Jennifer

I am REALLY glad I am not weighing in tomorrow.  I gave myself a couple weeks before doing so again.  Yah!

Well we did the extraordinary and we just went out to a club and had fun for no reason other then FUN.  There was not even any kind of a performance or Bif…lol   See David kind of dared me but it was not much of a dare really.  I just did not want to have another boring night of the same old same old.   Here I was showering, putting my makeup on and drinking our best red wine… it was a true occasion!  lol

Not so much dancing but a lot of playing pool so that was fun.  And we met a new couple soon after we started playing our game of pool.   It’s so funny because I am sure people know what it’s like to wait for someone to call when they have given their number, well as a couple we are feeling the same thing.  Will they call and maybe sometime we can get together and play Settlers of Catan?  Boy o boy though, this woman was so lacking in self esteem.  Could it have been the alcohol?  I think all know that just brings out the truth of one’s feelings.  *sigh*  She was absolute JOY and fun and silly, but sad too.  Nothing like a parent to tell ya you are fat over and over.  Well this came out of her towards the end of the night (drunk) and it did not even put any downer on the night.  It was all just that good.  Who doesn’t have issues?  The point is we are all at different places and no matter what, we are all beautiful.  Even if a leg is burned and scared (hers is) or she feels a little self conscious to take off her sweater as she feels fat (been there but last night this was her too) 0r one just does not feel smart (yep!)) or someone just does not feel healthy (YES)…… we as woman are still beautiful works in progress.  And any step in the right direction at any speed is still living one’s best life I think.  Sometimes all I can seem to take is baby steps, but it’s something anyways.

So, MUST MUST MUST get back to the program a bit more.  The thing about doing Paul McKenna’s program is that it does not seem like effort and so it quickly can leave one’s thought and though it’s slight in effort, it is huge in results.  Still you have to follow the plan even if it’s completely logical - it’s how healthy weight people eat for goodness sake!  Because we did not expect to go out yesterday I missed listening to the CD.  Also a little too quick to eat late last night (martini’s will do this! )   So, back to the program and no regrets!  It was not just last night.  I have been slipping  a little with personal life stuff.  If there is one thing we all know, this part of our journey takes effort.  I slacked, but I am back to the Golden Rules -  Eat when hungry, eat what you want (I like healthy food most often, thank goodness), eat with awareness and enjoy and stop eating when full.  Also need to listen to the CD everyday and maybe play with some of the techniques in the book. 

MUST enjoy……………………. yummy, MANGO….. heaven in a bowl and the fragrant perfection of bergamot in my Earl Grey tea…  And the body is saying, protein today.

“Give me some protein.”

“You’re the boss!”

When I think of Beyonce, I think great music and killer legs and butt.  Well, I do.  And it is not really in that order.  I think she’s got to be the hottest woman in any spot light.  She is on tour and had her second concert in Saskatoon last night.  It was a last minute decision to go and thank goodness, WHAT A SHOW!  We were upgraded, which was a super surprise.  So our 25 dollar tickets were upgraded to 100+ dollar.  I kind of thought she might have been sold out, but I guess it is the situation with the economy.  Anyways, the woman was electrifying with her all female band.   Ok, back to the legs!  I have seen Beyonce and she does not have little legs often (which is FANTASTIC… who wants little when one is strong and gorgeous), but she looked so tiny last night.  HOW?  LOL.  Genetics?  I really do not think it is that diet she was apparently on that was reported in Woman’s Home Journal a few years ago either. :)  

Just thinking about how I could add some more interest to my activity and I am remembering an ex-bf who taught me a little Seneglese dancing.  And after watching Beyonce dance for 2.5 hours, I think a little hip and butt action, MIGHT BE in order, for a little switch-a-roo-Fun. 

So getting away from the physical, what a great message for young girls and woman that this journey is about discovering who you are.  Fierce, strong, brave, SURVIVING and figuring it all out with dignity and many smiles among the tears.  No matter where we are at, I am thinking now, on this weight loss journey but all things too, just do the best we can and BE HAPPY.  Patience and respect.  Both apathy and obsession are just pathetic and unhealthy!  But somewhere in between is a mighty fine place to be.

Really enjoyed the energy.   All right, this is me….. Energized!  Living to be my best ME !!!

Good times.  Off to the farmer’s market and library….

