A Master is what I need !
(And Buddyslim and my blog are always here.)
Why can’t I do well with my food lately? I swear I am a little devil….Not quite. I seriously think it might be emotional and related to how I have felt cooped up lately. It is so cold and my health is not great. I should be making good and healthy choices, but I am not. I thought that getting away from the journal would be good, but it has not gotten better. Well it has gotten worse. I feel rotten and the scale is well, right where it should be.
I use to love the traveling journal at WW. One person took it and recorded their intake for a week. I always had great days and a loss after that week. Well I have also had a person here that I reported my intake too and that was good for awhile. I have no idea what I need. It seems I have an idea only to have it be thrown in the trash days later because it is another failed attempt. WHAT TO DO? I am not seeking answers, but rather I am just frustrated. I guess this is what has happened. I had the time before to take really good care and the belief that I was worth it. Now I have put myself lower on my list (thinking that is the “healthy” thing to do - not focus on food) and it is hellish.
What to do? Well I have gone away from Buddyslim because like myself I have put it lower on my list. Well I think these are poor ideas and I am putting us both at the top again. I know I do not want to record my food, but I am going to journal my food like I have done on my blog before, again. I do not know for how long, but I want to see some results. I really admire many of you who seem so good at just doing and being all Zen with your consumption, but I am not.
My Goals for blogging my intake:
To not aim for a perfectionist view of food.
I want to eat normal and healthy for me.
To eat when I am hungry and learn the signals. I do not want to binge, but eating one thing for emotional reasons seems ok to me. Just feel it, enjoy and move on to a new activity, this seems good. See it, feel it and learn from it.
See and feel how great balance is.
I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND ME. But I guess I need to use this site my way. So my blog may be boring, but it has to be my way. I do not have the time or energy to express my days events or feelings. I just can not put myself out there when people I know personally read this.
Dear Master: I write this entry because I am tired of the poor choices and I hope that by being more thoughtful of my food choices I will begin to feel happy and see beneficial results. I am tired of my sore joints and poor energy level. I REALLY do not want to write to you about my food intake because I feel like a failure, but I need to make a better choice for myself and though this is not ideal, it is for me. And this blog is for me. I want to see results.
MY INTAKE:
Breakfast: 1 c. plain unsweetened yogurt w/ a dash of stevia, 1/2 banana, 1 large strawberry
3/4 c. sugar-free vanilla mousse
Lunch: 1 c. Corn w/ chipotle soup, 1 slice WW whole wheat bread w/ cheese (my guess- about 1.5 oz) and fried egg white (Pam), salsa, 2 black licorice
FitSmart energy bar, 2 fat free fudge brownies (amaranth/pumpkin/applesauce) - yes I made some better ones today. David suggested I could make some yesterday (though he was ready to eat the crap ones before I threw them out) but I told him that I was done “cooking” …lol I would have said that if he wanted them so bad he could make them and then I realized he would have made them TOO good….lol Anyways, we do not have butter and it is too damn cold to go to the store for BUTTER!!! 
(Interesting… I definately have gotten in my calcium today, lol ….. Now that I think back, I have been not taking so many calcium rich foods. Interesting how I just naturally chose those. Still, I wanted to stop the emotional tendencies towards food. Better, not perfect, but better choices is what I am aiming for. Also I need grains for breakfast. It could have been why I was reaching for the high energy foods later.)
Club soda w/ lime juice, can of mushrooms
Supper: Salad, 3/4 c. chickpeas/green peas and brown rice, 3 oz. salmon, an orange (no more mousse for me, I already ate mine 
), lol… yeh right! I needed a little sweetness, life is too short to skip dessert. One brownie (80 cal.) with a couple T. of vanilla mousse NOW there is a conclusion to the meal !
And another thing, why is it that I have trouble acting sick. Despite feeling like crap, I still feel the need to do the laundry, clean and cook. I hate a mess! I say it is relaxing, but I guess I should just go read my book or sleep. That is likely what I really need. Duh!
*rolling eyes* day………………………….
