Jenn

Ahhh… there have been a lot of words and not a lot of action. People and words! Grief. Time to get Jenn Serious! Inspiration means nothing unless you do something with it. I know what needs to be done and this week I do it.

No pondering. NO ISSUES. No more homemade cookies. No witches, goblins or demons. Just good old fashion ACTION.

Good food.

Great workouts.

Good sleep.

Fabulous weigh in on Saturday!!! (Oct. 3)

THIS is my week.

This makes me happy.

LETTING IT ALL GO….  *stress*

letting it all go……..

letting…. it all…..go………

GONE.

I have to always work on this….

I believe the purpose of Buddyslim is to have a place where we can come when we need motivation and when we need to rid our minds of the toxicities of stress AND also when we feel like we might explode from joy with our successes or accomplishments. This inspires others. This place is not a place to feel bad (though it happens). I have felt the stress of not being on enough to help others. I will learn sometimes that a buddy was not well 5 or more days ago. I have felt sadness, but this is something I believe we must try to stop. This is what I have come to believe - This journey and it is very much a personal journey, is about me and my choices, good or bad, they are mine. I must not blame others for my position. When it is the weekend and I am not well and my buddies are not around I do not feel more alone. Trust me, this is not my style. I find what I need. I always have. It is one of the things that I love about me (and I have to work hard to think about the things I like, trust me!). I know where this quality comes from and maybe it is less then ideal, but it is now how I am and I love it. I am very aware of who I can ask for help and who I can not. I never want to make friends feel bad. Here I am, close to goal asking people who are far from their goals “what am I do do about gaining 5 lbs? I feel like such a loser!” Yes this is how I feel, but I am respectful of the fact that though some may get it, it may hurt people’s feelings or remind them of not so good things. Please ladies!!! Believe me when I say we must not feel guilty. NOT HERE! We have so much garbage and stress, let us not be thinking we were not where we were suppose to be this weekend. Hehe…. Chances are we can come up with a list of all the things we should have or could have done. Who could we have helped more or at all? Nope, though I have these feelings too I think we need to work on ridding our bodies of the stress overloading. IT IS SO NOT WORTH IT! Love, love, love ourselves! We do what we can, when we can. There is no greater feeling then helping people, but sometimes I find the person we should be kind to is ourselves. Then when we are truly happy we can be genuine, helpful and positive. These are strong personal philosophies I have and they are stronger lately since I have been….. listening and reading. I am finally understanding faith. It does not matter what that faith is in, but it is tweaking my gears and challenging my beliefs and misunderstandings. I had to unload, because I do not wish to read another apology! BESIDES, I found what I needed and I was glad that I could help a little too. And this site and this world seems very good to me. It seems like anything can happen. For the purpose of our goals, things are going to get done…hey? Work will be worked out! This week I nourish and workout my mind and body and everything comes together as it should. It is that time! Ahhh…. a beautiful ramble and I do not feel the need to perfect it with paragraph breaks….lol Imperfection……But still moving forward……..

Have a good one Everyone!

Well I had a crappy day/night yesterday (work) and well one thing lead to another and taddah! I had the making of a mini-binge. It was so strange because it started out with some homemade and somewhat healthy cookies and then lead to (what I believe was some good snack choices) vanilla steamed milk, lime Krackles (the entire bag), and then I WANTED a grilled cheese. Did not do it! Thank god. What would have been next? No I had 1/2 oz of feta! That ended it. Now what is up with wanting all that calcium/fat?

I was so upset with work. I wanted David to leave, but he would not. He did the sweetest thing. When I said I was going to clean Meeshka’s cage, our hamster’s cage, he said no and he did it. He made me hold her and FUR always makes me smile!!! *smiles* He said it is no biggie if you have something, but just know that it is not the end of the world. For awhile it was all good. Did not sleep well and woke up at 5:00 AM a wreck. Anyways, I want to learn to resist when I need to resist and then be fine with the occasional treat. When can I have a SMALL treat? I do believe it has to be when I am happy. The blues always bring on the nasties! Well live and learn for sure. And I wrote and communicated by email. I am thankful that I had a sweet lady who helped me out of my funk. She, was the only one I communicated with on Buddyslim this weekend I am so thankful for her. She may blush if I say her name, so I will let her comment IF she wants. Thank you infinity! Of course, people are busy, but people should just know here, if they need someone, I bet there is someone “near” by. This food thing is like a drug sometimes and I feel like I am in AA or should be in Over Eaters Anonymous. Well we all need a helping hand and I love the interconnectedness of this little site

Well, went for Vietnamese at this Vietnamese/Chinese restaurant after the gym and chose well. Soup with tons of veggies, crab, shrimp and chicken (no noodles) and salad rolls (thought I would get my simple carbs there…lol) My fortune cookie read “Admire those who succeed and learn from their success.” Well, that is what I am doing. Happy to say, I am feeling really well. Now that really did not take so long. Good people, relaxation, clean house…. and if my Oilers win tonight again, well I just may have to celebrate with, a late night walk. It is getting cold, but the walking is still great. Does anyone use wrist or ankle weights? Just curious how effective people find them. Have a fabulous weekend/week.

