Jenn

I have no idea what the scale is going to say on Saturday.  It will have been a month since being on it, well about that anyways.  My partner David is pleading with me to not get on….. poor guy!  But I am emotional when I am weighing in frequently.  He says what does it matter if I feel good and he may have a point.  The number is not going to tell me when I am “there”.  Of course it is a feeling inside of knowing that I am really there.  No more giggling and no more difficulty finding a pair of jeans that fit.  And the closer I get to goal, I can feel my clothes fitting better.  So does the scale matter?  Well I am a curious cat, but I really want the number to not affect my mood.  I want to show him and myself that it REALLY is not about that number.  So, I feel motivated.  Joints are feeling a bit better.  Still a ways to go, but this is the life…….. We are works in progress.

I know I have said this before, but I really admire Marge who has taken to eating so healthy.  I mean, I am not entirely sure I could give up certain foods, but since I have been eating more vegan meals and snacks (not 100%, but just a little more), along with some cherry juice (thanks for the tip Shanna), my joints are feeling a little better.

I am as cool as a cucumber today.  Yes, yesterday was just one of those days.

I am organizing my life as best as I can and coming up with menu ideas and freezer containers of foods for convenience since the coming little while will be busier for me then it has been working.  Yes, my brain has not been used for studying for a good long time, but it is time.  Time to get it going on so that I can be proud of me.

Went shopping for some yummy fruits and veggies among some other good things.  I have to say, I like shopping by myself because junk does not come home.  Okay I got David a treat and myself one, but we did not come home with stuff that is loaded with junk.  I am such a sucker because he wants, then I want and then suddenly, Trouble!   Sometimes I start it and it is usually because of a bad day.   But it was very Zen today and I enjoyed myself.

And on the exercise front, well I am not doing the high intensity stuff which I think is not so good for my mood, but really good for my joints.  Slow and steady………  Rock hard lower abdominals and flabby thighs.  Hey, I will take it!  *wink*

Progress……………..

Because I do not think it was emotional…just very hungry!

So I just realized that I am the snack lady, usually because I always have little snacks on hand in case of hunger. Though today I did not take my purse to work (for reasons I shall not get into) and sitting in the ER with my client who I believe intentionally acted more sick then she was, for ever, forever we sat. No snacks and I found myself getting more and more bitchy…. AND I ATE BREAKFAST. This young girl sucks the life right out of me and yet I have to stick her out because she is my last client. I can not quit because I know that I will have the need to come back and finish unfinished business, again. Plus, I feel for her, I want to help her. I need patience. I have to be done. God, grant me the strength to make it through this month and not quit. But mostly, I do not want to take anymore clients either, because I need to be done this job. Moving on. So how is this food related? Well like I said, no snacks and I am an angry bear dealing with issues I am not even qualified to deal. Mental issues !!! Well, I feel mental at least every month, but still do not have the answers for what am I to do with this month. I mean I know what I am doing with my studies, this is great! But I feel like I am a cat in water.

So I was so hungry when I got home that I scarfed down some vegetarian lasagna (nearly pasta free!) from last night. It was really tasty and I hardly enjoyed it. Well, next time I will remember my snack. I love food too much to not enjoy my little portions….lol

Ahhh I feel so much better.

Things are good. It has been a week of moderation in everything except the emotions were both high and low. But I handled pretty well I think. Moderation was the key I think. No extreme thoughts or guilt. And on my birthday I had 2 desserts (lol… 1 @ lunch and 1 @ supper), but I shared both. Just being reasonable with my portions and not worrying about anything has really allowed me to deal with the other downs and enjoy the other ups. So I am going with the flow and not worrying too much. This is progress. Well sometimes I worried, then let if go…..hehe. I am still me! :PYesterday was a great day. Went to visit relatives and I did very well with the emotions and for this I congratulate myself. I just could not tell myself that it was okay to indulge a little because I felt mad or sad. I said, bring on the tears, because they are more productive and soothing when done then indulging needlessly! Nor did I really want. Because I have let go of the control, food no longer seems appealing all the time. And though I have had my share of treat foods this week, I really did not feel I struggled. Once I ate too much dark chocolate in one serving, but it was not followed by guilt or anything. Just MOVING ON!

Another helpful thing was keeping the exercise moderate. Well I thought I did not do a lot, but I was glad I recorded for the forum record. I realized, what I did was moderate and good. No clue about the scale on the 1st, but I feel and look pretty good, in my eyes and that is great news. It is about time that even with all the tweaking that can be done, I feel at home in my body and this has never been the case! Not ever!!! People convince you with their many comments over the years that you are not good enough, and you need not ever hear a bad word because you take up their BS and cause havoc that is so difficult to stop. But the celebration begins when you start to love yourself and leave the junk outside.

