Jennifer

So I am reading a required text called Aging Well by George E. Vaillant right now.  Some good, some boring but I need to share a little of the good here, because I would like the lessons and words of others to stay with me.

“Inspiration….is a metaphor for how we take other people inside.  Through our lungs, through our guts, and through our hearts.”

A woman was asked “What have you learned from your children?” - And her response:

“Gee, from John, the oldest one, I’m learning more about how to get along with people and how to see something good in everyone…patience and loving people…. From Clarinda, I think she’s taught me to be somewhat passive….thoughtful before you speak… From little Judy, she’s not little, but she’s just a baby (40), and she says ‘don’t call me the baby’.  That’s why I do it because I know she will say this.  She is so jovial, so warm.  She makes me smile, and I have to smile more sometimes then I do because I forget to smile.  She sings.  She makes me sing with her.  I love to sing, but I don’t do it anymore when I’m here alone.  I wish I would.  I use to sing when I did the housework.  They’re all just an inspiration to me.”

“When we are old, our lives become the sum of all whom we have loved.  It is important not to waste anyone.”

When one is asked what the prescription for aging is…. “Share Socrates’ love for the search, while knowing no answer will be found [The font appeared different for me with this phrase as if some inner guide wanted me to really see it]….Exercise the little grey cells (keep learning), work and love.  Show respect for and try and take care of the planet…Don’t dwell on the past except when blue and then only to remind oneself that those problems that seemed insurmountable often weren’t.  Try not to worry about the future.  It’s not over til it’s over.”

I think there are various paths that bring us to different blury points in our lives and there are people who impact our lives along these paths.  I just want to enjoy how I am feeling right now, knowing that along with some knowledge and personal growth, a few wonderful friendships have been made here at Buddyslim.

So on this day when I go and visit my Grandmother (extremely mixed feelings with this woman) I think to myself, what is something truly positive and wonderful about her and also something I have learned from her?  She is not well so if it is meant to be, and I would like it to be, I would like to feel how I am now and not bring the Old into those present moments with her.

As a buddy so sweetly reminded me… do not let anything get you down.  And this is what has been really helping me in all areas of my life, including weight loss - not sweating the small and big stuff.  Somethings can be written about and talked about to death…until they have no meaning anymore.  So very laughable sometimes, you know, if thoughts and feelings are removed from the cartoon image of it all.  Is this all a big comic strip?

This above is for my Grandmother. Hehe…..  She might laugh and I would laugh with her. 

NOW, I can start my day!  Oscar woke me up early, but now I really feel spry……hehe.

Have a great weekend.

Did a little reading thanks to a buddy who shared some info. on carbohydrate intolerance from a book called the Woman’s Perfect Diet.  I am very thankful to Ann Marie, my fellow Intuitive Eater. *wink*   I needed to read the chapter she sent, because as much as I feel I “know” what my body needs, I have not been getting the fact that I eat too many carbs and good fats and not enough protein.  Plus the month has been tough - eating foods for the food sensitivity test and when you have to eat food/not so much choice, NOT FUN.  Yuck.  I feel for kids!  Then there was V-day and my B-day so I have been all over the place.   Anyways, finding that right balance is tricky sometimes, but I am up for it and a new approach.   I want to see what happens with less complex carbohydrates and a little less good fat.  I did not do the test to actually see, I just thought, how do I feel when I eat a high protein breakfast (hours after) and then how do I feel with a high carb breakfast?  I never use to be like this, actually feel more energized with more protein and less carbs.  I felt good and lost with high carb (about 60ish %) but no more.  So I actually do have more energy with higher protein and still lots for veggies and a decent amount of fruits.  I do not know, about 1400-1600 or a little more cals I would guess.  Just thinking a little less carbs and going with the actual hunger.  I have not been hungry so much, but I am hoping my metabolism will bless with me it’s presence.

