Jennifer

So I have been thinking about labels. Labels are as dangerous as say not paying attention to the signs of mental and physical illness. So it is good to be aware and not obsess over it as with anything.

Today I am inspired by Nancy who is doing her thing and today is dealing with the food fears.  That is a huge task considering so many of us have dieted or at least been aware of food choices for SO LONG.  How does one deal with the food police in their heads?  It does start to be too much sometimes and addressing them is critical in not developing issues with food, eating disorders.

Though I danced with bulimia many years ago and got scared when my teeth started to hurt, I never was what you call a bulimic or at least an extreme case.  It was more stress induced and occassional.  Hell even a therapist said I could not be a part of the group therapy because I was not bad enough…. All righty!  lol  God, the teenage years!  But my bigger issue has been with all my health issues through out my life and then a bigger then bigger issue was the development of an eating disorder that I did not even know was an eating disorder.  It is called Orthorexia nervosa.  This is the obsession with healthy food thinking that it is the way to good or optimum health.  I have tendancies more so towards it, but still.  Yikes!  The thing is, with all obsessions, there comes stress and preoccupations with certain foods.  And if there is one thing the body does not like is the same things over and over….not even healthy food.  Enjoyment, stress reduction, reasonable nutrition, moderate exercise, fresh water, clean air and the body can usually find the balance that it desires.  But piss around with obsessions and imbalance is sure to occur. 

So, I want to eat a little more food because my senses are telling me this is right and suddenly I feel the fear.  Well Nancy jolted my thoughts this AM because she is eating a larger amount of calories and I suspect her body is telling her, “feed me! “I (her body) work so hard for you so give me some damn food!!!”  The key is listening to the voice of wisdom within and not having those thoughts in our heads forming swirling food issues.  So I feel so awesome that, yes I had a good day yesterday until the night came and then I started to feel bad for going over my approximate calorie quota, but luckily I snapped RIGHT our of it, because of a buddy, because of Buddyslim in this instance.  I mean it is good to have somewhat of a goal, otherwise no new places are discovered, but gee!  Let’s get serious about addressing the fear and NOT feeling guilty for living and enjoying some of the yummies of life. 

There is a lot of fear on this site about food.  I have these fears or thoughts sometimes.  And I am for one thankful that Nancy is addressing it like I have read no where, here or anywhere.  Thank you to Nancy for bring up food fears.  We deserve to be free of this insanity. 

Now I am off for a good breakfast and after my food settles, a nice Saturday morning interval walk.  Today will be a great day if I manage to not have shin splints!  I may just start slower then I like since this will be my first interval walk of the year. (…turned out to be a gentle walk around the river.)

It always comes back to Intuitive Eating…. live, laugh, eat consciously, move, feel well.

I hope everyone has wonderful thoughts today and if any of the junk pops in for a visit, well, swoosh them right out!  This is what I had success with today.  And peace of mind is EVERYTHING!

An article on the topic of Orthorexia nervosa:

http://www.beyondveg.com/bratman-s/hfj/hf-junkie-1a.shtml 

Sometimes you stumble onto things at just the right time in life.  You can feel the changes happening.  It is like some force in life is pulling you away from the very thing you always thought was your path.  Funny how these things happen.  Annoying and funny.  What to do, what to do in this life.  But I feel a life change.  A big change…………. What?  I do not know. 

Yes the doctor told me last year that my thyroid is fine, but my symptoms would say differently.  With a slight weight gain over the past year (15ish pounds…because I did not give up completely) and feeling as I have, I know enough to know I do not want to go back to that place.  And I saw a hint of those same symptoms reappearing only this time I am much more knowledable/intuned. 

We hear so often that eating more is often the key.  But individuals are unique and so a few will have to eat only a little if they have a health issue and a professional has suggested it, but if one is eating too low (like maybe I did, aiming for what WW suggested as around 24-26 pts for years :about 1300-1400 calories), well this can be asking for problems, unknowingly of course.  I think it goes back to the old addage…”slow and steady wins the race.”  For me, slow and steady represents what is good and healthy in reality and the race represents our minds and how we think we should get there faster then we really should.  The fast weight loss truly is not something, I have seen with myself and some buddies, that can be maintained.   I really have been here for a long time and this is what I have witnessed of many and myself.  Slower really is the best answer for many of us.  It is a nasty feeling to lose, get to goal and then gain.  And why we ask?  But so often it is not the choices we make (though it is easy to slip back into the old junky habits, true) but rather it is a metabolism that revolts a bit. 

