Jenn

So I found a fantastic new show (new to me) and I love that it is only 20 some minutes to watch one episode and yet it is nearly 20 minutes of smiling and laughing and this feels so wonderful.   Increased SEROTONIN !!!

The Big Bang Theory is so fantastic!!!  I laughed my behind off. 

It is early to talk about my experience with St. John’s Wort, but I like it.  I do not take it early in the day because I would feel tired all day.  But I take it minimally and I feel comfortable starting out small.  I sleep so well and wake up refreshed.  I am not constipated at all THANK GOODNESS.  What I have found is that I have had a decreased desire to emotionally eat or eat out of boredom.  I feel more content to just be still.  I was feeling a little OCD before, but I feel good.  It is too bad that it interferes with the birth control pill because it could potentially be helpful for people who experience mild to moderate depression.  It is so awesome to have not cried this weekend and truly, that says something.  It was a good weekend and many things have increase my serotonin.

After my fasting blood test yesterday I was so hungry and I ate and ate yesterday.  Seriously I rarely go 14 hours with out eating.  I kind of felt like I might faint, but did not.  YAH.  I am not judging what I ate or how much, but I did eat a lot and I know this because I felt FULL.  Not sure how many  calories or points and I am good with this.   So I am maintaining and my spirits are good.  Though this week I would like to see some progress (any) because I finally feel a little better.  Energy is not optimum, but still it is time.

Love the new tub and more and more baths with candles……..

Whole grains (brown rice, quinoa, etc.), fish, fruits and vegetables, water, good healthy fats (salmon oil, hemp seeds, flax, nuts and seeds) vitamins, treats in moderation and light-moderate exercise (6/7 days).   David and I have decided no eating out until the end of the week.  No sugary desserts and instead we are chosing fruit.  I know this is not really a principle that Intuitive Eating believes in, but my sweetie suggested it (not me who usually says such things), so I think he has been feeling a bit like he wants to see changes for himself.  It will be good for both of us.   I also will be continuing to respect my full feeling……

Have a wonderful week Buddies!  Chamomile tea cheers.  *clink*

Thank goodness I did not set myself up for a perfect idea of what I should eat, because we know it never works out.

I would have been wise to pack a snack.  I mean I think it is always good to have snacks when you go out but I have not been doing this for months.  Hmmmm I have gained and been eating out more.  Perhaps it is time to pack the granny bag with some healthy snacks (granola bars, fruit, small container of pumpkins seeds, WHATEVER!!! Even soy nuts that I have in the cupboard would be better then nothing.)

So this was the deal today.  I had yogurt and pineapple for breakfast and then off to work.  It was rush rush and I figured this will be a short shift.  Well I met my cleint and spent double the time with her.   Grrr….  So, as we were out and about and I was helping her with her business I realized it was late and I was hungry and because I wanted to not spend any money all stupid-like, I left my money at home.  (It is crazy but with all the bad finance news I really do not want to spend ridiculously - yoga classes and eating out too!)  So I was famished!  I got home after six hours and I ate a huge amount mid afternoon.  I mean it was just more then I would normally eat at one meal.  I was not even stuffed.  Anyways, of course at supper, not hungry!  OF course.  So then after “supper”, snacks.  Anyways, what ever.  I am not at all discouraged.  I just needed to remind myself tomorrow I have to buy some kind of a cheap bag/tote so I can carry things like snacks.  That whole devouring of the kitchen, not such a good thing!   I am exaggerating…..Still I know, if I want to lose weight I need small meals/snacks more often and a little protein thrown in.

Anyways, I am in a great mood despite the stress of the day.  I am thinking crisp fresh air and hours and hours of walking helped to put me in this mood.  Yah!

I wish everyone a greak weekend.  *hugs*

Thank you for your comments and emails.  I had no idea that others went through the same or similar things and it felt good to breath and know that it was the right thing to share.  I think this place is so cool, but gush gush over Buddyslim we who have been here for SO LONG, know this.

Well hot yoga last night was a killer, but mostly it was hard because I have become so out of shape over the last few months.  Not being able to be active did really take a tole, but what I see is that my flexibility needs some work.  I worked muscles I did not even know I had!  It was not that hot and so this was some what disappointing.  I also felt a little hard on myself at times, because I could not do all the poses, but I was pretty impressed with my efforts.  When I started to get frustrated the instructor seemed to just see and he reminded us to do our best and just stay with what ever we were doing.  So this was a great start.  I am not sure I want to travel this far in the winter to get to the class and it is a bit pricey for me, but I am thinking about looking around to find classes downtown that I could possibly do at lunch time or earlier in the evening.  They would not be hot yoga classes though.  This place offers one good time for me a week and that is great.  I feel like once a week might just be ideal.  An 8:30 start had us finish after 10:00 and then I was wiped.  My head was alert, but my body just screamed that is had one heck of a work out.  I can not express this enough, I felt my body ALL NIGHT.  It was nice to wake up tight and not puffy.  All I had when I got home was an Asian pear and it tasted so amazing!!!  Like it’s perfection just seemed to be the best gift in the whole world…..hehe  A nice lemon ginger chamomile tea to accompany it.  They say I am going to feel the pain tomorrow.  HA… good grief!!!