Respect & Love.

OH, I had a little case of the “I need to control this before it controls me” then I realized I can be good with out that kind of thinking. Still was nice to have a lady here to correspond with until I realized. Thank you.

NO moderation with the fruits and veggies….. Kept them at 6-12 servings per day I would guess. Feeling good…..

Hope everyone had a great weekend and will have a terrific week! *hugs*

Ahh another year older! It feels great because changes are good things!!! Not that another year older makes me feel any different. Changes have however been happening both in my head and in my life/job. Well there a lot of changes and I am so good with everything that is happening. More later on that, I just want to say thank you for all the support here. I have been a bit “quiet” lately because I have really wanted to work through some webs and life is really REALLY working out. It is strange how sometimes the chaos can make your head foggy, but all is calming. It always does I think. I am constantly looking for lessons and messages and I have been receiving it all loud and clear. I am a stronger, wiser, more capable person then I have been. And really the only thing that is different, is I’m actually feeling like I have the power to try and succeed and the courage to take it all in…. enjoying and pushing myself through the challenges ahead. Oh yes, I am going to finish my nutrition course and begin the next chapter of my life! Healing, helping, progressing and taking care of me, as I have done for so many over the years. I would not, if it were even possible, have ever changed a thing. I am so thankful for having the ability to be their for so many elderly folk in their time of need. You become a different (for the better) kind of a person when you tend to others and do not resent it or fear it, but rather you marvel in how precious life is and how there is an end to everything. For me, learning this is power. Endings are not bad, they are just new beginnings.

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.

&…..

God doesn’t require us to succeed; he only requires that you try. - Mother Teresa

(Weight loss is fine. I feel at ease and I am loving me….. I really can not ask for more. )

Well it is the beginning of the month and I see so many things that are different about myself. I love how I am so much more calm with out the scale. I mean at times my clothes have been tighter and mostly this is salt and one to many steamed milks from the corner store (as some know I use unsweetened soy only because my stomach is a bit crampy sometimes and I bloat up like a balloon..lol) Still once in awhile + 1, it is a nice treat. So I feel good though. I do have a bit of arthritis (in my chest so the doctor tells me and also in my joints, they tell me!) which I am taking some Ibuprofen for on occasion and trying to watch my diet. But even healthy foods aggravate my joints (I have done my research and realize that I need moderation with even those good foods). I am sure going so hard with the exercise last week did not help and of course the nasty cold hinders me too. I am sure the excess weight for years HAS NOT HELPED! *Sigh* So, lots of things are contributing, but I see an end to it all…. I hope I can say for this week I really eased up a bit on the intensity of the cardio. And things are cool. Might alternate intensities - Wk 1:high, Wk 2:low, Wk 3: high………. See how that works for my aging joints Ahhh tis life, we must face it and do our best, right? I do believe Marge has some good ideas about diet. Vegetarianism creates such a wonderful alkaline state for the body and this is so good for arthritis. I know. Just have to implement the wisdom into my life so my joints can be cool and hopefully forgiving.

So the organization of my recipes has taken a bit of a break. Thank you by the way for all your thoughts and ideas. Greatly appreciated I know I will get back to it on the weekend. I see some cool things with my thinking. Well I think they are cool because when I see newish thoughts or insights into myself I always feel so empowered and at ease. It is that lost unknowing that can really get to me sometimes. So, I look at my life with food and I see 2 Me’s. I see a me who actually really loves food and all the pleasure it brings. When it is all about the food, people, new flavors, visually pleasing food, I love and see that I am in love with it….hehe Sounds strange, but it is not much different then how I feel when I meet a new person and have a wonderfully stimulating conversation - even if it is just about politics…hehe. This has happened a few times. So, food is no different. LOVE the experience. But then there is the Me that LOVES and feels alive and vibrant with healthy things going in. If it is organic and whole, raw veggies, fruit, seeds, nuts, fish, I feel like I am ENERGIZED. It is like I literally can feel the life healing me and making me feel alive with their many good nutrients and enzymes. I must not try and change myself here. Tis futile! LOL… I have to go with it and appreciate both aspects. So the big thing that I saw when I was going through all these recipes, which I enjoy, was that I felt like I had a pleasurable time or had these food fantasies as I looked at many of the pictures. It was like, ok, I am done and I did not want and want after it at all. I guess I am content and not depressed, but it was fun to get ideas, feel that old satisfaction but not feel like I needed to cook…. was not hungry…lol  I am not clear as to how to really describe it, but it seemed to be like a mindful buffet where I was able to in my mind experience it all, but without the calories.

