Jennifer

So, a trusted and very helpful buddy was there to make me think about the binging. Thank you Tatiana. These are the ones that applied to me…… (ramble, ramble, ramble…….. YAH to rambling.)

1. Perhaps you have decided that you must be a pleasure-denier? Eating without sitting down. Eating unconsciously. Eating with guilt. Gulping down food in a hurry and always eating on the run. There’s no time in this world for your needs and you do not rank as a priority in your life. Your life and your needs do not exist or are not as valuable as someone else’s. To be self-centered is viewed as being selfish.

I do tend to eat salads and veggies alone, but not because of a denial of pleasure. I actually do like the taste of most vegetables. But when I am in one of those funks I often eat standing and thoughtlessly and never is it vegetables or fruit. That is something I have tried to work on and become conscious of. Sit the heck down and enjoy and chew! This usually works. But away from Buddyslim for too long and I seem to be a foundering duck who has forgot all the amazing words (WELL some of them are pretty good sometimes…lmao) I have shared with others. I am sad to say, that when away from here I forget some of the best ideas from my buddies and now that is just not acceptable!!!

Too often in my life, I put my needs second. I have had people in my life who have shared their thoughts of how I have done wrong and NOW I feel that I am constantly putting myself last. I do not love it, but it is true. So I am a fake. I tell Buddies here to put themselves first and love themselves, but I am not doing this AT ALL. I use to exist happily being very social and now I would rather stay at home. WHO IS THIS JENNIFER? I do not like her much.

2. Do you binge in private? Not allowing anyone to see you having pleasurable foods? Having to sneak your pleasure in the dark? In a trance-like state, eating foods you don’t want anyone to know you eat . . . in volumes you don’t want anyone to know you want. You eat quickly, not wanting to get caught. The irony is that you’re not really enjoying the food, you’re not really hungry. It’s usually a time we can be alone, with all your wants and desires. It is a time we don’t have to pretend to be capable, competent, pleasant, likeable, strong, and without needs. It is a time to be entirely self-centered, where you don’t have to take care of the needs of anyone else and can focus completely on yourself.

I absolutely have eaten like I might get caught. It is the main reason I have loved to journal my food, because writing things down makes what is going in more real. Nope if I am too lazy or perfect in that moment to write the over indulging foods down, I really do not want it. Well, the truth is sometimes I feel like such a goodie goodie in how I eat, I on occasion will just have some good fat in a high quantity as to say, HA, I am not perfect at all. Some how it feels good and I am not sure why. I never want to be seen as a goodie goodie and yet eating healthy is like showing my body love and enjoying bliss like I never feel. In fact, when my body is healthy from eating the good foods that this Earth provides, I feel like, well, I am in Enlightened and I wish so many could feel the goodness too. So yes I do over indulge sometimes, BUT REMEMBERING THE FEELING OF GOODNESS AND HEALTH is so powerful that I wonder how could I ever go back to that state? Yet, it happens. I am human. But I am a work that is getting better and better with each hurdle.

5. Do you hoard energy - holding onto as much energy (food and fat) as you can, not feeling safe without it? Keeping weight on your body as a way not to be too powerful, too sexually attractive, too alive, too authentic and real? Not trusting your self if you were thin. In this eating style, the subconscious fears becoming thin. Whether the fears are of starvation, sexuality, a new job situation, dating and relationships, career choices, family issues or just life itself, the weight may be serving the purpose of insulating you from those fears, from feeling, and thus avoiding personal growth and change.

This is nasty and way to frightening to discuss here, but I do have a journal and this topic needs to be explored more.

This was REALLY good to see and feel. I know I have come a long way when this no longer makes me nervous. Well #5 is tough, let’s be serious. Being a part of this site has made me feel safe, for the most part. I know there are still readers who hide….hehe No one is perfect. We all have to vent and get real with ourselves and I am so happy that there are a couple of buddies here who share their big hearts and their big sexy intelligent brains. EVENTUALLY we will come to Our place, all of us, if we put the work in, where we are ready to show our big healthy sexy selves to the world. No more hiding. Seriously limited if not eliminated binge eating! For now I do the best I can and by getting real with how I sometimes eat I think I will slowly start to become healthier in the ways that I deal with the dark, empty and hurtful eating patterns. But it takes recognition and a desire for improvement.