I am maintaining like a champ *rolls eyes a little* but I can not get upset.  I will not.  Just realise what is and make changes.  It is all just so tiring and I can not go there.  So if anyone knows of a site where you log your food and get the macro nutrient (fat, protein, carb) percentatage that is not here can you relay the address?  Thanks.  If I do not find a good site, that is cool.  It is a certainty that I will become bored with it.  In fact I am giving myself a couple days of recording to get a feel for eyeballing about 40% carbs.  The trick for me is to be getting enough fiber….gawd I need fiber!!!   When did I become old?  Because seriously, my metabolism really has changed.  I just refuse to exercise like a nut because that kind of activity is not something I can maintain and it is too hard on my body.  So, me, trying to find some good balance and my ideal-for-me body.  Ahhh I would be so pleased with 160ish and 29/37 measurements.  But like the big guy says in the second or third Austin Powers, I just want to be “toyght”  LOL.  All good with me.  

 YAH, so glad Slumdog Millionaire kicked butt at the Oscars!  So postive and uplifting.  Yah for Kate!…Winslet.

Just wanted to say that I am incredibly thankful for my buddies here.  I have received some great information and help from a buddy today and it just warms me right up inside and out that people can really care to help.  Big hugs to my special buddies and you know who you are.  It is so damn cold here and has been for over 2 months now and I feel warmed with hope and gratitude.  Oh and today Bon Jovi is also going to warm me up too…. WOW!  I went to the Lost Highway concert and now I can enjoy them over and over.   And a lovely V-day card from a friend I miss so much.  Soon!!!  What a truly happy day!  ;)  

“Wishing you a great day where if you can give yourself one gift, let it be the gift of belief in yourself.  No matter what, know that you can do it!  Whatever and everything, you are so worth it!  Let nothing stop us.” - I say to you and me.

Quit trying. Quit trying not to try. Quit quitting. - a Zen thought

Quit trying… obsessively so?  Not sure about this one.  Or a new way?  Hmmmm…..

Or another lovely thought….

Live in the sunshine.

Swim the sea.

Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“May your day be filled with joyful abandon.”

Shall we just do our best now and always and forgive our beaUtiful imperfect selves ? …. maybe….. ;)  I mean yes.  This is my goal today.  Believe.

So, I made two decsions this month. One was to tackle the mental part of my weight loss (thank you Dr. Marc) and the other was the physiological component. The latter has been something I have wanted for some time. I needed to get answers and the allergist simply thought all my symptoms (foggy thinking, poor concentration, swollen glands, occasional infections, occasional joint pain, itchiness, depression, headaches, low body temperature, weight gain and exhaustion) were really something that could be all remedied with anti-depressants because his tests showed no allergies. I knew this too, but I though he might have more advanced tests.

Anti-depressants? Wouldn’t that be the best damn bandaid in the whole damn world!!! A pill. No thank you! To each their own, just at this time, I need something more then a bandaid. I need something more then new symptoms or side effects.  This is for me, my body. So, it was not a good day when I went to see him and I left stunned, pissed off and emotional. Thank god I stopped crying, got pissed off , took some deep breaths and remembered what it is I am most passionate about in this life. Taking my health into my own hands and finding a solution. See my family doctor, what a wonderful soul she is, has done all the tests that she can and she says I am fine.  

My frustrations which I have written about before all lead me to have an ELISA test or Immunoglobulin G reactions test to see what foods are irritating me. It was hard to find one in Canada. Mostly they are more prevalent in the USA. But I found 2 companies and one was cheaper and though it did not offer as big a food check list, I was okay with that. It was 95 foods + candida (yes you can have candida in your blood and that is not a good thing.) I have to eat these foods all in about a week. What I have realised is that I do not vary my diet as much as I should and this is a big reason as to why people develop food sensitivies. We just get into a routine of getting basicly the same things every week to two weeks. Well, NOW I have to think more about a rotational diet and I will have to elliminate certain foods for about 6 months (depending on the severity of the sensitivity) when I find out. One thing is for sure I AM AVOIDING SOMETHINGS after the test. I never felt as ill as I did yesterday! Boy oh boy!  The results will be sent to me by email and then there will be a phone consultation. Part of me is skeptical. In this world there seems to be two sides… naturopathic and allopathic medicine. And I am a middle ground chick studying natural nutrition who believes that the Left may offer some hope. I know it was best though that I tried the medical system first. They did what they could.  What if….. ahh negative thoughts! *shush*

Thank you to my sweetheart for the best V-day present ever, this test! Truly he has been so supportive and understanding through out this all. (Must go love him to bits after this blogl… See I am letting him sleep in on this cold Saturday, Valentine’s Day.)