I should say I have also started reading a new book that is a bit raunchy but mostly fun and enlightening. “The Tuesday Erotica Club” is a good read. I recommend. Actually when I can get through a book in 2 readings, it is a good book…lol Mostly about strong woman, friends and feminism. Well I read too much non-fiction. Will be checking out this new author for sure. Does anyone know her work (Lisa Beth Kovetz) and know of others like it? I do believe I enjoy being fictionally entertained Who knew!!!

There is a lot of greatness to be discovered once the treasure box is opened.  Even knowing approximately where it is is a heck of a lot better then being lost in the deep dark woods. Listen to the worthy voices and words, discard the rest !!!

Took my measurements this AM just to have a clue…lol and my hips and waist are about the same (30/39), but my pants are a bit snug. Weird. Well, patience, exercise, good food that feeds the body and a little to feed the spirit/mind, good thoughts, loving me……… For the first time in my life I look at my body and there is some darn good shape. Love my muscles and how things are shaping up! —–> LOW SELF ESTEEM FEMALE….hehe I am finally seeing things as I have always hoped I would.

Off to have my tea…. chamomile peppermint this AM. Hope you have a great day and a lovely weekend.

And as my first buddy would always say, TAKE CARE OF YOU

Well, I have been trying to think of a way in which I can gather my recipes in a nice way.  I guess it is a little hobby at this time.  So far I have put them in a binder in a variety of sleeves and album pages organized according to sections.   People have given me recipes, I have cards, some double sided, some clippings from magazines, etc.  Anyways, just wondering how people keep them.  In a box?  I suspect there are many people who have treasured recipes passed down from one generation to the next and I was just intrigued as to what you all do with your recipes.

In a time where we are rushed for time and eat out or order take out at an alarming rate (businesses love it of course) I have been thinking about making more interesting and different kinds of recipes so we are not just thinking quick, easy, boring and then think “take out!”.  Of course I still fiddle with the recipes to make them more to my liking, but it is nice to have a motivational starting point.  I love my cook books, but have started this project because I am tired of them piling up.  My Mom’s book is in nasty shape and I was thinking of re-writing it.  Just in an old dirty Hilory notebook which she re writes ever so often.  Hence I got the hand-me-down.  *smiles*   I am not into the scrap booking thing and making them all pretty, though I think that is really cool.

Now this is all work - buying whole foods, deciding what to cook and actually preparing something, but I think it is worth the effort.   So, I want to make this nice and practical so that I actually use it.  Not sure if a big album is the right fit for me.  Well it is a work in progress! 

I noticed something, there are loads of recipes out there and though many look appealing like I want to look at them and maybe make them, I just do not see myself doing it, like I once would have, in a heart beat.  I like the healthier choices, but still I have to pick my faves for special occasions.

Anyways, a different kind of a blog for me.  Curious what you do….  Hope things are going well.  I myself must have worked some new muscles because my muscles are so sore!  Take care *hugs*

Though life continues to deliver the curves and shake me with little questioning thoughts and ideas, I am doing SO WELL with the food and exercise. I mean I do not know for sure as there is no scale and I love this, I feel good. NO EE!!! I am being reasonable and loving this kind of freedom. I still keep portions in mind and when I have a little bit more then my portion I just make up for it in other ways. For instance, this weekend I had pizza for lunch and then had a lighter supper.

I did well with the exercise the last 10 days and recorded in the forum. Did not do as much strength training as I would have liked, but I will keep up with the activity because it is more then just fitness, it is a means of releasing all that can become pent up. It has been too cold here lately and we have been stuck inside. Fixed up the spare room so I now have a computer monitor attached to a DVD player so I can exercise in there and I have found some new hobbies to keep me busy. I am gathering up recipes (from friends and magazines) and putting them in a binder and then recycling the old magazines. Found some new workout DVDs to keep me motivated. I am reading A New Earth and as many know this is Oprah’s book pic and there is a worldwide class starting in March on this book. Kinda neat! So…. take a real class, get a new job??? Oh where will I be going? Well, I am here now and we shall see!

I guess I am taking things a little easy these days and trying not to put too much pressure on myself to find all the answers. I do not want to miss what I am suppose to learn in the moment. I can do that… look too far ahead and then not see the NOW, get too overwhelmed… then I end up missing what I need to see. Things do keep coming at you in a variety of forms for you to see if you keep missing them… so true. Oprah is so wise! :)  Love her!

