Jennifer

Dear Master….. I do not know if this is an answer, but it sure is helping me to feel more confident about what is going in. At the very least I know my days are a tad more balanced. I KNOW I have not been getting enough calcium and fruits & vegetables. I also made my correction on my last blog. Oh honest me!

1/2 banana, 1/2 c. blueberries, 4 walnut halves

1/2 c. (before cooking) oatmeal/quinoa, 1/2 c. soymilk

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1/4 c. Dragon Boat Mix (125 cal.), small V8

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Corn/chipotle soup with 1/3 c. chickpeas, salsa

large salad with cucumber and broccoli and salmon (2 oz)

shake: blueberries, cranberries, 1/2 banana, water, fresh flat leaf parsley

1 peppermint (maltitol)

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3/4 c. Fat free Cherry yogurt with Splenda

Chai Tea

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Homemade bison burger (4 oz) with mushrooms, 2 T. Renees Mushroom Peppercorn sauce (no bread, I would rather have the oven fries)

Sweet potato oven fries, 1 t. olive oil + Pam

Zuchinni and broccoli

1/2 c. plain yogurt with vanilla, dash of stevia

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1/2 All Bran Buds and 1/2 soy milk, cinnamon

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Activity: 50 minutes of pilates, 25 min. ellitptical

*Just a little add on…. For those of you who do not know my history, I tend to have really bad health when I eat chemicals and too much sugar. I have found health when I eat more or less clean. I think this is a better way to be then before when I was constantly plagued by health issues. And yet, I too have those tendencies where I want and I want those things that make me ill. Now treats on occasion are fine, but I could feel myself getting more and more ill lately and that is not a path I want to see again.

Hugs to you !

(And Buddyslim and my blog are always here.)

Why can’t I do well with my food lately? I swear I am a little devil….Not quite. I seriously think it might be emotional and related to how I have felt cooped up lately. It is so cold and my health is not great. I should be making good and healthy choices, but I am not. I thought that getting away from the journal would be good, but it has not gotten better. Well it has gotten worse. I feel rotten and the scale is well, right where it should be.

I use to love the traveling journal at WW. One person took it and recorded their intake for a week. I always had great days and a loss after that week. Well I have also had a person here that I reported my intake too and that was good for awhile. I have no idea what I need. It seems I have an idea only to have it be thrown in the trash days later because it is another failed attempt. WHAT TO DO? I am not seeking answers, but rather I am just frustrated. I guess this is what has happened. I had the time before to take really good care and the belief that I was worth it. Now I have put myself lower on my list (thinking that is the “healthy” thing to do - not focus on food) and it is hellish.

What to do? Well I have gone away from Buddyslim because like myself I have put it lower on my list. Well I think these are poor ideas and I am putting us both at the top again. I know I do not want to record my food, but I am going to journal my food like I have done on my blog before, again. I do not know for how long, but I want to see some results. I really admire many of you who seem so good at just doing and being all Zen with your consumption, but I am not.

My Goals for blogging my intake:

To not aim for a perfectionist view of food.

I want to eat normal and healthy for me.

To eat when I am hungry and learn the signals. I do not want to binge, but eating one thing for emotional reasons seems ok to me. Just feel it, enjoy and move on to a new activity, this seems good. See it, feel it and learn from it.

See and feel how great balance is.

I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND ME. But I guess I need to use this site my way. So my blog may be boring, but it has to be my way. I do not have the time or energy to express my days events or feelings. I just can not put myself out there when people I know personally read this.

Dear Master: I write this entry because I am tired of the poor choices and I hope that by being more thoughtful of my food choices I will begin to feel happy and see beneficial results. I am tired of my sore joints and poor energy level. I REALLY do not want to write to you about my food intake because I feel like a failure, but I need to make a better choice for myself and though this is not ideal, it is for me. And this blog is for me. I want to see results.

MY INTAKE:

Breakfast: 1 c. plain unsweetened yogurt w/ a dash of stevia, 1/2 banana, 1 large strawberry

3/4 c. sugar-free vanilla mousse

Lunch: 1 c. Corn w/ chipotle soup, 1 slice WW whole wheat bread w/ cheese (my guess- about 1.5 oz) and fried egg white (Pam), salsa, 2 black licorice

FitSmart energy bar, 2 fat free fudge brownies (amaranth/pumpkin/applesauce) - yes I made some better ones today. David suggested I could make some yesterday (though he was ready to eat the crap ones before I threw them out) but I told him that I was done “cooking” …lol I would have said that if he wanted them so bad he could make them and then I realized he would have made them TOO good….lol Anyways, we do not have butter and it is too damn cold to go to the store for BUTTER!!!

