Jennifer

So I have been working on feeding the hunger in the last few days.  But I can be Ms Snacker for no reason other then fear, boredom, sadness, loneliness and I know I am no different then any other emotional eater.  Grrr….I am going to start to stop thinking of myself as that EEer.  I mean I do not really think about food so much, like I use to, but it’s still my go to after weeks and weeks of success.  Well it has been weeks and weeks of just eating, enjoying, some EE and just living.  Not dealing well with stress.  So I am officially no longer an Emotional Eater.  *smiles* 

So I am in pursuit to improve my physical view of the lower half of my body.  So NO MORE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.  I have to see myself like a goddess or really just quit this all.  So I am chosing to program my thinking and why not start this with being fun and giving myself a nickname…. Limber Limbs, Lightening Legs, Beautiful Legs, Hawt Legs.   Hehe… it’s fun to have a nickname.  :P    Yeh I figured out the poll thing.  LOL 

I want to become what I think….a more positive me!  A successful me!  Thanks to a friend who reminded me that thinking positive brings positive results.

Lately my inner dominatrix got the better of me and I was enticed back into the world of WW.  But I do not even care.  I am not perfecct!   I am not counting points like I use to.  You know, every single point.  Well this time I am rhinkinf about giving Core a real go which means whole foods (in my opinion) for the most part and only counting the non-Core foods which means I have 35 for 7 days.  Also, no measuring and eating until only until satisfied.  I could start today, because yesterday 3 wonderful tasting peanut cookies (one in the form of the dough) were enjoyed 100%.  That would be 12 points down right there.  Yikes!  Sure there were some consequences, and maybe some day I might really get that legumes are not so damn good for me, but I just felt like I wanted so bad.  So I did not deny.  I am not even going to do what I use to do which would be to say NO MORE, cause I know, I WILL WANT, WANT, WANT.  Just going about my day thinking about the joys in my life and having fun.  Getting my stuff done so I can get onto a better stage of life, but still enjoying these moments.

I am not sure what is better…. Start counting my extra points (foods that do not fall into the category of whole foods) on the weekend, this way I have to be good over the week because I am out of points….OR save them starting Monday and then have the weekend to enjoy.   Well I think an experiement is in order.  I will start today, knowing that we are going to the theater and we are having treats.  And then I will feel out the week and see if I am deprived.  I hypothesize (lol) that starting on a Monday and saving up I will feel less like depriving.  If I have the points to freely chose what I can do with them, knowing that we usually like our treats on the weekend (even white rice sushi and sourdough bread are treats as they are NOT Core) then I will be more into eating mostly Core/whole during the week.  But there is nothing as awful on my brain as spending the whole wod having fun, only to have nothing left and then I seem to want more and more and more.

So why the big deal?  Why even do Weight Watchers?  Well I just enjoy my food, but the weight does not want to budge.  There are certain foods that I struggle with when I do not pay attention.  So, I will eat well with the whole (watching the whole grains portions, but still eating them, no recording) but watch the simple sugars and simple startches and will record them.  No meetings.  No journalling.  Just recording the numerical value of non-Core foods.  No depriving… and remembering that non-Core foods are not as nutritious but they ARE not bad.  They simply are foods that contain less vitamins, less minerals, less fiber and I need to monitor my intake.  Maybe I want to be controlled just a little, BUT NOT TOO MUCH.  Life is no fun with out balance.

A special note on healthy fat though… I am not recording healthy fats and the extra oil as Core.  I am simply going with what my intuition tells me is good.  With my ear eczema and sometimes dry skin, I need to just eat as my body tells me to when it comes to the healthy fats especially. 

Yah, off to enjoy my berry almond milk smoothie, pilates work out,  a 3-D movie and a charity steak dinner.

I feel like talking positive is the only way to be positive, so it comes across as this is how I am.  Well those who know me, know I am anything but.  But I still come here because it is my only place to vent about my thoughts and concerns with regards to this weighiness.  :P  And I am glad I have not abandoned this because it is for me.  Regardless of certain things, this is still for me.