I am a label reader when I purchase food and I attribute this to my improved health. There are of course other things that have helped me lose weight, but certainly label reading has brought me into The Know. But it was a buddy, Tatiana, this week who reminded me that we can always improve a little more. See I was buying the fat free unsweetened yogurt thinking that was good. But I was all confident and not reading the labels with that one product. Tatiana reminded me that cornstarch is one of those things that is a waste of money and I do not want it in MY yogurt. I have purchased the good on occasion, but have so often purchased the ones with cornstarch (filler…. NO NUTRITION !!!) The ones with just milk and bacterial cultures (all of them listed out) are the best. Very good. I now have in my refrigerator one that is 1% and one that is 3%. The fat will not kill me! Plus I am getting better nutrition for my money.

I often put back items that have sugar unnecessarily added to the ingredients (for instance in pasta/tomato sauce or soups…. though I love pea soup and do get Campbells Pea soup. NO MSG. AND I love it! Still a little added sugar and some naturally occurring sugar in the peas). If one loves something, sure, a treat. But sugars, fats and preservatives are listed, BUT WE MUST READ and make the informed decision.

I LOVE my complex carbohydrates!!! And fruit (simple sugar, but GOOD), but this junk listed below is not good eating. I just learned yesterday that the fructose in fruit is actually one of those sugars that is good for stabilizing blood sugars and make great snacks. Plus the Glycemic index of fructose is surprisingly low!!! The below list of sugars is not what I want to purchase, but fruit is good eating.  I am just trying to eat it by itself and savor is greatness.

So, this blog is just a little reminder to myself that I still have to pay attention. Sure I buy mostly whole foods, but I think this has made me a little slack with the label reading. Chin up, eyes open and healthy shopping….. ahh it is a jungle out there, but I do not have to rush and fill myself up with trash either. Nope, nope, nope……

What did I use to say, this BODY IS A TEMPLE AND NOT A TRASH CAN! Truly, truly, truly my buddies, what goes in REALLY REALLY does affect our health so much more then we really realize. Just because the effects may not be seen so quickly, does not mean that we are not being affected. Feed yourselves well. I work on this all the time. I am not always so wise with my choices and I pay! This month I am really working on making the best choices each meal. Whole. My goal is to develop new behaviors so that I do not even want the junk. Will this happen? I think so.

I am no longer as worried and crazed about how our society is really not going to be so healthy in the years to come when the toxins REALLY start to overwhelm our systems. Mostly I am aware that I will only be able to do so much and the rest is up to every individual. (it is the studying…lol Tis the reason I share….I care. ) Do my best and live a life that is filled with as much happiness a possible. But I would not be me or I would not be true to myself if I did not share that I think Whole is what we should purchase and the crap is only going to make us sick. I ate out this weekend and made a few errors. Yuck! Payed the price because I felt sick for a good hour after and had no energy. I did not fuel my body properly. I knew better, yet why? I was a slave to my taste buds and in the end it was not worth it.

SUGAR…. no matter the name……

• Corn sweetener
• Corn syrup, or corn syrup solids
• Dehydrated Cane Juice
• Dextrin
• Dextrose
• Fructose
• Fruit juice concentrate
• Glucose
• High-fructose corn syrup
• Honey
• Invert sugar
• Lactose
• Maltodextrin
• Malt syrup
• Maltose
• Maple syrup
• Molasses
• Raw sugar
• Rice Syrup
• Saccharose
• Sorghum or sorghum syrup
• Sucrose
• Syrup
• Treacle
• Turbinado Sugar
• Xylose

http://www.holisticonline.com/remedies/Diabetes/diabetes_type_II_diabetes.htmhttp://www.heractivelife.com/women/comment/nutrition-label-detective-part-one-the-words-that-are-harming-your-diet/

http://www.heractivelife.com/women/comment/nutrition-label-detective-part-one-the-words-that-are-harming-your-diet/

http://www.heractivelife.com/women/comment/nutrition-label-detective-part-two-but-what-does-that-mean/

http://www.glycemicindex.ca/glycemicindexfoods.pdf

I tried to not make this long, but it may be my therapy…lol I hope everyone had a good Christmas. I say this, because I contemplate the meaning of “holiday”, I see it as a huge joke. A bad joke, but nevertheless, a joke.

What was good ? When ever I could and I tried to make it happen more often then not, I WORKED OUT. Great for stress and great for my behind. The scale says I maintained and I am weighing in tomorrow.