This gal *grinning* IS becoming better and better with herself. But what I have learned, the closer and closer I get to feeling on top of this world, the more a part of me wants to crush myself. Well we shall just see, I feel like a winner tonight and it has been one hell of a month. So, cheers to me! I do not always feel this confident. How do I know I am not just faking or being cocky? Sometimes you just have to fake it until you feel it. We all deserve to feel fabulous!!!

There are simply some foods that do not belong in me. Then there are others that I want to have moderately. The others heal me and keep my body operating efficiently.

The monster sleeps…… And I will deal with the awakenings, good and not so good. Besides, they are just thoughts and they are not me. I can be a strong and beaUtiful me and deal with all those thoughts in a way that only I can. Breathe. Be present. And awaken a little each and every time. Peace.

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Posted by Tatiana:

By C. Rodell, RD.

Does your eating style create physical discomfort? Does it involve self-denial and self-sacrifice? Does you eating style keep you wrapped up in attempting to resolve your weight (perpetual dieting) rather than standing up and claiming your right to have what you want? Maybe you can begin to identify your own pattern from one of the suggestions below?

1. Perhaps you have decided that you must be a pleasure-denier? Eating without sitting down. Eating unconsciously. Eating with guilt. Gulping down food in a hurry and always eating on the run. There’s no time in this world for your needs and you do not rank as a priority in your life. Your life and your needs do not exist or are not as valuable as someone else’s. To be self-centered is viewed as being selfish.

2. Do you binge in private? Not allowing anyone to see you having pleasurable foods? Having to sneak your pleasure in the dark? In a trance-like state, eating foods you don’t want anyone to know you eat . . . in volumes you don’t want anyone to know you want. You eat quickly, not wanting to get caught. The irony is that you’re not really enjoying the food, you’re not really hungry. It’s usually a time we can be alone, with all your wants and desires. It is a time we don’t have to pretend to be capable, competent, pleasant, likeable, strong, and without needs. It is a time to be entirely self-centered, where you don’t have to take care of the needs of anyone else and can focus completely on yourself.

3. Do you deny yourself energy / food (forgetting to eat breakfast and lunch) throughout the day then attempt to provide yourself with as much pleasure as you can quickly get in the evening? Choosing to feel guilty afterward, once again denying yourself the pleasure of having what you want? Compulsive overeating is characterized by uncontrollable eating and consequent weight gain. Compulsive overeaters use food as a way to cope with stress, emotional conflicts and daily problems. The food can block out feelings and emotions. Does your eating style numb out your inner voice, your inner truth, your right to accept pleasure?

4. Do you restrict food entirely - denying yourself the energy needed for life? Perhaps leaning more towards anorexia. Never allowing yourself to be hungry. Hunger, your human need, stands for every need you have in life. Meaning, you have no needs. You are above being human. While underneath feeling you have no worthiness as a person. By denying your needs you deny your worthiness as a person. An attempt to be void, be empty. To say, “I deserve nothing.” While at the same time playing a game of superiority saying, “I don’t need anything.” Hunger, and having needs, is part of being alive.

5. Do you hoard energy - holding onto as much energy (food and fat) as you can, not feeling safe without it? Keeping weight on your body as a way not to be too powerful, too sexually attractive, too alive, too authentic and real? Not trusting your self if you were thin. In this eating style, the subconscious fears becoming thin. Whether the fears are of starvation, sexuality, a new job situation, dating and relationships, career choices, family issues or just life itself, the weight may be serving the purpose of insulating you from those fears, from feeling, and thus avoiding personal growth and change.

6. Are you bulimic - somehow sensing it is your birth right to be powerful and have what you want, but also in conflict about your needs? Indulging in huge amounts of energy (food) but then raging and throwing up what you aren’t allowed to have? Bulimics are usually people that do not feel secure about their own self worth. They usually strive for the approval of others. They tend to do whatever they can to please others, while hiding their own feelings. Food becomes their only source of comfort - but even that is not allowed.

7. Unconscious eater - Have you ever been nibbling on something for some time before you realize that you are actually eating? Have you had someone ask you, “Hey what are you eating or what did you have for dinner”, and you couldn’t tell them? Do you find yourself nibbling on food constantly while you are working, driving, talking on the phone, or watching TV without even thinking about what you are eating. Do you heap mounds of food on your plate? Do you put another bite into your mouth before finishing the last one? What are your fears? Are you allowed to have what you want? Can you fill up with enough? Can you sit down and accept all of what you need and deserve on one plate?