Change
My weight has slowly been going up since Christmas. And now I sit at 161. I have been freaking everytime I get on the scale and it determines my mood completely. This is not good for me. So, my dear boyfriend and I are weighing in once a week (this will be really hard for me because it has become a little/big unproductive habit) and Sunday is hard, but what ever. The day really does not matter as I figure I have weighed in on all the days officially and ALL THAT MATTERS is living each day and BEING REASONABLE. Last night we both wanted pizza and knowing that I would be weighing in, it did give me a nervous feeling for a minute. But then it occurred to me, I do not want to live in fear of the scale. So, I ate my two pieces of vegetarian pizza (would have had chicken but it was not an option) and I was famished yesterday so we shared the best piece of pie. No guilt, shear pleasure to just share! It was fun and relaxing. Finished supper and I had nothing else after. Just tea, oh and a maltitol peppermint candy. It felt good to go to bed satisfied and not having anything in my stomach. The meal felt complete so why would I need anything more! (BTW, very cool to see that Stevia and alcohol sugars were mentioned on The View the other day as being the “new” sweeteners….lol Nice to see some good alternatives to the really old and not so healthy.)
Sure it sucked to change my ticker, but I did not change it the previous couple times. I just tried to get back. Then somedays it is really low, like yesterday I felt like I maintained. LOL - Whatever! I am going to really take some of the wise words of many of my buddies and not be so concerned about that scale. I want to do the best that I can and enjoy each moment. Activity is my best pal and will ultimately get me to my goal and will help me maintain. I know I will get there someday! I know food/beverages/salt so well and what will do what to my body but I just want to be, yes, level-headed.
I think that I have to not be here so much. I do not even know what this means. I love this place. I feel like you ladies are the only people who understand me. It is a weird thing to feel like you always have a good friend when you come onto this site. Well, it has been busy and it is going to continue to be this way. So I have to change my priorities a little. I just am letting somethings go in my life and it is causing some stress. I know it is small, but it makes me crazy when the place becomes a disaster or I do not even cook so much. Though I did create a great new soup….. will share in a moment 
So, being focussed on my weight loss and this site has not gotten me to where I want to be. Not sure where this is, but I have to try and not think about the numbers. I know what I need to do. I am getting hives just thinking about change….. I hate change. But watching a tough and interesting movie last night (Black Snake Moan) I realized that change is possible. Incidently, looking for a different movie and a great one, JUNO ! Amazing movie. It better win big at any and all the awards…. Look at me change the subject. Oh yeh I am the Queen at this one.
So, what does this mean? Well I am setting no restrictions so I will be here when I can. You all are so wonderful and I am so thankful for you. But I think I avoid my life because this place is safe. That seems a little “off” to me. I do not know what any of the answers are, but I will just aim for the unknown, try and change for the better and maybe I can feel good about my life. No fear LOL ladies, I will still be here because I have made commitments to some. This is one of the most important things/places I have ever stumbled upon. Thank you for bringing me into the light, sharing your stories and providing endless support. Where would I be without this place? Yikes. *hugs*
The soup, a creamed celery and mushroom soup. I blended brown mushrooms (could be white, but I find the brown are more flavorful), celery and then I used organic chicken stock in blender and it was SO creamy! It never did separate like I thought it might. Lightly sated some onions and garlic in a pot, and then added the blended veggies (could use what ever veggies), herbs (dill, thyme, basil, lots of pepper, a little sea salt), then more cut up mushrooms, celery. I added separate bunches of the celery at different times so there was different levels of tenderness. I like a bit of crunch, that is just me. But cooked celery always tastes so good to me. Then I added more stock, 1/4 cup of grated Asiago cheese and 1/6 of a cup of milk powder. I kept the temperature of the pot at medium and cooked things relatively quickly and did not cook too long. Wanted to keep as many nutrients still present by not cooking it too high or for too long. YUM! - the whole pot of soup was 5 points!!! Made 2 servings 
Jen, I know you feel confused but we are right here to support every decision you make ! I know the gain is frustrating but I know how strong you are and I know you can kick this weight ! Here for you ! Good luck ! Kimmi
Soups sounds very good! I have that fear of the scale too but I haven’t been afraid enough lately. I am officially back to where I need to be with eating and exercise. I wish you the best with only weighing once a week. It really is much easier that way and less stress! Don’t be a stranger!