Thanks to Dr. Marc I am a little more focussed in some ways. Though I am not for everything on his OMG fatloss plan, he sure does have some good strategies and yummy recipes.  LOVE the mental component!!!   This is why I am trying his system.  I did not want to let my mind get in the way of this weight loss AGAIN.  You know me though, to hell with the scale! This journey is about fat loss, not water loss and not muscle loss. I can not obsess and I like it, a lot!  I am aiming for fat reduction with improved aerobic muscle function (fat burning) and not as much anaerobic function (sugar burning). As I have been learning in The Maffetone’s Method - the holistic, low-stress, no-pain way to exceptional fitness, MORE IS NOT BETTER and this is a better way to lose fat, I think. I am trying it out anyways.  I am still doing my weights next week, just mostly walking, dancing, pilates and yoga.  But what ever I do, just doing it within my good heart rate zone.    (If there are any who are knowledgable about this theory, PLEASE, I would love to pick your brain.  I am a little critical of somethings in this book and then other things just seem like common sense.). And in fact, all the stress, and that includes intense exercise stress, has likely also been a contributing factor to my weight gain. Time will tell.  Mostly, this has been the most productive and best month ever for me.  Lots of changes and some are just simple little changes in how I see things.  So cool.

Something too that has been coming up repeatedly in my studies and in my searches is something called Carbohydrate Intolerance?  Fascinating.  Must learn more about this at some point.  It really is about finding balance IN ALL areas.   Study, study, study This IS my job right now.  And this IS my health….. and yes relaxation too.  Thank gawd for the weekend.  

David asked me if I was going to write about this experience with you, my buddies, so it reminded me that you all are also apart of this journey. I think the world of so many of you. Cheers to finding our ways….. Happy Heart Day, love ya!

Be back at the end of the month to catch up, relay test results to those who are curious and change my picture… Boy this felt like a ramble…lol   All the best.

http://www.allergysmarts.com/about-us.html

All right so I feel that I have been a wee bit irritable lately.  I feel like I can get my last few days of possible irritants in before it’s - No You Should Not Have That!  So anyways, I see this.  Craziness.  Portions and whole foods, but a couple poor choices. (Feel flushed, a bit compulsive, etc.)  NO EE though and so this is progress.  I also think just upping the intake a little bit is good around lunch time.  No snacking last night as I had a good helping of sweet potatoes with my shrimp and mixed greens.  No eating at night, I just have not wanted to.  Really all in all, very nice and just 3 weeks until I decide what to wear for a new pic or if it is a confident me at the time, what not to wear…..hehe.   I finally think that I am seeing the real me in the mirror and not the old fat me.  This is making a huge difference.  Focussing on the positive and then everything else is coming into place.

Exercise is a high right now and I do not see too many things changing for my next unstructured week.  Still going to do what I feel.  I just thought I would have more inflammation with all the cardio and weights and I don’t.  Yah for essential fatty acids (healthy fats) and antioxidants (fruits and veggies)!!!  I do believe that this level of exercise, which is not that much for the the huge results that I am seeing (looser pants, muslces are peeking), like maybe 45 min of strength and 25 min. of cardio as an example 3 days this week/other stuff on the off days too, is just right for me because I am NOT hungry at night, but still the results are coming.  Love it. 

Journalling no longer works for me as it reinforces my perfectionism which can not be lived up to.  I knew this, but thought maybe….  NO!  I tried it for a day…laughable!  I am good with this.  You know me, just had to test the waters of control only to realise how silly I was.  I like enjoying good food in the propper portions and just eating optimally most of the time.  Listening for the hunger signals just makes for good eats.  No points either.  Bye bye.  “Hello Body I Never Knew Was In Me!”

