Jennifer

I am a little shocked because it has never taken so little to cause me to go from healthy to a little off balance with the emotions and my health.  I would be lying if I said I was fine.  I was a little frustrated, but am a little better today.

My sugar intake began with a balsamic salad dressing, then I had hoison sauce, a peanut sauce dip, some Thousand island dressing, then a few bites of cake and then some Wendy fries.  Yes their fries have sugar in them!   Weird.  THIS IS THE ONLY SUGAR/SWEETNER I had in 18 days.  So I am not blaming the sugar for my issues but I feel it is a contributing factor.  Ahhh how I just started to convince myself that it was all right.  Well seriously, other then feeling awful yesterday, it is not a big deal…lol  The thing is, I can start over.  Today is day 1 for no sugar.  Tonight is night 23 for NO mindless night time eating.  I am keeping some perspective though, as this is the healthiest and best I have ever felt, until this last day.  What matters is that I have awareness and I am not beating myself up over anything.  Even with these little goals, they are more for fun than say obsessive goals and reprimands.  It is more fun and it keeps me more focussed BECAUSE I am like a little kid, I just want and want and want…..  And without this awareness, I have had and had and had in the past.  So Jenny’s 30 day challenge was in fact better then I could have imagined.  It is like a leather collar and chain only, I like it.

And I do well when I am not on a team, but rather I am just doing it for myself.

I would start the sugar challenge all over again if I could have a new tasty experience with food like I did with part of that piece of cake (I WILL NOT describe it….hehe).  It was awesome to share with my sweetie, though I must say, I hardly knew he was there, I was so involved with the pleasurable cake, my drug.  My bad!! lol   So strange, but I think in the past I have tried to achieve that new experience with food when it is good, but it is never as good as the first palatable experience.   Hmmm….

I am making one exception though because life is too short to live with SUCH restrictions.  I am allowing for a little raw honey or an equivalent in say somthing like that cranberry spinach salad that I mentioned in a previous blog. ;)  YUM.  If I want, that will be a treat to enjoy.

What I learned when I just had those few foods that were sweetened with sugar.  I ENJOYED THEM so much!  I really aprreciated and savored whereas I never use to.  That was a good thing to realise.
Holding onto this little treasure…..

Intuitive Eating can work and it can also not work for me.  It works when I am balanced, but when I am not balanced, that ‘intuitive choice’ might be more of an unhealthy desire.  So the 10 principles still are the healthiest I have ever found.  I just know I have needed to address my little addictions and formulate new ways of being.

Goal: find my balance, reclaim my hormones and feel healthy again. And play with my will power and continue with this lifestyle of option for sugar free choices instead of countless food choices that are filled with various kinds of sweeteners.

I will likely only toot my own horn if I make it to my 30 days, that is if I don’t lose tract.  It could happen.  ;)  Other then that, no more talk of sugar.  It gives nothing back to my life by eating it (ok…. a few moments of pleasure) or talking about it.  The fact is, my body does better with out it.  So….. moving on……

Boy o boy….. I recall just writing recently about how excellent I have been feeling.  Things changed quickly, but luckily I am back on my wagon and am enjoying life.  Off to walk around the river with a friend.  It is such a cool day, but it will be great.  My first river walk of the year. 

More and more I am coming on here, not my computer *frowns*, because this is still the only place I can express my weighty thought and concerns.  I think I have been talking less about things then I use to with David as things are just great in my head.  I really like where I am at.  From the outside I am sure it looks like control, but I am enjoying life, food and not worrying about this or that.  I truly have been feeling good.  But the problem is David still thinks that I am going to get all worried and stressed if I have some sugar (because he knows my goals are important to me) and I am just more relaxed then I have ever been?  What is the problem?  I think he feels guilty or fear or both because I had a bit of his sugary treat yesterday.  I perhaps should have resisted, but it was not about my goal.  I feel I will not explain this well, but I just felt good with everything and wanted to prove to myself that food/sugar was not my enemy.  And I enjoyed my entire meal and a few bites of a treat, without rushing.   I always tend to eat fast at a restaurant and I enjoyed it like it was one wonderful hour of shear bliss, because it was.  I think I liked the act of chewing really slow and experiencing every unique texture and flavor.  And I did NOT fear sugar.   I was not craving, I just was living in the moment with peace.    So I ENJOYED.  I was able to enjoy….. And I think it was a show for David too, who seemed to enjoy me eating with such intent and pleasure.  Just that thing at the end with the treat.  NOW, the day after, I understand why he was the way he was.