(Interesting… I definately have gotten in my calcium today, lol ….. Now that I think back, I have been not taking so many calcium rich foods. Interesting how I just naturally chose those. Still, I wanted to stop the emotional tendencies towards food. Better, not perfect, but better choices is what I am aiming for. Also I need grains for breakfast. It could have been why I was reaching for the high energy foods later.)

Club soda w/ lime juice, can of mushrooms

Supper: Salad, 3/4 c. chickpeas/green peas and brown rice, 3 oz. salmon, an orange (no more mousse for me, I already ate mine ), lol… yeh right! I needed a little sweetness, life is too short to skip dessert. One brownie (80 cal.) with a couple T. of vanilla mousse NOW there is a conclusion to the meal !

And another thing, why is it that I have trouble acting sick. Despite feeling like crap, I still feel the need to do the laundry, clean and cook. I hate a mess! I say it is relaxing, but I guess I should just go read my book or sleep. That is likely what I really need. Duh!

*rolling eyes* day………………………….

ALSO……Had 2 oz. of Chardonnay and a chamomile tea after supper

Ahh well I am still fighing this cold/ackiness/sore throat….what ever it is! And the fact that George is visiting (George, Tom, it is all the same…hehe) is REALLY not helping. I cancelled my time with 2 of my clients today.  On top of this, the car would not start today (-50 with the windchill, -37 without it !!! Still -37. Yep beyond a deep freeze!) so David stayed home. He can do over 80% of his work from home… NICE. So it is a day of R&R. I got a nice massage *grins* (muscles EVERYWHERE are KILLING ME!) and then decided that tea, soup and oranges can only heal ya so much. So I broke out a cook book and semi-quickly made some fat-free brownies. Of course I messed with the recipe to make it my own. I feel so tried from making them I think I need a nap before I try them! When you are this out of it from illness, yet still able to function, I find it is best to really take things slow otherwise you might almost put a wrong ingredient in like, garlic powder….NO !!! Luckily I was aware enough not stop myself. Ahhh the things we do when we have a craving. Had to put the brownie in for 15 minutes longer then it said (?- could be that halfing the Splenda requires me to increase the time …?)

I am not saying this was a great idea, but it sure as heck was not a bad one.

The recipe that I tampered with is found on p. 58 of the recipe book called Secrets of Fat-Free Baking by Sandra Woodruff.

Brownies are not finished, but I will post the recipe if they are good….lol. I just realized that I used 1/3 c. sugar and Splenda, instead of a 1/2 each. This was not planned. Oops… Will this teach me to not cook when I am half out of it, likely not! LOL

Worst case… I have to throw them out, best case, they are a great treat that are not addictive…hehe.

And just moving around from one room to another was activity today.

Just another note on this brownie thing…. I feel very good when I make sure that I get a little fat and protein with my simple sugars. This is something I have learned and had success with. Learned this from the Sugar Solution. My attempt to remind myself that treats do not have to be sending me into emotional chaos or sugar spikes.

Hope life is treating you well. *hugs*

The Recipe: Well it would have been good, not great, but good, but I should not have over mixed the ingredients and cooked them so long. Long story short: May be best to stay away from the kitchen when sick. But the corner store was just so far away…lol And… not good enough to have another one. They are in the trash….lmao.

I have been a little less focussed on my weight loss and much more focussed on other aspects of my life. This by no means means that I have given up. I am just relaxing a bit more. I am really trying to listen to my hunger and feed it to the point of just Satisfaction and trying to not let the emotional eating get to me. Well, I am only human. Still doing all right I feel. Mostly I have been good. I am not weighing in today just because my visitor is pending, I feel like it would mean nothing. Also with a slight cold I have felt it is a better choice to let up. I really do not want to stress myself out with exercise and dieting and get sick like some people around me. YIKES!

Just feeling a little more ill yesterday I took my blood pressure at Shoppers Drug Mart and it read 110/49 (pulse-64). I took it because I know when I am feeling a little wiped from stress, dieting, exercise, illness that last number for me is often low. The pharmacist said if I feel fine, that is great. Well I think I need to eat well and not over do it this week. Well I have energy today and will tackle my activity list because I know that will be good for my mood. If I feel a little BLAH, I will ease up. So this is where I am at… Listening to my body’s signals and trying to really do what is right for me right now. Maintaining is good when my body feels like it is still fighting off a bit of an illness. Off to have some ginseng and green tea with some lemon and honey.

