Jennifer

As per usual the same garbage is throwing me into a funk, but that is all it is, GARBAGE! So, the strength from so many of you vibrates my way and I am starting to find my own strength. I need a little plan. See I have my first physical this Monday since my last one 2 years ago when I learned I had some bad cells on my cervix which they kept an eye on until I eventually had the little mass of pre-cancerous cells removed. Many woman go through this as I now understand, but it is so critical to get those Paps done. Well I finally got an appointment with a new doctor (NEEDED a new doctor) and I can feel myself feeling worried. I just do want everything to come back great. I already know this doctor is cool. For some reason I just feel stressed. I eat well and exercise all right, but I KNOW I have to find better ways to deal with stress. This is my downfall! So, since some things and this stress has been leading me into the kitchen to have my those mini-binges, I am planning now. I am setting a plan for myself and it goes like this and this is also the order of importance for me. I always put food first, because that is something I can easily control when I get focussed, but this time the order goes like this.

MY PLAN:

1) Relaxing. Fun, Reading, Writing, Music, Crafts, Meditation (I am trying this and David downloaded me some stuff. I did not even ask him to. He just put it in the CD player and I thought that was so sweet. I did sleep well.). I also think the slow walks where I see the beauty that is around me is another way I can relax. I am SO excited that Bon Jovi is coming to Saskatoon December 10th! …. his voice relaxes me *sigh*

Specifically I am making the plan to take 15-30 minutes 2x per day(AM & PM) and doing something that allows me to relax. This will be the hardest, because there is always something else that should be done first and then I forget about the Me Time.

2) Sleep. No caffeine (tea, chocolate or coffee) with supper or after. Chamomile tea and Ca/Mg (natural muscle relaxant plus I usually do not get enough Ca. through out the day) before bed.

3) Food. Well it is good when it is good and then BAD when it is bad. The mini-binges have to stop. It is just bad behavior. I mean I am not being hard on myself and getting all depressed. I am just saying to myself, HEY, MUST STOP! Food is what I know. I know what works for me. That is not the problem. The problem is thinking that it is okay to eat to heal and soothe and it never does. I know this. (see # 1) Silly me. Aim for 50-30-20 (C-P-F). Seriously limiting the simple sugars.

3.5) Exercise. Keep up with the variety. No schedule as per say, but rather just do what I want and still try and get everything in. I should do more of my Hard Body yoga because I feel so strong after and STRETCHED…lol (I numbered this one 3.5 because Food and Exercise are equal really. Both will make me feel great when I stay on track.)

This is my little reminder and my prescription for my improved health. Sometimes I think I need to be medicated I swear, but then I remember that I am the captain of my ship. I do not need a pill! I need to get a grip and make better choices. Life is good. And my glasses are cleaner today then they were yesterday.

I feel I will always struggle with this. But it does not have to leave me debilitated or depressed like it has in the past. This I know. I have felt good with my good choices and I must not let the outside dictate my emotions. Must be confident and strong. I will try. I do not know everything, but I do know this! This plan seems reasonable and good for me.

WEDNESDAY: + + - +

THURSDAY : + + - + (I am scheduled to eat out ONCE in the next 7 days…. THAT IS IT!)

FRIDAY: + + - +

SATURDAY: + - + + (drank tea late, but that is all right. Better then red wine or a beverage from Mac’s, even though it is late. YEH… it was a great food day!)

SUNDAY: + +  +  +

Well I woke up feeling energized and I just could not stay in bed any longer. It was 7:00. So for my long walk…. I really wanted to touch all 6 bridges on both sides again, but my ankle is sore. So, no I will not push it. I might have, but lessons shared are greatly appreciated. My thoughts and best wishes are with Tatiana for a speedy recovery. I want to believe that I would not have pushed myself today, but I very well may have tried to do more then I should have. So today I only did a slow, relaxed 30 minute walk. And I did 50 minutes of pilates. Not sure why my ankle is the way it is. Yesterday all I did was weights at the gym and none of them should have hindered my ankle. Perhaps it was all that waiting in line to check out at the grocery store.

