toxic so beware…feeling blue (part 1)
You know, good moods and bad moods can be very contagious on here. I do not want to infect anyone, but I also had NO ONE that I could talk to at this early hour. SO here my fingers go…..type, type, type……. I needed to just be here because after over a year of being here, it still is nice to feel like I have a little home. So the goodness we all can take from this is ………………. Appreciation for this site. I appreciate how it is always here for me to just be me. So often I only share bits of me. This is a little more then I would like on a healthy minded day, but c’est la vie! (I wrote this after I wrote the rest of this, but thought I would put it first.)
So I am actually writing here today as it seems like one of the worst days in a very long time and I feel so alone. I am reading in my text about reality and real is never experienced but rather what we interpret and experience instead are the basis for our lives . Well right now I am so depressed. My partner and I are on such different pages. I mean things are really not good. I have been depressed this week a little, but after last night I feel like I have completely shut down, I guess you could say my emotions have done just this. No blaming, but rather just feeling down. The strangest thing is happening. I do not want to eat. I find it difficult to put 4 tablespoons of food in me and chew each one. I just do not care. I made an herbal tea that I do not enjoy and am drinking it just because it is good for me. I feel like a robot, emotionless but still somewhat able to multi-task. So, I am going to keep on doing what it is I need to do, though eating might be difficult until I get out of this funk, and I am just going to get through it…. this is what people do right…. exist, walk through this life… Well no, I know this is not right, but this is how I feel at this moment. I will allow for it for awhile. If I were reading this I would share with a member here how important it is to take a moment and breath. Things are rarely as bad as they seem if you just take a moment of concentrated breathing and see or do something else. For ourselves! Well I will get there but right now I am just darn right in a funk. However, things do not seem as bleak since when I first signed in. Yay!
I have not ever had a day in my life where I just did not want to eat. It is like I am experiencing this all for the first time because I need to know what it feels like. Like I am researching it for a class? Could this be it? Yes, that is how I will look at it. I am bettering myself as a person. Ha! Well clearly it is just one of those times when I need to feel and go through this. I do not want to become sick so I will do what I can. Make myself eat little bits, take my vitamins, drink water and go for a walk later in the snow/rain. Whatever. I will make myself better. I am an Amazon and NOTHING will get me down for long. Haha…..
Hope everyone is having a great day, enjoying some good weather. Soon the snow will melt and the flowers will bless our senses. Going to see Phantom of the Opera tomorrow, which is my favorite (have seen it 2 times before) and this will be good I think. Another world in live performances, one that is never felt with TV I find….a time where I just tend to zone out. SO, unengaging! oh grief, a tangent…… done now. ttfn
I hope that the walk will cheer you up. Pretend you are a 2-year old child discovering the world. The colors, the smell, the shapes and sizes, people and animals. Enjoy your journey. Things will get better. We change every day.
Sweet Jennifer, I’m so sad to hear you are feeling this way.
My husband always says we should “allow” ourselves to have days like these. When you say you feel disconnected and on different pages then David, maybe its just a temporary thing. Maybe you are just taking a step backwards and looking the whole situation over.
I worry about the not eating though. But I know you will do what you need to do and stay healthy. Like Tatiana says, maybe the walk will help. Maybe just a good nites sleep will do wonders. You let me know if there is anything I can do to help ok??? Love ya…girlfriend..
Hey girl - I find that it is better not to feel guilty about being depressed - that makes it last longer. Just embrace it for the day, hour and accept it for what it is….a passing mood…it will pass….sometimes I don;t know how long it will be here, but I do know that it will pass…and we will always be here to listen
ya, what they said,
many people don’t understand the emotional waves we go through all our lives.
when you are in the down wave and everything seems to be wrong, just look up (Our God is there) and look back (our history reminds us of the good times) then look forward and know that this too will end.
**hugs**
It is always so incredible the wealth of ideas and help here, isn’t it. so yes, look to all of the above ideas including your own. your funk hasn’t gotten you completely as there you are in teh middle of it knowing you want to take care of yourself and finding ways to do that in the midst of feeling the feelings of being blue. i know that for me, when i am learning new things it can really separate me from my partner or my close friends if they are not also learning these things. there can be a distance that forms. i, too, shut down to protect. so glad you are opening here and open to the experience. the social constructionism to which you speak of in the beginning is one way of thinking about reality - it can be what you make of it but it can also be what you feel, how you relate to others, the perception, and so many things depending on timeof day, person, place, etc. Make sure to notice the moments away from the funk, too, they are there, i bet
We are here for you and sending big hugs and hands out for when you climb out of the dark.
Hey sorry you are down. I agree, you take that walk and do something nice for yourself, ok? You give so much to all the wonderful people on here. Take sometime for you, and know that we love you and are here for you. Hugs, Kama
Kinda ironic that on the day I “come back” from feeling this exact way, you are now down. Sorry to hear that you are in a funk. We both know that it will pass. When we are down, it feels like we will never be up and when we are up, it seems that we will never be back down again. Does that make any sense? lol
Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon.
Jenn, I am sorry you’re feeling blue, and as you and I both know and as cliche as this sounds, THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Do the things you enjoy…a warm bubble bath perhaps? It would be wonderful. And you’re doing the right thing, just BE. And don’t over analyze things…we tend to do that, you and I and although sometimes it’s a good thing for us, when we’re not happy and peppy, it can backfire!
Well, this is a day late and a dollar short, but I hope the funk has lifted my friend. If we did not have these kind of days, then we could not appreciate the better days so much. It’s a necessary path sometimes. Differences, funks, blahs, our “lot” in life, emotions… we have to work through them, and sometimes just getting through them and coming out the other side better adjusted, more informed, strengthens us.
Huggggggggs buddy,
Shan