Learning from our elders
So I am reading a required text called Aging Well by George E. Vaillant right now. Some good, some boring but I need to share a little of the good here, because I would like the lessons and words of others to stay with me.
“Inspiration….is a metaphor for how we take other people inside. Through our lungs, through our guts, and through our hearts.”
A woman was asked “What have you learned from your children?” - And her response:
“Gee, from John, the oldest one, I’m learning more about how to get along with people and how to see something good in everyone…patience and loving people…. From Clarinda, I think she’s taught me to be somewhat passive….thoughtful before you speak… From little Judy, she’s not little, but she’s just a baby (40), and she says ‘don’t call me the baby’. That’s why I do it because I know she will say this. She is so jovial, so warm. She makes me smile, and I have to smile more sometimes then I do because I forget to smile. She sings. She makes me sing with her. I love to sing, but I don’t do it anymore when I’m here alone. I wish I would. I use to sing when I did the housework. They’re all just an inspiration to me.”
“When we are old, our lives become the sum of all whom we have loved. It is important not to waste anyone.”
When one is asked what the prescription for aging is…. “Share Socrates’ love for the search, while knowing no answer will be found [The font appeared different for me with this phrase as if some inner guide wanted me to really see it]….Exercise the little grey cells (keep learning), work and love. Show respect for and try and take care of the planet…Don’t dwell on the past except when blue and then only to remind oneself that those problems that seemed insurmountable often weren’t. Try not to worry about the future. It’s not over til it’s over.”
I think there are various paths that bring us to different blury points in our lives and there are people who impact our lives along these paths. I just want to enjoy how I am feeling right now, knowing that along with some knowledge and personal growth, a few wonderful friendships have been made here at Buddyslim.
So on this day when I go and visit my Grandmother (extremely mixed feelings with this woman) I think to myself, what is something truly positive and wonderful about her and also something I have learned from her? She is not well so if it is meant to be, and I would like it to be, I would like to feel how I am now and not bring the Old into those present moments with her.
As a buddy so sweetly reminded me… do not let anything get you down. And this is what has been really helping me in all areas of my life, including weight loss - not sweating the small and big stuff. Somethings can be written about and talked about to death…until they have no meaning anymore. So very laughable sometimes, you know, if thoughts and feelings are removed from the cartoon image of it all. Is this all a big comic strip?
This above is for my Grandmother. Hehe….. She might laugh and I would laugh with her.
NOW, I can start my day! Oscar woke me up early, but now I really feel spry……hehe.
Have a great weekend. 
“Inspiration….is a metaphor for how we take other people inside. Through our lungs, through our guts, and through our hearts.”
Love it! Thanks for sharing
beautiful blog about life and aging and people and relating. thank you. enjoy your visit if you can. love the comic!
In being a caregiver I have often wondered what many of my past clients were like when younger. There families have given some insight. With my grandmother, I did not know her obvious when she was young, but she has been fairly negative/harsh over the years. Though only since becoming older have I had the insight to wonder if she was this way because her first husband, her first love died so early. She rarely spoke of him as we were her step family, but the couple times that I recall, she seemed gentle and different when he came up.
Anyways, yesterday was different and I am not sure if it was due to meds or the stroke, but she is child-like as often happens in later life. She was slightly annoyed as to who we were. But when I mentioned that we were Pete’s family she new our names and said she recognized my Mom’s voice. It was so natural to help her and talk to her I found. I moturized her arms as they were so dry and fixed up her peeling lips and dry mouth. Thanks to some past clients I knew what do with the mouth swabs near her bed…hehe She is well taken care of, but it seemed like good bonding to pamper her. Plus, it seemed innate really. It was the first time in my life I found it easy to talk to her and she was mostly confused but still easy.
She becamse stuck on a memory of a tea cup of ice cream when I told her how much I enjoyed having our afternoon snack many many years ago. It took her a few seconds, but she remembered that…mumbling a little, but smiling like I have never seen her smile. She was out of it, but happy so I think this day was a blessing.
My Mom did not know what to expect and I could feel her stress. I am glad the visit went so well. I think I will try even harder to do every little seeminly meaningless task with more awareness and joy. The little things are somethings and sometimes the little somethings are meaningless. Ahhh…. I am really sad that the tea cup she gave me a couple years ago broke, but it seems more things are put to gether at least, so I feel less heavy.
Thanks for sharing these, you have really given me much food for thought, as you always have. I have missed reading your thought provoking blogs Jenn. May you have an excellent, worry-free week!!
Wow Jenn…I read the comment on your blog…oftentimes, I feel similarly about my grandmother. Sometimes, as our elders mature, we inevitably “forget” past wrongs, as they become so dependant on us. It was the same for me and my grand aunts and uncles, most of which were real jerks in their youth. When they became much older, I started to feel bad for them and with that came compassion and new found respect for them, not always earned. It has been the same with my grandmother whom I absolutely love, but that too has only come with time, with my understanding of life and not necessarily because she has earned it. My paternal grandpa and my maternal grandmother on the other hand is another story…they earned my love since I can remember and I miss them every day…from them, I gather much wisdom and inspiration. I’m glad you had a good time with your grandmother…it’s better late, than never!
The people I have met in the last couple of years have truly impacted my life. And you are one of them. Hope you visit went well. Hugs, Kama