Anyways, I was thinking about whole foods and also what Lena said in response to my blog on this topic. One does not need a whole foods store to shop whole foods. Whole foods are simple unprocessed foods. Most of the foods on the outer most perimeter of grocery stores are unprocessed or the least processed. In the middle isles you have low processed foods to, but label reading is critical. I stocked up on the brown rice yesterday as I was out. The Mexican buckwheat casserole was just fine the other day, but I think rice would have been ideal. So we shop everywhere - Sobey’s, Walmart, SuperStore, Costco, Safeway, Co-op, and even London Drugs. They rock for foods though they are usually processed but you can find many treasures there like East Indian food packages with no awful chemicals. Some dishes are higher in fat, but it is a treat and I love the NO additives and preservatives. There are so many natural spices, foods and vitamins that preserve the shelf life of foods for a bit longer. Plus I guess it is how you package things too, air tight? Not sure. Anyways, I try to make good choices by reading labels and enjoying the variety at all the stores. Like I say in my profile, I AIM for whole foods because the nutrients are there instead of being lost or decreased during processing. I am sure some have whole foods only, but I need my couple cans of veggies/fruit on hand and frozen fruit and veggies. It just makes life easy. And sometimes I think easy is better. I even have white foods that are processed on hand because David suggested them and they are a better choice in a pinch then say ordering take-out when you are exhausted when you get home. I say this as I remember we have a couple containers of white rice and Thai Red and Green Curry. I guess in order to choose them we must know we have them…lmao Nice.

I have no idea of what I am doing at the gym, except that I am just learning as I go. I use to just do whatever there… a long time ago when I was overweight. Then likely my clothes would not fit right because I had some bulging muscles like I have gained weight. Well, having muscle is great for the metabolism because muscles burn a lot more calories. David says you have to eat more to put on muscle and this may be. But I seem to be doing quite well at putting a little muscle on with 1400-1700 calories. Or maybe I am just losing fat and it seems like I am gaining muscle ?? Either way, I will take that! I REALLY found it to be a good time to workout hard around Thanksgiving when my caloires were up. So good. Enjoy the feast and use the calories for the greater good. But I want to be toned, so I think what I am doing is all right. I am afraid to do more weight. Perhaps I am getting to the point where I will have to increase the weight (just does not seem to feel like much), but yeh, nervous! Try it slowly??? I am a new duck out for my first swim!!! One of my buddies said it best. I am sculpting my body. I don’t want to bulk up like the Hulk…hehe. I think I may risk achieving things really slow and that seems ok and even better then doing things wrong. The experts also say that it is hard for woman to put on muscle/bulk up. REALLY ??? They know more then me. But if I push things, I think I could bulk up…lol

This was my routine yesterday at the gym. Yesterday I felt energized and today I feel only a slight twinge in my triceps (thank god). As woman I think we all have that water wing effect. SO it was not much of a weight training session. I would say it was more cardio in a way because I did things pretty much continuously.

To explain how things are - I push my upper body because I can. But I am a little apprehensive with my lower because I do sometimes have some arthritic like pain in my knees and ankles. SO I KEEP THE WEIGHTS LOW. I feel so little after the workout though. Maybe I will ask a fitness trainer what they think sometime. But realistically, I know I have to listen to the pains of my own body. A trainer can tell me an opinion, but I know my body. I just realized something. My knee feels better then usual. That is really awesome! So my giggly legs (which are improving by the week) will just have to be patient!

Triceps - 5 sets x 15 reps @ 40 lbs  (there are different tricep machines - this one is the kind where you press the weight down and it is NOT over your head.  You sit and rest arms on these pads and then press down.  NOT as hard as it seems.  IF this was over my head or some other kind of machine, I COULD NOT do 40 lbs…hehe)

Shoulders - 5 x 10 @ 30

Pec Fly - 5 x 15 @ 35

Biceps - 1 X 30 @ 15 (I keep this low because my biceps are just naturally pretty good, where as it is the other surrounding muscle groups that seriously need to get caught up.)

Verticle Bench - 3 x 15 @ 30

Abs - 4 x 25 @ 100

Torso Twist - 4 x 15 @ 35 (x 2, both sides)

Back Extension - 1 x 30 @ 90

Inner Thigh - 5 x 15 @ 100

Outer Thigh - 5 x 15 @ 100

Leg Press - 1 x 10 @ 90 & 5 x 10 @ 105 (There is a chance that my ankle may be twingy because of this exercise OR it could be the weather….lol Seriously though, I hardly exerted any effort with this exercise.)