*hugs*

Woke up and I am down another. I am sneaking in tomorrow for hopefully a little more. See I have done pretty well this week and despite having some treats and enjoying them and life I feel I should have done better. I know I know I am getting old and may just have to suck it up that I might have to not eat Apple Quark cake…lol NOT! I work very hard to keep my metabolism up and I am stubborn. I am not giving up. So tomorrow I weigh….which will make today a good day… I really do not want to chow down tonight after work so this site will keep me focussed. It kind of sounds like I am loving the control I have over the food. The thing that I can say for certain is that I am not afraid of food and where it might end up on me (lol…thighs!). Nope. I am just enjoying and I do really enjoy my fruits and veggies, but I also am loving the things I REALLY love, like sweets. But with the exercise, I feel confident that once in awhile treats are not going to sabotage my efforts. I know that I can still get into those funks. That will just happen, but they are passing quickly because I am embracing the fact that life and hormones happen! I am not trying to find my key or all the answers. I am relaxed and open to it all.

Started my day with an energizing and clarifying shake - 2 celery stalks, 2 small apples (1 Gala, 1 Granny Smith), juice of one lemon, 2 T. ginger, water to cover and blend. (not breakfast, but it was a great starter!) I love it tart. One thing I noticed is that I love tart as much as I love sweet. Now when I want sweet, I want sweet, but if I do not want to indulge (for goal reasons or I just want to love my body) I have something tart, like this or blended frozen cranberries and water AND THEN my craving is gone….it never fails. I do not know why that is? My shake this AM which was very tart reminded me of this.

A buddy who I think has some really valuable words to share is a lady from Toronto. On my list towards the end is a lady by the name of SBT and she looks like an angel in blue. Her words clicked and they might with you too. We are ALL so similar and if we are not at a certain place like someone, we more then likely have been at some point. You might want to check her out. We need to address it all I think and what a cool site that allows us to get educated and pass lessons, ideas, book titles onto others who might not be on the site. The other thing is, we can not possibly know everyone on this site so I think it is nice to share stories.

Have a fantastic weekend Everybody! Enjoy and be kind…. yes, let’s be kind with ourselves. *hugs*

I am no longer feeling empty, lost, frustrated or overwhelmed.  I attribute this to easing up a little on myself and The Art of Happiness.  I am just so much more calm.

Food is not something I am feeling the need to control.  I am eating healthy and trying to respect myself more.  It began last night with a little test.  I was watching the Food Network and they had this show on how certain candies are made.  I was so exhausted after work and hungry actually.  It was late and I had just watched how to make a Snickers bar.  Well the corner store is right behind the condo and it seemed so appealing.  But no I refrained.  I did not deny the hunger since I was actually feeling that my glands were sore and I forgot all of my veggies at home.  They really fill me short term and I FORGOT them.  So, hunger!  Well I walked into the kitchen and grabbed some All bran Buds and Shredded Wheat (bite size) cereal with cinnamon and soymilk.  I had that desire for sweet so I added a little stevia.  It was wonderful.   The night before I did better as I grabbed a bowl of snap peas.  But, food was necessary.  I have to correct my walking in the forum, but I actually walked 2 x 60 minutes yesterday and I was famished.  This AM first thing I went for another 90 minute walk.  I would have done more, but my body was saying TAKE A BREAK …lol  So I was a good girl and listened.  It was a bit crazy because five minutes early the Dali Lama (on my MP3 player) was saying that we need to listen to our bodies and not ignore the signs of distress.   Good advice for sure. 

So, exercise is keeping me happy and well.  Not so focussed on the scale.  It does tell me that I have eaten a lot or drank a lot or too little, but it can not measure my muscle vs. my fat.  So I am relying on clothes and my muscle tone.  I LOVE muscle!  The flappy thighs (what a picture!) are there and getting better and better.   This weekend I am going heavy on the weights.  It is the only thing that will help.  I can see the muscle when I pull the skin back and my legs are small…lol  Weights, pilates, yoga and cardio… that is where it is all.  My favorite pilates VHS tape has been played A LOT and it died.  Tried to buy one on Ebay (VHS or DVD), but there were none, so David downloaded it.  Did not feel bad because you can not buy it anymore.  Also… today I treat myself to a full body pampering….Exfoliating Scrub and oils - lime to start my day and lavender at the end of my day.