Thanks for the support ladies. I could never be a stranger, but I think I just have to get somethings done before I come here. Because if I come on here sometimes, I feel like I might not want to leave…hehe
I can completely relate to how you’re feeling. Though I’ve been incredibly busy and tired and stuff for the past couple of months with work (mostly), I sorta had to take a step back from here because I was doing nothing but staying online. When was I supposed to exercise? Or go outside? LOL! Just don’t leave us forever. This site is addictive. And I already know I have an addictive personality (’specially with food). I know it’s frustrating with your gain, but girl, like everyone before me as said - you are so strong. You have a deep, nurturing desire to take care of yourself 99% of the time. So don’t let the other 1% or 2 pounds or anything else get you down. You are so special to me!
I’m so sorry about the gain Jennifer. Maybe its more a “woman” thing. I think our bodies are always changing…up and down.
I feel safe here too…and somedays I’m on WAY to much. Husband says I need a computer intervention…LOL!!! he’s kidding, but deep down maybe he’s serious.
If you feel coming here isn’t good for you I can understand that. You do have to prioritize. Maybe cut your BuddySlim time in half so you are not feeling as stressed out and you can still see your buddys here. Personally I would be crushed if I couldn’t see you anymore “sad face” but I want you happy and balanced and I know whatever changes you need to make for a happier life…I’m there and will support you cuz YOU ARE LOVED!!!
Your soup sounds yummy. I love soup!!! Had the best vegetable soup at the restaurant yesterday..yummy!! and healthy!!
You know what? I was plateued before I got sick, and then when I was so sick, I took a weeks break and it helped! Maybe take a few days off and then go back to it? I have heard that helps, can refresh your mind, too. And I agree, no living in guilt! Hugs to you, dear lady!
I hear you Jennifer on seeing the world from the place of fear (scale, or other monster, fill in the blank) and arranging your behaviors and choices from fear, not from love and nurturing.
I think we live in cycles and come and go when we need to… and also when we come back, we are different, grown, and changing again. Like the ocean or a river…
I liked your soup recepie but what kind of cake did you have?!!!!
Just kidding,
Tatiana
Sounds delicious–the soup that is. The change, not so much, but I understand, having had to distance myself from the site many-a-times!
I hope you find what you’re looking for Jenn, I do believe you will reach goal…just keep looking forward and stay focused. I’m excited for you, although it seems like you’re a little down right now, I know this is the place where thing will start to make sense and this is the place where true change will take place. Hang in there woman!
Maybe a break is what is needed, but don’t leave us! You have been the voice of reason in our ocean of doubt. Soup sounds wonderful. Wonder if it could be made without milk? Take care and let us know how you are doing. HATE THOSE SCALES!! Love, Marge
Soup sounds good. You need to do whatever is best for you and you know I support you no matter what so take as much time on/off as you need.
I wish I could eat sugar alcohols. They kill my stomach.
Ok, think I’m going to cry. You were the one I could always count on to leave a meaningful comment when I needed one, but I understand how easy it is to get “sucked into” the computer and lose a part of yourself. I try to set limits. Like, if I get on 5:30 then I can only stay on until 6:00 then I gotta go live my life.
Girl, whereever you are and whatever you do know that you made an impact on me in a very short time. I will miss you if you disappear.
hey jennifer, i totally get what you are saying and have in my short time already noticed how this place let’s me leave my life for awhile even though this too is so very real. i have been wondering about that very thing and was talking to my man about it yesterday. not getting ot goal must be frustrating as well. i’ve appreciated your support and would like to offer you some however that may fit best. miss you here, but do what works for you and keep moving, breathing, and being you!
Okay, I’m not gonna cry… I’m not gonna cry…
lol
I understand your feelings Jennifer. I’m here WAY WAYYYYY too much some days, and then I feel guilty because I should be working. As in everything else in life, we have to strive for that “balance”… always.
Huggggggggggs,
Shan