Leg Extension - 4 x 10 @ 40

Leg Curl - 4 x 10 @ 60

Since I can not be bothered to go to the gym everyday, we go 1-2 times a week and then I do everything. None of my muscles are overly exhausted like a heavy duty trainer….hehe, so I do everything and that’s just my preference. I guess body builders might only do legs one day and then upper body the next. NOT for me. I do not really like the gym. I just want to get the job done. I have tapes/DVDs and the elliptical at home. I am not a gym person for life I CAN TELL YOU. I know there are so good activities and exercises that one can do at home. I still love my Get Ripped dvds the best of all. I do not have to think. I just have to rely on one smart lady, Jari Love who tells me what to do when. It’s like meditation, but not quite. So why go to the gym? The variety, nice results-sculpting ;)!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend or has had one. *hugs*

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Favorite story from Grade 10 English…..

(This story came to memory the other day as I was trying to tell someone to go ahead and they were telling me to go. And back and forth. INDECISION! And then I said, “NO NO after YOU my dear Alphonse.” I thought my English teacher was just sharing it with us because it was so sweet. As I tried to find it and it is public domain, I learned it is actually a part of the grade 10 curriculum.)

 

SHIRLEY JACKSON

 

After You, My Dear Alphonse

Children not infrequently put their elders to shame. In this story, the innocent eye is at work with all its resultant irony.

 

Mrs. Wilson was just taking the gingerbread out of the oven when she heard Johnny outside talk­ing to someone.

“Johnny,” she called, “you’re late. Come in and get your lunch.”

“Just a minute, Mother,” Johnny said. “After you, my dear Alphonse.”

“After you, my dear Alphonse,” another voice said.

“No, after you, my dear Alphonse,” Johnny said.

Mrs. Wilson opened the door. “Johnny,” she said, “you come in this minute and get your lunch. You can play after you’ve eaten.”

Johnny came in after her, slowly. “Mother,” he said, “I brought Boyd home for lunch with me.

“Boyd?” Mrs. Wilson thought for a moment. “I don’t believe I’ve met Boyd. Bring him in, dear, since you’ve invited him. Lunch is ready.”

“Boyd!” Johnny yelled. “Hey, Boyd, come on

“I’m coming. Just got to unload this stuff.”

“Well, hurry, or my mother’ll be sore.”

“Johnny, that’s not very polite to either your friend or your mother,” Mrs. Wilson said. “Come sit down, Boyd.”

As she turned to show Boyd where to sit, she saw he was a Negro boy, smaller than Johnny but about the same age. His arms were loaded with split kindling wood. “Where’ll I put this stuff, Johnny?” he asked.

Mrs. Wilson turned to Johnny. “Johnny,” she said, “what is that wood?”

“Dead Japanese,” Johnny said mildly. “We stand them in the ground and run over them with tanks.”

“How do you do, Mrs. Wilson?” Boyd said. “How do you do, Boyd? You shouldn’t let Johnny make you carry all that wood. Sit down now and eat lunch, both of you.

“Why shouldn’t he carry the wood, Mother? It’s his wood. We got it at his place.”

“Johnny,” Mrs. Wilson said, “go on and eat your lunch.”

“Sure,” Johnny said. He held out the dish of scrambled eggs to Boyd. “After you, my dear Alphonse.”

“After you, my dear Alphonse,” Boyd said. “After you, my dear Alphonse,” Johnny said. They began to giggle.

“Are you hungry, Boyd?” Mrs. Wilson asked.

“Yes, Mrs. Wilson.”

“Well, don’t you let Johnny stop you. He always fusses about eating, so you just see that you get a good lunch. There’s plenty of food here for you to have all you want.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Wilson.”

“Come on, Alphonse,” Johnny said. He pushed half the scrambled eggs on to Boyd’s plate. Boyd watched while Mrs. Wilson put a dish of stewed tomatoes beside his plate.

“Boyd don’t eat tomatoes, do you, Boyd?” Johnny said.

“Doesn’t eat tomatoes, Johnny. And just be­cause you don’t like them, don’t say that about Boyd. Boyd will eat anything.”

“Bet he won’t,” Johnny said, attacking his scrambled eggs.

“Boyd wants to grow up and be a big strong man so he can work hard,” Mrs. Wilson said. “I’ll bet Boyd’s father eats stewed tomatoes.”

“My father eats anything he wants to,” Boyd said.

“So does mine,” Johnny said. “Sometimes he doesn’t eat hardly anything. He’s a little guy, though. Wouldn’t hurt a flea.”

“Mine’s a little guy, too,” Boyd said.

