Jennifer

These are Kama’s words…..

Well, this is the deal. Dad suffered a major stroke. His right carotid artery is 80 % closed. They can’t do surgery, too risky. He can’t swallow on his own, or speak or walk, he is pretty helpless.
I won’t be on BS today, didn’t get much sleep last nite.
I’m exhausted.  Can someone please post an update for me?
They are putting a feeding tube in dad tomorrow and we have started with hospice. I am so proud of mom, she is a very strong lady.
Ok, I love you all, I need to go rest. Hugs, Kama

We love you Kama.  All the best to you and your family in this very difficult time.  I for one and I know many, many, many will be be thinking about you and praying for you and your parents.  Stay strong and know that you have many buddies who will be here for you when you require a little buddy strength.  Sharing is what this place is about.

*always hugs*

Principles of Intuitive Eating

Pilates 3x this week, anything else 3x

Whole foods most of the time - trying to find some balance in this body

Water, tea, water

Vitamins

Finish the current section.  Biology which is short.

Relaxation

REMEMBER our (me and my sweetie) goal

Did I forget anything?  Probably….. 

…………..ummm tea when I want to eat for reasons other then hunger.  It could work…hehe   I like this cute little guy.  He made me smile.

Update later.

In just a bit of a funk, but nothing I can not handle.  Still I wished for inspiration, came on to buddyslim and found it.  I am so proud of our buddy Kama who has taken such wonderful care of herself in over coming diabetes and also for her strength.  My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.  And so how does this affect me from so far away?

I am thankful that I know such lovely people here.  We share, we learn and we get motivated to do our best.  Today I feel the love and show the love.  We are hear on this earth for the learning and loving…….

Thank you Buddyslim for providing me with the ability to get myself motivated.  I use to think that one could get too dependent on the computer.  Indeed that could happen.  But ultimately we can seek to find what is already within.  And this tool brings us closer to the human spirit then most things I find.  People here on this site understand.

This week I only think one thing….. LOVE.

I love me with how I think.  I love me with how I eat and how I move this body.  This is how I love everyone better in my life.  I love me first.  This is something I have not been doing ideally, but now is another time.  LOVE.

Hugs and kisses……

Well I have not been consistent with the Intuitive Eating this week as there have been a few high emotions and chaos in our condo-stuff everywhere….

Well mostly it has been due to renovations and some intensity with me not saying what I want.  No I do not want the slightly disgusting granite counter top for the bathroom even though it is right there at Home Depot.  It did not fit and making it fit would be crazy and regretful.  But he wanted to be handy.  And I sure wanted our bathroom ready before mid November, but this is the way it has got to be.  So the custom made tub and sink are a go.  I should have expressed my opinion early, but of course I CAVED (low self esteem) and said ok to the better of the 3 bad choices.  Well it was awful so we wait and David got more of a work out then he had wanted returning the sink.  My bad.  But, all confusion and frustration can come to a beautiful conclusion IF the two minds work, see and feel together….so I found this week.

Weight loss stuff…..No I do not want to put junk food in me unless it is the kind I chose.  Small, delightful, wonderful on occasion and not every day treats.   Wonderful food from the earth most of the time…this is my plan.  I am not trying to over think food too much, yet the dilemma - I WANT CHANGE!

We have gotten pudgy and we both have agreed to live our lives together a little differently.  If this goes well, I shall discuss this more later, I think.  But I am not having the great expectations that I sometimes do have.  We are just going to see how things go.  Communication is sure the key!  Sometimes you need the intensity to get things out in the open.  This week I am thankful for honesty and the perfection of the principle to live in the moment and not in the past.  Have an issue, say things that create tension, BUT BE IN THE BLOODY GREAT MOMENT NOW……  I rocked!  Together, we are rocking!

This week I work on cleaning up my system a bit (mostly whole foods and juice of a lemon each AM and I am thinking green - improving my liver function and getting plenty of vitamin K)

So, I am creating a lifestyle for myself and I am fully aware that things are not going to be all hunky dory every week because things happen..  Now, I try and be a little more respectful of myself and live this life as it was meant to be lived.  Fully.  With beauty.  Respectfully.   Mindfully with Me in mind.  I have gotten into a bit of a multi year funk thinking that I somehow do not deserve to put myself first in my mind.  This nasty mentality has really lowered the meter reading on my confidence.  This is simply not a good way to live.  I want to know what I want and say what I want.  I am woman, here me roar.  Oh yeh, ENERGY!

Other goals too, but that is for me to not share with you here….hehe.  I am just not in that kind of a mood.  ;)  No kissing.  No telling.   A little conservative sometimes, Liberal too on occasion, but I am New Jack City excited everyday!!!  Everyday is a new day to make things memorable and exciting.  I think I like a little world where I can be conscious of what I need for my personal growth and yet still be in a society where people care and take care of each other.