I am still opting for foods that do not have sweeteners, but the more I have thought about this part of my goal, the more I have felt like it is not the big thing for me.  I started this because I ate a shit load of chocolate chips.  I still could not figure that one out and I do not care.  The only thing that matters is what I choose to do with each new moment with food now.  Food and I are going to work together to achieve some greatness, but I will not be afraid.  I have been in the past, fearful I guess because of where my head has been at.  Really when I have overloaded my body with junky foods (not a judgement, just fact), I have not been able to deal well with stress and life.  But there is a balance within and I know if I can just learn confidence (a mystery!?) then I will be set.  But as it is, I feel peace with the many things that have been sources of stress in the past.

The freedom from mindless night time eating has been wonderful for me.  And I like not worrying about, well what if I am hungry!?  Well, if I am hungry, I will eat something!!!  What a concept.  I did not become overweight in my life because I ate when I was hungry.  lol.  By respecting my hunger, my metabolism does not live in fear.  Rather if rewards me with a half pound here and a half pound there, LOST.  Ok, I will take this and be thankful.  It is about the little changes after all…..

My goals are now just more like lifestyle or healthy ways of being.  Still I need to pat myself of the back, I have gone 21 days without mindless eating.  What does this mean?  Well most nights I have only had herbal teas, decaf tea, water or Caflib.  Some nights I have had fruits or veggies.  And only one night when I ate light through out the day did I absolutely need to feed my true hunger….I enjoyed that rye toast and fruit like it was heaven on a plate.  It would have been disrespectful to not eat.  Not to mention it would have been negative for me who is trying to work on the metabolism, not put it into sleep mode again.   So this is the goodness that came from some intensity yesterday.  I will take all the heated moments and joys in life as it all sculpts me into this person I am meant to be.

Sugar is opportunistic!  I should write about all the reasons that sugar is bad for our health and I am talking the highly refined sugar, but I will just keep it specific here.

Raw sugar,  honey, molassas, maple syrup in fact do come with some healthy properties like vitamins and minerals.  On the other hand, the biggest thing that refined sugar does to us is that it depletes our bodies.  Now in this society, people are eating less and less completely whole food and so vitamins are lost during processing.  Not to mention healthy oils are lost or changed and unhealthy fats are added. Anyways, back to sugar!  Sugar requires vitamins inorder to be metabolised in the body.  Now the body needs glucose, but this can be attained from fruits, vegetables, legumes and whole grains and rare and natural sweeteners.  Refined sugar that comes into our bodies depletes vitamins and minerals from our body (minerals that are necessary for an INSANE amount of other bodily funtions) and gives nearly nothing back.  Well it provides us with low energy and excess weight if that counts!  Plus disease loves sugar because it lowers our immune system.  So what is the pay off ?  Why eat the crap?

Well I was CRAVING last night and I know I had a light supper on carbs.  Not absent, just lower as I had a little rye garlic toast, veggies and some corn (made a southwest chicken stir fry with corn, veggies and Franks hotsauce).  I was okay with this because I was in control.  But I SO WANTED peanut butter pie!!!  (and I was not craving fat, I did get plenty yesterday).  I wanted and I could hardly remember what it tasted like.  I could feel the texture, but the tastey nutty sweetness was gone from my tastebud memory.  And so, I road the wave.  Talked with David and realised that I have gone 19 nights (going on 20….tonight is a big one, BBQ) withOUT eating at night for emotional reasons or boredom.  I could not do it to myself.  I was not even hungry.  I nearly let myself convince myself that I was, BUT I WAS NOT.  So, I am better for the discussion and the ride on that wave.  I was in control and I came out of it just fine.  (In the past I did not come out fine.  I caved many a times because my brain was operating on sugar from past meals.  No more.)  Note to self: Health was NOT what got me through these moments of craving.  Intellectually I could see that it was a poor choice, but that was NOT the reason I got over my craving.  I needed to remember my goal.

So tonight I want to have a hearty supper and enjoy some fun times with some good people.  I think I am making a Mediterrianin chickpea salad for the BBQ.

A buddy sent me a recipe and I had to say….YUM.  I will be making this SOON.