I feel relaxed and THAT is true success for me.  I know that it is wrong to seek validation from outside sources, but since I have been listening to the Art of Happiness, I really really feel like I am good and doing good with my life.  Yes I desire change but it is just such a test to be open to what it is that I need to be open to.  Lately, it has been hard to deal with some of the stressors (people, me-procrastination…. *sigh*) but more recently I see that I need not get upset because it really only hurts myself.  I can not afford to live in fear or with worry.  Where does it get you?  A big No Where!  Gotta enjoy the moment and all the goodness and lessons… this is where I am Now.

Health and happiness…..

*hugs*

And so there are prescriptions for stress and my new family doctor says exercise is the best pill. Like we all didn’t know this We want to keep an eye on somethings (for the most part, good health, some tests are not in) and I need to be more caring of this body(my thoughts). It is the only body I have. I really need to feed it better then I have and also not go all hardcore when I have a treat. That is, assuming it is a treat and not my recent norm, then fine. But it feels good to eat well, move and de-stress! I am listening to The Art of Happiness by the Dali Lama on my iPod. It does not make me move faster, but then again, maybe that is all right too. The October walking challenge is keeping me moving. That Kama, she is just a cruising *wink wink* and I surely can not miss a day of some kind of activity. It feels good to move. And even though I have not been so great with my intake, my activity has been up there.

I asked My doctor about what is a healthy weight (*takes a second, eying me up*…hehe) and she said to not lose more then 10. SO, I am aiming for a healthy and strong 150 as my nighttime weight.

I got energized with a very good breakfast for me. I will get in my complex carbs later so I do not run out of energy. Lidecka reminded me that I may not be eating enough early in the day. So true. I need to really have 3 good meals and I like the first 2 to be the highest calorie. Works well for keeping my energy levels high and then I do not resort to weak and high sugar/fat snacks. If I was heading out early I would have the oatmeal or something like that, but this will work until I have to eat and leave.  It is not so high in protein, but it just seemed to be what I needed.

All the best this week my buddies… Let’s move more and make that scale MOVE in the right direction

*hugs*

Food Log

After only a couple days, I am not entirely sure low fat is good for me. My appetite is insane. It is so strange, because with healthy fat in my diet, I get less food in terms of bulk and yet I am so much less hungry. Well I have been “nutty” as I search for a solution and the fact is, for my body, I need balance. I need about 20% fat. I can not even go a week low fat. More vegetarian with healthy fats is the way for me and now WHY would I think that different might be good? Surely I can see the difference between high fat/bad fats and a plateau whereby I am eating well and healthy for me (about 20% good fat). I got bummed out but that is no reason to go radical. I had a healthy and normal, for me kind of a breakfast. YUM. I can see the benefits of eating low fat say when out, because it is hard to measure the fat and so it is so likely to be high. But when I am cooking and preparing, I know what is what - how much, what kind. So, I did a little experiment hoping for results and I can see that something WILL NOT work for me. Ok….. Well now I know.

So happy to be back to a good place. This week will be great. Today I go for my physical and I feel good.

So what made me so happy? I think just feeling like I am not alone in the whole dieting experience makes me feel happy. But prior to Buddslim I would have been floundering like a fish out of water, but it is just part of the journey as I see it. Stress can get in the way for only so long. I like testing myself and learning. I see patterns, but I also see what works. But the thing I am most aware of is this, I have a goal and as much as I mess up or take my sweet time, eventually and maybe soon, it will be one of my many ‘Successes’. I just take so damn long! *sigh* …… *giggles* Now I remember all the advice I have given to others about Patience. This might be the hardest part for me, being so close and yet so able to go back so quickly if I give in to the Thoughts. Well, I am just going to enjoy where I am and do what is healthy for me. It is my best medicine and the results will surely come. (So glad I did not give up on the EXERCISE!)

So my day is planned because I wanted to see how much fat I have (I know it is usually 25-35%). I find the Food Journal tedious. Guess it is like that because I do not use it often, AND I AM OKAY WITH THIS

Then it gets a little hairy/scary as we are going out for dinner…lol When you are eating low fat, it kinda is scary BECAUSE it is everywhere, lurking, hiding, all disguised…hehe Well I looked at the menu online and this is the plan. (The Keg)

The plan:

House salad with Dijon dressing on the side (plan to use about half or less) - about 150 calories

Grilled Garlic and Herb Tiger Shrimp - ? no clue but the calories will likely come from a little fat (I will see if it is brushed with oil…EITHER WAY… I am enjoying!)

I will eat a smaller portion of the Rice Pilaf (Surely there will be hidden fat, again so be it.) - Likely 100 calories of rice and about 1 T of some kind of fat (OR I can have the baked potato instead and have no butter…time will tell)

Steamed asparagus - less then 50 calories.

