Jennifer

You do not give up!  And I am assuming that you just kept on doing your best.  You do not get all stressed because you know this packs on the pounds.  You do not worry about altering calories or recording them to the precise number.  You did not have the time, because you had a life to live and it did not fit in.  You were okay with this.  You relaxed, KNOWING that by doing things gently (no extremes), that all would come to be.  You know that respecting yourself creates a gentle balance within that is true beauty, harmony and optimum for all body functions including weight loss.  You know that extreme diets and exercise are hard on the body, leaving one altered, depleted and eventually, MOODY!   You know that eating a bit more one day or a bit more healthy fat than “ideal” is okay and even healthy.  You know that chosing fruits and vegetables more often just feels better.  You know that movement should feel good.  Maybe for once, you were just listening to the wisdom of your body and so balance was actually achieved at a cellular level.  Even though! if you were to ask a dieter or read an article or book, you might feel inadequate.  YOU KNOW BETTER !

Months from now this is what I think………………………………. My clothes fit better and I feel at peace.   It was really this easy?  Why in the hell did I make things so difficult?  Answer: I let a commerical society dictate “what I know” when the only knowing comes from with in.  Finally, I listened.  Still, the emotional times are not ALWAYS so easy.  That seems to be the most difficult of it all.  Sometimes it is just fine to sit in the unknown and know it’s okay too.

Inspired by a plateau buster & a self hater here at Buddyslim. 

When I think of Beyonce, I think great music and killer legs and butt.  Well, I do.  And it is not really in that order.  I think she’s got to be the hottest woman in any spot light.  She is on tour and had her second concert in Saskatoon last night.  It was a last minute decision to go and thank goodness, WHAT A SHOW!  We were upgraded, which was a super surprise.  So our 25 dollar tickets were upgraded to 100+ dollar.  I kind of thought she might have been sold out, but I guess it is the situation with the economy.  Anyways, the woman was electrifying with her all female band.   Ok, back to the legs!  I have seen Beyonce and she does not have little legs often (which is FANTASTIC… who wants little when one is strong and gorgeous), but she looked so tiny last night.  HOW?  LOL.  Genetics?  I really do not think it is that diet she was apparently on that was reported in Woman’s Home Journal a few years ago either. :)  

Just thinking about how I could add some more interest to my activity and I am remembering an ex-bf who taught me a little Seneglese dancing.  And after watching Beyonce dance for 2.5 hours, I think a little hip and butt action, MIGHT BE in order, for a little switch-a-roo-Fun. 

So getting away from the physical, what a great message for young girls and woman that this journey is about discovering who you are.  Fierce, strong, brave, SURVIVING and figuring it all out with dignity and many smiles among the tears.  No matter where we are at, I am thinking now, on this weight loss journey but all things too, just do the best we can and BE HAPPY.  Patience and respect.  Both apathy and obsession are just pathetic and unhealthy!  But somewhere in between is a mighty fine place to be.

Really enjoyed the energy.   All right, this is me….. Energized!  Living to be my best ME !!!

Good times.  Off to the farmer’s market and library….

Feeling sad about some personal life stuff and I am facing one meal of emotional eating head on (with peace) realising that I do not want it to continue.   The portions were fine, but for health reasons I need to not chose poorly.  No matter what B.S. stress is going on, IT IS SO NOT WORTH screwing myself over. I am better than this!  I deserve better then this!  I just need to be a little thoughtful of my choices today. I am calling it Emotion Awareness Day.  When I feel a negative emotion today, I am going to write it down and think for a minute of two about it. How will I just identify the emotion when I never seem to any other time?  I will be wanting dairy or chocolate!  This I know of me.  Anyways, when I want, I will just identify the emotion I am really feeling, feel that emotion, be uncomfortable for a few minutes and deal. I am strong and I have lost about 10 pounds of those that I gained. I am not about to start up again with some old bad habits.  Nothing and nobody is worth me emotional eating.  Those food choices will only screw with my body chemisty and I want to feel hot, sexy, awesome and beautiful.  Poor choices will cause me to go inward and I desire a more extroverted me.  I will post any emotions and how I dealt with them here.  This is me, being proactive today.  I would rather be here for me, then silent with myself.  I am afraid to not be here at Buddyslim today.  So, I am here, hopeful and proactive. 