I am really thankful for all my buddies here who have been so wonderful.  I think you all are terrific and I look forward to catching up this weekend.  So tea cheers to Buddyslim and You.  You are beaUtiful and you better not forget it!  Ha!  *fiesty mood*

*hugs*

And to Nikki, I am wearing my lipstick…. hehe

*dances to “It’s My Life” by No Doubt*

PLAN FOR THE WEEK: Lemon water every AM, plenty of water through out the day and be aware of the 10 principles of Intuitive Eating.   Make sure I take my vitamins everyday.

FIRST: Thank you to my buddies who were there for me at various times.  You are so fantastic !!!

Second: Intuitive Eating -  This is truly the only way for me!  That without saying, I have needed to just keep in mind points because I am either not eating enough or I eat too much later in the day and that DOES NOT work….lol  As we know.  So I am trying to reject the extreme diet mentality, but I am still trying to be aware, of course.

This is no excuse, but someone in my family has a very serious health condition and I did EE (emotionally eat) this week. I was not allowed to call this person because I was not suppose to know, but things are Out now and I can communicate, thank goodness.  Things are going to be tough, but I believe things will be ok.  I have to believe!

Anyways, I knew I was doing it (EE) and I just did it.  Well I was at least with the food when I was doing it.  Half way through what ever I was eating (snacking foods or left overs, I can not actually recall as it was days ago) I do remember that I made myself slow down and that was good.  I have figured it out, if I can actually BE WITH THE FOOD in those moments, it does not seem like the old EE at all.  So this is improvement.  And then this week, I did very well, so all in all a good week with the food.

I have been honoring my hunger for the most part and this is so empowering.   When I was out with my client I had my lunch and she had hers.  I was so satisfied with my sushi I did not feel like I needed another thing.  She told me she bought me one of those cookies from Subway and I felt like I could have a taste and so I took of a piece for the taste, but that was satisfying enough.  I was full.  I respected my fullness!!  Food is not the enemy.  Not even the choice I made to eat a few plus a few more chocolates yesterday was evil or sinful.  It was what it was.  Thank goodness.  I was not good this week and I was not bad.  I just enjoyed life, moved as much as I could and feel content.  Have I lost, I do not know.  But my head is on straight and I am ready to have another great week.

This week, because I have been doing pretty well with the top 6 of the 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating, this week I kind of pay a bit more attention the the last 4.  I have kept them in mind, but I do find it a little consuming, overwhelming and just unnecessary to do it all, so to speak.  I naturally did what I could and now, I can work on those things I struggled a little with and move on to being a little more attentively with the others.  All good here my buddies.

THIS WEEK I learned that I can sit on my butt and not axiously move to the kitchen because I do not like where my head is at.  It can happen.  I also learned and is not diet related, but I learned that this life is so precious and in an instant EVERYTHING can change, so it is good to make each moment count.  It is so important to make ammends and do now what you in the past put off.

10 Principles of Intuitive Eating

1.  Reject the diet mentality - pretty close though I think points are ingrained and helpful for eating enough and then not going over board. It is a tool.

2.  Honor your hunger- no starving, lol, like I have never done this anyways.  When hungry I did just eat something little to tide me over.

3.  Make peace with your food - a little EE, but I feel good with this, but will still be aware.

4.  Challenge the food police - no bad foods.  I started to see carbs as something to avoid just for awhile and then I realized this would only make me stupid, LITERALLY.  So I checked that reality and enjoyed moderately.

5.  Respect your fullness - did VERY well with this.  No discomfort this week.  Though I was pleasantly full after the mole sauce, chicken and beans at Labamba!  Wow… pumpkin seed mole sauce - YUM!

6.  Discover the satisfaction factor - a little of anything that I desired in the moment, savoring slowly, was simply the only way to live.  Pleasure and moderation.  Should have bought better quality chocolates yesterday and had a little less.  But all is good.  No regrets, but rather lessons to learn from.

7.  Honor your feelings without using food - work on to be more consistent

8.  Respect your body - continue……..

9.  Exercise - feel the difference  — keep it up!  I did a lot of walking this week and pilates.  Some pain prevented me from doing certain activities, but that is life.  I did what I could and I am happy about this.  I was not so happy in some of the moments when I felt like I could not do this or that.  But I GOT OVER IT and did not dwell for too long…hehe

10. Honor your health  - my motto that is old, but some how I always must carry it in my pocket like a pebble for those times when it does not seem to be important.

