Jennifer

I watched a very controversial movie this weekend, Bill Maher’s Religulous.  And it made me think of my past ‘religious’ practises with diet and weight loss.  It has been so much nicer lately to get back to exercising and really enjoying food without the Food Police or Exericse Police speaking in the back of my head.  Whether it is simple nutricious foods or indulging in some yum yums (Dim Sum yesterday), it has all been good again.  I mean, the idea that one has to be so focused all the time in order to lose just seems so ridiculous to me now.   It seemed logical, ‘dieting’, when I was gaining and maintaining, but my body was just revolting, for little while.  It was whispering to me, speaking and then SHOUTING AT ME!!!  When I was gaining and maintaining it was pure frustration.  But I found it in me to back away, relax, believe in my studies and regroup.  What is important to me?  What makes me tick?  Who am I and if I am being real with myself, what does this look like?  I am learning to be okay with doubt in some areas of my life knowing that I do not have to solve everything.  I do not have to get everything done.  I can enjoy my mind (it is a fun place to be when I am not stressed) and I do not have to lose my entire Being by thinking there is something More.  Doubt about the little-big things is better for me then trying to find meaningless psuedo-answers.   Relaxing with the unknown is not so bad at all and I feel so much more peaceful. 

This being said, I am going to listen to science and in 2ish weeks, after elliminating certain foods that I am sensitive to I will come back and share how much weight I have lost.  I do not even feel the need to cross my fingers and toes…lol   I weighed in for myself (175) and will share how much weight I have lost by not eating those not so ideal foods for my body … consistant exercise too with days off of course.  Who knew cells could be so pissy!  I might even post a pic.  I just had to take down my other pic as I did not think it was me.  Oh good, this body is not me anyways.  I know this, but I still want some new and fresh clothes too, so there is some reality to form and it’s importance.  You know, there is health, but it is the clothes that I want too.  ;)  I do not even want little skimpy clothes, I just want clothes that reveal the true me.  I can not figure out why I can not find a style that seems like me.  Do I just not care about clothes?  Weird? I mean I could seriously shop the Salvation Army and feel good especially if I got a good deal.   Still I think investing in clothes will be good for me as I start to not be a student.  

Goal until I come back with an update:  Write down some personal Body Practice philosophies (see Rae’s profile) and love myself as much as I can handle.  And an example of this is, and I have been doing this somewhat consistently, when I am down I do something like showering and giving myself a nice spa scrub, moiturize myself with a nice body butter and then realise that this body does a lot for me and I am grateful for every inch, cellulite and all !  It is so much easier to eat well and move in a good way when you love yourself instead of saying negative things to or about yourself.

Have a wonderful week Everyone.