Jennifer

I am finding that eating a bit later helps me to feel much better over the course of the night.  So instead of eating at 5-5:30, 6:30 is a nice time to start or finish my last meal. Enjoyed some good eats at our fave restaraunt LaBamba last night, then home to watch Idol….. *sigh*  I am not at all shocked Kris won.  He had that home grown feel and was about as sweet and wonderful as apple pie. He really did surprise me the last couple shows-very impressive.   The polished nails and intensity could not have appealed to the masses no matter how incredibly talented Adam was and is.  I did not like every single performance of his, but I really admire his sense of self and his courage to be that which is different in pretty mainstream America.   Adam through out the season, hands down, made everyone better!  Success to them both for sure…….

A friend and I were talking and she wants to set up some health goals for herself, but she does not want to become socially different.  I know this is important.  I just have always felt like I needed to chose my health first.  But there should be a way to find some good balance by keeping the goals moderate.  I found it interesting that her husband is more of an extremist then her in that he wants to fast and she does not.  He wants her to do it with him and she is resistant.  Fasting is a personal thing and that fact that she is resisting leaves me to think that she is listening to her spidey senses.  So I definitely support them both.  She laughed her infectuous laugh when I told said that he should find his inner strength and just do what he needs to do.  Granted she is a naughty lady saying she would tease him with food.  Now, that is just nasty…..hehe.

So, I feel myself testing myself.  If I eat this, will I judge myself?  Kind of a personal test.  Had to see the doctor yesterday and so I found myself feeling her words more then what she was actually saying.  She is a moderate of course.  So, I guess I do see that food does not have the great effect on the body as I have hoped.  I mean I have been awesome diet wise and I am not quite balanced in my physical health.  (Still I have found better health when I changed really awful eating habits in the past.)   I mean I really have wanted to believe that I could make things better for myself and I know to some degree I can.  But, I am saying right now, that good food does not equal good health.  There are so many factors and I needed to write this and surrender to life, a little.

The strict me says that eating a brownie for breakfast was stupid and unhealthy for me, but continuing to live with great restrictions is maybe more harmful.  There are many people out there that are saying right now, YIKES, ok she is no health nut?  Well I have been and it does very little for my complete health.  So from this point on I am addressing the food police in my head.  The brownie is not a staple thank god (Twas too yummy!!!), but it is the beginning of this journey where I address those voices.  HOW COULD I NOT JUDGE FOOD WHEN I HAVE STUDIED ABOUT THE EFFECTS OF THIS AND THAT AND HOW THIS AND THAT HELP THIS……  I am seeing the flaws of The Hard Core Beliefs Of Any Topic….. nutrition, politics, religion….    There are no certainties with anything.  What matters is the peace with in.  And usually the body is fed well with whole foods, fruits and vegetables, good quality protein and healthy fats.  But sometimes the spirit begins it’s lifelong nourishment with the consumption of chocolately freedom.  I know my hormones are now affected with sugar, but a little sweetness now and then really ought to be something good if it does not spiral.  So, I had an enjoyable treat and that is that.  No judgment please!!!  I already have one in my head.  Right now I have her harnessed in rope, chains and leather~giving her a taste of HER OWN medicine.  Ha!!!    (lol… I have been watching United States of Tara.  :)  I am somewhat serious and also being somewhat funny…..

Not about to write about this complete journey here, but this is where I am at.  This is such a huge change for me and I find meaning is lost when I write in the stadium of friends and foe.  What matters is that I find my meaning and I am confident with that.  I felt like I was being dishonest if I did not say where I was at in my head.  I think it does not matter so much that I write, but I just needed to be real.

And I am also proud of my non-mindless eating nights!  This will be the main reason that I lose a few more……….  It’s easy now!

Question:  Can I have a treat and not feel that I have failed, causing me to eat a greater number of these type foods (one is a delightful treat, 2, ok, more is gluttony and unhealthy)  -  Yes/No

Did I have a day where I dealt with my emotions well and did not have that all or nothing mentality:  Yes/No  ………will answer later.

Wishing Everyone a great day!