http://thyroid.about.com/cs/dietweightloss/a/eatingenough.htm

There is an equation in this link that is just awesome!  Maybe….lol  Here it is:

Current Weight, in Pounds _____
Divide above by 2.2 _____
Multiply result by 25 _____ (For a person w/ a normal thyroid, multiply by 30)
Subtract 200 for “Thyroid Factor” -200 (-500 to lose 1 lb/wk for those who have a normal thyroid)
Calories Per Day for Weight Loss _____
Divide by 300 = # of 300-calorie “mini-meals” Per Day _____

And of course plenty of exercise. 

I am also curious how age plays into this.  Also how does this affect one who is really obese or inactive?  I have no idea.

I will update when it has been a suffiecient amount of time to really tell.

I am estimating my calories for each of the 6 meals per day as I can NOT quite get into the lifestyle of keeping track of the caloires.  I know I am aiming for about 300 calories/meal which seems like a lot for snacks…lol  :)  - but it really isn’t when keeping active.  Intuitive Eating will play a role, because I do not see myself stuffing myself to meet the 300 goal.  If I am full, I will stop.  And if I am not hungry, I will not eat.  And what to eat and what to avoid is actually ingrained and natural to my thinking…a more hypothyroid type diet mostly.  Thank god I feel patient.  If I was learning this all at once, I might go insane.  Nope, no insanity here.  I am giving it a whirl.  I do not care if I lose 2 lbs per month.  If fact, for myself, this might be the healthiest speed.  Plenty of exercise of course too.  Time will tell. I feel happy, motivated and healthy.  Now, off to work out. Happy Easter Weekend…..Have a great day Everyone!

 So it was a night for the spirit.  I was really impressed with the Nickelback concert.  We had these tickets since before Christmas and it was such a treat.  Granted, I had no hearing for about 3 hours after the concert, but hey you only live once.  No complaining.  I am onlying seeing the beauty and heat of the night.  WOW, I have not seen that much fire in an enclosed building EVER!  WOW!!!   I am so glad that I am not young and hung over like so many…. MY GAWD!  The beer and more beer and more beer….

The big band with a moving sound from little Hanna, Alberta.  They still make me move better when I have weights in my hands.  :) 

 Yesterday was a weird day for the Eats, but it was fun to just be free.  Still I ate to the point of being satisfied and stopped.  It was a really fine day for sure with Dim Sum being the main fun meal.  My fave… the shrimp!

It is a new day to eat veggies.  The closest thing to a veggie I ate yesterday was mushrooms.  Had a grapefruit and half a pear.  I swear, I feel awesome today, the day after.  Still, my body is saying a few veggies please!!!  And yes another steamed pork bun too please!  Like a child.  “No, you had one and a half yesterday.  You are good for awhile.  Now eat some balanced meals.”

And how can something so white, taste so good?  Treats.  Mine was a steamed pork bun.  YUM.

In a book I was reading the other day, the author stated that though she has a view that is optimum eating for most, she could not fault a friend who ate what ever the heck he wanted, BUT he just did not become toxic by over eating.  He stopped at That Point, when the body is saying DONE, even though the mouth is saying MORE PLEASE (now).  So.  It was a yummy day where I did not think so much.  I felt life and lived it.  But I feel that I must give my intuition the respect it deserves too.  Everything in me is telling me to respect how I have not been feeling so well again and DO SOMETHING…. gently and with a smile.  A real one….. 

And not be obsessed with that oral fixation that rules the emptiness!!! 

Note to self:  I was not breast fed as a baby!  I recieved a cow milk formula and so when I want love, I crave dairy.  Realising this, I HAVE BEEN NOT craving dairy.  Chocolate is not dairy right?  Well that is George, not me.  LOL

My spider senses are telling me to respect the changes in my body and lack there of.  Use what I know and see if it works.  Something came over me yesterday AM.  It was kind of a little turning point.  I have learned enough in my studies to not cause me to feel insane with the unknown.  Sure I do not know everything and I never will.  But when it comes to my health I have often been confused.  But so what if I was not breast fed and did not acquire the benefits and so what if I have health issues and have to eat better it would seem then some.  I have what I have and I better be thanful for it.  AND I AM.  I am so thankful and so much more at peace with just Being.  If something does not work, if I want to try 7 jobs before I find the thing that makes me happy, SO WHAT.  Just try.  Just relax and enjoy the new.  Where is this all coming from?  I found peace this week in my lack of progress!  Then it came to me in the stillness of a Saturday morning.  Not having success and not having one bloody answer made it okay to just Be and know that trying something was something New.  And it too would lead me somewhere else.  Now, this is a calm I could get use to…… Ha.  Until life ruffles my feathers, AGAIN.   Ok.