So I come here first.  I will not go to the freezer once for any cookie dough this week.  I will focus on my task at hand even though I feel completely stupid not understanding these ridiculous articles for my assignments.  I will let myself feel what ever emotions today and the sugary “foods” and cookie dough are not my go to’s.  I know it is that time of the month so I have these facts to bring me some ease.   I am not going nuts!  Oh goodie!!!  And here I thought it might be a cool way to have a vacation.  Oh grief, keep or dispose of the sarcasm???  Tough one….

Why did I make cookie dough yesterday?  I did not even over indulge.  David and I shared a couple and it was all good.  Now I have the rest frozen.  Do I like to torture myself?  Well clearly I had a craving and did not feel like denying myself.  Well it matters not now.  They are there and I am not eating them.  But, it was so close, early this AM.  I was looking at my assignment and they were calling me.  I looked at the computer and thought of Buddyslim and myself, my goals.  I felt that intense urge to move towards the dough, but no.  I chose to write this pathetic little blog that turns out, saved me for a bit.

Off to face the music of how I am studying for this crumby little course and have no idea what will come next.  Whatever, boo hoo.  First things first, this assignment that plagues me.  Then we will go from there.

The goal today is 3 good meals.  Will work out before or after lunch.  Whatever.  I will just do it.  Assignment.  No laundry or other things that will cause me lose focus.

How sad is it that the only thing I am looking forward to this week is walking in the rain and watching So You Think You Can Dance?   lol

Ok, everything will be all right……….  Concert was great, I did not over drink and it is a new week to do great things, even little great things.

Note to self: Do not let anything big or small overwhelm.   Breathe, feel my moment and become aware of the simple and essential pulse.  In the moment of stress, NOTHING is as important as regaining that relaxation and peace.  Then back to it !

Second Note:  I will not throw out the cookie dough.  I will not make an enemy out of them.  THEY are not my problem!  So many gems I have collected in this weight loss journey from some smart buddies. 

Off to complete todays goals…..

Peace.

A Tip: No eggs in the house at this time, but I still made cookies.  A perfect substitution for an egg,  1 egg= 1 teaspoon of flaxseeds blended well with 1/4 cup of water.  These are small amounts and of course you can not get it all out of the blender, so just a little bit more of the flax and water, blend well and measure it out into the 1/4 c.  This just works wonderful.  I have done this with cookies and breakfast muffins.

So I am awake.  Oscar has waken me up and for what, I do not know.  He has food.  Maybe it’s the rain.  My heavens it smell wonderful!  I feel weird today ??  but I am liking it.

I love it when I opt for a different breakfast and just enjoy the new flavor.   Even if it’s simple, it’s perfect.  A drizzle of agave and salted organic butter on brown rice bread toast was yummy with my 1/2 banana.  I woke up craving almond butter and it’s so weird, but I have noticed that when I crave something I often do not eat it slowly enough.  I thought a change was good and it was!  Most enjoyable! And no thoughts until after that maybe I did not get enough protein.  Why NOT chose the almond butter?  It’s a better choice right?  Well maybe not.  I should avoid most nuts.  The protein thing has been a problem, thinking I need more and more protein when infact, my body might have been saying less and less.  I reason this out since doing this diet and getting a little less protein I feel better.  And well I was so wrong, I can still lose weight and eat around 45-50 grams of protein.  Some days a little more.  Whatever I feel….

I thought I’d be irritable not having this large list of foods on this diet, but I feel clear and usually quite content.  There were times before I think I knew what it felt to be a drug addict…wanting, wanting, needing?  I would lie if I said I did not miss cheese and eggs…. I DO.  But my goal is about getting my intestinal health back into good shape….. just like the rest of me.   I have had soy and feel okay and I feel this must be because I have not had it really so much.   I am not going to start having it a lot either.  I am keeping it extremely moderate.  Like last night.  I made a small chocolate soy sundae with a couple cherries and a 1/4 of a banana…YUM.   Speaking of which I enjoyed that treat like I can not even tell you.  It was heaven!   I was slightly hungry, but I do need to watch out for the mindless night time eating.  I do not need it to creep back in.