As for food lately, I have been enjoying it all, in moderation (my tummy must have shrunk back to my pre-Christmas size, lol) and this week I would like to focus a little more on whole foods. I am still not saying no to treats though

I looked at my list of things I want to accomplish in the cardio forum and it may be a little too ambitious. Well time will tell. Yesterday I felt like a slug for doing nothing. Ahh well we all need a day of rest….hehe.

This past week I give myself a B- for results and an A- for dealing with it all. This is a new week and I plan to be here a little more. I missed it. This is still another busy week with work, but I am going to do my best and not think too much about what will be. I want to stay in the moment and do! There are moments in life you wonder what the hell you are accomplishing and then there are other times when you know you are exactly where you should be. This week I treasure my role as a caregiver because life changes it’s direction sometimes very quickly. I shall not miss a moment to appreciate and do my best.

Wishing you all the best this week! *hugs*

Tea cheers to you!

A different approach to dieting, this is what I am taking. No points and a couple times I wanted that scale and 2x I stepped on it. Nasty validation and it proved NOTHING! But still 2x is much improvement over the past normal times I would get on that little beast. Lena called her fridge the beast, well the scale is a different kind of beast. Anyways. The beast tells me good things this AM. I am down a couple pounds and that is reasonable and surprising too. I know I ate more food then usual but I TRIED to keep things portioned. I am going to do the same thing this week. JUST LIVE and not worry so much! By my old assessments of things I would have said this was a bad week, but it was fine. I upped my activity when I needed to and for the most part did not think about my journal or points. If anything the closer I got to today, I did think twice about eating at night. Since I have been eating as much as I felt was a good amount to just feel satisfied, I have not been hungry at night. Sure I ate sometimes just out of a desire to have a little something, but it was all fine and good. ONLY one night did we eat fast food and that was the strangest night for dreams…..lol Again, balance. I worked out pretty consistently, but I also had the last 2 days off from my workouts. I am back at it today, but I think I needed a breather from the thoughts of weight loss (good advice from a buddy) and indeed, today I do feel so much more refreshed.

NO SCALE until next Sunday. I am putting my foot down, but not on the scale !!!

Keeping things healthy! And of course allowing for my treats. And there are some good choices out there that still feel slightly indulgent.

But this is my relationship with food. When I am good in my mind, food is a breeze. When I am stressed with life or people, all of the not so good foods and huge portions seem intriguing and almost beyond my will power. This week I challenge myself to take as many emotional moments as possible (let there be as few as possible, please *prays*) and just deal better. Maybe this means exercising or taking a little walk, or maybe it means choosing some healthier carbs (the mind and body likes these in stressful times) with protein to settle myself. Having something to eat does not have to be the beginning of a huge binge. Even if it is just a little, it does not have to spiral. I have thought about this, the harder I try not to sometimes it just makes me want more, so why not think that it is okay to have a medium sized bowl (a good cup) of cereal (lots of cinnamon, little protein, both of which will slow those sugars up and ease them into the bloodstream). One time this week I realized when I allowed myself to have something when I was stressed, I DID NOT EVEN WANT IT. If I had said, no that is not what a good dieter does (lol), then I would have wanted it, LIKE ALWAYS. So, this is how I work. GOOD TO KNOW!!! *rolls eyes*

With patience and some commitments all will be exactly how they should be.

I hope that everyone is having a super weekend and is ready to start off a great week. My thoughts and prayers do go out to all who are struggling, especially those who are struggling with health problems or the not knowing and waiting. Hugs to you all.

Tea cheers (Organic White Chai Tea this morning….. )

I realize this blog is very hard to read.  I always see the converse of things, so my apologies for the insides of my head only at this time.  Back and forth…. tis my way to demonstrate BALANCE.  :)  Who knew that I could find balance in some confusion

So some health issues have been making me a tad moody lately. I am on the mend. (Evil excessive sugar, and it is evil!!! lol Especially when it is ME + sugar!) I am keep portions in mind but I am letting go of the journaling (precise points) and the perfectionist attitude. Journaling has REALLY helped me in the past and without WW I would not be here, but it is no longer serving a purpose. It has really been reaping havoc on my wellness. So, I will try this for awhile and of course I am keeping up with my activity. Focusing on variety and getting my strength workouts in.

I wish you all a great week. Thank you to all my sweet buddies who responded to my last blog. What would I ever do with out your mindfulness and compassion? Cheers to all who are struggling and all who are helping out out your fellow buddies. YOU ALL ARE SO AMAZING!