“I’ll bet he’s strong, though,” Mrs. Wilson said. She hesitated. “Does he . . . work?”

“Sure,” Johnny said. “Boyd’s father works in a factory.”

“There, you see?” Mrs. Wilson said. “And he certainly has to be strong to do that—all that lifting and carrying at a factory.”

“Boyd’s father doesn’t have to,” Johnny said. “He’s a foreman.”

Mrs. Wilson felt defeated. “What does your mother do, Boyd?”

“My mother?” Boyd was surprised. “She takes care of us kids.”

“Oh. She doesn’t work, then?”

“Why should she?” Johnny said through a mouthful of eggs. “You don’t work.”

“You really don’t want any stewed tomatoes, Boyd?”

“No, thank you, Mrs. Wilson,” Boyd said.

“No, thank you, Mrs. Wilson, no, thank you, Mrs. Wilson, no, thank you, Mrs. Wilson,” Johnny said. “Boyd’s sister’s going to work, though. She’s going to be a teacher.”

“That’s a very fine attitude for her to have, Boyd.” Mrs. Wilson restrained an impulse to pat Boyd on the head. “I imagine you’re all very proud of her?”

“I guess so,” Boyd said.

“What about all your other brothers and sisters? I guess all of you want to make just as much of yourselves as you can.

“There’s only me and Jean,” Boyd said. “I don’t know yet what I want to be when I grow up.

“We’re going to be tank drivers, Boyd and me,” Johnny said. “Zoom.” Mrs. Wilson caught Boyd’s glass of milk as Johnny’s napkin ring, suddenly transformed into a tank, plowed heavily across the table.

“Look, Johnny,” Boyd said. “Here’s a foxhole. I’m shooting at you.”

Mrs. Wilson, with the speed born of long experience, took the gingerbread off the shelf and placed it carefully between the tank and the foxhole.

“Now eat as much as you want to, Boyd,” she said. “I want to see you get filled up.”

“Boyd eats a lot, but not as much as I do,” Johnny said. “I’m bigger than he is.”

“You’re not much bigger,” Boyd said. “I can beat you running.”

Mrs. Wilson took a deep breath. “Boyd,” she said. Both boys turned to her. “Boyd, Johnny has some suits that are a little too small for him, and a winter coat. It’s not new, of course, but there’s lots of wear in it still. And I have a few dresses that your mother or sister could probably use. Your mother can make them over into lots of things for all of you, and I’d be very happy to give them to you. Suppose before you leave I make up a big bundle and then you and Johnny can take it over to your mother right away

Her voice trailed off as she saw Boyd’s puzzled expression.

“But I have plenty of clothes, thank you,” he said. “And I don’t think my mother knows how to sew very well, and anyway I guess we buy about everything we need. Thank you very much though.”

“We don’t have time to carry that old stuff around, Mother,” Johnny said. “We got to play tanks with the kids today.”

Mrs. Wilson lifted the plate of gingerbread off the table as Boyd was about to take another piece. “There are many little boys like you, Boyd, who would be grateful for the clothes someone was kind enough to give them.”

“Boyd will take them if you want him to, Mother,” Johnny said.

“I didn’t mean to make you mad, Mrs. Wilson,” Boyd said.

“Don’t think I’m angry, Boyd. I’m just disappointed in you, that’s all. Now let’s not say anything more about it.”

She began clearing the plates off the table, and Johnny took Boyd’s hand and pulled him to the door. “‘Bye, Mother,” Johnny said. Boyd stood for a minute, staring at Mrs. Wilson’s back.

“After you, my dear Alphonse,” Johnny said, holding the door open.

“Is your mother still mad?” Mrs. Wilson heard Boyd ask in a low voice.

“I don’t know,” Johnny said. “She’s screwy sometimes.”

“So’s mine,” Boyd said. He hesitated. “After you, my dear Alphonse.”

 

SO CUTE!

Well I am weighing in tomorrow (likely will not blog) and then Monday. I have had a pretty liberal plan in the last week so I am not having too many treats this weekend. Then I am weighing in Monday. I know I did not do any long term damage or anything (lol) with my intake because I have been doing plenty of weight training. Oh… I expect to be up a little and that is why I am weighing in on Monday. It is still that darn turkey! I need to plan for more vegetarian meals and make my meat portions smaller.

