Too Far Away
Well yesterday was the first day at Buddyslim that I was absolutely sad about the distance that is between us as Buddies. There are so many cool people scattered all over the world and I had a moment. All I wanted to do was reach out and hug someone. I guess all on here if you have been here awhile or whatever, you just feel like you have real friends. I did not know I could experience this kind of a true friendship. To have a true friendship on here is something unique and not at all something I can put into words. SO, at this time, I will not even try. Even if some other Buddies are gone, I still think of them too and hope for good things for them. Maybe they think that I have forgotten them because I do not bug them with relentless and lame boosters like “have a great weekend” or “hang in there, we can do this because we are just too cool not to” but it is not possible.
Now let me explain, this is new too for me. I am to me a often cold person and a “keep my heart protected” kind of person. In person I am like this anyways. Well sometimes. With my clients I am awesome and good at what I do. On here I just seem to let it all hang out (oh grief, lol, ya know what I mean). I want to be warmer in person. I do not want to be that person that because they have been hurt they turn into a hedgehog, curling up and not coming out until it is safe. You see, I have kinks to work out. Always growing……
Yesterday I wanted to be near to someone special, when in life I often want to be as far away from people as possible. Five years ago, I seemed to be the life of the party, but things change. I do want to go back to a place where I am confident again and able to talk well with people and experience good times. I know for certain that weight loss does not bring about confidence. Well not for me anyways. I guess being around positive people is the key. I am certain of this.
Somedays I feel so far from where I want to be and then a moment later I see that I am doing just fine. I am moving at just the right pace. IT IS ALWAYS PERSPECTIVE! It is forgiveness. It is about compassion. It is about using our words in the best possible way I think.
I SWEAR we are twins separated at birth. LOL
Always growing is good… to not grow and learn and change is to just stagnate and die, not physically, but in your heart and soul.
You are a beautiful person Jennifer. Forgive and let go… don’t to protect… let the world see just how wonderful you really are.
I think a Buddyslim meet is in order myself. Wouldn’t that me so cool? Yes, I still say cool… I’m SO behind the times. HA!
Love and hugs,
Shan
Like what buttercup had said…forgive and let go. What ever is bothering you to close up like that you need to let go. Always growing is great, if you didn’t what would be the point of living.
Jennifer you seem like a wonderful person, let the world see it. That is one thing that I’m trying to do is to be around a lot of positive people. You get so encouraged to do things, to expand your horizans. Hope you have a great weekend.
I do not know what I was thinking as I wrote this at 4AM. I am not cold. But I feel like it sometimes. Sometimes it is the only thing that seems right. But then there is a part of me that knows so much better.
See you next week. I need some me time and some David time. He is such an amazing person and we have not done so much together lately. He would NEVER say because he knows how important Buddyslim is to me, but I feel it and I just know. Maybe it is okay though to have that “away” time… He is no longer my boyfriend as I told him the other day….hehe. He is my life partner. I donated my big CCM bag that I have used in the past to travel. I told him that I am not running anymore. Life is good. You just have to see things clearly. No more sleepy eyes this fine Friday.
I cried when I read this.
Mainly, I just see how hard you try. You are such a sweetie and so special!
I loved this:
“Somedays I feel so far from where I want to be and then a moment later I see that I am doing just fine. I am moving at just the right pace. IT IS ALWAYS PERSPECTIVE! It is forgiveness. It is about compassion. It is about using our words in the best possible way I think.”
The Bible says: Encourage each other DAILY! And I think THAT is what I most try to focus on - encouraging myself and encouraging the people around me every single day, because…. we are all trying to survive this crazy world…
You are the sweetest thing Jen.
And you are not cold. But you are afraid to get hurt, in my opinion. When you extend your affection towards someone and they don’t immediately respond, you really close up into a fortress. We’re all like this, but maybe you’re a little bit more like this?
So what you need is not to become more warm, but if anything, more confident at expressing your feelings - in person, I mean. You have to understand that internet is a barrier - it is protection and we bond easier over the net because it’s harder to get as hurt as we can get in person by just a look, a position of the body or an awkward word.
Well, I don’t know.
Sending lots of love you way!! That I know!
I’m with Lid. I’m a bit like this too. Once you figure out why YOU’re like that, you can work at it and it sounds like that’s what you’re doing. I’m a firm believer that we are the architects of our own lives. To that end, we DECIDE what friendships and people we sorround ourselves with. I’m not down with the “I’m a victim of circumstance” mentality. If I don’t like something, I change it. I think we all have the power to do so. What I’m trying to say is (a) we’re all afraid to be hurt but if we are, we SURVIVE and (b) in opening up to others, we take chances. If they are rude and respond in a negative way, we take ourselves out of the situation so that we can be open to the kind, amazing and wonderful person that was meant to take their place. I’m a spiritual creature in the making so pardon all the philosophizing……have a great day……