Jennifer

I really appreciated that a buddy let me know that she was interested in my insight (she let me know by sending out a post) as well as others.  That is a valuable tool for those who do not respond daily to blogs.  Thank you for this tool and those who reach out, either in emails or posts.  

Well things have been a struggle and walking to the Farmer’s Market, around downtown and then home on Saturday did not give me the right to eat 3 homemade Eatmore squares in one day.  It of course would not end there.  DISCIPLINE is something that I really like.  I have to think about this more, because I do not really like feeling restricted.  But I love the notion of discipline in my daily life in order to overcome the suffering.  I am truly at ease in my life right now.  More so then I have been in a long time.  But I want progress.  I need to practice the new behaviors that I want in my life.  And like what Jo brought up, the desired goal might be to not have an exact goal.  But rather it is the progress that we look for and not the nasty perfectionism that is a thorn in my journey.

I could write so much more, but this is new and I have somethings to explore in my head.  I thank all my buddies who are helping me see the little but important things.  And of course I could write more, BUT I MUST get my workout in before work.  *wink wink*  Love you all.  Appreciate your journeys.  Loving my new ways of being at ease in my life and on my journey…..

Over view for me/Things I am doing and exploring: The idea of making discipline more of a meaningful part of my life and not eating in front of the TV at night (and I must add this, not eating at night PERIOD, unless it is an apple to relieve true hunger… it is just filling)

*hugs*

And with all recipes, others who try it can change things, add more or less of a certain ingredient or eliminate it all together. Happy cooking!

What was a letter, became a recipe that is ever changing, like me. Rough and not all together like grandma made it, but still a recipe. I use to be good with the romantic words, poems, but I am a changed person through the years, and this I am learning, I am just great the way I am. Changing, yes, but RIGHT NOW, fabulous and SO ARE YOU! That is right, we are beautiful evolving creatures and those who attempt to use their words roughly will not affect me like how they use to. I am trying to understand more compassionately…. others and myself. It is okay to be a little broken, says Mr. Jon Bon Jovi, but after some reading and soul searching, we do not make our lives richer by being cruel or believing that received cruelty was ever that or even intended. There is a lightness and I know this comes with faith and a release of the anger, or at least a beginning of the Release. A few quests are in my plans and I am looking forward to dealing with the fear that I walk with. This seems strange to me to look forward to the hell. But I know, dealing is the only way. I hate how I am surprised so often with emotions I have not dealt with. Ahh you wonderful buddies who know me will say, she is being vague. *wink* Well I will say this, no more when I walk will I be afraid of the possibility that someone wishes me harm. I am the only one doing harm to me. Anger, fear, resentment… NOT working out for me.

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk, wrote a poem in his troubled times:

I hold my face in my hands.

No, I am not crying.

I hold my face in my two hands

to keep my loneliness warm -

two hands protecting,

two hands nourishing,

two hands preventing

my soul from leaving me

in anger.

I will learn because I do not want to grow old and hateful and also horrible, not being able to understand myself because I was too afraid to try and believe in my strengths. I want to feel it all, but be okay, happy and healthy.

My incomplete and changing recipe for self-love AND I invite anyone to add more ingredients:

A long basting of my favorite lotion after a good cleansing over all parts of this hard worked and stressed body. Life can do a number on it if I do not see things in a positive and productive way. Physically loving me…. working the lotion into all those ignored and once disrespected limbs. Caution, some parts should not have lotion applied. (Cracking up here as I recall my fave movie. Cheryl in The Goodgirl when she sarcasticly reminds the customer to not rub the lotion anywhere other then her face because it is not a lubicant…lmao)

Tatiana lent me this ingredient: “I think we need to really respect our bodies and nurture them with love. Sugary treats - poison. Unhealthy fats - clogging my precious arteries. Eating too much in one setting - stretching my poor stomach and confusing my satiation point. Awareness. Total awareness. All Buddhism.” - I say this all the time, but RESPECT is the only VITAL ingredient for self-love. Does everything else not stem from it? But do I respect myself when I think some of the things I do or binge? NO! Always trying to be better…. not perfect, this I know.

Dark Greens - Truly I need chlorophyll in my body like I need oxygen. It is one of those nutrients that without it, I feel empty, tired and lost. This is one way I love me. All the components of good nutrition are necessary and what I have always written and talked about of course. Good food. Love. But GREEN for sure!

Forgiveness of self and others. Ahhh… ourselves…….. *working on it*

Humor….. I must laugh and see the humor in more situations. I think we are meant to laugh. Long sessions, small jokes, 2 hour movie, simple ironies….

Knowing when to say NO and when to say I will get to that when I can. And then not procrastinating. Balance. Respecting myself to not feel guilty.

Being good with how I love people. I love and I am quiet and distant and I am a mystery to myself most days. Who use to be the life of the party is now a quieter and still opinionated person. People know what they need to know. I have to love the me I am NOW and grow, but always be okay with my choices. That is, as long as my choices are made with goodness in mind. I can and must learn that I am good. Self-hatred went out with the trash with everything else dark that clogs my existence. I have to work on this all the time. I must evaluate my words and speak positively both aloud and silently. I guess this is a behavior that can be re-worked into a new one. THEN, I will not worry so much about other’s opinions… errr, my worries.

