I have only seen moments of Biggest Loser and it never really stuck with me.  But then last night at the advice of a friend, I watched and I was so drawn into the reality of it.  First, I was cheering for Shay the whole way.  As the fitness and nutrition consultants talked about her needing to be there I was just her biggest fan.  I was taken back to my biggest, felt that for a bit and then came back to the show and it was all about her journey.  It saddened me to the greatest depths when she got the boot.  I could not believe that guy who should never have made the commitment early on with her only to go back on his word.  He should have never done that, but it reminds me to be careful with my words.  To be thoughtful and act, but to think first because words matter.  But there, rambles.

I was surprised how much depth was present in so many parts of the show.  I really am not a fan of the race to lose the most weight, but it seemed there was more to the show.  And it got me to not have sweets last night.  I ate only to satisfy a little hunger, but did not go for the old comforting sugar.  Why did I want?

It was good to reavaluate some of the things that have been going on in my head and make some changes.  There is often a drama that creeps into life that has no business being there.

And, I want to in my own little safe space here at Buddyslim, say that I am SO thankful that I came back here at a time when I needed to, only to read a most random blog of someone I semi-knew, only to read the most important words I needed to read at that time.  And again when the negative thoughts were creeping into my head, I saw her most strong and opinionated words about suicide.  It kind of woke me up, that I needed to make some changes in my life and start seeing what I really have.  And keep striving to be my best….

Other people will do everything they can to make things happen in their world, but that does not mean that that is my truth or my life.  Sometimes only the extreme selfishness of others can be seen and maybe that is because we do not like that in ourselves or maybe it is a reminder that I need to be more selfish in my life. 

I am shocked at how strong I felt with my ability to say no to sweets.   LOL… I always go back to food when I should be thinking about something difficult or doing something else.   Will work on this always….   But really, it was like that tough Ms. Jillian was talking to me.  Boy was I mad at her.  What passion though.   Today I am thankful for the strength I found in myself through that show.  I am thankful for the interconnectedness of our world because someone far far away woke me up to my inner depression.   

So I make the commitment that I will try to think about Shay and personal responsibility when sugar treats come to mind.  I am making this connection that sugar is my go to when I am sad lately.  Not at all surprising when it raises seretonin levels in the brain the fastest.  It just is not so ideal of course.  So other ways to raise this important neurotransmitter is exercise, complex carbohydrates and sunshine.  OK SELF, get on with things……..  *smiles*

Loving Dr. Oz’s challenge.  I am Miss Moderate and I love any healthy eating plan that says, “go ahead and have dessert every second day.”  LOL… I needed that go ahead.  :)   Lately just being told I can have, I have not been wanting so much.  Just when sad…..  hmmmmm.  Interesting.

And on this Remembrance Day, I remember all those who risked and contine to risk their lives to provide peace and safety for us all…..

So I just have no motivation.  I know I am responsible for me and should not depend on others for help.  I must not expect others to do anything in their life inorder to help me.  lol   That sounds pretty pathetic even as I think about it.  But those who know me, always know that I do want the best for the people in my life.  This is just how I am.  But why do I expect so little from myself?  OR is it that I expect too much ???  Ahha moment!

I thought about Weight Watchers and then cringed a bit.  It really is not for me.  It just inspires my othorexic/perfectionist tendancies and I do not want to do that.  What I know is I want to inspire myself and be responsible for helping myself to feel good. 

SO, I am doing the Dr. Oz Ultimate Health challenge!   Minus his hard-on for soy, I am doing this !!! 

This is for me.

