Jennifer

Well, as they say, what does not kill us makes us stronger.    I suspect we all might feel like oxen after some of those tough days.  Good for us!  It is a new day and hot as hell (like 35 degrees today - damn).   I should mention my session was pretty okay but it was after that left me super sensitive and a bit of a wreck.  But I am good today.

I have been down right naughty these days, but yes that is real and it just happens sometimes.  Anyways, I am kicking my own ass into gear and just trying for my best.  Exercise has REALLY saved me lately in so many ways.  I really feel positive and am handling things pretty well.   It is in me to do what I need to do.  I do not need anything outside of me.  What I have learned in this life is that you have to count on yourself.  Find some good people and enjoy life with them.  But when it comes right down to it, the strength that one needs is inside all the time.  It just needs to be found and recognized.  Strong beaUtiful me, and let me tell you, in the past if I could find a way to hide I found it.  I have hidden behind fat, baggy clothes and the belief that I am not good.  Well things are a changing I feel.  But as with everything, it takes some patience and some will.  No one can tell me what I need to find for myself.  I have got caught up in the needing to be built up stage in order to feel good.  I need to try and remember that I have this strength and I have me.  It is always there.

Tea cheers to you!

hmmmmm…… “Alfredo” sauce and pasta for supper (soybeans, soymilk, yogurt, roasted garlic, lemon, lemon thyme, rosemary, Parmesan, salt and pepper- blended) …. Sure it is green, but if you close your eyes, ahhh bliss!   lol

Food Log

Well I know I am stronger then I even realize so all will be fine. We all are. Due to some very interesting circumstances that are not my own, I realized also that I need to fight through those things that seem so difficult. I was a witness. It was deja vu ! I can only do what I can do outside of myself, but I have all the power when it comes to me. I do not know what I will talk about today. But I think I am not feeling the pressure of finances. So I am just going to let the thoughts come to me. I am going to give my day to Silence and let the answers come so that the session will be what is suppose to be and still be productive.

Usually I am a seeker, but I plan to relax and for the next while I only take control over my plate. I give myself the gift of good food in the right amount. A trick I use is to use dishes that are the right portion already. I have tons of Corelle baking cups that I can fill all the way to the top, and that is my portion. Ziplock also has those 1 cup portion containers and I think both are great. The key is to have ONE portion!!! Last night I had ice cream (2 portions or 1 cup… naughty) and worse then the calories was the complete indigestion! It was not just the ice cream. I also had 2 portions of my homemade vegetarian tomato sauce with whole wheat pasta (which is to say it was less then restaurant size but bigger then I need or usually have) . I thought I was going to die. I have not ever felt this bad. Well that will teach me! It is a half joke now and was completely serious last night. I can not ever recall a time that I felt like that. Considering what I put in the “about me” section this is quite interesting. However I see I did not say I would have ONE DAMN portion. SO, now I said it…hehe I will try to be a good girl.

Well today I try for better. I wish everyone a great day.

I have not been eating the same (less veggies, a little less caring about completely health meals/snacks) and I have been exercising harder.  Things actually have not been that bad.  Not better exercise, but rather harder.  I am dealing with the potential last session of EMDR.  I feel good as a person, boy do I feel different then I use to and good.  But the old is still there, lurking.  I feel like we have white washed the issues.  Last session was a bust!  Truly it was a waste of time.  And I know I have been avoiding the issues I need to deal with.  I just feel lost.  All in all I have been eating better then normal and I am pretty glad that I did not try to focus on that as to avoid thinking about other things.  I guess I feel lost today.  But pilates, work, walk home, be calm - that is my day.  Some loud music may be in order.  Calm…….  I do feel completely at ease with my weightloss.  I am aiming for maintaining this week or maybe, hey I can shoot for one down.  It is never too late in the game!!!  That is all I can do, each day, TRY.   I feel pretty sensitive about all of this and told myself I would not vent on here.  But truly I feel stressed.  This messed up blog is a combination of what I know/the positive and the confused/chaos of my mind.  Warning - avoid this blog.  There, that is the title.