THEIR DESSERTS are amazing, but there will be 4 of us! We shall see, but I am in a good place and loving me! (One, maybe 2 bites OR none. If the group orders I do not like, I will just call it fate…lmao

By the looks of it I will be coming in around 1500 calories. A fine day for me for sure…… And pretty low fat especially if the dessert is DISGUSTING. Cheers.

Off to do some cardio. I worked my behind off at the gym yesterday….

Oh, and eating low fat is tough. I REALLY have to think about my snacks more carefully. VERY hungry just before supper… like CRAZY hungry, so I had 1 filling point of All Bran Buds and soymilk (cinnamon)… it held me back from devouring something bad before supper

Food Log

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What I really had for supper:

Salad and about 1 T. dressing

Garlic/Herb Tiger Shrimp with house sauce (citrus and pleasantly sweet)

Small baked potato with salsa

Small side of Green beans

One small mint and 10 g. of 86% dark chocolate (Everyone was too full for dessert, so I had a little sweetness to finish my day.)

Chamomile tea

25 points today…. not sure how many calories. On WW veggies are not counted and I ate numerous veggies so my calories is a bit higher….If I were to guess I am just under 1500 calories.)

And since I worked out today, elliptical and yoga… twas a very good day *smiles Jenn*

I woke up with a new perspective this morning and that is great. Wow, I slept in too… 8 AM is truly a record for me. Lately I have been up before the sun. Anyways, yes I am up on the scale and yes I have been filling my face quite a bit more then I need. Well, I have been working out like a mad woman too. My mirror, which I really looked at today told me that I am doing pretty good. The scale, well the scale knows what it knows. I know I have a lot of food in me. But I am going to stick with the work outs and I am getting my boyfriend to hide the scale until Friday. The torment will be good for me…lol But seriously I am seeing muscle and I want to get more defined (certainly not go backwards), so I say it here, I am going low fat for as long as I need. Still I will have a few nuts here and there (about half of what I would have), but none of the bad fat! I usually do not think low fat because good fat has really helped my health.   But I just want to try something different and NO MORE LATE NIGHT DQ BLIZZARDS!  I will be taking my Omega 3-6-9 supplements. Regular small amounts of healthy fat has gotten me to the place I am (feel so good with it), but in order to take it a step further, I think I need to decrease my intake just a little. I am challenging myself to love me and see how good I can be. It is my right to be as good as I can be. And I am telling myself that I CAN DO IT. So hard to believe it sometimes. I definitely will be keeping up with the whole foods. I have the muscle to really start burning some of the fat, so, that is what I shall do. No more beOtching and crying. I have the ability to make strides. I have some writing to do too. It is not all about will power, though I do want to be stronger in this area too. I do have to change some of the ways I think. And I have some research and soul searching to do (not all this weekend…hehe) Cheers to me, cheers to you! Off to the gym…..

I am so apologetic to all those people who like the positive blogs. I have to write this because it is just something that is always coming up and it so frustrating. At the near peak of success, I screw up. I disgust myself, because I want to be different. It takes something to bring me down and the I am spiraling and it seems so hard to stop. I have felt awful for 7 days now and it is horrible. It is like I can not stop the poor food choices. I really admire those who are so strong. And yes I can be strong, BUT NOT when I feel bad about myself. When I am confident, it is all good. I eat normal! When I am down, it is completely out of control. It is something that comes less and less, but it is still there. I am so nervous to write this because I hate opening myself up to criticism when I am already weak. I know I will be up on the scale tomorrow and that will not bug me, actually (kinda cool…hehe). All I care about is making good choices for myself so that next week and in two weeks I can say to myself “I am feeling good” and mean it.

I love that a Buddy, Tatiana, wrote a love letter to herself. I said this was really inspiring but I did nothing about it. It touched me and thrilled me, but I did not implement the creativity of the idea into my own life. I NEED so badly to get on writing such a letter to myself. So Friday, this weekend this is my homework. I have to love me so that I can really be a healthy and happy individual.

I am not falling to pieces…lol But I really needed to get this off my chest, because things are not hunky dory! I just did not want to feel lost anymore. So…. I feel like I am beginning to move in a new direction. We have to do that for ourselves. No one else can make our world’s complete. I have to do the thoughtful work for myself. I wish I was a better artist, because sometimes I feel like I have all this paint and the brushes are just covered with dried paint. But, this is the life and I must deal. Such a silly analogy, but that is it. Working on feeling good…… Oh yeh… the love letter - “ooh oh-la-la” *kiss kiss* …… ahhh yeh I am a dork too, only this is one of those things I love about me. I am not afraid to be me and look silly if I can put a smile on your face. At the very least YOU can feel good about you Because chances are YOU are not as big a dork as me. *SMILES* I really wish that we all could find that key to our own success. It seems so easy sometimes. Best wishes to everyone. And bravo to you who are doing so fine. It is a great place to be, for sure!