My Numbers: Blood Pressure (Normal: 115/75)   -   100/55,    Waist Size (Should be less than 32.5)  - 33,    LDL Cholesterol (Should be less than100)  - ?? Physical is later this year,    BMI (Should be less than 25) - 27.8,  Weight this AM- 183

 http://www.doctoroz.com/challenge/dr-ozs-ultimate-health-challenge

There are no goals in my mind for these numbers.  I just want to see what I can do for myself and I want to develop some better health habits over this winter.  It is funny, funny-curious (not funny haha) how the bad habits just creep in more and more over the colder months.  So, here goes!   Healthy food choices and regular exercise!  No kidding. I am just the kind of person who works best when she is lightly challenging herself.   So, knowing it and doing it! What can I do?  What can I do in 4 weeks?  What can I do this winter?

Sent to me by a super hawt friend, I send to all spectacular and hawt ladies and men….

This is one to be shared.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/the-picture-you-cant-stop-talking-about-meet-quot-the-woman-on-p-194-quot-504942/?posted=1

Teary,

Me.

This seems a bit strange to me to comit to for days and days inorder for things to start to really stick.  But it is just like my Paul McKenna CD, eventually I have to review and reprogram myself because no matter what I say to myself,years and years of images and current ideas invade my brain.  Then it’s my turn to tell myself what is true.

http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/boosting_selfperception

In a nutshell…..or my personal interpretation…

1.  Do not think that others are thinking about me.  There is a good chance they are thinking about themselves, like 99% chance.  REALLY, get over myself.  They do not care.  And if they are on that 1% chance, then their life might be really boring at the time.  So give them a brake.  They are like me, not perfect.

2.  If I am not feeling good about something in particular, then balance it with something fun.  Like if I feel bloated because I had too much salt the week of my period, the I do something wacky like where a hat, big jewelry or maybe buy some lipstick!  YIKES, I am completely out.  Need a new non-tested on animal shade.  (You know awhile ago I was on a rant in my world about using products that do not test on animals.  There are a couple products that I still can not find good products to replace the animal cruelty products, but, can not be perfect.  Still, when it comes to make-up which I see as fun and good for my mood, not entirely necessary, I still can not beautify myself with products that have resulted from companies that test on animals.  Anyways, this is still important to me.  Just occured to me to be kind with myself as there are still some products I use that are not awesome in all ways.  Like my laundry detergent.  Nothing beats it so far.  I dare life to send me some effective, unscented detergent…lol)

3.  Focus on my passions and this leaves no time to worry about the negative at the moment zip, excess flab or whatever.  Be happy.  Find the happiness.  What are my passions in life?  I say again, what are they?

4.  Being honest about those negative images is healthy.  I do like to share with people I trust.  Really love me for me and they do not care about my thighs.  Still getting those thoughts out of my head, priceless!  And it creates an intimacy or bond that is wonderful.   Still, people can be around to correct us once in awhile, but chances are they are not there most of the time.  So it is good to catch those thoughts and spin them with positivity.

5.”Body is tied in with your mind that simply thinking about stressful situations raises your blood pressure, increases your heart rate, and lowers your immune system. If you keep thinking about how ugly or fat you feel, your physical health will suffer along with your emotional health. To feel better about your body, focus on positive thoughts and healthy activities.”

This week, I make self image improvement my class that I will not miss.

NOW, I am going to enjoy this body and feed it well, move it to my heart’s content…..and enjoy whole food.  Yes, I have no choice.  LOL….my non-core foods are NO MORE…. love.  I so enjoyed my day yesterday…. Did not even feel over full once, but things can add up.   Ahhhh kind of made a connection…. Just like those negative thoughts.  It’s okay to have a negative thought, but have too many and suddenly the physical health and mental well being are altered.  No matter what it is, extremes just get in the way of good health.

NO tricep comments and no thigh comments from me this week that are anything other then, damn I feel fine and love my form right now and it’s just getting better and better.

What has really got me supporting the fact that bigger is ok-the wonderful example, Alisa Kleybanova was at the Roger’s Cup.   A bigger girl she is, but she was so strong and not once did her size hinder her.  I mean she was phenomenal and she moved so well, NEARLY making it to the finals.  What a tennis player!!!  I am a fan. 