I will say that the part with my family was pretty darn fine actually. We ate and boy did I eat junk, but it was fun. It was all fun and I do not recall any sadness. We played A LOT of Settlers of Catan which was awesome. My Mom is in love wtih it. I did witness my Mom’s excessive food consumption but did not make a thing out of it in my mind. Made me sad to see so much butter go into her body at once with a poppyseed bun that I suggested we make *sigh* I kind of just let it go. She is who she is and I just have to love her, even with her choices. Choices. Yes.

As for my boyfriends family…… They work dysfunctionally and functionally well WITH EACH OTHER. Confusing I know. Anyone outside of their family really just shakes their head or drinks along with them.

My boyfriend’s Mom - OBSESSESED with what OTHER’S are eating to the point of criticizing even healthy choices. She likes to think she knows about food but criticizes everything. I was very aware of this fact before going there and spent the majority of my so called holidays hungry. Thank the gods I took healthy snacks that I could munch on in secret (not my style but this was the way it was). 4 Times she criticized me and once I said” I KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH I EAT AND IT IS NOT SO MUCH” I said it in a way that really was the first time I have said anything to any one in that nutty family in such a tone. I really do not like labels, but really they are a bowl of mixed nuts. Last years nuts! SO what did she do, well it was just she and myself at the time and she left nervous and shaken to gamble at the Casino. What I really wish I would have said was ” How about you worry about your ass and I will worry about my now smaller ass!” But I took the high road and got my point across with a rather impressive tone. Still the stupidity, she was still commenting on the last day about I best not take too much oatmeal or I might be sick in the car ride home. WTF! Shear stupidity!

My Boyfriend’s sister - Eat disorder for sure, bulimic in the past and most certainly something is still going on. I decided before the trip that she is an attention seeking sad young lady, but she is not my problem to solve. She likes control and she can have it. She told me I have such amazing control. No. For the first part of the trip I ate NORMAL and healthy there. Eating good meals and having half or no dessert. I get her as at different moments in my past life (feels like that sometimes) I have been just like her. But I will never destroy myself like I feel she is doing to herself. And when you see the power on this girls face and in her eyes, you would know too, NOTHING will stop her from living the life she desires for herself. And so, I can not solve everything. All I could do there then was try and not sink down into that toxic pit of a family. It kind of makes me think about the past choices I have made and the choices I will make for myself in the future. Oh and with this girl, very nice and giving around her family and then snippy and like her mom when just with me. Nice and healthy minded individuals you see.

But then I just went into myself and was sad. I know I should just feel confident that I know what is best for me but it is difficult to be around poison. From now on I am going to remember how much more difficult it is to be around toxic people then it is to be around toxic food. Food I can deal with. If it is something I love I am going really think about if I REALLY want it or not. I am not sorry to say that I am throwing out numerous foods that I do not even want to look at. I froze some turkey and my mom sent home some mandarin oranges on the way back (had to pick up my dear fury boy, Oscar Meyer) The rest is going bye bye….. Both my mom and his mom gave him some sweets and that is that. Not my crap.

Then next couple of days/weeks I just want to get back to the good relationship I have learned to have with food. Clean eating!!! Resentment is also something I do not want to have for my boyfriend. That would not be fair. They are never rude with me in front of him. And I do not want to make a thing out of everything. But he is not like them. He retreats, ignores and is the most quiet out of them all. He goes out of obligation and to have that sense of family that we all desire. With all of my dysfunction within my family, I really appreciated what I have. It may not be much, but it is something that I can at least work with. Sometimes you need to see the dirt and clutter before you can feel clean and good inside.

Well this is a new day and tomorrow is a New Year. And it time to make this the life I want. Not sure what any of this means. But this is my life and I will by traveling the path I desire. It will be interesting to see where this path goes.

David just asked me now if I mentioned the good parts… I bet some of my buddies would rather hear about this. So I will write all about the good things in my next blog, but now I want a healthy breakfast. Thanks for reading. It was really about getting it off my chest. Bad stuff out….. Good stuff in !!! Oh the best was hanging out with David’s friend and his wife and eating East Indian and then working out with their Wii. FUN TIMES. I do detest those darn rabbits though. Loved tennis, volleyball, boxing, bowling and baseball !!!!