The neatest thing about this diet, is there are times I want to eat something for shear boredom and NOTHING appeals.  Those former go to foods (corn, dariy, wheat, peanut) are the ones I can not have on this elimination/allergy diet.  So this is working out REALLY well for my weight loss.  *big smiles*  So many times I have just sat down realising, I was not hungry anyways!  Then there are times I am really hungry and I just eat something on the Can-Have-list.  All good.

Exercise is going well.  No more muffin top!!  Hip hip horray!!!  And my waist is back down to the low 30s instead of the mid 30s.  My legs are toning up and are down 1 whole inch.  LOL.  Well it’s progress.

One thing.  I want to see the documentary with Joaquin Phoenix called Earthlings.  The craziest thing is, it has been out since 2005!! Where have I been???  It’s about the treatment of animals by the world’s food producers. My problem is I feel better eating a diet that is best described as the Paleo-diet (hunter- gather, veggies, fruits, meat protein, seeds) + a vegan diet (I would normally say vegetarian because I would eat dairy and eggs, but not at the moment).  This works best for me I find.  Paleo and vegan are opposite but this is what my meals look like and I feel healthy.  But it has been brought to my attention in a very upset manner, you know who, my Big Sweet Pea, hehe, that if I watch the documentary I’ll be eating all vegan again….No!  That was not healthy for me!  Last time I changed our eating habits (though I still cooked my sweetie his meat sometimes : )  after I read Skinny Bitch and was inspired by the written text descriptions of animal treatments.  For god sakes if a hockey player goes vegetarian/soon to be vegan maybe (he says) after seeing Earthlings, well how am I suppose to resist when morally I already struggle sometimes with meat?  The fact is, I do feel better physically with a little meat.  Two to three ounces is usually enough most days out of the week.  But I really want to see it!  It’s like how they describe people gawking at a car wreck, only I can not do that.  So…….what to do.   I am at a loss.  I know I believe in the correct and human treatment of animals and this is achieved on some farms but NOT the massive farms where the majority of our animal protein comes from.  I feel conflicted.  I want to see it………………………………..  But David knows me and I do too.

Ahhh….. 7:35 AM  time to workout.  *deep breathing*

So it came to me this AM as I was just waking up, tonight is day 30 for my challenge.  30 days of not eating after 7PM unless truly hungry has been terrific….more energy, better sleep,  improved metabolism especially when I actually ate when I was hungry, even after 7PM. It was interesting to deal with that voice in my head like I was failing by eating.  It was not about denial.  It was about chosing food for hunger and not all the reasons that I have in the past….. food is tasty, food is a friend, food is soothing when lonely, sad, mad….and on and on….  I am excited to have a new relationship with food and MY GOODNESS, FOOD TASTES SO UNBELIEVABLY WONDERFUL WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY.  How could something as simple as a green salad, potato w/ a little butter, olive oil, squeeze of lemon, dash of salt, pepper and fresh dill taste so heavenly? -hunger.

So, this was pretty easy.  I am sticking with it.  A new lifestyle change.  Officially.

I do not know what to think of everything I have studied.  There are some contradictions and it feels a bit strange, but I guess this is life.  Even allopathy does not always have the answers.  Everyone is unique!  :)  What I have figured out for myself, with the support and knowledge from my studies, is that dairy is not for me.  I feel like I am mourning it’s loss…. Look here I go thinking about what I DO NOT HAVE.  Caught myself……   But it is soooo good.   *not thinking about it anymore/rolls eyes*  Maybe in those tough times with fantasies of peanut butter pie and MacLaren’s Imperial aged cheese (CURRENTLY IN THE REFRIGERATOR as someone bought it as HIS treat and I chose apple butter  :), I will just have to go and read some vegan site…. :P  Ahhh, best to see the humor in it.  Knowing that a craving is going to hurt me, really ought to be enough!  Ahhh I will let the vegans preach at me…. haha.

“NO, that is MY organic butter and I will not allow you to sh1t on it and when I finally purchase some raw honey, you can hump a tree if you think I will give that up either!” 

So, the question in my head, HOW LONG will I be here at buddyslim?  The fact is, I will be here as long as it works for me.  My weight minded self would like to see a body around 155, +/- 2, but she does not rule.  I love blabbing on my little space.  My apologies for blabbing on other’s blogs though.  Sometimes I feel filled with emotion and thoughts…. it happens.

must….walk…away from…the…computer…..  The day is starting.

