Jennifer

I have received some good words from some buddies and no I am not going to be hard on myself, but truly I have really taken a few steps backwards. I do not know why. I do not feel sad, but it is time to get real. Am I mad? Perhaps a little. Am I ready to eat proper small meals often and exercise regularly? Yes. YES I AM.

I have recently started a new section where I am reading what I already believe in my heart - healing and maintaining health is so much in our capabilities. There are so often negative energies present in our bodies that deter us from being well in our minds and bodies. Illness is manifested so often as a result of negativity whether it be our thoughts about ourselves, stress or other toxins. I have to do better. I need to deal with out food. Boredom, sadness, fear….. Food is not the answer.
There is none of this past sadness about not being at goal or not being better then I have been. The time to start is always now.

So what are my little steps for the next 3 days?

-No eating at night.

-workout early-before work/studying, some kind of activity at night (something light so I do not feel energized when I need to sleep)

-eating well and balanced

Simple.

Now.

I think this little cutey lost her tail? Well that is sort of how I feel sometimes. Just not quite complete.  But I am getting back to it. Just like that. Little by little……

Have a great night Everyone! We are all worth it and WE ALL CAN DO IT.

So, how do people who do Weight Watchers handle the OOPS I WENT OVER MY POINTS THIS WEEKEND.  I have to say I like starting on a Friday, because then you can indulge, BUT THEN you must get back on track and start your week like you want to get something accomplished.   Still I did over indulge a tad.  No, no chastising!  Just good workouts that will continue through out the week.

I indulged on the dairy, fries (?wtf?) and cookies.  But then I also worked out something fabulous on Friday and Saturday and then went a bit lighter on Sunday.  So, I am human.  I never eat fries anymore . I just do not want, but I did crave and did not resist - I ENJOYED.  Could have eaten the last few slower or stopped though, that would have been lady like…LOL  Anyways, I wish you all a great week.  And I will use my 25 each day, like a lady and not a wolf.

Respecting me and the oh so smaller stomach I have.  I think I kind of know what it must feel like for those who have gastric bypass surgery and then have an ounce to much food.  Wow.  Feel the fullness and stop, OH YEH!  Thin people stop eating when full.  Good tip!  *remember THIS as one of my goals*

Hugs to you, hugs to me…….. and a better and better we will be……  Grief, must stop now. 

I watched the French Open today (7AM) and I absolutely love Rafael Nadal (won in 3 straight sets), but also I really think Roger Federer is one of a kind and a terrific human being. Nadal is so hot! Anyways sometimes winning when there is not much of a challenge is not always the ideal. A challenge where you have to really really work at things is so much better and I hear rewarding.

Every time I have a not so fine day for my intake I realize now that it is just one day. I am tracking my points for a while because it is in me to test myself and show a little discipline and moderation. The best thing I did Friday was to decide to track my points. So after 2 days my extra points are gone! Ha! Twas a terrific weekend in all ways. Played Twister, did some shopping, did some reading (no studying), walked to the movies in the rain with my sweetie (Indiana Jones), watched Sex in the City (the series) watched and listened to the rain, made some amazing cookies (small batches are good!) and relaxed. Oh yeh and on the day where I used up the majority of my extra points, I had a terrific workout day of intense cardio and strength training (9 points of exercise). I woke up feeling amazing!

So the next 5 days I will be consuming 25 points per day. Life is good. I just require light boundaries sometimes. There is a type of personality that works well with WW and these type programs. There is no denial, but you do have to use your head a little. It is so nice to say “no thank you” with confidence then to accept and eat something mindlessly. A good place….

So why Twister? I had to play it after Jon Bon Jovi was a guest in Sex in the City and was playing it with Sarah Jessica Parker. Of course they collapsed on each other and yadda yadda…. Note to self, no playing Twister when I do Hard Body Yoga the day before and I do not stretch before the game because twisting myself up like a pretzel is scary stuff - felt like I may scream with the pain of holding those positions….hehe Fun times! What a masicist I am!

Ahh…. Have a great day and week Everyone. Simple… eat healthy or healthier and move more, for us! I will try and do my best

Woke up FAMISHED and so I listened to my body and fed it what it wanted and I assume needed.  Eggs/egg whites and whole wheat sprouted grain bread.  It is nearing the grouchy emotional time and I feel I just need to not deny myself what my body most likely needs.  NO I DO NOT NEED all the countless junk cravings, but I sure did need those eggs today.  Funny how such a healthy food could be seen as a treat this AM.  But I just have not wanted them until today.