When it seems like things are so freaking crappy, there is still BS to vent on.  I have had a couple poor days, but I just do not want to start the week negatively.  It’s occured to me, I am growing as a person and I feel good about what is going on in my head and heart.  But sometimes it seems that everyone around me has different ideas.  What will come next?  Will I be able to breathe and not get emotional over the fact that the people in my world are wanting things that are completely different than myself.  I want what I want and today I make every effort to block out the toxins that have plagued me for so long.  Well I guess it’s good to release them and find the peace.  No matter what.

Today I will feed myself as my body requires.   The frack I will let other peoples Ideas lead me into the kitchen of hell where I have practicly lived my life in trying to find comfort.  It does not even matter what people want.  The only thing that matters in this moment is me not letting the stress of yesterday ooze into MY MONDAY, today.  This is my life and I really need to start feeling powerful in my life.  I need to NOT close any doors.  Only I can stop myself.  Only I can move forward.   No one’s ideas or hopes will shatter me.    Why have I let this happen so often? That disempowering kind of thinking is so leaving my mind.   It may not happen like *snap* that, but this is the first time that I am mad, not weak, with how other people’s issues affect me.  Why would I do that?  Why would I try to be something that I am not ?

What do I want?  OK

What do I want for today?   I know where the power is….within me!  No kidding.  Why would that become so unclear in life?  So eat for me and my health and get onto the business of the day, because this is what the universe desires of me.  There is no telling where I might be in my life someday.  But I can only get there if I live well now.

Today’s no thinking menu:  (s0 I just do  not chose some cold cereal because I feel lazy)

B-Spinach shake, egg salad w/ bread and butter pickles on a cibatta bread

L-veggie chili soup and salad, couple olives

S-Franks chicken and sweet potato fries, mixed beans and carrots, raw celery

sn? whatever for hunger

Special attention to complex carbs today as I know, to not do so would be a way for me to only feel weak and become depressed.  I have no time for this.  Feeding the body so it will give me good results…

Beautiful, intense song for those who appreciate the greatness of the one and only Eminem.  Maynot want to listen to this if you are depressed.  I love the song, but when sad, Josh Grobin is such a better choice.  Dreamy……..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAw9axFwzvU

Peace to me, peace to you.

So I always wonder, what is best for me?  Should I aim to eat really complex and delish meals and be satisfied (who has the time??) or just eat simple and healthy and possible be left wanting?

Well I think the answer for me lies in between.

I was inspired by the menu on The View’s site where one of the lady is trying to lose some weight for a bathing suit showing on TV.

http://www.theview.tv/blog/sherris-bathing-suit-challenge-diet-week-2#comments

I want to be satisfied, yet not completely involved in creating masterpiece meals.

B- Fresh fruit salad - blueberries, apricot, banana, cherries, pineapple….(little later) beef slices wrapped in butter lettuce leaves (hit of mustard and black pepper)

L- sweet potato fries w/ olive oil, Johnnys seasoning, little ranch dressing, Franks hot sauce and nutritional yeast sprinked after cooled, salad and veggies- THIS WAS BLISS, omg!

S-1/2 a Clover Leaf Fresh Thai Herb tuna w/ a large salad, flaxseed oil, Renes Japanese style dressing, rice noodles

Treat-  almond milk “mocha” with Caflib and stevia, yummy rice crispy cake with extra marhmellows, jelly candies

s-  Earl grey tea, Brazil nuts, rice cakes, goji berries,

Not feeling super well today when I woke up so eating lighter is best.  And seeing all that blue cheese in those recipes on that site, DID NOT HELP.  
I bet I feel a lot less bloated tomorrow!!!  I have been eating more meat and wheat and I feel  like a whale.  So today’s meat total is about 3 ounces.  No wheat for awhile.