My tweaked version of Cranberry Spinach Salad:

*   1 t. of butter + 2 t. of cold pressed olive oil
* 3/4 cup almonds or pecans (soaked and dried)
* 1 pound spinach, rinsed and torn into bite-size pieces
* 1/2-1 cup dried cranberries
* 2 tablespoons lightly toasted sesame seeds
* 1 tablespoon poppy seeds
* ~1/4 c. raw honey
* 2 teaspoons minced onion
* 1/4 teaspoon paprika
* juice of one lemon
* 1 t.-ish apple cider vinegar
* 1/4-1/2 c. cold pressed extra virgin  olive oil or any lighter tasting oil AND a couple T. of water if need be

DIRECTIONS

1. In a pan, melt butter and oil over medium heat. Place nuts in pan until lightly toasted. Remove and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, place spinach with the cooled nuts and cranberries.
3. In a medium bowl, whisk together the sesame seeds, poppy seeds, honey, onion, paprika, lemon juice, cider vinegar, and oil. Toss with spinach just before serving and ENJOY.

*Note I made changes to this with out trying.  I am not having sweeteners at this time so I will enjoy this later.  But I love this recipe.  I have had something similar in a restaurant with strawberries instead of cranberries.  YUM!  This will be great.  I think next week I am going to do some tweaking and make this, but I will use a fruit puree -pineapple or a few dates instead of sugar??? not sure.  YES dates come with some nice nutrients.  I can not wait!  Ahh it seems sinful to have dates and yet I know better… Moderation, Mother Nature and my butt will thank me later while my tastebuds thank me im The Moment  :)  I am leaning towards pineapple, oil, pineapple juice, 1-2 dates and then the rest of the ingredients for the dressing.

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Jamies-Cranberry-Spinach-Salad/Detail.aspx   -  site of the original recipe.

Hope Everyone has a wonderful weekend.  *hugs*

So, I am usually good at being creative, but I am at a loss and curious, what is your fave salad?

I am going to a BBQ and need to take a salad.  Just would like some ideas.  If you could help by sharing, that would be great and thanks in advance.

Have a wonderful weekend!

I finally feel like there is an opening and I can jump or remain still.  It is always a choice.  I am happy to say I am jumping a little, splashing and making little ripples.   But there is still room for more.   I can not say much on this as I am afraid that it will all end.  This is just how I am.  I have been witness to my circular nature and I have the blogs to express this never-seeming-to-learn cycle.  I have been DIZZY at times!  But finally things seem a little different.  Maybe it came when I was more at ease with myself….those few times…lol  I have let go of some of those old beliefs of myself.  Anyways I am today what I want to be, not what I was 30 years ago or even last week!   How can I be 33 and not feel more my age then I did at 18?  What will it take to feel powerful and limitless???

I am at ease FINALLY with this completely insane journey of weight loss.  It has been nuts and in the past and I have felt nuts because of all that it brings.  No talking of this.  Been there, done this!!!  HOW did I discover peace and relaxation with my weight?  And let’s be serious, the turtle progress this time around…  Well it is the absence or near absence of all the sugar I think.  The only time I have had a little sugar has been when I eat out and the amount has been minimal… a little in dressings and dips.  So, I learned that sugar really does affect my body chemistry, my mind, my emotions and my decisions.  The near absence of sugar has helped me to feel whole and peaceful.  -just a couple things I ate out had sugar.

So what does this mean?  Will my mind hold myself back from my life or will I feel brave and do great things?  I AM NOT THE THOUGHT(S) in my head.

I am ……………  what?  really?  whatever, just going with it……

So I have gone 13 days of NOT eating after supper unless hungry.   I feel the joys of a metabolism and I’m appreciating.  I do believe it just settled down into hybernation over the winter.  I am not kidding either.  I have made some changes, but STILL!  That was just craziness!  Anyways I think I learned some things that will help me keep the metabolism going.  So, the 13 nights have been great.  Now I am fairly sure that I consumed sugar last night.  We spent the day with a couple yesterday which was very nice - played some board games (crappy weather) and watched hockey.  Enjoyed some sushi together for lunch and then I just forgot about my goals.  Not a big deal, but I am almost positive that I had sugar in a dressing that I put on my Greek and spinach salad.  It was a balsamic vinegarette that was so tangy and sweet tasting and I enjoyed, though it did seem a bit rich for my stomach later, oh yeh in combination with a thin crust chicken and vegetable pizza w/ pesto sauce instead of tomato sauce.  The fact that the meal stayed with me so long, could have just been the fat content or the flour because I did not over eat at all, at any part of the day.  I enjoyed it anyways.  I did feel like I had let myself down momentarily because of the sugar, then I grabbed some perspective!!!  It was a fun day with some good people.   I went 8 days with NO SUGAR/sweetener OF ANY KIND.  That is a record for me and I feel great because of it.  My next and completely usual thought was, “well I blew it so, now I can have sugar again.”  Well no way!!  This is a lifestyle change and having a little sugar in some dressing (of which I maybe had a tablespoon and a half) is not a huge deal.  Sure I made the commitment, but one of my unspoken commitments is to be gentle with myself and progress with my lifestyle changes.  So making the choice to continue on with the no sweeters and sugar is exactly what I intend to do.  I am firm on the no mindless eating at night though.  This is just VERY good for me.  Eating at night, mindlessly, is a behavior that I recall so well and has become a very unhealthy behavior for me.  I just do not need that food in me, unless I have exercised that night and need a little something something….fruit or something.