I will take it!

Off to spend a relaxing day with my two sweeties……

Quiz:

What is Jennifer’s favorite concert she has ever seen?

a)Bon Jovi  b)James Blunt  c)Beyonce  d)Nickelback  e)Metallica  f)all of the times I have seen Bif Naked  g)the couple times I have seen The Tea Party  h)New Kids on the Block (in the 90s…lol)  i)Jann Arden  j)Def Leppard

 THE ANSWER - James Blunt….. oh yes!  YES, yes, Yes, YES!  And, Bif.  I love my Bif.  Boy though as I think about it, they all were fantastic moments in time.

I watched a very controversial movie this weekend, Bill Maher’s Religulous.  And it made me think of my past ‘religious’ practises with diet and weight loss.  It has been so much nicer lately to get back to exercising and really enjoying food without the Food Police or Exericse Police speaking in the back of my head.  Whether it is simple nutricious foods or indulging in some yum yums (Dim Sum yesterday), it has all been good again.  I mean, the idea that one has to be so focused all the time in order to lose just seems so ridiculous to me now.   It seemed logical, ‘dieting’, when I was gaining and maintaining, but my body was just revolting, for little while.  It was whispering to me, speaking and then SHOUTING AT ME!!!  When I was gaining and maintaining it was pure frustration.  But I found it in me to back away, relax, believe in my studies and regroup.  What is important to me?  What makes me tick?  Who am I and if I am being real with myself, what does this look like?  I am learning to be okay with doubt in some areas of my life knowing that I do not have to solve everything.  I do not have to get everything done.  I can enjoy my mind (it is a fun place to be when I am not stressed) and I do not have to lose my entire Being by thinking there is something More.  Doubt about the little-big things is better for me then trying to find meaningless psuedo-answers.   Relaxing with the unknown is not so bad at all and I feel so much more peaceful. 

This being said, I am going to listen to science and in 2ish weeks, after elliminating certain foods that I am sensitive to I will come back and share how much weight I have lost.  I do not even feel the need to cross my fingers and toes…lol   I weighed in for myself (175) and will share how much weight I have lost by not eating those not so ideal foods for my body … consistant exercise too with days off of course.  Who knew cells could be so pissy!  I might even post a pic.  I just had to take down my other pic as I did not think it was me.  Oh good, this body is not me anyways.  I know this, but I still want some new and fresh clothes too, so there is some reality to form and it’s importance.  You know, there is health, but it is the clothes that I want too.  ;)  I do not even want little skimpy clothes, I just want clothes that reveal the true me.  I can not figure out why I can not find a style that seems like me.  Do I just not care about clothes?  Weird? I mean I could seriously shop the Salvation Army and feel good especially if I got a good deal.   Still I think investing in clothes will be good for me as I start to not be a student.  

Goal until I come back with an update:  Write down some personal Body Practice philosophies (see Rae’s profile) and love myself as much as I can handle.  And an example of this is, and I have been doing this somewhat consistently, when I am down I do something like showering and giving myself a nice spa scrub, moiturize myself with a nice body butter and then realise that this body does a lot for me and I am grateful for every inch, cellulite and all !  It is so much easier to eat well and move in a good way when you love yourself instead of saying negative things to or about yourself.

Have a wonderful week Everyone.