I had such a distaste and then a full-out desire, what is up with this?  Listen, learn, experience, learn some more….. Love.  Not doing enough loving of myself today.  Need to believe in me and trust.  My mantra…. I am good enough when I am just being true to me.

Off to do yoga and study….

Wishing you all a great day. 

I have to say first off, it is COLD here. Forget about the actual number, the wind is so nasty! Ok. Dealing with this. These reporters from one of the news stations comes up to me the other day and asks me if it is going to storm. I thought he was nuts. So my remark was basicaly whatever, whatever, all will be good. Well the joints are feeling it today. Burrr! The sun shows it’s face and thank goodness for this.

So, we have been eating out a lot, not such bad choices actually, but back to the basics this week. And the poem works. Most of the time just letting the cravings and wanting pass really works. But I thought of something else that worked for me today when I was just wanting for a moment. Over the weekend I heard a story about how there will not be enough food for many countries and this got me thinking about my consumption. How can I eat in such excess when others have none or so little? Clearly my days food does not affect a child elsewhere, but it did change how I was thinking. Not guilt. Just a realization of what I need, what is good for me and what is just shear habit, poor habits.

So, I am thinking food combining is not so bad when I do it most of the time and still allow for some treat type foods. I am eating moderately and exercising moderately as well. I call myself a tortoise today (thank you Kama) and am darn proud of it. The scale went up and I could not see the meaning of it at all. My shape is wonderful with some tweaking to come, but I can not in good faith complain. Complaining is energy not well spent and no one should have to hear about how I have so few to lose and seem to not be able to get there. ALL IN GOOD TIME….. THE RIGHT TIME. My time. The moment is great.

Happy Earth Day everyone! I tell you, even the numerous pregnant robins outside in the trees look mighty confused as to what is happening with this weather. I think they should huddle up, but they seem content to remain on their own, shivering. Strange. Personally, I would go find some shelter. Well, this is where my mind is at this moment. Thoughtful about birds and Buddyslim. I hope those who are here are doing well and finding creative and healthy ways to enjoy their moments…. For those who are not here and are doing their thing as life does call us to do sometimes, I am thinking about you too.

I heard this on Oprah, but of course have heard it on blogs and in life before, if you want to experience goodness and want others to have goodness, give. Give without wanting. And maybe this Earth can someday experience more bliss then bullshit chaos (Montreal!…for instance). Focusing on the good right now Off to make a multiveggie salad and in a bit some halibut for us…..fresh pineapple for dessert.

This week I really work on feeling each moment instead of blindly walking through this life…..hehe

I think I am easing up on the food combining thing. I NEED protein and carbs sometimes especially when I am really active and working out. I simply can not go on natural sugars alone or plain protein. I NEED ENERGY! Though I think it did wonders for my digestive system, it is not a long term solution I mean if I was sitting down doing basically nothing, I could function with isolated carbs, fats and proteins. But it is simply not realistic for me. Enough. So I asked Dr. Marc for some advice and I greatly appreciated it. I am really going to work at this diet plan which is basically like Marge’s. It is a smart diet that I believe is just good eating. Yah… no more cravings.

Rheumatoid arthritis friendly diet: Omega 3s (I take 3-6-9), fruits and veggies, legumes, no white anything or anything processed, easy on the complex carbs with the high calorie content, avoid dairy and meats, except fish, no dairy …… yikes, he had me up until NO DAIRY. But I actually know that he is right. Thank you Dr. Marc.

Back to the forum for me….. thank you Lori for the challenge. Let’s get ripped!!!

Did not weigh in and I did use the mirror to assess….. oh yeh it is going to be a great month!  Get ripped 3 times per week and various activities in between.  Spring …..summer….. shorts and maybe a new swimsuit, assuming I want one to stay on me… I need a new one.   Here I go ! ! !

