking better. Life does not change. It is always going to happen! But I am dealing better. Not perfect. Just better. And though I have faltered a bit, it does not equal complete failure. I know this. I feel like I have written this blog many times. I keep playing the same CD. Why? What am I not getting? I really ought to be approaching a reality or something…hehe

So I am am sticking to my plan. My plan was good. I just have to be careful not to stress out my wrist. This old injury just asks up like a spoiled child. I will be feeling it when I am old for sure. I love doing free weights now. I can not believe I am saying this as I have hated weights forever. Anyways, I am focusing on legs which is not a bad thing. It might even be a good thing to just do legs and backside since they are my problem spots. Perspective is everything. And for sure, the negatives of this week were minor in the whole scope of my life. MOVING ON…….. *smiles bright*