The most important thing for me to remember and this is an Intuitive Eating philosophy, “you will not get a nutrient deficiency or weight gain from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating.  It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.”

It has been a great and crappy day.  Don’t you just love those?  Of course we do.  They make us stronger and stronger.  That is what we want to do, become oxen!  Right.  So anyways, it has been one of those stressful nights which shocked the you know what out of me, because I was in a great mood.  Anyways, after a little Thing with the Mister I am happy to say, I am not heading for the fridge or cupboard.  It has been a fabulous day and I will not mess it up by comforting myself with food.  Nope that is what Buddyslim is for and old re-runs of comedy shows at 1 AM.  Anyways, work and studying will not be so fabulous if I do not try again to go to sleep.  Here goes.  I just needed to come here and share.  It really has been hard lately.  I am not into details, but I just have really needed my wonderful buddies.  I am not looking for anything other then to know that we all are in this.  We keep going no matter what.  Even if it is a few steps back, we keep going forward…….   Hugs to you!

I am not going to say I did not eat when I was a little stressed because I did a little, but it was all in portions and I really feel pretty fine.  Amazing actually.  No thinking of any foods as not so good and I really enjoyed everything-food and non-food things.  The stress I should say came from a strange and interesting source (not family) when David and I got a little off track around some park and very much ended up where we should not have been!  Well we were getting some strange looks as we drove down this very wide walking path…. ahhh…. It was CRAZY and my heart was just a racing, but thank the heavens for revealing a much needed escape route…hehe.  My stepfather had left money for sundaes from DQ because he was out working the majority of our visit, but we resisted that.  Actually at the time I felt ill…lol    It just did not appeal.  However when we were at home eventually, I suggested sundaes and so we made little ones.  I felt so famished once we got back and I was able to sit.  It was insane and I got some much desired, adventure?  I never knew this place existed when I lived here, well not really.  So anyways, all through out my sleep that night I would wake myself up giggling at where geocaching had taken us.  I WAS NOT LAUGHING as we experienced everything…HA.  After it was funny.  *big smiles*

I am most proud of my Mom who has lost I do not know how much weight, but she is looking so much better since being diagnosed with high cholesterol and adjusting her diet.  Her numbers have been cut in half and she is so much littler.  She seems to have more energy and is degrees happier.  I am so proud of her.  And I just decided at this moment that I am going to send her a card, like I would send a buddy a booster.  My Mom has not joined the computer age….hehe.  So a good old fashion card will be a nice surprise and motivator for her I think.

I also discovered this really neat meditation spot near a church that I did not know existed (it was made a year after I left).  It was this cool labyrinth that I can not wait to walk through completely.  I really did not have the time then, but for the first time I am looking forward to going back.  Everything just seemed so incredibly positive.  Twas terrific! *smiles*  And it was another goecache near by that took us to this location.  Who knew!?!

Must study now but I will read blogs tomorrow night as tonight we are getting a new toilet and sink.

Love you all and wish you a great day and week! 

In my opinion both anger and frustration are motivated by an inability to look at one’s own self and be in the moment.  Plain and simple, we are often angered when it seems that something is external, but rather it is internal.

Example:  I was angered here before and created drama with another….wow it seems like it was SO long ago.  But what I did not see then in the moment was that she and I were more alike in terms of the topic at hand (weight loss) then we were different.  Could that be seen when I did not look to myself but only saw the false external negativity?  No.  What is the neatest thing EVER was that we found an understanding and respect for each other when we just really saw each other.  And I personally saw that that which made me angry was really something I did not like about myself.

People can come together if they just look more inside I think.  The truth never needs defending, some one said once and I have since said many times.  So why try?  Well, sometimes…. I do not know about all situations, but I try to think about this usually.

What a world we would live in if every time there was frustration, mistrust and differences of opinions we decided to go to war?

Peace is found and made in each person’s moment of solitude.  Together we can share this, but it starts by looking inside.  This is my experience, here at Buddyslim.  -A wonderful little haven if we make it so. 

WELL, I believe my pain in life began externally a long time ago, but no one now makes me anything.  How I deal NOW determines the state of Me.  Am I a little girl who is helpless or am I a woman who can make healthy and positive choices for myself?  Well this weekend I really stay with each moment and resist the urge to emotionally EAT.  I am going to see my Mom and stepfather (yah Oscar is coming because we are going for a whole day overnight).  I must confess I have been stressed thinking about Christmas and this visit, but I am staying in the moment.  I am taking with me my strength and I am gathering some belief in myself and I am going to enjoy myself with out drowning myself in comfort food.  I may have 2 bowls of Borscht though!   And we will play Settlers of Catan!  YAH! I shall report briefly next when here how this attempt goes.  I am positive now and that is easy.  But in each new moment there, I will do my best to be an adult who is writing her own book of grace and peace.