*hugs*

My weight has slowly been going up since Christmas. And now I sit at 161. I have been freaking everytime I get on the scale and it determines my mood completely. This is not good for me. So, my dear boyfriend and I are weighing in once a week (this will be really hard for me because it has become a little/big unproductive habit) and Sunday is hard, but what ever. The day really does not matter as I figure I have weighed in on all the days officially and ALL THAT MATTERS is living each day and BEING REASONABLE. Last night we both wanted pizza and knowing that I would be weighing in, it did give me a nervous feeling for a minute. But then it occurred to me, I do not want to live in fear of the scale. So, I ate my two pieces of vegetarian pizza (would have had chicken but it was not an option) and I was famished yesterday so we shared the best piece of pie. No guilt, shear pleasure to just share! It was fun and relaxing. Finished supper and I had nothing else after. Just tea, oh and a maltitol peppermint candy. It felt good to go to bed satisfied and not having anything in my stomach. The meal felt complete so why would I need anything more! (BTW, very cool to see that Stevia and alcohol sugars were mentioned on The View the other day as being the “new” sweeteners….lol Nice to see some good alternatives to the really old and not so healthy.)

Sure it sucked to change my ticker, but I did not change it the previous couple times. I just tried to get back. Then somedays it is really low, like yesterday I felt like I maintained. LOL - Whatever! I am going to really take some of the wise words of many of my buddies and not be so concerned about that scale. I want to do the best that I can and enjoy each moment. Activity is my best pal and will ultimately get me to my goal and will help me maintain. I know I will get there someday! I know food/beverages/salt so well and what will do what to my body but I just want to be, yes, level-headed.

I think that I have to not be here so much. I do not even know what this means.  I love this place. I feel like you ladies are the only people who understand me. It is a weird thing to feel like you always have a good friend when you come onto this site. Well, it has been busy and it is going to continue to be this way. So I have to change my priorities a little. I just am letting somethings go in my life and it is causing some stress. I know it is small, but it makes me crazy when the place becomes a disaster or I do not even cook so much. Though I did create a great new soup….. will share in a moment

So, being focussed on my weight loss and this site has not gotten me to where I want to be. Not sure where this is, but I have to try and not think about the numbers. I know what I need to do. I am getting hives just thinking about change….. I hate change. But watching a tough and interesting movie last night (Black Snake Moan) I realized that change is possible. Incidently, looking for a different movie and a great one, JUNO ! Amazing movie. It better win big at any and all the awards…. Look at me change the subject. Oh yeh I am the Queen at this one.

So, what does this mean? Well I am setting no restrictions so I will be here when I can. You all are so wonderful and I am so thankful for you. But I think I avoid my life because this place is safe. That seems a little “off” to me. I do not know what any of the answers are, but I will just aim for the unknown, try and change for the better and maybe I can feel good about my life. No fear LOL ladies, I will still be here because I have made commitments to some. This is one of the most important things/places I have ever stumbled upon. Thank you for bringing me into the light, sharing your stories and providing endless support. Where would I be without this place? Yikes. *hugs*

The soup, a creamed celery and mushroom soup. I blended brown mushrooms (could be white, but I find the brown are more flavorful), celery and then I used organic chicken stock in blender and it was SO creamy! It never did separate like I thought it might. Lightly sated some onions and garlic in a pot, and then added the blended veggies (could use what ever veggies), herbs (dill, thyme, basil, lots of pepper, a little sea salt), then more cut up mushrooms, celery. I added separate bunches of the celery at different times so there was different levels of tenderness. I like a bit of crunch, that is just me. But cooked celery always tastes so good to me. Then I added more stock, 1/4 cup of grated Asiago cheese and 1/6 of a cup of milk powder. I kept the temperature of the pot at medium and cooked things relatively quickly and did not cook too long. Wanted to keep as many nutrients still present by not cooking it too high or for too long. YUM! - the whole pot of soup was 5 points!!! Made 2 servings

SO yesterday I was not feeling so well. I could feel the glands at the top of my neck were a bit swollen and sore. I have been surrounded by people who are ill of course because, tis the season! So I stayed reasonable with my points but I did have 34, which seems like a lot, but it was about 1700 calories and it was a low fat day too. If one were to eat a lot of veggies of course on WW, that would add some calories, not points, but I was running low so it was a low veg/fruit day. (Thank goodness for frozen!) Grocery shopping yesterday night. Shopping is like meditation and fun. Weird, but true for me. I probably should not shop at night, but neither one of us really wanted to head out today unless we have to. I am sure that I wanted a snack as much as my healing body needed one…. 1/4 of an orange, cup of grapes, and an open faced sandwich with back bacon and dijon mustard (LOW IN POINTS ! Wow, I was surprised. Nitrites be damned!). Could have been worse. Woke up healthy. A very good nights sleep, but I must remember eating at night almost always makes me dream some weird dreams. Might be a reason not to eat at night. Wish I could have some hot sultriness without the late night snacks.

