Jennifer

So, I am taking a bit of time to review Intuitive Eating today because it seems the student has forgotten everything.  Another good book for dieters too the Zen of Eating!

Gentle damnit! Ha.  Seriously though, I have this sweet desire to be kind to myself, but how I think I should look is interferring with this.  At the store yesterday I was drawn to the weight loss pills and thoughts of herbs, but this is not the answer.  Knowing that they are not a long term answer and likely will not work, I still thought about it.  Nope, there will be no cheating or failing.  I am going to do this the right way!

My days are going to start with a workout of some kind and it does not matter what.  I just want my heart raised and I want to work my beautiful muscles.  Buried they may be, but there they are wanting to be my major weight loss initiators.   I considered posing my weight ticker again, but I just do not want to be consumed by this number.  Sure I have a goal, but I do not need to be reminded of it only to feel up or down because of it.  There was a time when it really helped to see it each week.  Well I just do not want to go there.  Today though I weighed in just to know where I am and I was not at all surprised to see my biggest number since being at Buddyslim.  176 is what I saw.  I am not sad or anything, but I do know what got me here. 

Too much imbalance.  Too much World of Warcraft with not enough exercise.  More movement is the key.

I am not seeing foods negatively, but again, I need to add more of the lighter foods and decrease the heavy sweet foods.  I know I have had plenty of animal protein and this slows my digestion.  So, I was lost yesterday as I tried to think, well what path will work best for me?  Weight watchers always comes to mind, but I do not want to start the year doing this.  I share as I have shared here before, this helps so much if you have never thought to look at what you eat.  It is a really good start for those who are new to loosing weight.  But this only reinforces the perfectionism and the negative ideas that I do not need.  But I need structure. I do I do….. lol   So, the plan is to aim for 6-10 points per meal for a maximum of what would be 30 and this is about a 1500 calorie day.  And I am not saying NO EATING AT NIGHT, but I really wish to not eat at night unless it feels like I will have trouble sleeping due to hunger.  Snacking is something I would like to knock-off my routine at night.

There is some comparing I did this Christmas just to keep me from getting frustrated.  One of the ladies in my cousins family who we spent Christmas dinner with made a comment when I said I was so cold.  She said, “maybe you need some body fat.”   Well that is both hilarious and sad.  Hilarious-Well I have plenty and too much for my frame.  This is not the sad part.  The sad part is, I am the littlest female and person in my entire family and also everyone at that dinner.  Yikes!  This makes me sad because I know that excess weight (the kind that makes one obese) means that one and all are at an increased rate for health related ilness.  :(  So I knocked off the craziness that might occur in my head if I were to stay there.  Nope, I came out and found some perspective.  Yes I have some habits to get back to (portions and respecting/loving myself with what is the right amount for me-exercise and diet), but there is no need to get worked up with things.  So I have gained, now it is time to start fresh and find that balance again. 

I want new things for 2009.  I want to feel empowered.

I know the weight loss list, but I should just reinforce it here as it is the last day of the year. 

-to prepare interesting and healthy meals more often then not as to feel satisfied (TOO MANY bowls of cereal when I came back to Saskatoon because I just did not seem to care.  No more of that.)

-plenty of fruits and veggies, balanced eating, keep my protein regular and my animal ptrotein (more fish) to the portion good for my digestion (2-3 oz), water, herbal tea, green tea (decaf and regular), vitamins, limit the sugar  

-workout at least 5 out of 7 days a week.  No less then 45 minutes.  I am only firm with this, because this is what has got me here.  A little poofy, but thank goodness I am keeping the perspective.  Gentle, calm……. and as Bif would say, I” love myself today, not like yesterday, I’m cool, I’m calm, I gonna be okay” ….. hell this is going to be a great year.

-do what ever it takes to find the joy and laugh.  Laugh often.

Wishing everyone a great day.  NOW, I am off to workout out.  Happy New Years Eve everyone.  Have a safe and fun night.

Peace and love…..