So it came to me this AM as I was just waking up, tonight is day 30 for my challenge.  30 days of not eating after 7PM unless truly hungry has been terrific….more energy, better sleep,  improved metabolism especially when I actually ate when I was hungry, even after 7PM. It was interesting to deal with that voice in my head like I was failing by eating.  It was not about denial.  It was about chosing food for hunger and not all the reasons that I have in the past….. food is tasty, food is a friend, food is soothing when lonely, sad, mad….and on and on….  I am excited to have a new relationship with food and MY GOODNESS, FOOD TASTES SO UNBELIEVABLY WONDERFUL WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY.  How could something as simple as a green salad, potato w/ a little butter, olive oil, squeeze of lemon, dash of salt, pepper and fresh dill taste so heavenly? -hunger.

So, this was pretty easy.  I am sticking with it.  A new lifestyle change.  Officially.

I do not know what to think of everything I have studied.  There are some contradictions and it feels a bit strange, but I guess this is life.  Even allopathy does not always have the answers.  Everyone is unique!  :)  What I have figured out for myself, with the support and knowledge from my studies, is that dairy is not for me.  I feel like I am mourning it’s loss…. Look here I go thinking about what I DO NOT HAVE.  Caught myself……   But it is soooo good.   *not thinking about it anymore/rolls eyes*  Maybe in those tough times with fantasies of peanut butter pie and MacLaren’s Imperial aged cheese (CURRENTLY IN THE REFRIGERATOR as someone bought it as HIS treat and I chose apple butter  :), I will just have to go and read some vegan site…. :P  Ahhh, best to see the humor in it.  Knowing that a craving is going to hurt me, really ought to be enough!  Ahhh I will let the vegans preach at me…. haha.

“NO, that is MY organic butter and I will not allow you to sh1t on it and when I finally purchase some raw honey, you can hump a tree if you think I will give that up either!” 

So, the question in my head, HOW LONG will I be here at buddyslim?  The fact is, I will be here as long as it works for me.  My weight minded self would like to see a body around 155, +/- 2, but she does not rule.  I love blabbing on my little space.  My apologies for blabbing on other’s blogs though.  Sometimes I feel filled with emotion and thoughts…. it happens.

must….walk…away from…the…computer…..  The day is starting.

*feeling fiesty*

I am finding that eating a bit later helps me to feel much better over the course of the night.  So instead of eating at 5-5:30, 6:30 is a nice time to start or finish my last meal. Enjoyed some good eats at our fave restaraunt LaBamba last night, then home to watch Idol….. *sigh*  I am not at all shocked Kris won.  He had that home grown feel and was about as sweet and wonderful as apple pie. He really did surprise me the last couple shows-very impressive.   The polished nails and intensity could not have appealed to the masses no matter how incredibly talented Adam was and is.  I did not like every single performance of his, but I really admire his sense of self and his courage to be that which is different in pretty mainstream America.   Adam through out the season, hands down, made everyone better!  Success to them both for sure…….

A friend and I were talking and she wants to set up some health goals for herself, but she does not want to become socially different.  I know this is important.  I just have always felt like I needed to chose my health first.  But there should be a way to find some good balance by keeping the goals moderate.  I found it interesting that her husband is more of an extremist then her in that he wants to fast and she does not.  He wants her to do it with him and she is resistant.  Fasting is a personal thing and that fact that she is resisting leaves me to think that she is listening to her spidey senses.  So I definitely support them both.  She laughed her infectuous laugh when I told said that he should find his inner strength and just do what he needs to do.  Granted she is a naughty lady saying she would tease him with food.  Now, that is just nasty…..hehe.

So, I feel myself testing myself.  If I eat this, will I judge myself?  Kind of a personal test.  Had to see the doctor yesterday and so I found myself feeling her words more then what she was actually saying.  She is a moderate of course.  So, I guess I do see that food does not have the great effect on the body as I have hoped.  I mean I have been awesome diet wise and I am not quite balanced in my physical health.  (Still I have found better health when I changed really awful eating habits in the past.)   I mean I really have wanted to believe that I could make things better for myself and I know to some degree I can.  But, I am saying right now, that good food does not equal good health.  There are so many factors and I needed to write this and surrender to life, a little.