I would love to say it was all spiritual  but mostly it was hard.  This was the most athletic I have been in months!  I was laying in bed thinking, when did I ever feel like this?  Whitewater rafting (9-5, paddling, swimming and walking), my walk when I touched all 6 major bridges on both sides in Saskatoon, first time I did Hard Body Yoga DVD and the first time I did the Get Ripped DVD.  This was something I will definitely do again as it is a real challenge for my body.  Plus my knee did not hurt once.  Felt some presence of the old injury but I just corrected myself, backed off and it was all good.  Heat really helped.  Plus we really were encouraged to take it as far as we could and not look at our neighbors.. yeh right! *rolls eyes*

I know it will be even better next time and I will feel the fun.   No spiritual awakening, but I found my body, this temple.  No freaking way am I feeding it junk.  When your in those poses you are only thinking, I will never eat junk again!!!!!! Well you are also feeling the moment and the joy of being in that pose.  But junk?   Ok, ok of course I am more of a realist.  I just am going to eat with thought, intention and respect.  This way there is no regret.

I really have to get to it here, but I wanted to blog my experience.

My goal for the rest of the week….. Continue with the activity (nothing more then cardio today) and pretty much no eating after supper unless truly hungry.  Junk is not even an option, unless it is Smarties and popcorn, yah know once in awhile….hehe (Thanks Jo).

Have a great day Everyone.  *wink*

Lunch: large salad (picture in my profile pics) and for dessert, grilled salmon.  Yum!

Just had a thought:  Yesterday, positive or negative, matters not now. Now is now.  What am I doing with it?

I have been inspired by a new lady here to try Bikram Yoga.  I did some research to see if there is any hot yoga classes in Saskatoon and it turns out that there is one in all of Saskatchewan.  I am THRILLED because it is HERE!!!  I do not know why this seems so appealing as I do not try anything that involves exercise and multiple bodies.  I just do not feel at ease with it, usually.  But this seems to really feel right and exciting and new.  My bones are going to love the heat….75 minutes of heated yoga.  I recall really feeling invigorated by the Sweat that I went to once so I am so psyched.  *SCREAM*

I am going to be one sweaty body and I will report back here my experience.  Monday.

I have nothing to report about what has been going on in this head of mine.  I am still remembering my reminders from Monday, but I have been a bit all over the place.  I am happy to say that I am not moody at all about updating my ticker.  It just is not about that.  I want it all.  I want to be further ahead in my life then I am.  But I am here.  I must enjoy what I have.  Live. Love. Laugh.   And oh yeh, sweat baby sweat!

Have a sexy, beautiful, hot, cool, exciting, relaxing weekend.  No I am not high.  I do not even feel manic.  It’s about time I tried something new!

Buddyslim seems to be more of a part of my life when the weather is cool.  We have had some good times and some good adventures this summer and I am so thankful for this.  I feel like I have gotten a little boring of the past couple years.  But hey I am ready for more and more adventure! 

So, I am struggling a little with some things I know to be good and true, at least for me anyways and I just want to get it out.  I am not losing and I am almost okay with this because I have been so much happier.  NOW, I am on a weight loss team and I want to lose, get to my most realistic goal.  The exercise is consistent and the portions are mostly good.  Snacks and treats are issues.  I am not losing!  I want to stick with learning that feeling of what is enough to lose, but I feel like I may need the numbers/points to tell me when I am done.  I must realize I HAVE REALLY improved here.  I see that.   My problem is that I can start to become nutty about the numbers…lol   I want to be relaxed and forgiving with food and not see anything as a bad thing.  So where I use to be at war with food (THANK YOU TATIANA) I no longer am this.  But I do have a bit of fear of having that oldish view coming back.  It is not a good feeling to be at odds with anything or anyone, Ha!  It is so much better to Re-fricking-lax! *wink*  So, this is my only dilemma and trust me I am thankful for this as well.  I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest before I did the old Jenn thing and went hell bent on the need to figure something out right away because something is not working like RIGHT NOW.   Patience and awareness with a little dash of persistence.

Points does not have to come with guilt or frustration.  It is a tool.

Being at ease with food is possible while still having a goal to eat more nutritious whole foods and less snacks and treats.

What to do???…………. (Comes back after some time has passed….)