So, that is that.

Freedom from night time eating - 13 days

Sugar/sweetener free - 8 days, a trip-up along my path…moving on…

Chemical free - doing the best I can in this society of ours and I am not over thinking things too much.

*Yesterday’s activity: cleaning condo quickly, with my sweeties help, before company came over.  Hey, we have stairs so it was a complete and good work out…  :)   Today:  Muscles!!!

 What briefly came from eating more protein? - ENERGY and some weight loss (likely water loss)But the energy did not last.

I can not even contain myself!

Hockey is ON! 

Cute toes!

WOW!

People who bitched at you on your 50th were with out anything meaningful to say, hence the b.s. spew. 

*sigh*

…Keep it going!

I am so freaking ecstatic that hockey is not over after the Oilers.  Thank you Washington!!!

Thank you Alex for being such a joy to watch!  It is during these playoffs that I have seen him play and what a guy, he just loves the game.

Live.  Love.  Laugh.  Lust?   lol

Hey, it’s late and after Alex’s hat trick, I feel inspired to get some cardio in.  Yeh, hormomes are AWESOME. 

And so is

……Determination!

P.S.: God, thanks for delivering such an awesome player to watch.  I did not think you had it in you again.  I am glad I was wrong.  Hehe… thanks for all the jokes and helping me to feel meaning in seemingly meaningless times…and the new things that you have brought into my life (I do not think it was all me :),  THANK YOU! 

——————————–

This is off my topic, lol, but I am off to get my gift this AM as I have gone 8 nights WITH OUT MINDLESS EATING after supper.  I did need a grapefruit last night and it was wonderful.  This is the only way to live for me.  Had to feel it to know, that it’s not even denial.  Better sleep, better energy, better ass and thighs…..

 So Ms Jenny McCarthy has inspired me to rethink more commitments for my 30 days.  Well it was not JUST her. See, my consumption of chocolate in the last week has been at an all time high.  I know the weight of the dark Hershey chocolate chip bag and in secret I ate one and bought another because I felt so naughty.  When you put your plastics in the recycling bag, they are NOT easily forgotten, like in the past when I just put them into the garbage.  This new lifestyle of recycling is good in many ways - no lying or “forgetting” allowed.  Like buying another bag of chips would actually last, NO of course not.  Plus we indulged in more chocolate last night.  My god!   So, after reading Jenny’s blog (see Oprah.com)  about how she is challenging herself with no eating after 7PM and no sugar for JUST 30 days, I too am making some neccessary changes.

I am eating before 7PM.  Last night stretched to 7:30 and the night before was 8:00ish.  So no more of this.  Still it was my meals, no snacking after, but still.  8:00 is too late for me.  I have been successful for 5 official nights now.  *Pats self on back*  (Will feed true hunger with reasonable food as to not stress myself.  Just NO MINDLESS eating.)

I am eating sugar/sweetener-free.  YIKES, hey?  This is the biggest thing for me.  This and chocolate have become a little addiction lately.  I say one tablespoon of my Mom’s strawberry jam but no it is double and a little more.  This will mean virtually nothing processed and that is just fine with me. Not eating at night has been a breeze, I am going to feel this missing in my life for awhile but I know I will be better for it.

I am also eating a chemical/additive-free diet.  I am not going to preach about this badness.  I know it is crap and this is for me.  When I grabbed an antihistamine the other night because I was so uncomfortable, that was shocking.  But you can be damn sure I will be not eating the crap that made me feel so awful in the first place, well for 30 days for sure!

Seriously if my Mother bitches about her seasonal allergies again I may snap on her ass too (see I kind of snapped on MY ass/self..lol).  She smokes and then proceeds to blame everything outside of her own actions.  *shakes head*  WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES???  What ever, me thinking about the past chocolate and sugar binges is not productive.  Some professionals think it may not even be helpful to figure out why we eat/behave as we do.  The most productive thing might be to actually retrain ourselves with new behaviors.  No more over thinking things.  It is unproductive in a world and big brain that may be beyond understanding.  Much less stressful to just chose to make new choices and do so in a supporting environment.  So this is what the 30 day challenge is about….retraining.