The strict me says that eating a brownie for breakfast was stupid and unhealthy for me, but continuing to live with great restrictions is maybe more harmful.  There are many people out there that are saying right now, YIKES, ok she is no health nut?  Well I have been and it does very little for my complete health.  So from this point on I am addressing the food police in my head.  The brownie is not a staple thank god (Twas too yummy!!!), but it is the beginning of this journey where I address those voices.  HOW COULD I NOT JUDGE FOOD WHEN I HAVE STUDIED ABOUT THE EFFECTS OF THIS AND THAT AND HOW THIS AND THAT HELP THIS……  I am seeing the flaws of The Hard Core Beliefs Of Any Topic….. nutrition, politics, religion….    There are no certainties with anything.  What matters is the peace with in.  And usually the body is fed well with whole foods, fruits and vegetables, good quality protein and healthy fats.  But sometimes the spirit begins it’s lifelong nourishment with the consumption of chocolately freedom.  I know my hormones are now affected with sugar, but a little sweetness now and then really ought to be something good if it does not spiral.  So, I had an enjoyable treat and that is that.  No judgment please!!!  I already have one in my head.  Right now I have her harnessed in rope, chains and leather~giving her a taste of HER OWN medicine.  Ha!!!    (lol… I have been watching United States of Tara.  :)  I am somewhat serious and also being somewhat funny…..

Not about to write about this complete journey here, but this is where I am at.  This is such a huge change for me and I find meaning is lost when I write in the stadium of friends and foe.  What matters is that I find my meaning and I am confident with that.  I felt like I was being dishonest if I did not say where I was at in my head.  I think it does not matter so much that I write, but I just needed to be real.

And I am also proud of my non-mindless eating nights!  This will be the main reason that I lose a few more……….  It’s easy now!

Question:  Can I have a treat and not feel that I have failed, causing me to eat a greater number of these type foods (one is a delightful treat, 2, ok, more is gluttony and unhealthy)  -  Yes/No

Did I have a day where I dealt with my emotions well and did not have that all or nothing mentality:  Yes/No  ………will answer later.

Wishing Everyone a great day!

So I have gone 13 days of NOT eating after supper unless hungry.   I feel the joys of a metabolism and I’m appreciating.  I do believe it just settled down into hybernation over the winter.  I am not kidding either.  I have made some changes, but STILL!  That was just craziness!  Anyways I think I learned some things that will help me keep the metabolism going.  So, the 13 nights have been great.  Now I am fairly sure that I consumed sugar last night.  We spent the day with a couple yesterday which was very nice - played some board games (crappy weather) and watched hockey.  Enjoyed some sushi together for lunch and then I just forgot about my goals.  Not a big deal, but I am almost positive that I had sugar in a dressing that I put on my Greek and spinach salad.  It was a balsamic vinegarette that was so tangy and sweet tasting and I enjoyed, though it did seem a bit rich for my stomach later, oh yeh in combination with a thin crust chicken and vegetable pizza w/ pesto sauce instead of tomato sauce.  The fact that the meal stayed with me so long, could have just been the fat content or the flour because I did not over eat at all, at any part of the day.  I enjoyed it anyways.  I did feel like I had let myself down momentarily because of the sugar, then I grabbed some perspective!!!  It was a fun day with some good people.   I went 8 days with NO SUGAR/sweetener OF ANY KIND.  That is a record for me and I feel great because of it.  My next and completely usual thought was, “well I blew it so, now I can have sugar again.”  Well no way!!  This is a lifestyle change and having a little sugar in some dressing (of which I maybe had a tablespoon and a half) is not a huge deal.  Sure I made the commitment, but one of my unspoken commitments is to be gentle with myself and progress with my lifestyle changes.  So making the choice to continue on with the no sweeters and sugar is exactly what I intend to do.  I am firm on the no mindless eating at night though.  This is just VERY good for me.  Eating at night, mindlessly, is a behavior that I recall so well and has become a very unhealthy behavior for me.  I just do not need that food in me, unless I have exercised that night and need a little something something….fruit or something.