I love you so much my buddies. I had so many people’s hearts and faces in my heart and on my mind during this trip and YOU all kept me sane. You and my workouts were my blessings and I am so thankful for your present in my life. I was really difficult to stay well in my mind all the time. But I feel I did better then I would have with out you wonderful strong and supportive people. Yes, sappy Jenn is back. She was not her true self when she was away. Cheers to us. Cheers to you. *hugs*

[I try and understand EVERYONE so that I can be a more compassionate person. But I need to take better care of myself this year. I need to be less of a bunny and more of a force in my world. *working on it*]

LOL…. THIS is not brief for me, just so we know

I want to thank everyone who responded to my last blog and all who have provided words of wisdom and shared experiences with me throughout the past year. We are each others buddies and teachers and your help and kindness is greatly appreciated. I wish you all health and happiness throughout the holidays and into and beyond the New Year. Let’s make our goals realities and always remember the gift of patience which will get us to our destinations faster then any fad diet.

I was so mad yesterday when I learned of the dinner that is planned for today and the I took a breather and realized what is important. Knowing when to enjoy and when to say what I would prefer are important things for myself. So I will enjoy and my sweet Mom is making me sweet potatoes instead of frozen stuffed potatoes. I will enjoy the rest and workout! that has always been my philosophy and this will not change. Life is too short not to enjoy a little….. We are making poppyseed buns together… YUM.

See you in the New Year Buddies. Stay safe.

Love you!

I know all that I love about Christmas… giving, especially giving to strangers. I love how everything looks decorated and bright. I love wrapping presents and seeing people’s smiles.

I wrote this and did not know if I should post. I wrote it only for me. It is not bright and happy. It is the real me at this moment and as always, I am ever changing. I will not be blue for long. It is just not how I am anymore. I make my world better. I eat well. I work out. I share with you. It is a stressful time and I do not want to unload on David because it would be unfair. I have done enough of this. His family is already more chaotic then usual.

Well I hope you all are happy and relaxed. Well I can hope for it knowing that we are all a little rattled. Well I am doing all I need to do to keep my world balanced. Water, vitamins, Clean food (whole-aiming for 75% of the time), and enjoying only the things I absolutely love. When I am gone for a week I will be exercising at least 30 minutes of moderate intensity activity (walking, stationary bike) every day.

I am doing Weight Watchers this week and keeping in mind my extra 35 points. This should help me too.

I am not being all strict, but I am also not going to wait to the New Year because I will be damned if I let so much hard work go to waste. Let’s see, I can not control much of what will be through out these holidays, so I am going to focus on healthy choices and occasionally indulging in a wine spritzer. Maybe those little bubbles will be all I need to giggle a little. Ah I am being a dork. I love Christmas but I find that my people often get in the way a bit. Strangers, I LOVE THEM. I love you all and I will miss you. But yeh, family. I see I would be sad without them and yet to shake them senseless sometimes seems to be a bit of a thrilling activity. As you can see, I am in a satirical state. I am revving up for my week.

I have had many new ideas about what I want for my future and then some questions too. I just do not want to go away for these holidays, spend time with people who bring me down usually, only to have my sadness peak again. I am trying really hard to be thankful and see what I have. I just think that I have come far, but have I come far enough in my thinking to not let people get away with ripping my spirit to shreds? Yet I want to be the good girl and not lay into anyone and cause tension at this holiday time. Ahhh…….

I see my client who is old and losing her mind and I know I must cherish the time I have with my Mom. You just never know what can happen in life. So maybe I best think about how things would be without her and how they can be now. She is my only family really and we have a very strange and distant (not just miles) relationship. Perhaps I will make those days the best that they can be. I mean we are only there briefly, but certainly over Christmas. I know I should look at this as more of an opportunity for us.

I know…. it is all in how you see things. I see that I want to pretend to be confident. Because THIS, I AM NOT. Off to workout.

P.S.: I will sing happy birthday Jesus only because my buddy Shanna gave me a reminder to do so. Maybe this will bring me out of my anxiety and into the true meaning of Christmas…… the birth of someone special.

I am COMPLETELY aware that I am being selfish and should be thinking about those who have nothing.

Things have been good. Food is not as ideal and that is just fine. I am drinking plenty of water, getting some high fiber foods in, fruits and veggies, and exercising. I did not work out as much this weekend, but that was okay, because I wanted to have some good energy for Christmas things…. decorating, cookie making (YUM.. gingersnaps…never have made them before and I had a desire….but I made them for games day at a friends), wrapping presents, relaxing, enjoying the weekend!