(Note:  Learning is good no matter what happens, ideal or not so ideal.  Education is education.  For instance, I learned that mixing chocolate pudding powder, the cook on stove kind, with plain yogurt is tasty.  Just as I thought it would be.  Still, this I had to learn by trying.  Now this does not mean I have to do it again, anytime soon anyways.  *rolls eyes* 

yes, yes, yes….. more whole foods and less sweets…… yes, yes, yes…. *puts that angel back on my shoulder for guidance*  lol)

All the best in 2009 Everyone!

It is all one day at a time, one step at a time……

We will have numerous unique paths and we can do this.

Enjoy the journey.

Love & peace

Jennifer

Four days with the ‘family’

Empty greed and shallow gifts

Alone, now with simple carbs and no desire for good quality food,

I ate a days worth of noodles and spicy Kung Pao sauce in one sitting.

This was my first binge in well over 3 months.

I know if I had just posted the blog that I worte instead of just keeping it as a draft,

I might not have felt so alone.

I just didn’t want to share.

Everything has been fake and I just did not want to be real here.  How crazy is that?

But the noodles were real. 

 So why not write about the other reality?

 Nope, just noodles.

Today is a joyous day, because the only thing real is NOODLES and that is only half bad.

From this day forward,

I am aiming for truthful and honest

as simple as

noodles in sauce.

Noodles do not pretend to be something they are not.

They just are.  No claims.  Some fame.

Entangled.  Nothing else.

Infamous and delightful, real noodles.

I can not believe since I have been home I have eaten chocolates, choptle kettle chips, noodles, cereal and okay, salmon, olives, bananas, yogurt and pickles.  Aiming for balance and portions - AND VEGGIES.  I bought them, but they just have not appealed.  Anywho, getting back on track………

Intuitive Eating all the way.  No points.  I am aiming to get back on track withOUT the shit load of control I am craving.  Gentle, loving, me.

Cheers to my holidays being over.

Cheers to green tea!  Off to enjoy a wonderful and perfect cup of green tea (decaf - it’s 10 at night).

Happy Holidays to everyone.  I wish you all the best in the New Year.

Just hear to write a quickie and toot my horn a bit.  I gave my sweetie and myself an early gift as we are not together at the actual Christmas date.  I gifted us with a live performance of A Christmas Carol and it was FANTASTIC.  Oh my I have never seen a performance like it.  I helped to really put us into the seasonal spirit. 

Steamed milk kisses and chocolate covered hugs……

P.S.:  As I stated in my post, I am wearing the tight clothes as to not grow into the baggy ones.  Thank you Oprah! 

How do I want to eat?

I want to eat like the Buddha. Not like a gluttonous pig, but rather I want to savor the smaller portions and eat simple and healthy. I just recall reading a long time ago what some young lady gave the pre-Buddha, some rice pudding, when he must have been so hungry from not eaten for so long. The old me would chow down and be disappointed it was gone so quickly. I just see some people eating slowly and savoring and I think it is a bit of an art form.  I am so much better at this.

My favorite new creation lately is a ever so slightly thickened brown rice soup (like rice pudding) that I added a little dried fruit, nuts and seeds. I used 1% milk and almond milk. I added some cardamon and cinnamon and it was perfect. I have been avoiding all sweeteners lately…ALL and I feel very good about this. I have such an incredible sweet tooth. This is me, I will go to a restaurant and plan my meal around what I will have or split with another for dessert. Anyways, I am not having so many desserts after meals. If I want later as a snack I am having fruit. So how else do I want to eat?

Tea cheers to finding my muscles in the coming weeks and months.

There is only one way to do this and it involves me and my weights.  A variety of different and new activities, but my fat is lonely.  So a return to the burn!

I have not been very gentle with myself, but after reading about Oprah, I realised we just need to do for ourselves, be with our supporters and love our journey.  Thank you to my buddies here.  You are with me and I thank you always.   I must work at this everyday - gently and consistantly.

Have a peaceful and strong day! *hugs*

(Today I did free weights, pilates and abs.  But it was just short bouts of exercise.  That is great for me right now.)

These days I am afraid to eat and for a variety of reasons and some are not obvious, I have no energy to exercise.  Obviously some days I have less energy because I have not eaten so much, but then other times I feel like I have so much energy and I have eaten only a little.  This does not make for good health to be up and down.  But for too long now it seems that I will eat something and suddenly I am weak and have horribly sore glands.  It seems the less I eat and the more whole it is the better I am.  Sure I do not have energy to workout for a lengthy amout of time, but less seems to be better.  Yah, next week I see my first allergy specialist.  I feel like I should be able to figure this out, but alas, no.  Is this the problem?  I hope so.