What I have learned in my studies….. It is natural to have cravings if one is not getting the proper balance of nutrients.  Like if one eats a higher protein diet (and I have been doing this to deal with some hypothyroid-like symptoms and things are improving and the weight is coming off little by little) one will need NEED more water and will desire more sugar (carbs).   (Also people will NEED more calcium.  This is why those with a low fat vegetarian diet do not require as much calcium as those who eat high fat dairy, meat and sugar diet.) And because the body really wants it instantly, it will often want the simple sugar and not necessarily the bread or the pasta.  Hmmm…. I think I experienced this.  Only I am not a child and with this challenge, I have to be aware and eat the little more healthy carbohydrates in balance.  Because seriously sugars are prime feedings for disease/cancer.  God and I know this too.  Well, cheers to changes.  There is no stress because it is 30 days, but I would like to develop healthier choices.  That is the goal-Life long health and weight loss.

The thing that is keeping my moods (well some moodiness with the sugar! duh!) in check and helping to create my past shapely legs, OF COURSE the exercise!  Not eating at night is helpful because I am sleeping better too and there is less slow moving food in my gutt.   All good things.  Especially the Hard Body Yoga.  I think my legs MUST be looking FINE.  David has said he would like to try!  I told him when he does it to take it easy the first time.  I am so excited to have an exercise partner, maybe, hopefully…..hehe.

So I am losing weight slowly.  But the scale is nearly dead and my computer is DEAD.  I posted that it was slowly taking a downward turn (shutting off when ever it wanted) well, it is DEAD.  So, it will be awhile before I have a new one.  I am using my sweetie’s and truly it feels like a beast compared to my laptop…lol  Anyways I am thankful for the use.  But I will be on the computer less for awhile.

If I should faulter a little with my 3 personal challenges I WILL let ya know.  Here I am, honest with me (YAH!) and I will also be honest with you.  Buddyslim is a part of my life.  I just have to use it affectively.  ;)  I will be posting a new picture at the beginning of summer along with my ticker.  The old ticker has been out of commision but it WILL be back then.  When my metabolism slowed, so did my spirit.   But I am happy to say, both are soaring.  Well it just seems good to see some slight visual changes.  I will take this ride on the turtle ANY DAY !

The freedom from the mindless night time eating…..

For the kind of dieter that I am, I MUST relax equally as much as I think about all this craziness.  Key: Stay commited to a couple important things, but relax too.  So far, things are great and I see this becoming a nice little life syle.  I REALLY have not been missing the eating at night at all.  In fact, I like the clean teeth feeling and the ever so empty feeling (very good for my past poor digestion).  I will be sitting and watching a program on TV, maybe even a hockey game (Go Washington, GO!) and I love the freedom from the “one snack, ok, maybe two snacks is okay.  Well the heck, why not one more.”  None of this and it’s wonderful! 

So this and exercise have been helping me to feel strong and healthier.  So, why am I a little nervous?  Well it is the weekend and WHO DOESN’T eat on the weekend nights?  Tonight I am going to a Bath Goddess party and that should be free of snacks, but then there is Saturday night.  No clue what is up, but I want this for me!  Not because of anything other then I want to prove to myself that I can commit to something and be good with it.  A little weight loss would be heavenly too.  SO, I need a little motivation…..hehe

My dear Bif Naked is CANCER FREE (yes she kicked it in the ass big time) and she has a CD coming out this coming week. 

SO my gift to myself for not eating after supper on this first weekend is that I get to buy her new CD on THE DAY it is released.  Other wise I have to wait a week.  Well, this is suddenly easy.  I want the CD!  Also, this summer she’s performing a concert here in Saskatoon, so I desperately need pants or something to go with any number of my tops.  So, my reward for going 30 days with no night time eating after supper (remembering that feeding true hunger is healthy and essential…just a little the curb the real hunger - this is ok) is of course new pants.  Yah!  What if I eat within the 30?  Well I need pants…..and I am pretty sure no one wants to see me naked.  Ok, will cross this bridge when it comes.  It’s mostly all words.  I am going to do my best and the pants will be mine.  But will I have the bragging rights to say I did it?  I WANT THIS !!!

Yah, yah the the motivation should be internal, but I want to make this fun.  No reprimands or feeling bad at any time.  But I do need to stay commited and this requires a little thought.  The fact that my attitude is so great these days is another little reward. 

I feel physically strong and motivated.  And this head of mine is pleasantly on the right way, so that is an added bonus.  

*hugs*