Jennifer

It is so great to be home.

I was so reassured and happy to see that Oscar was so calm and good this weekend when I was gone. Apparently he was a nut the first night when he stayed with some friends.

I really felt good about having healthy snack choices on hand. I came home with many of them, but it was good to eat the perishables like the veggies and fruit. It was nice to have options. I also enjoyed some different things that I would not make and felt good about my choices.

I did not always have my 3 meals and snacks at the normal times, but all in all, when I was hungry I tried to just have a nimble of something. I ate late both nights. That is just the way things worked out. I was not worried or anything. It is good to know when to go with the group and then also when to make individual choices for me. I was content and pleased. I was at ease !!! For the most part. I also enjoyed some nice wines. I tried a little Scotch holy hell! I had it with water. One part Scotch and like four parts water, damn! I am good now. No need to drink that stuff again…hehe. I think it must have been the Big Band music that relaxed me enough to just be me. I do not try things like I use to. I mean I am reading much into this, but it was cool to be open and happy and adventurous…. I WAS ME !!!!

I think I likely maintained ??? The scale seems to be smiling at me. Sweet.

There are some family issues that are making me uneasy, but I suppose I am feeling the need to address and then know that I have to live and let live. I am all cryptic hey? Simple: I think a family member is bulimic and so I eased into the topic with her and then asked her if she was bulimic? Most importantly I told her that I care about her. Our issues with stress and food are so complex. Knowing when to do what when is something I think we know in our gut. So I am glad I handled things the way I did and I am now trying to find peace with letting things just be for awhile. This is difficult for my boyfriend because it is his relative. It is hard to Know and yet realize you do not know Everything, ya know? They say life is as complicated as you make it, but I rather think it is damn complicated sometimes. Anyways, boundaries are something I am working on. And letting myself open up to people with out the fear of criticism is also on my “to work on” list. I am doing very well. I come back to how therapy worked for me. I feel sane after this trip and that is due entirely to my EMDR therapy. I just felt more content and relaxed. Bringing up tough issues raised my blood pressure, but I was good. I was really good and I am so happy. I hope that life will let up on this one relative who is dealing with so much in her life. Like really! Sometimes it seems so unfair. I really hope that she will find some peace in the obsessiveness. Sometimes you can only hope for a little peace. If complete peace is found, well then that is just all the more great. I can not make things all better. Time, family and SOMETHING will play their cards as they are meant to be played. I did my part in just letting her know that I care about her. Control is something I desire in various parts of my life too. But her life is not something I can truly understand. It was sweet to let go a bit and ya know it was okay because I was more then ok. *smiles*

I did not get to walk/jog through the mountains in Banff as I had hoped, but it was really about the family this weekend. See we scattered my boyfriend’s grandmother’s ashes in the mountains. There was not a lot of time, but I really enjoyed meeting some neat people I have never met before. I guess you could say I feel enriched with the great conversations I had with some really positive and intelligent people. Hey, I saw the mountains and remembered how much I use to love painting them. It reminded me of my talents when I was in high school. Good to remember the good times. It was like the mountains and the human presence was hugging me rather then the past suffocating feeling I have felt. But this I know, my good experience this weekend was because of where my head was at. Wow.

Something that was for me but it was not something I sought out, was shopping. I found a truly unique teal sweater with a zipper on the side of the neck (from Jacob) and a classic black dress (from RW & Co.) with only hours left in Calgary. The dress was beautifully priced and the sweater was, well a little treat…hehe.

Well my buddies that was my weekend. Shall we have a fantastic week together? *hand extended*

Tea cheers and peace to you.