Have a great day Everyone!

Be back in a couple weeks……

I am addicted to Buddyslim… working on it. lol    So I saw the Jeff Dunham’s show last Friday and it was good for the most part. I laughed my behind off for the first half. Loved Walter. My face really actually hurt from smiling and laughing so much and then was extremely tired and then unthrilled by the racist jokes towards the end. Well not everything can be perfect, for sure.I do not know why but puppets have been in my head all this week. Really it has been a reaccuring theme since the show. Mr. Dunham and his funny and not so funny puppets.

Why do we act like slaves in our own lives??? The things we seemingly have to do, but seem to hold so much resentment towards and the things that just seem repititious and insane. For me, laundry, cleaning and other personal tasks OK, but other not so necessary things too. Why do and do and do only because of the pressure, the fear, the obligation and you do not want to be shunned? Well shunned is not so bad - like saying no to racist jokes.  People do not like this.  For me it has always let me know that I am not a blind puppet.  Still sometimes, feel like a puppet. Though, hmmmm trying to imagine what I would look like as an actual puppet. But still there are those times when I just do and do and resent a little. Picking up little pieces of garbage that seem to be unable to make it to the garbage. Hmmmm…..

This week has really been about doing what is authentic, feeling good about that and saying no more when society offers The Candy or discontent. (I did take a little sweets and decided it was disgusting, NO kidding actually. I do not miss the sweets AT ALL.) It really can be quite addictive that Candy. But I realised something really worthwhile. I do not ever need sweets or anything else to twittle my puppet strings. Choices.  In the moment and feeling good. I KNOW Mr. Tolle! Even those repiticious things can be done with presence, grace and joy…. right. *holds onto that*

Ok, ok, but still with the puppets !!! I even want to watch the Muppets Christmas Special which is on the PVR, but unfortunately we do not have a TV right now. It had to see the doctor to see if it is worth being repaired. I kind of have liked the silence, but I still want to watch that darn muppet program. lol Anyways, I found this and thought I would share.

http://sunniebunniezz.com/poetry/revtpoem.htm

I wonder what kind of a puppet I would be if I could choose for fun? I know, I know, mostly I am not a ‘puppet’ technically but if I could have a hand up a chosen puppet, who would I be?Hehe…. Lamb Chop…..hehe. That would make my day to be a peaceful and sweet little Lamb Chop. *smiles* I asked David first thing when he came downstairs for breakfast what puppet he would be and he said Beaker from The Muppets. He thought I was silly and I am good starting off the day silly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezKkoOxbl-c (a link to Bunsen and Beaker if bored…lol)

Diet and exericse are ON !  Holy ramble!  This is what happens when you do not have TV… thinking!   Off to study and workout….

So, I had a little business to do here, so I thought I would just rave about the most awesome workout today.  I only had my music (Nickleback), free weights, my body which just wanted to dance and a room to myself.  OH my, what a workout, I could not have went harder and it was so much fun!  Sweaty fun….  

Cheers to all the Buddyslimmers who just MOVE IT!  

I see there are emails and I will be back likely this weekend when I can give buddies my full and alert attention.  I am so tired, but in a good way.  Wish you all a great week.

Buddyslim Politics.  Does it seem crazy OR is it a glitch that some blogs remain at the top of the list while others, new buddies especially who are wishing for sincere support, get placed at the bottom of the list?  All because in the options setting you can change the time so that one’s blog stays high?  Why?   I think it only fair that when a blog is posted that it goes to the top of the list.  This should not be a place that represents popularity, but rather should be a place that encourages weight loss support for those who need it.  If this is a concern of yours, please do NOT comment on this blog about this.  It is not affective.  Please write Dr. Marc an email with your concerns if you have any.  

My blog usually goes to about the 10th or so position and I did not know why until I read a buddies blog stating how this happens.  I adjusted the numbers for this blog so people would see it and read it.  But my settings are back to normal.  If one could answer a question for me, :) what is the purpose of this setting option?  I did care a lot about the answer, but now, not so so much I guess.    