*smiles*March 26, 2009.

*signed*   Me - Jennifer L. P.

Remember: I love myself today!

Today I felt the following emotions and this is how I dealt with them:  (Hey, just writing this, I could be hyper-aware and not WANT, well it could happen. :):)  But I am hoping forethought is my insurance.  I have come so far in my thinking.  Not being so restricted and really respecting the needs of my body.   I have actually lost weight by exercising a little less, eating mostly whole foods and respecting my hunger and satisfaction.   I WILL learn to deal with the uncommon and unpleasant emotions damnit….lol  *said in a cutsy fun way* UPDATE:

I am thankful for the results of my test as it was confirmed that food is not my problem. The nutritionist was pleased that I had such a varied diet. Sure I could go easier on the dairy, I should avoid large amounts of certain seafoods (which I do) and I should limit the amount of lentils, but mostly it was good to chat with a nutritionist who could provide a little more perspective and guide me towards some other areas that might be helpful. Just thought I would share that.   Happy to also share that I am FINALLY enjoying food again.

I think so highly of my wonderful buddies here. I just really adore you all and admire you, well, for your uniqueness and strengths. I must apologize to my newer buddies who I have not gotten to know so well. I needed to step back from this place just a little and you know, it worked for me to do so. I feel so much more patience with my body (not all the time, but a lot of the time). I will share one thing. I was in this interesting position the other day, strangely, in the kitchen light, and I could see my loosey goosey skin/fat just hanging and jiggling and you know, a smile came over my face. WHO cares! I decided to just see the humor in it… The humor in how I have fought for so long to try and change out of vanity. Ahhhh NOW this moment was peaceful. I accepted me in all that I was. Mind, body and spirit merged in bliss and that was priceless. There will be a day when I am a little less to be sure, but I wouldn’t say that I could be happier then than I was smiling at that moment with my imperfect perfection. Today I am thankful for my peacefulness within, my lovely sweetie who I hope has a good time in Vancouver and my lovely lovely cat who after he meowed and meowed decided to sleep at my feet. Sure I was awake, but it was priceless.I have been and will be continually influenced by numerous people here, my buddies whether I am here or gone. 

I just realised thanks to a buddies blog (thank you Kimmi) that some one left here and I was in fact missing a buddy.  When I checked a special list on the back of my bookmark of  buddies I was able to decifer who it was who left - Jillian!  I am most sorry if I missed a post saying she was leaving.  She was such a lovely lady, so positive.  Things change in life and certainly big changes are needed sometimes in life inorder to shake things up. This site is not the end all be all for weight loss.  In the end we have to be accountable to ourselves.  I have been thinking a lot about how important it is to feel and be independent on this journey.  You know, feel supported and support others who you connect with, but still do for myself more.  This is my weight loss journey after all and I have choices to make, consistant ones.  

Jillian, I wish I could have told you how special you are.  Well I hope you know it anyways.  Maybe you will read this.  I wish you all the best.  Hugs to you……………..

I see Tasha too left.  Always hugs to you.  A lady who when I got to kind of know her a bit, I saw her as a truly great one.   

I am writing this as it has come up else where in Buddyslim land.

All I will say is that like all vitamins and minerals, they are best attained from the diet.   Supplements are a form of medicine and should be treated as so.

Specificly Zinc has come up.  :)  Yah, hip hip horray for Zinc!

Great zinc sources are meat, fish and oysters.  But vegetarian souces include pumpkin seeds (awesome source!), peanuts, nuts, other seeds like sunflower, beans, whole grains, wholegrain cereals, brown rice, whole wheat bread and potatoes. Some fruits and veggies, yogurt and egg yolks contain a little too.  I think vegetarians have to be most aware of their unique zinc requirements.  Accesive zinc from supplements is not good either!!!

What is important for me to remember is that low levels of zinc can occur and has occured for me in the past when I eat a very high fiber diet.  SO I just remember to balance the fiber from fruits, veggies, legumes and grains and some good zinc sources.  Mother Nature does provide where as big food processing companies so often just take and take…take our money and take our health!  Oops…. I mean we are giving it to them.  My bad. 