*feeling fiesty*

Sugar is opportunistic!  I should write about all the reasons that sugar is bad for our health and I am talking the highly refined sugar, but I will just keep it specific here.

Raw sugar,  honey, molassas, maple syrup in fact do come with some healthy properties like vitamins and minerals.  On the other hand, the biggest thing that refined sugar does to us is that it depletes our bodies.  Now in this society, people are eating less and less completely whole food and so vitamins are lost during processing.  Not to mention healthy oils are lost or changed and unhealthy fats are added. Anyways, back to sugar!  Sugar requires vitamins inorder to be metabolised in the body.  Now the body needs glucose, but this can be attained from fruits, vegetables, legumes and whole grains and rare and natural sweeteners.  Refined sugar that comes into our bodies depletes vitamins and minerals from our body (minerals that are necessary for an INSANE amount of other bodily funtions) and gives nearly nothing back.  Well it provides us with low energy and excess weight if that counts!  Plus disease loves sugar because it lowers our immune system.  So what is the pay off ?  Why eat the crap?

Well I was CRAVING last night and I know I had a light supper on carbs.  Not absent, just lower as I had a little rye garlic toast, veggies and some corn (made a southwest chicken stir fry with corn, veggies and Franks hotsauce).  I was okay with this because I was in control.  But I SO WANTED peanut butter pie!!!  (and I was not craving fat, I did get plenty yesterday).  I wanted and I could hardly remember what it tasted like.  I could feel the texture, but the tastey nutty sweetness was gone from my tastebud memory.  And so, I road the wave.  Talked with David and realised that I have gone 19 nights (going on 20….tonight is a big one, BBQ) withOUT eating at night for emotional reasons or boredom.  I could not do it to myself.  I was not even hungry.  I nearly let myself convince myself that I was, BUT I WAS NOT.  So, I am better for the discussion and the ride on that wave.  I was in control and I came out of it just fine.  (In the past I did not come out fine.  I caved many a times because my brain was operating on sugar from past meals.  No more.)  Note to self: Health was NOT what got me through these moments of craving.  Intellectually I could see that it was a poor choice, but that was NOT the reason I got over my craving.  I needed to remember my goal.

So tonight I want to have a hearty supper and enjoy some fun times with some good people.  I think I am making a Mediterrianin chickpea salad for the BBQ.

A buddy sent me a recipe and I had to say….YUM.  I will be making this SOON.

My tweaked version of Cranberry Spinach Salad:

*   1 t. of butter + 2 t. of cold pressed olive oil
* 3/4 cup almonds or pecans (soaked and dried)
* 1 pound spinach, rinsed and torn into bite-size pieces
* 1/2-1 cup dried cranberries
* 2 tablespoons lightly toasted sesame seeds
* 1 tablespoon poppy seeds
* ~1/4 c. raw honey
* 2 teaspoons minced onion
* 1/4 teaspoon paprika
* juice of one lemon
* 1 t.-ish apple cider vinegar
* 1/4-1/2 c. cold pressed extra virgin  olive oil or any lighter tasting oil AND a couple T. of water if need be

DIRECTIONS

1. In a pan, melt butter and oil over medium heat. Place nuts in pan until lightly toasted. Remove and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, place spinach with the cooled nuts and cranberries.
3. In a medium bowl, whisk together the sesame seeds, poppy seeds, honey, onion, paprika, lemon juice, cider vinegar, and oil. Toss with spinach just before serving and ENJOY.

*Note I made changes to this with out trying.  I am not having sweeteners at this time so I will enjoy this later.  But I love this recipe.  I have had something similar in a restaurant with strawberries instead of cranberries.  YUM!  This will be great.  I think next week I am going to do some tweaking and make this, but I will use a fruit puree -pineapple or a few dates instead of sugar??? not sure.  YES dates come with some nice nutrients.  I can not wait!  Ahh it seems sinful to have dates and yet I know better… Moderation, Mother Nature and my butt will thank me later while my tastebuds thank me im The Moment  :)  I am leaning towards pineapple, oil, pineapple juice, 1-2 dates and then the rest of the ingredients for the dressing.