I could just continue to enjoy each moment in a moderate way keeping in mind to respect myself, my digestive system and my body.  No matter what I do I can not get points out of my head so I will not resist.  They are there and I am wanting some progress so why can’t my mind and my body work together?  That would be a real treat!

So, I was talking with a friend about how easy it is to KNOW something and give advice, but not always so easy to implement it.  Well, I am going to try to remain in the moment with my food/other things and enjoy.  Points are a guide and nothing will be recorded for me to judge.  Gentle is me………lol  Well things have been truly great and I just do not want to slip into the old judgmental thoughts.  So, I think I can realize that a thought is just a thought and it does not have to go beyond that.  I can witness it, be okay with it and let it go.  It is not me.  *feeling all warm and fuzzy*

My buddies must just roll their eyes because I go through the same thing in cycles.  But I really do feel like I am liking myself more and more.  This must mean something………little steps…….

The journaling has been good. But what I am most impressed with is how my mind has calmed a little. I have been really anxious about the whole dieting mentality and hence this has lead me to open my eyes to new things (The Book, the only book, Intuitive Eating and the Joy of Silence). I am often racked with all kinds of hormones this time of the month, but this time when I wanted salt and chocolate I went with it. BUT I AM EATING WITH TRUE AWARENESS AND ACCEPTANCE. It is not the irresponsible eating that we call binge eating. Rather it is healthier view of food and myself where I did not judge the food or try to hide myself. Truly my emotions change like the wind, but this moment has been coming. Anything worth having comes with a preliminary hell. I will keep doing what I know is correct for my form and for my mind. That which is Beyond me is a comfort because I do not need to know the plan. I just need to do what I know is True. These are the challenges I face. I know I have to do things and change is always scary.

My goal this week is to NOT hide behind food or use food to cause me to feel like a failure. This week I feel Everything. I have learned so much about myself by being present with the Silence and the emotions of loneliness and I could not have asked for a better teacher then the stillness of the moment. Also, I need to get my own copy of Intuitive Eating so I can mark it up.

I really enjoyed watching all the Olympics this weekend. There is a quality with in each athlete that is truly magical. Just one example, but watching that woman from Romania (Constantina Tomescu-Dita) just run and run and press on and on was truly inspiring. How is it that some have that drive and others just do not? Not everyone has great roots to inspire this strength, so what is it? Where does this belief in oneself come from? How does one become a believer in oneself? Just some thoughts I am having right now……..

Ok, my stomach is telling me it is breakfast time….

Before I go, the scale says a gain, but this is so far from the truth. GEORGE! My body is so different and this is due to exercise….walking and strength training. I am so thankful for all that my body does. I will do my best to respect it so that it might continue to provide me with this much loved movement. I am sending out a big thank you to my physical body! *THANK YOU*

Have a great week everyone! I will be back next Sunday. (I have updated my profile too.)

So I weighed in early to, a sneak preview so to speak, but the scale was giving me 3 completely different numbers. Hmmm…. I do not care about finding a new scale either. I will get weighed at the doctors soon enough when I go for my physical. I do not need the scale to tell me my my size 10s are snug. Wore them today. So I know what I need to do, but I do not feel pressure or ticked off. Time to eat like a thin chick, but more importantly then watching those portions and drinking plenty of fluids is to continue with the exercise. My size has not changed really. I am still 30/41 (wasit/hips) so I just need to get smart. I saw a direct correlation with stress and FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, love handles ??? All righty! Yeh that was good feed back. Junk plus stress equals badness….bad love (handles). Anyways, I am not giving up on my goals, but if my 10s are comfortable, I am pretty okay with this. Why the surrendering/attitude change?

I LOVE HOW MY OVER ALL BODY LOOKS. No it is not perfect, but I look better when I am a little more fuller on top. I start dieting TOO much and I look weird on top, BUT I figure a bit slower, more definition on the bottom, maybe another permanent 10 lost this year, and maybe this is good Jennifer speed.

This week has been really tough for me. I do not like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day for personal reasons. But if I can start to put those foods down before things get out of hand, well then I say I am a success. There are times when in life I have felt completely alone and scared and I ate and ate and ate. Those behaviors are still with me, but my past does not define me. I am grateful for a smaller stomach that does not allow for lots of food. That is the thing with eating slow, the hunger comes quicker. And so I do not have to keep going. I can have some cake or whatever and then I can stop. Thin people eat whatever, they just do not eat it ALL! And when I do indulge, a bit too much, well there is always activity. I love movement. My muscles are doing some good work for me these days. They are keeping my form pretty decent. What else can a girl ask for? Love for me? Yeh, not getting down on myself is the BEST NEWS I HAVE TO SHARE. I feel cool and calm and motivated.

OK… I will ask…. I want to find a flattering bathing suit. Thank you Santa. But I think this will require going to a real swim suit store and not Walmart…. they are so awful…all of them! lol The colors, the weird buckles- bamboo and metal, the styles….. YUCK! NO bling bling! I do need to try in on though. I just can not order on line. Am I procrastinating? Entirely possible.

