Jennifer

So it was a little loss for having just started - 2 pounds.  I know I could have seen a greater loss, but I did not manipulate myself or the scale.  So I am tooting my own horn with this.  It is difficult to resist that urge but I was telling myself just yesterday, “you better not lose fast because you did that before and look what happened!  Slowly it all came back and more!”  So, two pounds down.  I was thinking about celebrity sweetie, Shay from the Biggest Loser and in away, it is almost a blessing I think for her to hopefully slow down with the weight loss and really develop some healthy, slow, livable weightloss lifestyle strategies and goals.  Even for someone very large, 17 pounds lost in a week is INSANE.  The obsessed nut in me is so jealous, but the wise woman with experience knows the only way to go is slow and steady.  I can not count the number of times I have needed to resist the urge to journal my food or count points this week.  It was good once a long time ago for learning purposes, but it slowly became a way to measure my perfectionism and that just is not healthy for me.  So, noted, moving forward.

Now as for Dr. Oz’s Ultimate Challenge.  I have not been ideal.  I have been thoughtful of it, but not a hard ass.  I guess I am moderate and I am proud of that too.  Everything I did this week like thinking about whether I was hungry, attempting to chose whole foods more often, trying to limit my dessert like foods, has worked.  Still too many sweets, but something is different.  I have a smaller amount of something and that seems good to me.  I LOVE sharing!   As for exercise, it just has not been happening with me since having a really bad cold or flu.  I had all the symptoms of both including a fever for a while, but no respiratory issues, so I just stayed at home with NO activitiy unless you count the five minutes I tried to do on the elliptical.  Started coughing.  Two weeks of this nastiness.  So, I am thinking the weight will continue to drop slowly as I continue with my moderate mentality, add the activity as his plan suggests and adding also the things I enjoy like pilates and hard body yoga.  The cardio will have to come later as I still feel not quite 100% in my lungs.  Still I am starting with my pilates TODAY!

Today I am thankful for good friends and revisiting old gifts from friends that cheer you up again and again.  I am also thankful for being ill because it caused me to step back from my life and see the mess.  By being sick I was able to see what is important and what is not.  So, life gives us what we need, so very often.  I just needed to be still enough to see it and nothing beats illness to stop you in time.   Well it felt like it anyways… 

Tea cheers!

P.S.:  If I get to a weight of 155ish and I am bitching about not being smaller, I would appreciate it if some one bitch slapped me because I will NEVER be ungrateful for that little body again!  Somewhere around there is just right for me.  Boy, to think, after only a few months at buddyslim I was around 152.  Now, 20 some pounds to lose again inorder to feel comfortable and healthy.  Live and learn….. 

I have only seen moments of Biggest Loser and it never really stuck with me.  But then last night at the advice of a friend, I watched and I was so drawn into the reality of it.  First, I was cheering for Shay the whole way.  As the fitness and nutrition consultants talked about her needing to be there I was just her biggest fan.  I was taken back to my biggest, felt that for a bit and then came back to the show and it was all about her journey.  It saddened me to the greatest depths when she got the boot.  I could not believe that guy who should never have made the commitment early on with her only to go back on his word.  He should have never done that, but it reminds me to be careful with my words.  To be thoughtful and act, but to think first because words matter.  But there, rambles.

I was surprised how much depth was present in so many parts of the show.  I really am not a fan of the race to lose the most weight, but it seemed there was more to the show.  And it got me to not have sweets last night.  I ate only to satisfy a little hunger, but did not go for the old comforting sugar.  Why did I want?

It was good to reavaluate some of the things that have been going on in my head and make some changes.  There is often a drama that creeps into life that has no business being there.

And, I want to in my own little safe space here at Buddyslim, say that I am SO thankful that I came back here at a time when I needed to, only to read a most random blog of someone I semi-knew, only to read the most important words I needed to read at that time.  And again when the negative thoughts were creeping into my head, I saw her most strong and opinionated words about suicide.  It kind of woke me up, that I needed to make some changes in my life and start seeing what I really have.  And keep striving to be my best….

Other people will do everything they can to make things happen in their world, but that does not mean that that is my truth or my life.  Sometimes only the extreme selfishness of others can be seen and maybe that is because we do not like that in ourselves or maybe it is a reminder that I need to be more selfish in my life. 

I am shocked at how strong I felt with my ability to say no to sweets.   LOL… I always go back to food when I should be thinking about something difficult or doing something else.   Will work on this always….   But really, it was like that tough Ms. Jillian was talking to me.  Boy was I mad at her.  What passion though.   Today I am thankful for the strength I found in myself through that show.  I am thankful for the interconnectedness of our world because someone far far away woke me up to my inner depression.   

So I make the commitment that I will try to think about Shay and personal responsibility when sugar treats come to mind.  I am making this connection that sugar is my go to when I am sad lately.  Not at all surprising when it raises seretonin levels in the brain the fastest.  It just is not so ideal of course.  So other ways to raise this important neurotransmitter is exercise, complex carbohydrates and sunshine.  OK SELF, get on with things……..  *smiles*

Loving Dr. Oz’s challenge.  I am Miss Moderate and I love any healthy eating plan that says, “go ahead and have dessert every second day.”  LOL… I needed that go ahead.  :)   Lately just being told I can have, I have not been wanting so much.  Just when sad…..  hmmmmm.  Interesting.

And on this Remembrance Day, I remember all those who risked and contine to risk their lives to provide peace and safety for us all…..

So I just have no motivation.  I know I am responsible for me and should not depend on others for help.  I must not expect others to do anything in their life inorder to help me.  lol   That sounds pretty pathetic even as I think about it.  But those who know me, always know that I do want the best for the people in my life.  This is just how I am.  But why do I expect so little from myself?  OR is it that I expect too much ???  Ahha moment!

I thought about Weight Watchers and then cringed a bit.  It really is not for me.  It just inspires my othorexic/perfectionist tendancies and I do not want to do that.  What I know is I want to inspire myself and be responsible for helping myself to feel good. 

SO, I am doing the Dr. Oz Ultimate Health challenge!   Minus his hard-on for soy, I am doing this !!! 

This is for me.

My Numbers: Blood Pressure (Normal: 115/75)   -   100/55,    Waist Size (Should be less than 32.5)  - 33,    LDL Cholesterol (Should be less than100)  - ?? Physical is later this year,    BMI (Should be less than 25) - 27.8,  Weight this AM- 183

 http://www.doctoroz.com/challenge/dr-ozs-ultimate-health-challenge

There are no goals in my mind for these numbers.  I just want to see what I can do for myself and I want to develop some better health habits over this winter.  It is funny, funny-curious (not funny haha) how the bad habits just creep in more and more over the colder months.  So, here goes!   Healthy food choices and regular exercise!  No kidding. I am just the kind of person who works best when she is lightly challenging herself.   So, knowing it and doing it! What can I do?  What can I do in 4 weeks?  What can I do this winter?