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Jamies-Cranberry-Spinach-Salad/Detail.aspx   -  site of the original recipe.

Hope Everyone has a wonderful weekend.  *hugs*

 So Ms Jenny McCarthy has inspired me to rethink more commitments for my 30 days.  Well it was not JUST her. See, my consumption of chocolate in the last week has been at an all time high.  I know the weight of the dark Hershey chocolate chip bag and in secret I ate one and bought another because I felt so naughty.  When you put your plastics in the recycling bag, they are NOT easily forgotten, like in the past when I just put them into the garbage.  This new lifestyle of recycling is good in many ways - no lying or “forgetting” allowed.  Like buying another bag of chips would actually last, NO of course not.  Plus we indulged in more chocolate last night.  My god!   So, after reading Jenny’s blog (see Oprah.com)  about how she is challenging herself with no eating after 7PM and no sugar for JUST 30 days, I too am making some neccessary changes.

I am eating before 7PM.  Last night stretched to 7:30 and the night before was 8:00ish.  So no more of this.  Still it was my meals, no snacking after, but still.  8:00 is too late for me.  I have been successful for 5 official nights now.  *Pats self on back*  (Will feed true hunger with reasonable food as to not stress myself.  Just NO MINDLESS eating.)

I am eating sugar/sweetener-free.  YIKES, hey?  This is the biggest thing for me.  This and chocolate have become a little addiction lately.  I say one tablespoon of my Mom’s strawberry jam but no it is double and a little more.  This will mean virtually nothing processed and that is just fine with me. Not eating at night has been a breeze, I am going to feel this missing in my life for awhile but I know I will be better for it.

I am also eating a chemical/additive-free diet.  I am not going to preach about this badness.  I know it is crap and this is for me.  When I grabbed an antihistamine the other night because I was so uncomfortable, that was shocking.  But you can be damn sure I will be not eating the crap that made me feel so awful in the first place, well for 30 days for sure!

Seriously if my Mother bitches about her seasonal allergies again I may snap on her ass too (see I kind of snapped on MY ass/self..lol).  She smokes and then proceeds to blame everything outside of her own actions.  *shakes head*  WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES???  What ever, me thinking about the past chocolate and sugar binges is not productive.  Some professionals think it may not even be helpful to figure out why we eat/behave as we do.  The most productive thing might be to actually retrain ourselves with new behaviors.  No more over thinking things.  It is unproductive in a world and big brain that may be beyond understanding.  Much less stressful to just chose to make new choices and do so in a supporting environment.  So this is what the 30 day challenge is about….retraining.

What I have learned in my studies….. It is natural to have cravings if one is not getting the proper balance of nutrients.  Like if one eats a higher protein diet (and I have been doing this to deal with some hypothyroid-like symptoms and things are improving and the weight is coming off little by little) one will need NEED more water and will desire more sugar (carbs).   (Also people will NEED more calcium.  This is why those with a low fat vegetarian diet do not require as much calcium as those who eat high fat dairy, meat and sugar diet.) And because the body really wants it instantly, it will often want the simple sugar and not necessarily the bread or the pasta.  Hmmm…. I think I experienced this.  Only I am not a child and with this challenge, I have to be aware and eat the little more healthy carbohydrates in balance.  Because seriously sugars are prime feedings for disease/cancer.  God and I know this too.  Well, cheers to changes.  There is no stress because it is 30 days, but I would like to develop healthier choices.  That is the goal-Life long health and weight loss.

The thing that is keeping my moods (well some moodiness with the sugar! duh!) in check and helping to create my past shapely legs, OF COURSE the exercise!  Not eating at night is helpful because I am sleeping better too and there is less slow moving food in my gutt.   All good things.  Especially the Hard Body Yoga.  I think my legs MUST be looking FINE.  David has said he would like to try!  I told him when he does it to take it easy the first time.  I am so excited to have an exercise partner, maybe, hopefully…..hehe.