Have a great week everyone!  *hugs*

A different approach to dieting, this is what I am taking. No points and a couple times I wanted that scale and 2x I stepped on it. Nasty validation and it proved NOTHING! But still 2x is much improvement over the past normal times I would get on that little beast. Lena called her fridge the beast, well the scale is a different kind of beast. Anyways. The beast tells me good things this AM. I am down a couple pounds and that is reasonable and surprising too. I know I ate more food then usual but I TRIED to keep things portioned. I am going to do the same thing this week. JUST LIVE and not worry so much! By my old assessments of things I would have said this was a bad week, but it was fine. I upped my activity when I needed to and for the most part did not think about my journal or points. If anything the closer I got to today, I did think twice about eating at night. Since I have been eating as much as I felt was a good amount to just feel satisfied, I have not been hungry at night. Sure I ate sometimes just out of a desire to have a little something, but it was all fine and good. ONLY one night did we eat fast food and that was the strangest night for dreams…..lol Again, balance. I worked out pretty consistently, but I also had the last 2 days off from my workouts. I am back at it today, but I think I needed a breather from the thoughts of weight loss (good advice from a buddy) and indeed, today I do feel so much more refreshed.

NO SCALE until next Sunday. I am putting my foot down, but not on the scale !!!

Keeping things healthy! And of course allowing for my treats. And there are some good choices out there that still feel slightly indulgent.

But this is my relationship with food. When I am good in my mind, food is a breeze. When I am stressed with life or people, all of the not so good foods and huge portions seem intriguing and almost beyond my will power. This week I challenge myself to take as many emotional moments as possible (let there be as few as possible, please *prays*) and just deal better. Maybe this means exercising or taking a little walk, or maybe it means choosing some healthier carbs (the mind and body likes these in stressful times) with protein to settle myself. Having something to eat does not have to be the beginning of a huge binge. Even if it is just a little, it does not have to spiral. I have thought about this, the harder I try not to sometimes it just makes me want more, so why not think that it is okay to have a medium sized bowl (a good cup) of cereal (lots of cinnamon, little protein, both of which will slow those sugars up and ease them into the bloodstream). One time this week I realized when I allowed myself to have something when I was stressed, I DID NOT EVEN WANT IT. If I had said, no that is not what a good dieter does (lol), then I would have wanted it, LIKE ALWAYS. So, this is how I work. GOOD TO KNOW!!! *rolls eyes*

With patience and some commitments all will be exactly how they should be.

I hope that everyone is having a super weekend and is ready to start off a great week. My thoughts and prayers do go out to all who are struggling, especially those who are struggling with health problems or the not knowing and waiting. Hugs to you all.

Tea cheers (Organic White Chai Tea this morning….. )

I realize this blog is very hard to read.  I always see the converse of things, so my apologies for the insides of my head only at this time.  Back and forth…. tis my way to demonstrate BALANCE.  :)  Who knew that I could find balance in some confusion

Well the food challenges are not for me. As soon as I think NO, I really start to think YES. No sugar!!! I want sugar! It is really a way of being. I always need to remember that I can not be denied. Only positive thinking works and my buddies have told me over and over. I know! I seem to think I can conquerer this, but I need to accept some things and go with it. Exercise is the only way I will lose the last bit of body fat. Has anyone ever been close to goal after having been a large number and had a huge appetite? I have not been working out like I did in December either. I guess I need to find the right amount of activity and hope I do not eat us out of house and home…lol Well I know what I need to do. Eat good healthy bulky food and move moderately.

It was David’s b-day and I did not deny myself all day. I did not do well with the challenge and as much as I wanted to do it, I can not. I enjoyed some snacks, some sirloin steak, did not enjoy the wine (I apparently like expensive) and really enjoyed the first 5 minutes of some chocolate and some cake. *sigh* Well, I think I only needed the steak. Sometimes I am repulsed by meat and then other times I need it. I really do believe this. Well I am eating mostly vegetarian (and plenty of fish) until I need, really need other nutrients.

I started the AM with my detox and a vegetarian shake (real lemon juice, spinach, tomatoes, celery, and my complete veg. protein powder, flax seeds). I really feel so alive when I start my day with something raw. Strange. Home cooked/prepared meals today. Notice I am not saying “no eating out” because that would be negative…hehe. We are going to what I feel will be an awesome movie. I am looking forward to it and I will share later. I do not want to set the hopes too high, but I think it might be the best movie I see this year….lol Ahhh we will see. Theater popcorn is never something I crave so that is easy.

So eating healthy and moving more. It really is this simple. And when I do not try and complicate things with unrealistic expectations, LIFE IS GOOD. No kidding! Ahhh I do sound like my mother. *shakes head*

Have a great week everyone.

P.S.: Note on the journal thing. I am not proud of this perfectionist attitude, but I ripped the first 5 pages out of my new journal. I wrote religiously in the other until it was finished never ripping out a page. But last night I was PISSED OFF at MYSELF. No more ripping, but I just was so mad! Today, back to honest journaling. No guilt. Respect !!! Ahhh how the Buddhist mentality left me around Christmas. Since when did I not love a complex situation??? Why can I not live a spiritual life rather then being confined to a religious one? NO KIDDING.