We were to go to some friend’s place for games afternoon on Sunday, but they are breaking up I think. He came over to our place instead of us going there. So instead of high fat foods, I quickly cut up a huge plate of veggies (hummus in the middle), fruits, other light snacks and then we also had the decorated ginger snaps from the previous night. We had some fun I think playing games, though it is a stressful time for him. That has got to be tough when you make plans to go on a long trip with your partner at Christmas and then you breakup before. Yikes. What can ya say, *hugs*. Hugs are best. NOT happy about this… very sad actually. But love hurts sometimes, this we all know.

This weekend was reasonable. George has left the vicinity…. *does a happy dance* …and I will appreciate his visit next month. But as for now, I am actually down one pound. Very loosely recorded the points and recorded the food, but it was quick short hand… too much time for so much more. This week I do more activity… variety and the muscle kind…lol

I have to run and get started on the other part of my day. SO much to do and I have BON JOVI tonight. I am so freaking excited!!! *SsCcReAaMm*

Love you all. Read blogs this AM and I thank you for your words. Keep up all the hard work ladies/guys. We can do our best which does not have to be perfect. But can we keep one thing in mind? R-E-S-P-E-C-T !!!! Let’s respect ourselves by saying good things to ourselves, nourishing our precious bodies and moving moving moving to keep things working as they were meant to work. Love you all. *hugs*

And for me, my greatest hindrance is eating at night. It really affects my progress I am finding. I can eat a large breakfast or lunch and still do fine, but I do not need a huge amount of calories or salt at night when I will be about to rest in only hours. Yet still I do it and want it. So I thank my Buddy Jo. Anyone else care to take it on? This is a good challenge because with parties and other events, late night snacking is a national past time!!!

Week 1 (Nov. 14-20)

Wednesday - finished supper at 6:30, herbal tea after, 1/2 c. blended cranberries and water for health reasons.

Thursday - had a late supper and finished at 7:30, herbal tea

Friday - ??? It’s going to be tough. After work, we are going to a friend’s place to play Settlers of Catan. He said HE will provide beverages and snacks. Am I sweating? No! I just feel, like “of course there will be snacks, why wouldn’t there be snacks?” How will I deal? I started this challenge with not a lot of thought. THIS is how I am going to deal….. I am saving 4 points to have a little something IF I REALLY WANT IT. I will consider it my last meal AND it is not in front of the TV. If there is nothing I really want, then I will not worry because I will have already had 24 points or 1200-1300 calories. But I am working my ass off today (cardio, walking and Butt exercises-really working btw) and there will be no worries. Tomorrow is weigh in so I will not start chowing down and sabbatage myself. Some might say, oh she is close to goal, why would she worry? Well I am attempting to break a habit and it does not matter if I am 154 or 250, I still have the same thought patterns I always have. I just see that there is so much to lose but letting go of the discipline. So I have a plan and I will succeed. Screwing myself over? Not today, thank you very much!!! Love that self talk. Cheers to breaking bad habits….

Have an excellent weekend everyone! I feel great and this is partly do to perspective and mostly due to feeling a little more confident. lol… and I will also feel good about having an apple in my back pocket in case I am hungry tonight and there is really nothing I would REALLY enjoy. I feel so much better! Because I was sweating just a little! *hugs*OK! The Afterglow….. I ended up having 27 points before the gathering and then had 1 lemon martini (first one ever), one green tea and 2 large green olives… I figure 31 points….about 1600 calories. LOL…. was not hungry, so, no apple, lol. Scale says I maintained, but the mirror says I am doing fine! Played some games, met some new people and enjoyed some good company. Great night I am still dedicated to working on not eating at night. Note to self: Progression not perfection !!!

Saturday - finished supper at 6:30, water and herbal tea

Sunday - finished eating supper at 5:45 and then had a “thing”. Worked things out in this head of mine, but not before snacking on rice/corn thins and antipasto (equivalent to about 200 calories). DID NOT HAVE CHOCOLATE, WHICH I SO DESIRED!!! Had berry tea and that was it. Not so bad really ~ 1650 cal. today! I feel good. I feel relaxed and this is #1. I almost thought, who cares if I do not report this here, then I felt like that would be betraying myself and you all.

Monday - finished supper at 6:30, nothing except decaf black tea with freshly grated nutmeg after that. YUM.

Tuesday - finished supper at 6:00, Rooibos Vanilla Infusion tea after that.