Movement…… anything, all of it. Variety is my spice of choice.

I really enjoyed reading the blogs last night. Thank you. I love how we learn and I appreciate all of the struggles. I feel you and I hope that you are finding paths that bring about happiness and love.

*always hugs*

P.S.: Marge had the coolest blog a while back that asked to share something about other people’s positive stories. I loved that so….. How do you love yourself?

So there is no magic pill for the legs and behind and that is just fine with me. I am learning that all good things are going to come to this good girl with time and effort. My effort…lol. This really may take some time!!! I do not want to lose anymore up North. I see bones! LMAO. So, I am trying to not go below 1500 calories and I am working my behind off with the following exercises. I am also keeping up with the cardio and flexibilty type exercises like yoga. I should say I have learned of another exercise that helps with improving the bottom. Maybe you have heard of it, squeezing your bottom with every step you take? So they say. Hehe……

1 - Mule kicks (on knees) - 4 x 10

2 - Walking Lunges - 4 x 10

3 - Squats - 4 x 10

4 - Hip Thrusts or Butt Bridges - 4 x 10

5 - Leg raises/Kickbacks - 2 x 20

The gym was great over the weekend meaning I was there and I did not poop out. I really was not feeling like it, but we went. Did not do fabulous, but I think that was because I did not eat my complex carb breakfast….naughty naughty me. Anyways as we were coming home I was chowing down on a 7 grain salad from the deli at Sobeys. Ahh… just a couple bites since I was bitchy and I think my blood sugars were low. Really, MUST eat my oats or something like that before lifting weights. Well that was my Dumb Moment and I learned my lesson.

As for the sugar, *crouches in fear* I was not Perfect (lol), but I was better then I ever recall on a weekend. I purchased an energy bar last week (so David and I could share instead of having a rich dessert) that had a little sugar and sucralose in it. The idea being that that would be a better choice because along with a very small amount of sugar there was some good protein too. So I had half of that and last night, no refined sugar, but I did make a small hot chocolate (1/2 c. milk, 1/2 c soymilk, about 3/4 T. of dark cocoa, little sucralose/Splenda and a dash of cinnamon). Gotta say, YUM! So this was a great weekend for me.

Well sometimes I wonder, why write anything? Sometimes I have felt like I should not write because it bothers me that various people might be reading my words from afar and not actively participating on this site. I am not even talking about friends who I have shared with them about this site. There are others maybe who are not so genuine or friendly, but this is life. Should I stop sharing because a few rotten eggs? Nah. Not worth it! CERTAINLY not worth my thoughts. Such thoughts make me negative and that is not where I want to go. So onward and positive. Good food. Good exercise. Good readings. Good thoughts. Great buddies. Love ya all. Have a fantastic week!!!

Tea cheers…….

P.S.:  Wisdom comes, but it sure does take it’s time sometimes.  *sigh* 

Well it is a good day. The mirror is friendly and a comfort (love those muscles and not so hidden muscles) and the scale, well the scale is doing what it should. Can not fault it for that. So, I feel really good, because I am really seeing what is. I see where I can make improvements to make the scale move my way and I see what I want for this month.

I have a few things in my head I want to address. Having an idea of what I want for myself is essential for me because I am floundering a bit and that does not equal success. So, I have a picture of what I want for me and it is realistic I believe. This is critical for me to move forward. And also, I am setting up more of a fitness routine for myself and marking it on a calendar. The October Walking Challenge was really cool and I walked 1335 minutes and did various other activities. This month I try for consistency, but I am not restricting myself, because I want to stick with it. NO guilt! The whole carrot on a stick thing and not being able to reach it does not cut it. We are not animals. Surely we know that we can set our sights higher and attain greatness. I know I am going to get my “carrot”. Well, I can and I will, how about you? I like your idea Shannon about putting Matthew Mcconaughey on a stick and chasing that. That is just a whole other kind of motivation…hehe.

So, exercise has been good, food has been pretty good but, I see room for improvement. Sleep has been good and it is MUCH better when I do not eat at night. No kidding!

I love the Eat Clean diet, like Oxygen Magazine and last night purchased at a very reasonable cost, The Butt Book by Tosca Reno. It reads more like a magazine then a book and has some decent information. I am serious about my lower half. I am not hoping it will happen with the same old exercises. It is coming along, but I am giving my routine a little kick in the behind This will be good and not so much of a challenge I think because I am loving the activity, the burn, THE RESULTS!

The challenge, and I am challenging myself this week, is to avoid all white and sugar foods. I actually feel like I need a bit of a detox. It is REALLY not working for me and the cravings are quite hard. There were 3 birthday cakes this week and 1/2 a piece of pecan pie! I worked hard to not let it be a disastrous week (lol… Drama Queen, just like the t-shirt says) but still the sugar takes a tole on the emotions. Well, now I have a personal challenge and I say, bring it on! Love this too.

Wishing you all the best….

Tea cheers….