What I am most pleased with, MY MOM who is over weight and has high cholesterol is going on and on about how she is changing her food choices. I think this is so awesome, but everyone has to come to that certain thing, IN THEIR OWN TIME. Had a good conversation with her today.

Ahhh…… finding some balance and enjoying this ride. I hope you are too. Have a great week! *hugs*

So, how do people who do Weight Watchers handle the OOPS I WENT OVER MY POINTS THIS WEEKEND.  I have to say I like starting on a Friday, because then you can indulge, BUT THEN you must get back on track and start your week like you want to get something accomplished.   Still I did over indulge a tad.  No, no chastising!  Just good workouts that will continue through out the week.

I indulged on the dairy, fries (?wtf?) and cookies.  But then I also worked out something fabulous on Friday and Saturday and then went a bit lighter on Sunday.  So, I am human.  I never eat fries anymore . I just do not want, but I did crave and did not resist - I ENJOYED.  Could have eaten the last few slower or stopped though, that would have been lady like…LOL  Anyways, I wish you all a great week.  And I will use my 25 each day, like a lady and not a wolf.

Respecting me and the oh so smaller stomach I have.  I think I kind of know what it must feel like for those who have gastric bypass surgery and then have an ounce to much food.  Wow.  Feel the fullness and stop, OH YEH!  Thin people stop eating when full.  Good tip!  *remember THIS as one of my goals*

Hugs to you, hugs to me…….. and a better and better we will be……  Grief, must stop now. 

I watched the French Open today (7AM) and I absolutely love Rafael Nadal (won in 3 straight sets), but also I really think Roger Federer is one of a kind and a terrific human being. Nadal is so hot! Anyways sometimes winning when there is not much of a challenge is not always the ideal. A challenge where you have to really really work at things is so much better and I hear rewarding.

Every time I have a not so fine day for my intake I realize now that it is just one day. I am tracking my points for a while because it is in me to test myself and show a little discipline and moderation. The best thing I did Friday was to decide to track my points. So after 2 days my extra points are gone! Ha! Twas a terrific weekend in all ways. Played Twister, did some shopping, did some reading (no studying), walked to the movies in the rain with my sweetie (Indiana Jones), watched Sex in the City (the series) watched and listened to the rain, made some amazing cookies (small batches are good!) and relaxed. Oh yeh and on the day where I used up the majority of my extra points, I had a terrific workout day of intense cardio and strength training (9 points of exercise). I woke up feeling amazing!

So the next 5 days I will be consuming 25 points per day. Life is good. I just require light boundaries sometimes. There is a type of personality that works well with WW and these type programs. There is no denial, but you do have to use your head a little. It is so nice to say “no thank you” with confidence then to accept and eat something mindlessly. A good place….

So why Twister? I had to play it after Jon Bon Jovi was a guest in Sex in the City and was playing it with Sarah Jessica Parker. Of course they collapsed on each other and yadda yadda…. Note to self, no playing Twister when I do Hard Body Yoga the day before and I do not stretch before the game because twisting myself up like a pretzel is scary stuff - felt like I may scream with the pain of holding those positions….hehe Fun times! What a masicist I am!

Ahh…. Have a great day and week Everyone. Simple… eat healthy or healthier and move more, for us! I will try and do my best

So, I have had one excellent day. In all ways things have gone well and I feel accomplished. But then it is after supper and I feel a little like I could have that little something to munch on even though I am not hungry. The feeling is just there, ya know? And then I see that some idiot is online from my past. Fascinating how you can recall being that fat person way back then and recall the memories of a person who thought that they can treat you like that stand-in while they waited for someone better to come along. Well, here is the thing. I was deserving of respect then (when I was all Romantic Period Hot - largely curvatious and unhealthy) and I am so deserving now! I have to make the correct choice because I am the one who must respect me first! I could go and chow down on something and regret, but that is the old me. I am fresh and full of ways to treat myself like a goddess. Eating because of boredom or loneliness is just a poor option.

I made a simple and nice meal and even had some dessert. That is it. Thank the heavens that I had a balanced diet today (carbs, protein and good fat….lots of small mini meals) because I could actually say no. Sure I said NO WAY AM I GOING TO EAT STUPIDLY after seeing that old mistake, but it was because of the balance through out the day that I could say, I am so glad I have finally got my goals and thoughts together. But this is the thing with me, my moods are entirely dependent on having balance like I said and getting all the nutrients that a proper diet provides. No chemicals or preservatives, just goodness. A great mood. With a poor meal choice, my mood can just as easily be altered. I hear this is not so uncommon.

So today, is one of those days where I toot my horn because I did great!