Work was incredibly strange yesterday. My client may have an infection and is hallucinating. Very strange to be around the delusional, LET ME TELL YOU! Hope today is better since she will have taken 3 antibiotics. *fingers crossed*

Need to share a quick revelation I had. Food yesterday became the enemy, well it felt like that. By avoiding foods and seeing foods even for a brief time as “bad” I have in the past couple of days started to want the not so good and not even want the healthy foods that I usually want (I COULD NOT EAT VEGGIES YESTERDAY? LOL… Call the insane asylum because I think I have lost it myself ) But seriously, I figure that since I have been home I have been wanting those things that I told myself were bad over Christmas. Whether it is mental or chemical (both?) I do not know, but I KNOW that keeping a balanced approach to my intake is essential for controlling cravings. I will not be denying myself anything. It is all about moderation and balance.

I started to think about the little food fantasy I had the other day with the red wine, cheese, fruit, dark chocolate and meat of some kind (chicken, beef, shrimp…whatever) for our treat meal. WHY was it such an intense fantasy and why did I want it so bad? All those foods have nutritional value and though some have more then others, they are nonetheless good. Thinking that they were naughty foods made them appealing but it did not make them evil. Sure the wine and the cheese are sometimes foods, not everyday food/drink, but labels only create havoc in my head. I found my Good Place last night when yesterday I was wanting wanting wanting and realized this is about keeping things real and level. No doubt over the latter part of my holidays when I was denying myself good and a little not so healthy fat, my body felt a little fearful or lacking. Because since I have been home it has been ALL ABOUT THE FAT. Well I know why and things are going to be just fine.

Things happen always at the right time I think. There are no mistakes I have heard people say. With 30 minutes left in my shift, why is it that I turned to a channel I never watch to watch a show I have never seen about people who overeat. Not sure what the program was, but I believe it was on TLC. Very interesting. Within 10 minutes I had unraveled my cravings and the reasons. I had so much in common with them except that I have learned a few things about myself over the years. Like when I am around people with food issues, mine that I fight so hard to deal with are SO CLOSE to me. They never go away. But luckily when I am just with myself, I can see the light and feel good again.

For the life of me I can not tell you why I ate when stressed in high school. Just not sure. But on the show experts said that it can be a learned behavior and certainly I have seen my Mom do it. Stuff and stuff and stuff more food. Well I have had that urge since I have been home and it’s a desire that I could not stop UNTIL I saw 600-800 lb people (some bed ridden) talking about their uncontrollable urges and their lives. My unhealthy desires are gone!

Recognition.

Moderation & Balance.

Did some food prep this AM which should help with lunches when it comes time to thinking about packing it. Cooked a pot of vegetable soup, sweet potatoes, beans. MUST GET GROCERIES TODAY! lol I left room in my sweet potato containers so that I can throw in some other goodies for a more complete meal. I feel like I am like my hamster Meeshka… we are both little conservers. I mean who can eat an entire can of tomatoes or beans at one sitting. Ok you make a chilli, fine you use a whole can of this and that, but I got tired of things going bad so I freeze portions and then I can have some for a rainy day….

Well, I am doing another challenge and I thank my buddy Jo for putting this bug in my eye (ear…. technology! ) Last night was the first night in awhile that I did not snack. So for 30 days I attempt to not snack after supper and in front of that TV. My supper was over at 6:30. What is amazing is that I watched a hockey game that was on TV from 9-11:30 PM and DID NOT SNACK! Wow. I pat myself on the back. *smiles* I was dreaming about different breakfasts and FOOD in general. I was a tad hungry I guess The only thing that was a bit strange was I woke up a bit moody, which is strange on my day off. But I ate a good breakfast and feel great now! Got loads of cleaning done and I feel like I am in heaven. Jo, I forgot to try the 10 minute thing…. but I will do that on the 3 rooms upstairs a bit later. Nifty idea!

I feel so good about food and exercise right now. No restrictions. A word on exercise - I am just doing it all in my week and keeping things moderately intense for the most part. Some days a little less. Eventually I need the high intensity workout. That is just a good “pill” for me. Just thoughtful discipline which is routed in my readings…. How to Practice The Way to a Meaningful Life. Life is good. Loving perspective and learning to really love me.

Have a peaceful week/weekend everyone. *wink*