FEBRUARY !!!  Ohhh-yeh!

So I have been thinking that Change is indeed a fine and wonderful little word.  And when actions support it, well that is just wonderful.  But what do I want for myself?  I have been thinking about how I feel about food.  Normally the only time I want food it is when I am emotional (not really much of this AT ALL *smiles* lately) and obviously when I am hungry.  I have not been craving anything.  I just eat when I am hungry and aim for whole and balanced food.  I like that a lot.  I start to get that feeling of how smaller, non-obsessed people (with food anyways) must feel.  It is so peaceful to imagine that. 

Earlier this week I felt that overwhelming sense of fear with foods and that is something I need to address at least in words because that is not a way I want to live.  But when you feel awful when you eat certain things, or like a buddy suggest, certain combinations, well it kind of makes you wonder about food choices.  I have found peace in the fact that this will be over.  *fingers crossed*  I do have an itsy-bitsy fear that the allergist will say, you are not allergic to anything.  I mean I do not want to have an allergy or sensitivity, but I want an answer to the awful feelings.  So, fear.  Well after a good week I did have a day yesterday where I just fed myself well/a lot and I felt so good.  Asian Curry Chicken, Chicken Salad Rolls (no vermicelli, only veggies and chicken) and Singapore Noodles w/ loads of veggies.  I ate a lot compared to what I have been eating and felt awesome in all ways!!!

 Then I thought to myself, that was such an awesome treat.  No I do not want this every week, but damn.  I do love food!  Eating like this, on whole food/almost no sugar seemed to make me really appreciate it that much more.  I do not even want any more today.  It was that, a damn fine meal.  But now I want the simpler foods.  One thing is for sure, changes are seen in this body and I do not need the scale to reaffirm this. 

When I was 152 after being at buddyslim for a few months and SO CLOSE to my set goal weight at the time, I was so disgusted that my body was not what I had hoped.  But letting the number go and just realising that I have a body to create AND THE NUMBER DOES NOT MATTER and that the process in getting there is kind of fun.  Sculpting a firm and True body is much more important to me then a saggy, baggy number-”perfect” body. 

So, these are the things that I am gently holding in my hand and in my thoughts as I begin this month.  Should I say that knowing that I usually mess things up?  I feel like I can tempt it.  I finally know what I want and it IS attainable.  I think in the past I have had doubts.  Like what if my partner and I do not eat the same things and what if we do not eat out enough to satisfy our desires?  So often, WE know, eating out is just unsatisfying, disappointing….  Well,  I have told him, when I want something, I will have it.  He can have whatever he wants.  Tis the Intuitive way!  :)  But the days of me eating because it is there, well that is reserved for those times when I am a little emotional IF I CHOSE and I will have those times I am nearly positive.  But there is no need to make a bigger deal out of it then it is.  It is one moment and time and it stops when the mind allows it to stop.  Why is this sooooo easy now?  This week when I fed my body the nutrients it needed with out all the added chemicals and sugars to mess with my brain (emotions) and body (health) I felt the peace.  Like no cake or cookie could entice me into feeling any other way.  Health and sanity (and I can feel crazy at times) was the big prize!  Now that was achieving peace in mind, body and spirit.   Before I achieved this state by means of control and now, that toxic way of thinking has been shead.  Back into the soil, it is sure to come forth again.  But in smaller amounts?  I think so.  The fear has gone away in this aspect of my life anyways. 

Nearly all whole and nearly no sugar.  Intuitive Eating is my guide, which means I am the one living this life, uninfluenced by the bloody and perverse advertisements and ideals we too often bow to. 

My body knows best.

The Plan:  All weeks, no less then 5 days and preferably 6 days of activity

First & Third week- Structured - Strength MWF, cardio/walking M-F and whatever

Second & Fouth week-Unstructured - whatever I feel I want to do and I feel my body needs

Have a wonderful day, week and month!  I am not going to be on quite as much, as this is just what my everything in me tells me I need to do.  I think I might be finally on a roll, but I need to not procrastinate.