Keep up the great commitments you have been making for yourselves and never be afraid to make adjustments as time changes. This is what I have learned anyways. Little by little…..Feeling things out and going with that flow…. life.

Have a great week Everyone. Hugs and tea cheers to you!

And these are my realization that iare actually worth writing about……

I have been completely vain and preoccupied with the wrong things. The only thing that matters is HEALTH (physical and mental of course)! And somehow I have managed to forget this. Well in life you have awakenings and it’s best to listen if not the first time, then best the second. The only thing that matters about my skin is becoming comfortable in it ! The only thing that matters in my life and with my loved ones, is health and happiness. Good food, exercise, happiness, surviving and dealing with stress (psychological and environmental, if at all possible) are so very important, but losing 5 or 10 pounds is not longer tops on my list. David, Oscar and Me are my loves. And of course, there are so many awesome people here too.

I also realized there are things to work on in my life BUT THEY ARE NOT THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE. There are countless people in my life who feel the need to judge me and criticize me.  BUT THIS IS A FACT. People need to look at their own lives before they piss on my choices. For TOO LONG I have taken on the belief that I suck because so many have said that I am not this or that or have this or that. This is what I learn as I get older (and what sucks is I new this when I was young…. I edited my friends when they were hurtful) you do not need negative friends and so often, do not need to be around negative piss pot people! Tis best to be alone. And lonely ladies will say, “well at least you have a man!” And I say “get real!” No man can make up for not having good friends. But now that is Good Friends. I can do with out all the people who are snooty, critical, vile and jealous. Get a life! I am going to try and make the best out of mine. MY WAY.

Venting done. IT is SO very destructive to hold the negative in. Cancer thrives on stress, I believe. But I also know I need to let the crud wash over me and not become a part of me. I feel like such an amateur at loving me and respecting me and yet I know it is important.

Please take care of your precious bodies.

My psyche is a little overwhelmed with all the dieting stuff. Maybe I am just tired of it all. I see the hanging skin from my stomach and thighs (hand fulls of it !!! WISH this was an exaggeration, but it is not) and I am proud of my accomplishments. I almost though miss the days where I was fat and could have a loss every week. That was a high like I know many of you are feeling each and every week. So much easier to lose back then! But now I know I need to not focus on the losing. I need to gather and build, chose my paint and create. Yes there is the strength training and then there is the personal growth of me. All in time, little by little, this is my life. It just feels like it is a lonely and sometimes empty struggle. Not sure why I feel like this. I need to Feed myself in a new way. I need to find that spark that I once had.

News worthy stuff. There is no scale in the house and I am weighing in monthly. Tosca Reno in her book suggests getting rid of it, but it always felt so scary. But I think I have come to the point where I do not need to lose too much more. I just need to tone up. This does not mean I can eat what ever, but I am more relaxed with food. I can feel it and though the feeling comes and goes, I know that food is nourishment and not a punishment or a soother.

I loved the first official day back with strength training. Though Saturday really helped with that pumped feeling, I did not feel like I gave it my all. Yesterday I pushed it and it felt so good. I will be posting my weeks routine in the the walking/exercise forum on Sunday. Now, off to my Tuesday routine - elliptical and pilates. Laundry and work.

It is strange to feel blue, at peace and eager….. in a good way. Just a strange feeling. Oh what will this day bring? Hate to tempt the fates ….lol But I hope that everyone finds some true peace through out their day.

Hope you have a beaUtiful day *hugs*

Greetings Buddyslimmers! Looking forward to a new week I am. All the best to you all.

Activity plan - I asked fitness guy Mark (so many Marks here) some questions about how I can see some leggie results and he provided some suggestions. Very thankful for this. My goal is to go to the gym once a week, do the leg exercises I can at home with dumb bells 2 times and do my Butt exercises 2 times. Cardio is going to be done hopefully 5 times a week. I also want to get in some pilates and/or yoga. I will post my workout for this week on Sunday. I do not want to put too much pressure on myself. This is a very challenging week of activity. I think it will be good for me to have a plan. I usually do not with activity. Fly by the seat of my pants? Not this week…lol Tis just like me to need to switch things up…. Can not handle myself getting bored.

I do not think I have the time to do a menu each day but I think I can be a good girl…. I think I can I think I can…. ya ya, I know I can! Just do it already I tell myself! Same thing with my meals, but a few less sugary snacks me thinks.  Ha! All in all. Progress.