Did a little reading thanks to a buddy who shared some info. on carbohydrate intolerance from a book called the Woman’s Perfect Diet.  I am very thankful to Ann Marie, my fellow Intuitive Eater. *wink*   I needed to read the chapter she sent, because as much as I feel I “know” what my body needs, I have not been getting the fact that I eat too many carbs and good fats and not enough protein.  Plus the month has been tough - eating foods for the food sensitivity test and when you have to eat food/not so much choice, NOT FUN.  Yuck.  I feel for kids!  Then there was V-day and my B-day so I have been all over the place.   Anyways, finding that right balance is tricky sometimes, but I am up for it and a new approach.   I want to see what happens with less complex carbohydrates and a little less good fat.  I did not do the test to actually see, I just thought, how do I feel when I eat a high protein breakfast (hours after) and then how do I feel with a high carb breakfast?  I never use to be like this, actually feel more energized with more protein and less carbs.  I felt good and lost with high carb (about 60ish %) but no more.  So I actually do have more energy with higher protein and still lots for veggies and a decent amount of fruits.  I do not know, about 1400-1600 or a little more cals I would guess.  Just thinking a little less carbs and going with the actual hunger.  I have not been hungry so much, but I am hoping my metabolism will bless with me it’s presence.

I am maintaining like a champ *rolls eyes a little* but I can not get upset.  I will not.  Just realise what is and make changes.  It is all just so tiring and I can not go there.  So if anyone knows of a site where you log your food and get the macro nutrient (fat, protein, carb) percentatage that is not here can you relay the address?  Thanks.  If I do not find a good site, that is cool.  It is a certainty that I will become bored with it.  In fact I am giving myself a couple days of recording to get a feel for eyeballing about 40% carbs.  The trick for me is to be getting enough fiber….gawd I need fiber!!!   When did I become old?  Because seriously, my metabolism really has changed.  I just refuse to exercise like a nut because that kind of activity is not something I can maintain and it is too hard on my body.  So, me, trying to find some good balance and my ideal-for-me body.  Ahhh I would be so pleased with 160ish and 29/37 measurements.  But like the big guy says in the second or third Austin Powers, I just want to be “toyght”  LOL.  All good with me.  

 YAH, so glad Slumdog Millionaire kicked butt at the Oscars!  So postive and uplifting.  Yah for Kate!…Winslet.

All right so I feel that I have been a wee bit irritable lately.  I feel like I can get my last few days of possible irritants in before it’s - No You Should Not Have That!  So anyways, I see this.  Craziness.  Portions and whole foods, but a couple poor choices. (Feel flushed, a bit compulsive, etc.)  NO EE though and so this is progress.  I also think just upping the intake a little bit is good around lunch time.  No snacking last night as I had a good helping of sweet potatoes with my shrimp and mixed greens.  No eating at night, I just have not wanted to.  Really all in all, very nice and just 3 weeks until I decide what to wear for a new pic or if it is a confident me at the time, what not to wear…..hehe.   I finally think that I am seeing the real me in the mirror and not the old fat me.  This is making a huge difference.  Focussing on the positive and then everything else is coming into place.

Exercise is a high right now and I do not see too many things changing for my next unstructured week.  Still going to do what I feel.  I just thought I would have more inflammation with all the cardio and weights and I don’t.  Yah for essential fatty acids (healthy fats) and antioxidants (fruits and veggies)!!!  I do believe that this level of exercise, which is not that much for the the huge results that I am seeing (looser pants, muslces are peeking), like maybe 45 min of strength and 25 min. of cardio as an example 3 days this week/other stuff on the off days too, is just right for me because I am NOT hungry at night, but still the results are coming.  Love it. 

Journalling no longer works for me as it reinforces my perfectionism which can not be lived up to.  I knew this, but thought maybe….  NO!  I tried it for a day…laughable!  I am good with this.  You know me, just had to test the waters of control only to realise how silly I was.  I like enjoying good food in the propper portions and just eating optimally most of the time.  Listening for the hunger signals just makes for good eats.  No points either.  Bye bye.  “Hello Body I Never Knew Was In Me!”

Have a great day Everyone!

Be back in a couple weeks……

Buddyslim Politics.  Does it seem crazy OR is it a glitch that some blogs remain at the top of the list while others, new buddies especially who are wishing for sincere support, get placed at the bottom of the list?  All because in the options setting you can change the time so that one’s blog stays high?  Why?   I think it only fair that when a blog is posted that it goes to the top of the list.  This should not be a place that represents popularity, but rather should be a place that encourages weight loss support for those who need it.  If this is a concern of yours, please do NOT comment on this blog about this.  It is not affective.  Please write Dr. Marc an email with your concerns if you have any.  