Today I enjoyed my day off by staying in where it is warm (hmmm… in my mind it is warm. When will they turn the heat on?), read about my Buddies and their lives, ate well, prepared a nice casserole for supper and hung out with Oscar. No cleaning. No laundry. That will just have to be another day. I am sure it will be Saturday AM…lol

I am incredibly thankful for all my buddies here. Sometimes I do let things bother me, but I know who I am and that I am good. I am not evil. I am not the words on my shirt. It was a cute shirt from Walmart that is out with Halloween being this month, so the tag read. I am not taking anything personally and I am not mad. I am not bothered by the words of others, today. I know I have been. Why? What is the point? People are always going to speak what they feel they must. Like the lady at Thanksgiving who said I was too thin! Geesh! I really have to remember that I am more then most know. Others are more then I know. We are just complex individuals.

I am strong and I have the ability to get to my goal. You all give me so much strength. Most days mine is enough, but I am so thankful for the stories out there that are so powerful and filled with lessons. You are always my teachers and I am thankful for you. My lesson that I needed to get has been gotten. I need to be at peace with what is not mine. Well some things will always tick me off…. *shuts of the nightly news*…hehe Anyways.. I would not have say someone who is a racist on my buddy list so I respect choice, I just think it is neat that I could come to a good place with what was dealt to me. I am dealing much better then I use to and I love my “new glasses”. This often is not the case in such a short amount of time. Slow, slow, slow… Always growing though…..

Have a great night!

I want to be the first to congratulate my dear Buddy Shanna for reaching her goal. I am so happy. Mostly I am grateful that such a kind individual requested for me to be her weigh in buddy. And now she has done it and has complete bragging rights over her great accomplishment. *wink wink* She has worked so hard and I am so happy she is my buddy, my cybersista and my friend. For the last little while we have been weighing in on Fridays and let me tell you, she is such a great buddy and supporter. I thank you Shanna for all your effort with me as your buddy, but most importantly at this time, I thank you for showing all of us what a positive and beautiful thing it is to cherish our bodies (putting good things in and working out) and also letting love be the force and the reward.  Thank you ….. *BIGGEST HUGS EVER*

I am doing pretty well all things in life considered…lol I need to be realistic with myself in that I have been eating a lot more then usual, but maybe that is okay once in awhile. I have been exercising quite a bit too. Eating so little can be another kind of a stress on the body and plus it could be a way to not have the body plateau (with the idea of zigzagging). Well I am back to eating a little less and once I really ease up on that night time snacking, I will be right on the ball.

I should explain where I come from because I think my ideas come off as “know it all” when really I just care. I use to eat crap and I gained and gained and gained. I see my family and others who also are incredibly unhealthy and this makes me sad. Get this, I fear loss! So I fear that people I care about will not be here because of unhealthy lifestyles. I know it is crazy, because if I worry too much, Stress will take me to the grave long before others who may be eating unhealthy and not exercising. I recognize my silly self, but I think it is important that readers know THIS is where I come from when I write what I write. *wink wink*

NOW, I just finished watching Canada AM and Leslie Beck was on talking about the best diets for the heart and weight loss. I am not here to criticize any diets, BUT IT IS TRUE, SOME DIETS ARE DOWN RIGHT UNHEALTHY LONG TERM! Not going to name any names…nope nope nope. But a diet that is 50-60% Carbohydrate - whole grain/complex carbohydrate/high in fruit and vegetables is critical for heart health. While protein is necessary of course (healing, immunity, muscle formation, weight loss) it is critical to eat the foods that provide energy and nutrients that can only be acquired from Carbohydrates. All 3, carbohydrates, protein and fat (good) are essential for optimum health. The exact numbers that work best for some may be individual, but good health does not come from cutting out entire food groups. I am so incredibly passionate about this. I have been all boo hoo because I did not have that old focus. Well sometimes old is better. I have been okay with the occasional junk, big meal after big meal, only to have everything (diet and goal) become foggy. Well along with me slipping a bit, I have also temporarily forgotten what really works for me. I LOVE WHOLE FOODS. I kid you not, I nearly orgasmed all over my damn self this past weekend when someone said that they are eating a whole foods diet. *DOH!* Truly I am so overjoyed when people want to take control of improving their health. I mean I am not all whole food, because sometimes we have to think about convenience (love my V8, sugar-free tomato sauces and canned beans for example), but I think whole foods are great and the answer to our society’s increasing health problems. I am still curious about these whole food stores in the US. Can anyone explain to me what they are all about? Are they just like farmer’s markets?  Nikki told me a bit, but I really want to see how different they are compared to markets.  These are the things that interest me…hehe

So… Me… Focusing….Back to the basics……

Carbohydrates:

Oatmeal, rolled kamut, spelt flakes, quinoa, buckwheat, amaranth, brown rice, millet, beans, lentils, chickpeas, plain popcorn, soymilk, yogurt, FRUITS AND VEGETABLES….. Does anyone have a good cereal suggestion/alternative for All Bran Buds? Just curious. FROM MY EXPERIENCE, I do not get nasty cravings from complex carbohydrates or fruit. I do start to have them when I have had too many simple sugars/junk.