So I am losing weight slowly.  But the scale is nearly dead and my computer is DEAD.  I posted that it was slowly taking a downward turn (shutting off when ever it wanted) well, it is DEAD.  So, it will be awhile before I have a new one.  I am using my sweetie’s and truly it feels like a beast compared to my laptop…lol  Anyways I am thankful for the use.  But I will be on the computer less for awhile.

If I should faulter a little with my 3 personal challenges I WILL let ya know.  Here I am, honest with me (YAH!) and I will also be honest with you.  Buddyslim is a part of my life.  I just have to use it affectively.  ;)  I will be posting a new picture at the beginning of summer along with my ticker.  The old ticker has been out of commision but it WILL be back then.  When my metabolism slowed, so did my spirit.   But I am happy to say, both are soaring.  Well it just seems good to see some slight visual changes.  I will take this ride on the turtle ANY DAY !

I watched a very controversial movie this weekend, Bill Maher’s Religulous.  And it made me think of my past ‘religious’ practises with diet and weight loss.  It has been so much nicer lately to get back to exercising and really enjoying food without the Food Police or Exericse Police speaking in the back of my head.  Whether it is simple nutricious foods or indulging in some yum yums (Dim Sum yesterday), it has all been good again.  I mean, the idea that one has to be so focused all the time in order to lose just seems so ridiculous to me now.   It seemed logical, ‘dieting’, when I was gaining and maintaining, but my body was just revolting, for little while.  It was whispering to me, speaking and then SHOUTING AT ME!!!  When I was gaining and maintaining it was pure frustration.  But I found it in me to back away, relax, believe in my studies and regroup.  What is important to me?  What makes me tick?  Who am I and if I am being real with myself, what does this look like?  I am learning to be okay with doubt in some areas of my life knowing that I do not have to solve everything.  I do not have to get everything done.  I can enjoy my mind (it is a fun place to be when I am not stressed) and I do not have to lose my entire Being by thinking there is something More.  Doubt about the little-big things is better for me then trying to find meaningless psuedo-answers.   Relaxing with the unknown is not so bad at all and I feel so much more peaceful. 

This being said, I am going to listen to science and in 2ish weeks, after elliminating certain foods that I am sensitive to I will come back and share how much weight I have lost.  I do not even feel the need to cross my fingers and toes…lol   I weighed in for myself (175) and will share how much weight I have lost by not eating those not so ideal foods for my body … consistant exercise too with days off of course.  Who knew cells could be so pissy!  I might even post a pic.  I just had to take down my other pic as I did not think it was me.  Oh good, this body is not me anyways.  I know this, but I still want some new and fresh clothes too, so there is some reality to form and it’s importance.  You know, there is health, but it is the clothes that I want too.  ;)  I do not even want little skimpy clothes, I just want clothes that reveal the true me.  I can not figure out why I can not find a style that seems like me.  Do I just not care about clothes?  Weird? I mean I could seriously shop the Salvation Army and feel good especially if I got a good deal.   Still I think investing in clothes will be good for me as I start to not be a student.  

Goal until I come back with an update:  Write down some personal Body Practice philosophies (see Rae’s profile) and love myself as much as I can handle.  And an example of this is, and I have been doing this somewhat consistently, when I am down I do something like showering and giving myself a nice spa scrub, moiturize myself with a nice body butter and then realise that this body does a lot for me and I am grateful for every inch, cellulite and all !  It is so much easier to eat well and move in a good way when you love yourself instead of saying negative things to or about yourself.

Have a wonderful week Everyone.

So the last food hit my lips at 7:45 which is too late to be eating for me, but life happens.  Teeth are brushed and flossed and I am sipping on my decaf green tea.

Did my tea inventory because I want to get back to replacing the careless snacking with a variety of teas.  I have indulged the last couple days and the cravings are not evil.  The moody beast just must have her days too.  They are not even regrettable.  That kind of thinking is what I am trying to avoid.

TEAS to choose from:

Matcha Tea - NEW today

Green Sencha tea

Green tea Goji Berry

Tetley decaf Green tea

Decaf Earl Grey

Lavender Earl Grey

Vanilla Earl Grey

Cream Earl Grey tea

White tea

Organic White Chai tea

Ayurvedic Herbal Infusion Woman’s tea

Kama Sutra Chai tea

Decaf Green tea

Peppermint tea

Ginger tea

Chamomile tea

Cherry tea

Red Rose black tea

Rooibos tea

Tea cheers to me and you.