My blog usually goes to about the 10th or so position and I did not know why until I read a buddies blog stating how this happens.  I adjusted the numbers for this blog so people would see it and read it.  But my settings are back to normal.  If one could answer a question for me, :) what is the purpose of this setting option?  I did care a lot about the answer, but now, not so so much I guess.    

FEBRUARY !!!  Ohhh-yeh!

So I have been thinking that Change is indeed a fine and wonderful little word.  And when actions support it, well that is just wonderful.  But what do I want for myself?  I have been thinking about how I feel about food.  Normally the only time I want food it is when I am emotional (not really much of this AT ALL *smiles* lately) and obviously when I am hungry.  I have not been craving anything.  I just eat when I am hungry and aim for whole and balanced food.  I like that a lot.  I start to get that feeling of how smaller, non-obsessed people (with food anyways) must feel.  It is so peaceful to imagine that. 

Earlier this week I felt that overwhelming sense of fear with foods and that is something I need to address at least in words because that is not a way I want to live.  But when you feel awful when you eat certain things, or like a buddy suggest, certain combinations, well it kind of makes you wonder about food choices.  I have found peace in the fact that this will be over.  *fingers crossed*  I do have an itsy-bitsy fear that the allergist will say, you are not allergic to anything.  I mean I do not want to have an allergy or sensitivity, but I want an answer to the awful feelings.  So, fear.  Well after a good week I did have a day yesterday where I just fed myself well/a lot and I felt so good.  Asian Curry Chicken, Chicken Salad Rolls (no vermicelli, only veggies and chicken) and Singapore Noodles w/ loads of veggies.  I ate a lot compared to what I have been eating and felt awesome in all ways!!!

 Then I thought to myself, that was such an awesome treat.  No I do not want this every week, but damn.  I do love food!  Eating like this, on whole food/almost no sugar seemed to make me really appreciate it that much more.  I do not even want any more today.  It was that, a damn fine meal.  But now I want the simpler foods.  One thing is for sure, changes are seen in this body and I do not need the scale to reaffirm this. 

When I was 152 after being at buddyslim for a few months and SO CLOSE to my set goal weight at the time, I was so disgusted that my body was not what I had hoped.  But letting the number go and just realising that I have a body to create AND THE NUMBER DOES NOT MATTER and that the process in getting there is kind of fun.  Sculpting a firm and True body is much more important to me then a saggy, baggy number-”perfect” body. 

So, these are the things that I am gently holding in my hand and in my thoughts as I begin this month.  Should I say that knowing that I usually mess things up?  I feel like I can tempt it.  I finally know what I want and it IS attainable.  I think in the past I have had doubts.  Like what if my partner and I do not eat the same things and what if we do not eat out enough to satisfy our desires?  So often, WE know, eating out is just unsatisfying, disappointing….  Well,  I have told him, when I want something, I will have it.  He can have whatever he wants.  Tis the Intuitive way!  :)  But the days of me eating because it is there, well that is reserved for those times when I am a little emotional IF I CHOSE and I will have those times I am nearly positive.  But there is no need to make a bigger deal out of it then it is.  It is one moment and time and it stops when the mind allows it to stop.  Why is this sooooo easy now?  This week when I fed my body the nutrients it needed with out all the added chemicals and sugars to mess with my brain (emotions) and body (health) I felt the peace.  Like no cake or cookie could entice me into feeling any other way.  Health and sanity (and I can feel crazy at times) was the big prize!  Now that was achieving peace in mind, body and spirit.   Before I achieved this state by means of control and now, that toxic way of thinking has been shead.  Back into the soil, it is sure to come forth again.  But in smaller amounts?  I think so.  The fear has gone away in this aspect of my life anyways. 

Nearly all whole and nearly no sugar.  Intuitive Eating is my guide, which means I am the one living this life, uninfluenced by the bloody and perverse advertisements and ideals we too often bow to. 

My body knows best.

The Plan:  All weeks, no less then 5 days and preferably 6 days of activity

First & Third week- Structured - Strength MWF, cardio/walking M-F and whatever

Second & Fouth week-Unstructured - whatever I feel I want to do and I feel my body needs

Have a wonderful day, week and month!  I am not going to be on quite as much, as this is just what my everything in me tells me I need to do.  I think I might be finally on a roll, but I need to not procrastinate. 

http://www.chep.org/gfb/index.html

The Good Food box was such a surprise!!!  And it was all organic as I ordered.  I do believe I would have spent more at the store for the same amount.  I buy all of this from the grocery story (except I have not had squash FOR SO LONG), but not all is organic.  So this is so neat!  Better then Christmas!  ;) 

They said during the winter season not all can be collected locally, of course.  I am just so pleased.