Protein:

Fish, yogurt, tofu, soymilk, food combining from grains and pseudo veggies, meat probably/occasionally

Good Fat:

nuts (almonds, walnuts, pecans), seeds (pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, sunflower seeds, sesame), olive oil. Does any one have a suggestion for a good oil that is good for salads and veggies? I will not be cooking with it.

Condiments: sugar/fat free salsa, Bragg soy sauce, herbs, spices, mustard, sun dried tomato puree,….. anything I know is good.

Thinking ahead will equal success for me. SO this week (until next Friday), my treat is 1-2 meals with cheese (1-1.5 oz of cheese). At present we have a couple different kinds in the house and so I will be making a casserole that has this in it. But this is my treat. I am off sweet things. Plus I am craving things so I am working to get back into balance and good health. I really do not want bread or pasta. Like I said, I am aiming for whole foods this week. I will not be kicking myself if I have a pasta dish… lmao

Thank you to all my sweet buddies for your encouragement. I can not say I have been a bad dieter as I have really been matching my intake with some good workouts. But now I want to feel good again. So, my plan is set. Nothing big, just good and real food.

I guess I am doing Core, but I am keeping track of my points. Love my journal. I have not missed a day. Even if I did not keep track of the numbers I still have been recording the food. It keeps me honest and aware.

Love you all. Tomorrow I catch up with you. I hope you have been doing well. *hugs*

Soon I catch up with all you wonderful people.  Just wanted to send a quick note to say that I am good.  I am working to get back to a less clogged state… I can feel it in so many ways.  Too much junk this past weekend and so I am taking some inspiration from a couple very successful buddies (you know who you are…lol)  There is so much strength out there on this site and if one needs it, it is there to borrow, take, or give to others.  Thanks for sharing ladies.  The fact is on this site and in life we never know who we are helping with the words that we share.  Today I thank you for a little pick me up.  I was not in a bad place, but I was in a not so good place either.  No spiraling for me.  Thank you SO MUCH !  Hugs to everybody!

What helped me?  Seeing how strong people can be helps me to find my own strength on the tough days.  Today is a great day because I choose to see the facts, the beauty and the goodness I am achieving.  Cheers…..

Well, upon taking some pictures, I think I am practically there despite what the old scale says. You see, I do not see myself like the camera sees me. But I do believe what I see in these new pictures. My legs will get up to speed with some weight training and that is that. After 2 days of some wacky eating and weird schedules I feel fine. I really do. I want to thank everyone at this site for their support. This will not even reach all that I wish it could, but I really really thank everyone here. I can be dedicated when I have a goal, but we all slip and without the support of you precious people I could not have picked myself up after so many slips here and there. Thank you infinity.

Does this mean I am done? LMAO…. No! But I am where I should be in my mind which is to say I am at peace. Will that change in an hour or a day? Of course… Hormones…hehe. But I am at ease and I am just going to continue with a healthy eating and exercise. I am seeking a strong and healthy me.

I wish we all could find our happy place. I am most happy to report that I am Here and I was with the old family yesterday. That in itself is progress and means more to me then anything. I feel so bloody fine.

I will be weighing in on Fridays until either Shanna or myself reaches goal and I feel this may be her week. *wink wink* We shall see. But soon my priorities will move away from the scale because it is just not my tool for measuring success. That is just where I need to be. But there is no doubt about it, that scale has been my rock. And as long as I did not get worked up over things, it was there to guide me and bring me to a place of accountability and pride. It is not evil, like I sometimes have thought…hehe. It is what I have made of it and soon it will be leaving my kitchen.

I am on this site for as long as I can help. I will always have weight on my mind. It just is not that thing that I will allow to consume my thoughts completely! The not so positive comments in my world from others are where they are….Out their mouths and not with me. I do not have to carry them with me. *knocks on wood* And I thank many of you for your insightful comments about this. Oh yeh!