 I recieved my letter from the prevention program for cervical cancer and my Pap was NORMAL… great news.  

SO, at times I feel depressed and completely mental, but I am not going to go down that road: Depression.  No, no, no.  I am going to continue to eat what I think my body is asking for, take certain vitamins and herbs (and I will even try REMEMBERING THEM) and do some gentle exercise.  These days, rice, fish, most veggies and many fruits, some seeds and nuts do not make me feel bad.  So I am going with this.  Note: will snap if it is shown that I am sensitive or allergic to chocolate!  Haha…

THIS WEEK….. 

Monday: 30 minutes walk

Tuesday: blah…. I was a bum.  Nadda. 

Wednesday: 15 minutes of pilates, abs, Wii boxing

Have a great day everyone! *hugs*

AND YES, LET’S REMEMBER TO LAUGH OR BEHINDS OFF…. RIGHT OFF.  Humor does heal most things.

Check out this GORGEOUS picture.  A buddy sent it to me and I needed to share because it is so beautiful and I want to feel this way.  Plus she is holding a little tree and it seems that all the possibilities in the world are in her hands.   Cheers.

Topics:  teeth, activity, reflections, digestion, juicing

So, after talking to my dentist and learning what is in the white composite fillings, I learned that perhaps nothing good is in these things.  As she explained they have to use materials that bind and so she does not think that the mercury are so negative.  Now, we are exposed to the mercury most she says when putting it in and taking them out.  This is the information she has read.   So, grief.  She did tell me what was in the white fillings -silica and some nasty chemical that is in those recalled plastics, so really it is no good no matter how you look at it.  And porcelain is not used on the teeth that you gind on.  SO, life.  After listening to what she had to say, I did not get my fillings removed.  The benefits were not there.  So, aiming for NO CAVITIES! ;)  

………………………………………………………….. 

Accountability List:

Dec. 3 - 45 min. walk in the cold

Dec. 4 - 18 min pilates (butt and thigh), 5 min. of continueous Ab work (alternating specific muscle groups) & 20 min. walk 

Dec. 5- 25 min. elliptical

Dec. 6 - 18 min pilates, abs, ?

 ……………………………………………………………………………………

What is on my mind to work on - Eating better choices at night instead of sweets/dairy  (Dairy Queen ice cream pizza)….. Yep I can make better choices.

What has been working - Improved digestion!!!  Yah, I am not feeling so bloated these days and I like my improved middle section.  What made this so?  I think likely a combination of cardio and ab exercises, acidophilous, lower then normal dairy and foods that feed those good bacteria.  Yah, I broke out my juicer which I normally do not use.  I feel so bad about not coming up with ways to use the fiberous left overs.  It is the conservationist in me.  Anyways, I used a good portion of in in some tomato sauce and so that worked out great.  Yummy juice and I am feeling creative again today!  ;)  Normally I am a just eat the veg or fruit but food has gotten boring lately and I just needed to let my creative juices flow

……………………………………………………………………….

Juice #1 - cucumber, cranberry, beets, carrots

Juice #2 - carrot, cucumber, celery, lemon, orange

Juice/smoothie #3 - apple, celery, lime, mixed berries (blended in)

Juice/smoothie #4 -  1/2 banana, lemon, pineapple

Juice/smootie #5 - orange, spinach, lime

I know that a lack of regular exercise has compounded everything lately, so after reading my buddies blogs, I have decided to put consistancy and love for my body into practice.  On my Christmas list: a calm mind and maintenance. Any loss is a bonus. 

I am being accountable HERE and will share..mostly for me.