Zinc is necessary for a variety of functions with in the body and is too easily depleted.  The following can lead to low levels of zinc… YAH, a little review: a diet high in phylates, poor zinc levels in soil, exercise due to sweat loss, aging, pregnancy, growth periods, the pill, PMS, increased copper intake, fasting or starvation, enzyme functions, serious illness of injury, intravenous therapy with out zinc supplementation, stress, any wound that requires healing, alcoholism, diuretic therapy, psoriasis, parasites, malabsorption, cirrhosis, renal disease, chronic diseases, cadmium toxicity. (Staying Healthy with Nutrition, by Elson M. Haas, M.D.)

Good good.

Hope everyone in BuddyslimLand is doing excellent.

Quitting is not as horrible, let me tell you, compared to dying of lung cancer.  Clients have told me that they should have tried harder.  I hate to write this dark blog, but I just must.  I have seen people die, as I have cared for them, while they suffer the most sickening, long, lasting days.  And I have recently learned that the mother of two kids I babysat for years in high school is dying of lung cancer AND liver cancer!  So incredibly sad.  Her ‘kids’ are now in their early 20s and I am just…..dull.  Why am I dull?  Because I feel I could be a caregiver of a dying mother.  I was earning money from that same babysitting job with that family and trying to buy Lifesign to help my Mom stop smoking twenty years ago.  I was fully aware that my Mom was hurting herself and those around her and I just wanted her to live a long time.  Just frustrating, then and now. 

Sometimes I feel bad about spreading the darkness and sometimes I remain quiet, but you know what, I am being real today! 

I have no feelings with how difficult it is to stop.  I realise this is nasty as I am to be empathetic and compassionate.  I am sorry to say, just feeling some dullness.  Which is disturbing.

Ok, now that I have gotten this off my chest…..  Moving on!

I watched a very controversial movie this weekend, Bill Maher’s Religulous.  And it made me think of my past ‘religious’ practises with diet and weight loss.  It has been so much nicer lately to get back to exercising and really enjoying food without the Food Police or Exericse Police speaking in the back of my head.  Whether it is simple nutricious foods or indulging in some yum yums (Dim Sum yesterday), it has all been good again.  I mean, the idea that one has to be so focused all the time in order to lose just seems so ridiculous to me now.   It seemed logical, ‘dieting’, when I was gaining and maintaining, but my body was just revolting, for little while.  It was whispering to me, speaking and then SHOUTING AT ME!!!  When I was gaining and maintaining it was pure frustration.  But I found it in me to back away, relax, believe in my studies and regroup.  What is important to me?  What makes me tick?  Who am I and if I am being real with myself, what does this look like?  I am learning to be okay with doubt in some areas of my life knowing that I do not have to solve everything.  I do not have to get everything done.  I can enjoy my mind (it is a fun place to be when I am not stressed) and I do not have to lose my entire Being by thinking there is something More.  Doubt about the little-big things is better for me then trying to find meaningless psuedo-answers.   Relaxing with the unknown is not so bad at all and I feel so much more peaceful. 

This being said, I am going to listen to science and in 2ish weeks, after elliminating certain foods that I am sensitive to I will come back and share how much weight I have lost.  I do not even feel the need to cross my fingers and toes…lol   I weighed in for myself (175) and will share how much weight I have lost by not eating those not so ideal foods for my body … consistant exercise too with days off of course.  Who knew cells could be so pissy!  I might even post a pic.  I just had to take down my other pic as I did not think it was me.  Oh good, this body is not me anyways.  I know this, but I still want some new and fresh clothes too, so there is some reality to form and it’s importance.  You know, there is health, but it is the clothes that I want too.  ;)  I do not even want little skimpy clothes, I just want clothes that reveal the true me.  I can not figure out why I can not find a style that seems like me.  Do I just not care about clothes?  Weird? I mean I could seriously shop the Salvation Army and feel good especially if I got a good deal.   Still I think investing in clothes will be good for me as I start to not be a student.  

Goal until I come back with an update:  Write down some personal Body Practice philosophies (see Rae’s profile) and love myself as much as I can handle.  And an example of this is, and I have been doing this somewhat consistently, when I am down I do something like showering and giving myself a nice spa scrub, moiturize myself with a nice body butter and then realise that this body does a lot for me and I am grateful for every inch, cellulite and all !  It is so much easier to eat well and move in a good way when you love yourself instead of saying negative things to or about yourself.

Have a wonderful week Everyone.