I guess you could say I had an eye opener with some pictures that were taken tonight when I was just in a good mood. Tonight I really had fun and really saw what I am sure is my real me. Well there is more to me, and I guess I have to find the part of me that is not just the visual. But tonight I see a me that is the me that is not tainted with excessive fat. It is the Me I have worked very hard to see.  I am not letting up on what I need to do for me, but I am finally aware of what is.

Cheers to all you wonderful people!!!

Well the BIG Thanksgiving meal has passed, as we had ours Saturday. I ate too much and I ate too much because I was tired of people telling me that I was too thin. Shut up I wanted to say! I reacted and said to one family memeber “God, people talk when you are fat and then they talk when they perceive you as too thin. Talk talk talk….” Well I ate too much because 1) I took a little bit more then usual of everything I loved and 2) I wanted to shut people up from thinking I do not eat enough. Well that was just stupid. I felt a little uncomfortable, but not really stuffed. Well it was one day and I am back at it. But, no one made me eat like a cup of cashews in the afternoon. I was hungry! *cry cry* It was a big mistake to have a late breakfast, then nothing else except cashews and Smarties until The Supper. Well, this is why I like order. Chaos does not lead to good results!!! LOL… that without saying, supper was YUMMY!  Today I am off to the gym to give it my all. As for my plan, just to remind myself:

1) 3 meals, 2 small snacks

2) regular workouts and walking

3) balanced meals (carbohydrates, protein and good fat) and activity (strength training, cardio and flexibility)

4) water, calcium, vitamins

I was so thrilled yesterday that I got to spend a couple hours with my friend Ang (from Calgary and she is the girl beside me in my before picture). We did the coolest thing. We went to Kindersley’s new Walmart and checked out the beads….Hehe We both make jewelry. Bought a few new kinds of beads and some old. Ang inspired me a long time ago because she made such beautiful pieces and I thought it would be fun and it is. This was a great time. I miss seeing her, but I think we had a good time and more to come. Christmas

I think Christmas will actually be cool this year. I have told people about Settlers of Catan and they and myself are excited to play. Can hardly wait. Wow, is this me talking? The game is so cool.

All the best this week everyone!

Weighed in today at 153.   Yah!

Today I walked 105 minutes, just over 10 km (6.21 miles).  I did this by walking along the Meewasin Valley trail here.  In the past I have been able to touch 4 and 5 bridges on both sides, but it is that 6th that always seems so far.  Well today I touched all 6 of Saskatoon’s major bridges on both sides.  I made the loop and I was exhausted, but it did it.  So tired!  Next to whitewater rafting when I was overweight, this is my greatest fitness accomplishment.  It does not seem like much, but it was huge for me.  Both really.

Have a great weekend all.

Well, the journaling of my activity and food intake has been going well. Yes, my new little journal is a keeper. It is so funny but I have had journals before but with this one being so pretty I feel it necessary to keep myself focussed and honest with myself. Weird. I am eating a little bit more, but just trying to find a good and healthy place for myself. I have upped the activity a bit too. My intake is still around 1500ish. It was so funny because I was thinking to myself today that I needed to walk more because that is a healthy and safe activity for me. Really, with the weather getting cooler, my joints are so stiff and I do not want to stress them more. Anyways, walking and more of it came to mind. And then bam, there was an email from Stacey about joining a walking team. Well if you go into the Forum and click on Weight loss Challenge and then click on October Walking Challenge for all Teams, there we are. You know, if you are interested, that is. I am as shocked as anyone that I am in the forum again. I promise I will not start any brawls this time…hehe And, it is only for this month. I want to get my booty and thighs a moving because I have more goals to reach before the year is over.

Went crazy on the salty snacks last night, but I figure Krackles, antipasto and Corn thins were not such a bad choice. I mean I was famished. Not such a balanced snack, but I just wanted carbs and that darn tang of the antipasto. Should have had just a bit bigger supper. But I was at work, so whatchya gonna do ! …lol Anyways all is well. And that antipasto was so good. No fat. Sweet!

http://www.cornthins.com/index.shtml (Much more satisfying then the regular rice cakes, which I also have. They are thinner and you get 3 for 1 regular rice cake. Variety is the spice of life and tricking ourselves into thinking we are getting more food is actually very satisfying. Like put your food on a smaller plate and tadah, you suddenly feel like a queen!)
Have a great day everybody!