Happy healthy weekend to You!!

*hugs*

I am so excited.  One, Theo Tams won Canadian Idol and what a voice he has!!!

Terrific.  Check him out on YouTube if you what to hear new fabulous talent.  Truly his songs really put a smile on my face yesterday and made me realize that chemistry is not worth getting frustrated over.  Besides, I gave myself a break, came back to it and it was a snap! 

David and I are going to …… James Blunt!

I am SO EXCITED!!!  We have the best tickets for this concert.  We were online as soon as they went on sale.

My fave songs are You’re Beautiful, I Really Want You and Good Bye My Lover.  I am a bit nutty over his voice.  How do I say it, he makes me weak like I think Elvis made some weak.  He has one of the coolest voices EVER.

So, music has been really good for me and it was time to update the MP3 player. Later I will share what is on there.

A buddy asked what I am doing for exercise and I am doing everything that I have listed on my page.  I am not doing so much DVDs as I once did.  But rather since I know what is on them for exercises I am creating my own much more intense workouts with weights and pilates moves.  I am going to give this a whirl for awhile in combination with my own favorite music.   I just needed a boost so to speak.  Plus with my intensity I can also get in a little more cardio that is not high impact on my precious joints.  More of less continous movements but alternating muscle groups.

Anywho…. I will discuss more on Intuitive Eating at a later time.  It is tough, but I am developing a new lifestyle for myself that does not revolve around control.  Yep this is good for me. 

I looked at my goal on my buddy page and I have not been doing this, loving my body lately.  I really want to work on this.  I see my body changing in ways and some are good and others are not, but I just want to remember what is important.  I have things going on right now and I have such a supportive and loving partner.  Now why can’t I just be okay with me, my whole self?  I have been a little bit of a sabbotager, but things are pretty fine.  Without making a big deal out of any of the choices I have made (well mostly…things to work on) I just made a healthy choice for lunch and I feel AWESOME!!  Because I am a lover of food I must share with you that I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD to having my Mom’s Borsht this weekend

Well, have a great weekend Everyone.  Now I am off to read some blogs and then get to it!!! *hugs*

Buddyslim seems to be more of a part of my life when the weather is cool.  We have had some good times and some good adventures this summer and I am so thankful for this.  I feel like I have gotten a little boring of the past couple years.  But hey I am ready for more and more adventure! 

So, I am struggling a little with some things I know to be good and true, at least for me anyways and I just want to get it out.  I am not losing and I am almost okay with this because I have been so much happier.  NOW, I am on a weight loss team and I want to lose, get to my most realistic goal.  The exercise is consistent and the portions are mostly good.  Snacks and treats are issues.  I am not losing!  I want to stick with learning that feeling of what is enough to lose, but I feel like I may need the numbers/points to tell me when I am done.  I must realize I HAVE REALLY improved here.  I see that.   My problem is that I can start to become nutty about the numbers…lol   I want to be relaxed and forgiving with food and not see anything as a bad thing.  So where I use to be at war with food (THANK YOU TATIANA) I no longer am this.  But I do have a bit of fear of having that oldish view coming back.  It is not a good feeling to be at odds with anything or anyone, Ha!  It is so much better to Re-fricking-lax! *wink*  So, this is my only dilemma and trust me I am thankful for this as well.  I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest before I did the old Jenn thing and went hell bent on the need to figure something out right away because something is not working like RIGHT NOW.   Patience and awareness with a little dash of persistence.

Points does not have to come with guilt or frustration.  It is a tool.

Being at ease with food is possible while still having a goal to eat more nutritious whole foods and less snacks and treats.

What to do???…………. (Comes back after some time has passed….)

I could just continue to enjoy each moment in a moderate way keeping in mind to respect myself, my digestive system and my body.  No matter what I do I can not get points out of my head so I will not resist.  They are there and I am wanting some progress so why can’t my mind and my body work together?  That would be a real treat!

So, I was talking with a friend about how easy it is to KNOW something and give advice, but not always so easy to implement it.  Well, I am going to try to remain in the moment with my food/other things and enjoy.  Points are a guide and nothing will be recorded for me to judge.  Gentle is me………lol  Well things have been truly great and I just do not want to slip into the old judgmental thoughts.  So, I think I can realize that a thought is just a thought and it does not have to go beyond that.  I can witness it, be okay with it and let it go.  It is not me.  *feeling all warm and fuzzy*

My buddies must just roll their eyes because I go through the same thing in cycles.  But I really do feel like I am liking myself more and more.  This must mean something………little steps…….