Patience, Awareness, Persistence
Buddyslim seems to be more of a part of my life when the weather is cool. We have had some good times and some good adventures this summer and I am so thankful for this. I feel like I have gotten a little boring of the past couple years. But hey I am ready for more and more adventure! 
So, I am struggling a little with some things I know to be good and true, at least for me anyways and I just want to get it out. I am not losing and I am almost okay with this because I have been so much happier. NOW, I am on a weight loss team and I want to lose, get to my most realistic goal. The exercise is consistent and the portions are mostly good. Snacks and treats are issues. I am not losing! I want to stick with learning that feeling of what is enough to lose, but I feel like I may need the numbers/points to tell me when I am done. I must realize I HAVE REALLY improved here. I see that. My problem is that I can start to become nutty about the numbers…lol I want to be relaxed and forgiving with food and not see anything as a bad thing. So where I use to be at war with food (THANK YOU TATIANA) I no longer am this. But I do have a bit of fear of having that oldish view coming back. It is not a good feeling to be at odds with anything or anyone, Ha! It is so much better to Re-fricking-lax! *wink* So, this is my only dilemma and trust me I am thankful for this as well. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest before I did the old Jenn thing and went hell bent on the need to figure something out right away because something is not working like RIGHT NOW. Patience and awareness with a little dash of persistence.
Points does not have to come with guilt or frustration. It is a tool.
Being at ease with food is possible while still having a goal to eat more nutritious whole foods and less snacks and treats.
What to do???…………. (Comes back after some time has passed….)
I could just continue to enjoy each moment in a moderate way keeping in mind to respect myself, my digestive system and my body. No matter what I do I can not get points out of my head so I will not resist. They are there and I am wanting some progress so why can’t my mind and my body work together? That would be a real treat!
So, I was talking with a friend about how easy it is to KNOW something and give advice, but not always so easy to implement it. Well, I am going to try to remain in the moment with my food/other things and enjoy. Points are a guide and nothing will be recorded for me to judge. Gentle is me………lol Well things have been truly great and I just do not want to slip into the old judgmental thoughts. So, I think I can realize that a thought is just a thought and it does not have to go beyond that. I can witness it, be okay with it and let it go. It is not me. *feeling all warm and fuzzy*
My buddies must just roll their eyes because I go through the same thing in cycles. But I really do feel like I am liking myself more and more. This must mean something………little steps…….
You’ve made some amazing progress not only in your food intake but in your emotional and spiritual growth as well. Have you gone someplace to get your fat %? What if you are done? What if you have a totally healthy fat % and all you need to do is maintain instead of looking at those numbers. I think maintenance is actually harder than hitting the loss and those points will always be a necessary part of your life but maybe the journey has changed for you…maybe….or maybe not…..
Jen I think we are so much alike…it is insane when I read your blogs I can completely relate and often think the same things so trust me you are NOT alone and I know we can all do these here on buddyslim. I wrote down your “Patience and Awareness with a dash of persistence” a post-it so I can look it and just RE-frickin-lax (haha) like you said. Sometimes this whole issue really sucks but you know what it is life and we will look and feel “fly” when we are meant to …keep up your confidence!