It is hot as hell here!  I am such a pansy.  Though I do not understand this saying.  It seems the pansies outside can take more heat then the blooms on my columbine bush.   Anyways, as for the heat, I am drinking drinking drinking.  This AM before my pilates I started out with club soda, water and the juice of a lemon.  Hmmmmm…. Refreshing!

That seems good to me.  Bank that idea.  “Even in stressful times, make a good decision for myself.”  Good tip.  Hehe…

Well I enjoyed some good food yesterday on Canada Day which is to say I ate more then usual and I am good with that. Today is a new day and all is well. I am on plan in all ways.

Some ladies were wondering about my jewelry hobby so I posted some of my creations. Basically I was tired of wanting the pieces that were in the stores (and buying them), so why not play, make gifts and make exactly what I want, for what I thought would be for a better price. It turns out that hobbies are not cheap….lol Oh well it is fun and allows for me to be creative. I do not paint anymore, but I use to do that too. I have all my stuff so I guess I could if it crossed my mind. It is nice to not think about diet, activity and weight loss all the time.

It is difficult when I want to prepare good healthy food, want to lose and still get everything I need to get done, done!  C’est la vie!  I do see there is more to life, then the weight loss life once I step outside of the bubble. It does take a long time it seems to educate one’s self, but it has been worth it for me to do so.

Hope everyone is having a super day. Tea cheers to you!

Well, I am at 158 lbs (waist/hip – 29/39) . Not fantastic, but not surprising either. Milk products, as much as I love them, some cause me to feel and look bloated. That is why I do not drink even skim milk. I know Calcium is good for weight loss, but I need to ease up just a bit with some of these milk products that I have been having. There are different sources and plain fat free yogurt never affects me like milk. The strange thing is I have not even been indulging. So really, the bloated thing could be just one of those things that strangely happened, OVER NIGHT?!?

As for the rest of my health, I have not felt this good in a long time. Life is too short to not have my faves when I want them - salmon, shrimp, a little chicken (with my favorite curry), eggs, oysters. So I am a total Flexitarian where I love my vegetarian diet 90% of the time. I feel no need to cut out fish or eggs especially. I might die tomorrow and who would care that I was a perfect in my diet or how I was dressing (different story…lol). Oh I know where this need for perfection comes from, no need to go there. I know what I know.

Now I just work on doing what I need to do. I tried that “being at peace” thing this weekend. Well, I do not know how well I did. It is always this process and I am just trying to enjoy all things and appreciate what I have. Truly, everyday is a good day to find some moments of relaxation. For me that is being completely alone, maybe on the terrace or in the hottest citrus lavender mineral salt bath. I enjoy the solitude. I am really glad that addressing the chaos of my thoughts is bringing me to a place where I can be more at ease with things.

I realized something about the scale. Weighing in once a week is like nothing. Doing it once a month is scary. Even after these 2 weeks, I felt scared of it. I have not feared the scale since I was 10 years old. Grief! So, I am able to admit that I was wrong. I think that weighing in once a week makes it less of a Thing for me. So, I weigh in only once a week, and not every day. I try that this week.

So Friday I went to one of my favorite restaurants, Alexander’s, and had my fave – a Jalapeño Guacamole Vegetarian Wrap with tazhiki sauce. Only when it came it was chicken!!! Grief! Anyways, my order finally came and it was to die for! It was so strange because they have the best showcase of desserts and I could not pick one. The world was my oyster outside of the restaurant too and I could not think of one thing I wanted anywhere. Even Traegers did not appeal. I wanted to want something, but did not have a taste for anything. NO CRAVINGS….. what the heck ??? Much later David and I went for a treat – I had raspberry cranberry frozen yogurt – not as healthy as it sounds. I do not even think there was real fruit in it, but it was pretty ok. I think the Homestead Ice Cream place is the place for the future. You can pick the fruits you want mashed into the ice cream or frozen yogurt. Live and learn. I am much pickier these days. This body is a temple NOT a trash can and what I put in it will be good for my body, my spirit or both! And someday, that peanut butter pie from Alexander’s will be good for my spirit. I will wait for the day when I REALLY want it…. *big bloated Buddha belly laugh*

I wish everyone a terrific week.