Today I loved chocolate SO MUCH.  Off to work out a little.

Might do a little check in most nights to be accountable. (inspired by a buddy)  I am pleasant and so much happier when I am seeing improvements.

Oh and I picked up Carmen Electra’s DVD for fun.  I love that it is low impact!! (also inspired by a buddy who loves it)

Sweet dreams to all. 

The journaling has been good. But what I am most impressed with is how my mind has calmed a little. I have been really anxious about the whole dieting mentality and hence this has lead me to open my eyes to new things (The Book, the only book, Intuitive Eating and the Joy of Silence). I am often racked with all kinds of hormones this time of the month, but this time when I wanted salt and chocolate I went with it. BUT I AM EATING WITH TRUE AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE. It is not the irresponsible eating that we call binge eating. Rather it is healthier view of food and myself where I did not judge the food or try to hide myself. Truly my emotions change like the wind, but this moment has been coming. Anything worth having comes with a preliminary hell. I will keep doing what I know is correct for my form and for my mind. That which is Beyond me is a comfort because I do not need to know the plan. I just need to do what I know is True. These are the challenges I face. I know I have to do things and change is always scary.

My goal this week is to NOT hide behind food or use food to cause me to feel like a failure. This week I feel Everything. I have learned so much about myself by being present with the Silence and the emotions of loneliness and I could not have asked for a better teacher then the stillness of the moment. Also, I need to get my own copy of Intuitive Eating so I can mark it up.

I really enjoyed watching all the Olympics this weekend. There is a quality with in each athlete that is truly magical. Just one example, but watching that woman from Romania (Constantina Tomescu-Dita) just run and run and press on and on was truly inspiring. How is it that some have that drive and others just do not? Not everyone has great roots to inspire this strength, so what is it? Where does this belief in oneself come from? How does one become a believer in oneself? Just some thoughts I am having right now……..

Ok, my stomach is telling me it is breakfast time….

Before I go, the scale says a gain, but this is so far from the truth. GEORGE! My body is so different and this is due to exercise….walking and strength training. I am so thankful for all that my body does. I will do my best to respect it so that it might continue to provide me with this much loved movement. I am sending out a big thank you to my physical body! *THANK YOU*

Have a great week everyone! I will be back next Sunday. (I have updated my profile too.)

So I want to write something quick and yet do not know what to say. It feels like I am just now talking to a new friend I have not seen in awhile. What to say?

I have been frustrated and I do not want sympathy, please! But just wanted to share that I injured my knee again, same thing and they will not do anything for it, they can’t they say. SO I NEED TO BE CAREFUL! No I was not even doing a sport, I was climbing up one very high step of a bleacher to watch a baseball game and just twisted it wrong. Not only that, instead of resting it properly I went a little hard with life when I should have just sat on my butt for awhile. So yesterday was a sit on my butt day drugged out on some most pleasant medication that actually helped me to keep my behind glued to the couch and bed. Seriously I felt drunk for much of the day. It feels so much better today. BUT I KNOW I MUST BE CAREFUL.

I have had some other health issues that have lead me to need to do a bit of a cleanse. Nasty cravings!! I am using food and as much activity as I can to cleanse/detox and get better. One way to really detox is to sweat a lot and work the big muscles (I can not work my quads…. *tear, tear*). Well since I am trying to take it easy with any kind of impact, this is tough. I am looking to the Wildcat activity chart and giving it my all, with in reason. Seriously I have been slacking and it is time to work on my strength and flexibility a little. Could I have re-injured myself because I have let certain activities fall from my routine? Perhaps. Could be just an old injury (my Mom has the same thing I just found out - weird!). Matters not now. Now it is time to get at it and make it better.

Study, workout, read blogs at lunch time, study and go to book club tonight. Missed Canadian Idol last night. Yes I am watching it and loving it like the older gal I am. I hear from some young people that it is so yesterday……lol Well I guess I never use to watch it, but now it is a part of my week. I should be able to see it soon. *grins*

So have a great week everyone! It is time for a loss