Jennifer

This week I learned so much about myself just by saying from the beginning of the week “I am going to try and not judge food or myself when I eat”.  Now I never thought I did before but of course how could we not when we are trying to lose weight???  I say “oh I so what to have this, but it is not really on my plan.  I mean I want to lose weight, is that a good choice?”  Well foods are not the enemy.  I still believe there is a lot of fake food out there for our potential consumption (Ha!), but nothing is off limits.  All that matters is where my mind is when I am providing my body with energy and nutrition. 

And this week, my mind has been here and there and everywhere, but my tools were with me to deal and enjoy.  What I noticed was that my body is not always hungry at the same time.  Feeding my actual hunger was a real good thing but somewhat of a challenge.  No points or calories were recorded.  I did not really journal, but when I was thinking about eating or eating I was aware of the positivity of my hunger and the occasional negativity of my thoughts.  It was wonderful to be an observer of my thoughts and not trapped in them. 

I did experience some mini binges (2) but it did not spiral and it did not mean anything.  Sure better choices could be had.  They ended soon after starting because I was THERE with myself.  I was not alone.  My company was plenty.  I did make a correlation to what foods I like to binge on and what I did when I was younger, feeling alone and scared.  It was really strange.  I almost always then and now go for milk products.  I never had them so much early in life but really had a lot in high school as I ballooned.  It was a comfort for some reason.  Anyways, this week I tried to have other foods when I wanted to eat and I felt myself consuming less…. It was a neat experience to NOT WANT ANY MORE…..  Very cool.  My hunger was satisfied.

I did feel the stress of not losing weight fast enough, because this process is sure to be so slow as it is not so weight centered.  It is behavior centered with the long term goal being health and achieving MY optimum weight.  This is something I will deal with and accept.  My ideal body weight is unknown.  I have to accept certain genetic factors for sure.  Yesterday it came to me who I am most like.  Sure I am over 200 pounds less then my aunt, but we are very similarly shaped.  We are pears, though I am a little more like an hour glass with my broad shoulders.  The weight will come off as it so wants.  Not really how I wish I could manipulate it.  (Doesn’t work anyways.)   By letting go of the control over food and diet, I noticed that control in other areas of my life picked up, so I was with those thoughts too and soon peace embraced me.   Things are so much better when you relax.  It has been a long time since I have said, I had a great week. Yah!

The scale says I gained today but it knows nothing of the fun I had yesterday.  It is not true weight.  We spent 8 hours geocaching yesterday and it was so much fun.  Food was not the focus, though some planning might have been an idea instead of some of the choices we made.   But it was nice to let go.  Could have drank more water too. *notes for next time* 

Just to share one experience we had, it seemed that something was lost when we were out and about and maybe I was not freaked out so much as it was not my loss, but I just felt at ease and then it was found.  David and I were in such a good place….hmm, relief?  And there for our fun was a bottle bubbles in the treasure box and so we blew bubbles and felt like kids in the middle of Somewhere Great.  It was priceless. 

Goals for my upcoming week: Review the principles of Intuitive Eating and consider some more then others, finish the business section of my course which gives me hives (lol) and have more fun…….  Maybe a loss too.   Have a great week Everyone. *hugs*