-baby spinach leaves

-romaine lettuce heart

-alfalfa sprouts

-squash (YUM… so excited)

-bag of carrots

-many potatoes (When it is the end of the week and we are thinking about going to the grocery store for ‘wants’, I am going to create a comfort meal with a few of these potatoes…. so many potatoes.  Glad they last a long time.  Recipe ideas are welcome…. Tx)

-garlic

-bag of dried green peas

-bag of whole wheat flour  (pancakes as a treat?  not sure what I will make)

-celery

-many apples

-bananas

-kiwi(s?)- Usually our kiwi are from NewZealand, but this AM I read these are from the USA.  Well thank you to the US for my kiwi. 

Well worth the 30.00 and I will be placing another order in the coming weeks.  They say they vary the produce so it should be a nice surprise each time.   

——————————————————————————————-

Oh, and I am taking a cue from Jane I am doing a light cleanse today.  Though I will be having a little salmon for supper.  But all fruits, mostly veggies and some walnuts (I do not have almonds).   It works out well because I have this new produce plus some older produce too.  I have studied about various cleanses and short and light cleanses are best for most people.  

The reason we detox or cleanse is to rid our body of various chemicals and organism (which are in too high numbers like bad bacteria and yeast. PEOPLE WHO CRAVE SUGARY THINGS often will have excess yeast) and doing so too quickly will cause these organisms to be destroyed and it is thought that the chemicals they then release from their dead cells is actually quite unhealthy.  Hence the ill feeling many people have when doing intense or extreme detoxes.  The body does not actually “get rid” of the bacteria so effectively as I understand it (constipation and when there is an excess), though some are clearly excreted.  They must die.  So the key is to not feed them the sugar they want and poop regularly.  We need some broken down sugars to live, but NOT the excessive amounts we so often have.  Oh yeh, I know this… *sigh*   A gradual end to these “critters” lol is best, so says many experts.  They don’t say critters though, they use words like pathogens and microbes….hehe.  Thank you Jane for inspiring me to write this.  I read about this, dysbiosis, in what seems like every new section.  A healthy digestive system is ESSENTIAL to good health.  But regular gentle cleansing helps all body systems to do their best and that means a better quality of life.

———————————————————————————————-

Speaking of doing my best….. update on accepting that I will be a success…..

I am most pleased that this week I have steadily and dramaticly seen a change in my mental game with food.  I am so at ease.  AS SOON as I say I can have it all, peace.  When I say no to anything I want I want.  So just no rules is really affective for me.  And then also enjoying the small portions has been an absolute success.

But most of all, I have been so into my studies and good at saying no to certain domestic things that bug me usually if left (like not unloading the dishwasher or doing only 1 load of laundry instead of 3).  Basically I am pacing myself and putting my goals at the top of my list.

I have been more relaxed and way more at peace.  Just telling myself that I will do something has worked.  Plus, the activity is there and it is here to stay!  Love it.  Though I still do have to be aware of it so it does not slip from my day.  Love the list of activity so that I am doing at least 6 days a week.

After the cleanse last night I did have a bit more food as it was needed after some additional activity.  Listening to what my body tells me, NOT the voice in my head which can be so negative.  Voice: “that is too fattening” or “you know you will never be a success”.  All good.  But then I think balance has been achieved.  I got so much studying in this week.   More success to come.

So everything has been great, but by far the greatest success has been the peace and happiness that resides in me and around me.  I placed some old and new pics up too on my home page for motivation.  I love that strong picture.  Makes me smile. 

Most days I am feeling well.  I still feel ill if I eat certain foods, but all will be figured out soon with the help of science.  If I were to drop all the suspects, what I can eat would be cut by a quarter.   (corn, soy, dairy-I LOVE DAIRY, peanut butter, tomatoes, wheat, broccoli - I LOVE STEAMED BROCCOLI, all chemical preservatives)  I think I have a bit of an imbalance/dysbiosis, because my moods are all over the place… blah

Well just thought I would update.

Have a good one!

So, I am taking a bit of time to review Intuitive Eating today because it seems the student has forgotten everything.  Another good book for dieters too the Zen of Eating!