Well only my choices and actions will gets results.  I do not want to forget anyone, but the buddies that come to mind who get things done are Kama, Catrina, Shannon, Anj and Lori.  Jane too has been doing absolutely awesome with her new diet.  And Jo, we have these ups and downs, but you have been my inspiration since you have been back.  Things are rough sometimes and it catches us when we least expect, but you have been doing so well, so please remember the progress and strides you have made to bring activity back into your life.  *hugs*  Clearly you gals are going to be on the Nicely done list!  Kudos to these woman and everyone else who is consistant and no matter what, eating reasonably and WORKING OUT CONSISTANTLY!  Yeh baby.  Some of us just slip and fall nearly off the radar, but getting back to it is key for many of us.  Loved the messages of not getting down on yourselves, but rather just starting new, each and every day and moment.  I love this and I wish we all could just shout it from the roof tops.

For the rest of this month and beyond (but I will focus on this, this month)…. EXERCISE!  Everyday I will do something and no less them 30 minutes.  Yes, even on Christmas day.  My parents have a recumbant bike so that will be a nice change.  I am aiming to alternate cardio/long walks and pilates/yoga but any activity will do.  Fun and energizing activity.  I think it is time to get back to some Wii boxing and bowling too. 

After all, balance is essential for good health and happiness.

I am already thinking about all the treats.  Had some yesterday at an old clients apartment.  This is what she does, herbal tea (she can not have caffeine) and treats.   Key for me is to know what I love and enjoy portions.  Yesterday I had a few too many cookies and cakes, but the long walk in the blistering cold had to at least balance the sweets.  Ha!

Still what am I looking forward to having?

My Mom’s date cookies, wheat salad (yummy and ONCE A YEAR, yah), turkey, homemade cranberry sauce (I will make,  my Mom is an open the can lady), sweet potatoes, egg nog, Turtles (I LOVE TURTLES), my Aunts broccoli salad, fruit cake.  Yep if I can get a little of this in, I will be a happy gal.  The big goal when I go home…. not to be the old me who just says it’s ok to get let loose.  Portions are still important and I do not mean for weight loss.  I mean I am forseeing the results of ‘letting go’ and I want to be good in my mind and not let the food be a comfort blanket.  Fun, pleasurable treats and some progress (in mind and maybe in body, maintaining is cool) to start the New Year.  This is what is on my list this month. 

Accountability List:

Dec. 3 - 45 min. walk in the cold

Dec. 4 - 18 min pilates (butt and thigh), 5 min. of continueous Ab work (alternating specific muscle groups) & 20 min. walk 

My apologies for my lack of presence here.  AND for my lack of cheer today.   Gloominess I fore warn.  I usually read my buddies blogs and I have just felt anit-social.  I REALLY really hope that you all are doing well and accomplishing your goals, THOUGH as I noted on a news segment this AM, it might be really reasonable to hope to maintain during the holiday season.  For those who are losing in a healthy way, I say, “way to go!”

I have not been ideal in my head and in my body, but some encouraging things are happening.  I have an allergy test scheduled this month and this Friday I begin the process of having 2/3 of my mercury fillings removed.   The last one will be removed when my mouth is good to go.   They have been in my mouth for 20 years and the time for them to be removed is NOW.  Well they should have never been there but that is not a good way to think I suppose.   What a nasty substance in my mouth!!!  It is strange that mercury has to be disposed of gingerly with precise protocal, yet for years dentists gave it with no thought to what it might mean.  F**k!  I have no idea if this is my problem, but I do not even want to wait to have a mercury toxicity test done.  IT NEEDS TO BE OUT OF MY BODY.  Then the process of some detox to safely rid my body of the mercury that is certainly there.  I refuse to obsess about this.  That is why I called my dentist first thing and am doing something positive.   

My immune system has for my adult life not been ideal.   Lately in mind and body, I have not wanted to be me.  Well I really want change so I thank my body for telling me with old and new symptoms.  Maybe the New Year can begin cheery.  I am a little hopeful. 

I paste these sites only because if you have immune system issues and you are exposed to highish levels of mercury (we all are living on this planet, so some) you might consider reading and researching more. 

Some sites:

http://www.mercurypoisoned.com/symptoms.html

http://www.dentalwellness4u.com/layperson/symptoms.html

http://www.yeastinfectionadvisor.com/mercurypoisoning.html

http://www.ec.gc.ca/MERCURY/SM/EN/sm-i.cfm

http://people.uwec.edu/piercech/Hg/mercury_water/sources.htm  

http://www.epa.gov/waterscience/fish/advice/