ALSO……Had 2 oz. of Chardonnay and a chamomile tea after supper
I am struggling with my food also. Maybe it is the winter blues and the boredom we get when we are stuck inside. Your food looks pretty healthy.
Maybe your a little too light on the breakfast causing you to be hungry. I never thought I was too light on the breakfast but a buddy of mine pointed it out to me. I added a little more in on the breakfast and is seemed to help. Now, I just need to get my head back in the game. Feel better soon and I wish you all the best with trying to find a happy medium with all the madness that this stuff can cause us.
Wow you should read my blog! We sound almost identical! I am so depressed! I feel like a failure. I dont understand why it has to be so hard. I take care of everyone else and take good care of them. Why do I not value myself enough to take care of me? Not seeking answers, just venting. I hope we both can get back on track.
i’ve been wanting a master my whole life and yet i think the saying when the student is ready the master will come may mean something about us being our own master. maybe, just a thought for today
hugs to you.
The student needs to realize that food is the focus because she feels she is lacking in her life. So she tries to achieve perfection elsewhere. Thanks for your thoughts ladies. Great appreciated. So helpful to get some perspective.
OMG… I fear change !!! Why ?
You don’t need a master. Silly girl. *grins*
You need some warmth and sunshine. Just like everyone else.
I swear it is that nasty Old Man Winter, and it gets us every single time. Our lovely fruits and vegetables are less than in quality this time of year. And we don’t want cold foods anyway. I mean c’mon, it’s COLD outside. We yearn for warm and gooey and yummy to give us that boost that normally a nice sunshiny flower blooming love in the air skippity do dah day would give us. The good news is, it will come to an end and if we didn’t have these months to survive, then we would not appreciate the coming spring so much.
Ever notice how, when you have a cold, a sore throat, that nothing tastes good? But you want something… you just don’t know what. So you make something that you think you are hungry for, eat it, and go “nope, that wasn’t it”, and make something else, and go “uh uh, not that either” until you are finally so full and you are still not satisfied. I do that very thing when I’m sick. Thank the good Lord above I’m not sick very often.
When I first came to this site, you were blogging your intake of food, and you were doing well with it. And it wasn’t boring to me. It was interesting and I LEARNED from it… from you. I think we should blog about whatever we want. That’s what it’s there for…. to HELP us.
All that being said, I’m now putting hands on hips and ordering you to a bed and to rest. I know it’s hard to do. You and I are alike in that regard. We want neat and tidy and things done. But there comes a time that you HAVE to let it go and give your body time to recover. Get yourself a darn good book… not a self help book, not a documentary…. not an autobiography… get a good fiction that you can get immersed in… let it take you away… to that place and those characters… and when you are finished with it… I want to borrow it, k? hehe…
Big hugggggggggggs my friend. Love ya to pieces!
Shan
Well, I’m glad you are putting Buddyslim back on the top of the list. I myself have missed you like crazy. I love your blogs, and I always take good information away…”food for thought” you could say!!
I agree with the others Jennifer, the cold weather is starting to take its toll. Just think how yummy the fresh fruit in season will be this Summer!! I can’t wait! Here a big hug for you..you start feeling better and take care of yourself. Love ya!!
I’m glad you’re putting yourself first Jenn, but I agree with Shan, I see a huge downfall of depression coming on most of us here on the site. It could be the weather. YOU ARE A SUCCESSFUL, BRIGHT, GIVING, NURTURING, CARING, DID I MENTION INCREDIBLY SMART and BEAUTIFUL WOMAN? The thing is…sometimes we fail to see what’s right infront of us! Hang in there girl. Let’s hold hands and get through this together!
You suppose you are the trouble
But you are the cure
You suppose that you are the lock on the door
But you are the key that opens it
It’s too bad that you want to be someone else
You don’t see your own face, your own beauty
Yet, no face is more beautiful than yours.
Rumi
God turns you from one feeling to another
And teaches you by means of opposites
So that you will have two wings to fly
Not one.
Rumi
Outside ideas of right doing
And wrong doing,
There is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
Rumi