Gentle damnit! Ha.  Seriously though, I have this sweet desire to be kind to myself, but how I think I should look is interferring with this.  At the store yesterday I was drawn to the weight loss pills and thoughts of herbs, but this is not the answer.  Knowing that they are not a long term answer and likely will not work, I still thought about it.  Nope, there will be no cheating or failing.  I am going to do this the right way!

My days are going to start with a workout of some kind and it does not matter what.  I just want my heart raised and I want to work my beautiful muscles.  Buried they may be, but there they are wanting to be my major weight loss initiators.   I considered posing my weight ticker again, but I just do not want to be consumed by this number.  Sure I have a goal, but I do not need to be reminded of it only to feel up or down because of it.  There was a time when it really helped to see it each week.  Well I just do not want to go there.  Today though I weighed in just to know where I am and I was not at all surprised to see my biggest number since being at Buddyslim.  176 is what I saw.  I am not sad or anything, but I do know what got me here. 

Too much imbalance.  Too much World of Warcraft with not enough exercise.  More movement is the key.

I am not seeing foods negatively, but again, I need to add more of the lighter foods and decrease the heavy sweet foods.  I know I have had plenty of animal protein and this slows my digestion.  So, I was lost yesterday as I tried to think, well what path will work best for me?  Weight watchers always comes to mind, but I do not want to start the year doing this.  I share as I have shared here before, this helps so much if you have never thought to look at what you eat.  It is a really good start for those who are new to loosing weight.  But this only reinforces the perfectionism and the negative ideas that I do not need.  But I need structure. I do I do….. lol   So, the plan is to aim for 6-10 points per meal for a maximum of what would be 30 and this is about a 1500 calorie day.  And I am not saying NO EATING AT NIGHT, but I really wish to not eat at night unless it feels like I will have trouble sleeping due to hunger.  Snacking is something I would like to knock-off my routine at night.

There is some comparing I did this Christmas just to keep me from getting frustrated.  One of the ladies in my cousins family who we spent Christmas dinner with made a comment when I said I was so cold.  She said, “maybe you need some body fat.”   Well that is both hilarious and sad.  Hilarious-Well I have plenty and too much for my frame.  This is not the sad part.  The sad part is, I am the littlest female and person in my entire family and also everyone at that dinner.  Yikes!  This makes me sad because I know that excess weight (the kind that makes one obese) means that one and all are at an increased rate for health related ilness.  :(  So I knocked off the craziness that might occur in my head if I were to stay there.  Nope, I came out and found some perspective.  Yes I have some habits to get back to (portions and respecting/loving myself with what is the right amount for me-exercise and diet), but there is no need to get worked up with things.  So I have gained, now it is time to start fresh and find that balance again. 

I want new things for 2009.  I want to feel empowered.

I know the weight loss list, but I should just reinforce it here as it is the last day of the year. 

-to prepare interesting and healthy meals more often then not as to feel satisfied (TOO MANY bowls of cereal when I came back to Saskatoon because I just did not seem to care.  No more of that.)

-plenty of fruits and veggies, balanced eating, keep my protein regular and my animal ptrotein (more fish) to the portion good for my digestion (2-3 oz), water, herbal tea, green tea (decaf and regular), vitamins, limit the sugar  

-workout at least 5 out of 7 days a week.  No less then 45 minutes.  I am only firm with this, because this is what has got me here.  A little poofy, but thank goodness I am keeping the perspective.  Gentle, calm……. and as Bif would say, I” love myself today, not like yesterday, I’m cool, I’m calm, I gonna be okay” ….. hell this is going to be a great year.

-do what ever it takes to find the joy and laugh.  Laugh often.

Wishing everyone a great day.  NOW, I am off to workout out.  Happy New Years Eve everyone.  Have a safe and fun night.

Peace and love…..

(Note:  Learning is good no matter what happens, ideal or not so ideal.  Education is education.  For instance, I learned that mixing chocolate pudding powder, the cook on stove kind, with plain yogurt is tasty.  Just as I thought it would be.  Still, this I had to learn by trying.  Now this does not mean I have to do it again, anytime soon anyways.  *rolls eyes* 

yes, yes, yes….. more whole foods and less sweets…… yes, yes, yes…. *puts that angel back on my shoulder for guidance*  lol)