I am maintaining. I am weighing in tomorrow. The meals are going well. Three medium portioned meals and one-two snacks depending on when my first meal is. I noticed yesterday when I woke up so early (6 AM) that I was thinking about how I would spread those points out through out the day and how I would have to make it low fat in order to get the most food so I was not hungry. If the truth be told, it was a bit of a comfort to eat at home and eat RELAXED. All this week it has been rush rush. I do not like eating like this because I am someone who enjoys food. Even if it is a smaller portion and I darn well am going to enjoy every bite! lol And I sure would like to enjoy much more slower. So, with some organization in coming week, that is what I am planning for.

Keeping up with the workouts, because I hope that if I do not some buddy will kick my cyber-behind!!! Hehe… all is well. I am off to work out soon. Working the legs/abs and doing some cardio. Tomorrow I am doing free weights as it has been a long time. Really too long.

These days I am not thinking about having a free day or what I can or can not have. I am getting back to a plan of how I want to eat for the rest of my life. Balanced. Portions. Tasty (either light or explosive with flavor-depends on my mood). Dessert. I love ending the meal (lunch or supper) with something to REALLY conclude it. I find this helpful. I have that something sweet (10 grams of dark chocolate, Lindt or Poulain, or fruit, some other sweet AS LONG AS I KNOW THE POINTS VALUE) and c’est fini ! The journaling perhaps may get old… sooner then later. But I will do it until I get to my goal. Whenever, whenever this may be? Oh I think SOON. It really is harder once you get to goal. I can see where I want to lose it. Maybe you can not see it so much in those pictures because I am not sitting down. Love the spreading leg thing, not! Still sometimes when I catch myself in the mirror I do not even recognize myself. Tis a good thing. And I wish I did sometimes, but I do not feel the urgency to get to goal. Maybe somedays I do and if I think about the ladies who talk about bathing suits… ok, there is a slight desperation, but IT IS SO MUCH NICER TO see the big picture. I am really thankful for this moment RIGHT NOW.

Have a great weekend everyone! *hugs*

The goal was 24 points and 25 is fantastic!!! Ya know, a good workout just erases all of life’s stresses, well at least for sometime until you have to deal again. Things are good. I woke up knowing that it was going to be a long day, but I got my you-know-what together, vented and made things happen for myself. I had a nice supper with one small glass of wine and one square of dark chocolate and you know, all is right because I am at 25 WW points today and had a terrific day of activity. This is my first great day since before the holidays I think. Well it is good because I did not EE and let me tell you, today would have been one of those days.

Have a great night/day/weekend everybody Cheers!

SO I have been inspired to write this before I head off to workout, make a nice supper and then read the blogs I have sorely missed lately. I will do this over the course of the next 24 hours.

IGNORE THIS BLOG IF YOU DO NOT KNOW ME….. I am not a nut, but sometimes I feel like one!

I have to say I feel compelled to just kick it up a notch! I let go of the dieting for a bit because people left and right are telling me how far I have come and how much better I look. (lol… Thank you) Well, I slip and make bad choice after bad choice like it is an okay thing to do. We need to TAKE CARE OF OUR PRECIOUS BODIES! We are temples that we can choose to fill with toxic waste or healthy, life giving food and vital nutrients. The choice is always ours to make. And when I hear of illness and we are sick society, I just want to just fill up our plates with the cleanest (chemical free) and freshest foods out there. They are there waiting to be purchased. The foods that are over process and tainted with preservatives ARE DEAD. I am enraged and I vent !

Oh boo hoo, sadness and stress have been present it seems a bit more this week for myself. So what! This does not give me the right to eat. I wish in our society the day would come where toxic crap foods would be as outlawed as illegal drugs are and smoking will one day be. I am angry. And I need to workout. LOL. Please buddies I am fine. But it is a passion because no matter where we look, we get more and more unhealthy. What a strange world we live in where there are hundreds of diets and people striving to be healthier and yet we are increasingly becoming more and more sick ! ? ! What is up with this?

Off to workout.