So, that is that.

Freedom from night time eating - 13 days

Sugar/sweetener free - 8 days, a trip-up along my path…moving on…

Chemical free - doing the best I can in this society of ours and I am not over thinking things too much.

*Yesterday’s activity: cleaning condo quickly, with my sweeties help, before company came over.  Hey, we have stairs so it was a complete and good work out…  :)   Today:  Muscles!!!

 So Ms Jenny McCarthy has inspired me to rethink more commitments for my 30 days.  Well it was not JUST her. See, my consumption of chocolate in the last week has been at an all time high.  I know the weight of the dark Hershey chocolate chip bag and in secret I ate one and bought another because I felt so naughty.  When you put your plastics in the recycling bag, they are NOT easily forgotten, like in the past when I just put them into the garbage.  This new lifestyle of recycling is good in many ways - no lying or “forgetting” allowed.  Like buying another bag of chips would actually last, NO of course not.  Plus we indulged in more chocolate last night.  My god!   So, after reading Jenny’s blog (see Oprah.com)  about how she is challenging herself with no eating after 7PM and no sugar for JUST 30 days, I too am making some neccessary changes.

I am eating before 7PM.  Last night stretched to 7:30 and the night before was 8:00ish.  So no more of this.  Still it was my meals, no snacking after, but still.  8:00 is too late for me.  I have been successful for 5 official nights now.  *Pats self on back*  (Will feed true hunger with reasonable food as to not stress myself.  Just NO MINDLESS eating.)

I am eating sugar/sweetener-free.  YIKES, hey?  This is the biggest thing for me.  This and chocolate have become a little addiction lately.  I say one tablespoon of my Mom’s strawberry jam but no it is double and a little more.  This will mean virtually nothing processed and that is just fine with me. Not eating at night has been a breeze, I am going to feel this missing in my life for awhile but I know I will be better for it.

I am also eating a chemical/additive-free diet.  I am not going to preach about this badness.  I know it is crap and this is for me.  When I grabbed an antihistamine the other night because I was so uncomfortable, that was shocking.  But you can be damn sure I will be not eating the crap that made me feel so awful in the first place, well for 30 days for sure!

Seriously if my Mother bitches about her seasonal allergies again I may snap on her ass too (see I kind of snapped on MY ass/self..lol).  She smokes and then proceeds to blame everything outside of her own actions.  *shakes head*  WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES???  What ever, me thinking about the past chocolate and sugar binges is not productive.  Some professionals think it may not even be helpful to figure out why we eat/behave as we do.  The most productive thing might be to actually retrain ourselves with new behaviors.  No more over thinking things.  It is unproductive in a world and big brain that may be beyond understanding.  Much less stressful to just chose to make new choices and do so in a supporting environment.  So this is what the 30 day challenge is about….retraining.

What I have learned in my studies….. It is natural to have cravings if one is not getting the proper balance of nutrients.  Like if one eats a higher protein diet (and I have been doing this to deal with some hypothyroid-like symptoms and things are improving and the weight is coming off little by little) one will need NEED more water and will desire more sugar (carbs).   (Also people will NEED more calcium.  This is why those with a low fat vegetarian diet do not require as much calcium as those who eat high fat dairy, meat and sugar diet.) And because the body really wants it instantly, it will often want the simple sugar and not necessarily the bread or the pasta.  Hmmm…. I think I experienced this.  Only I am not a child and with this challenge, I have to be aware and eat the little more healthy carbohydrates in balance.  Because seriously sugars are prime feedings for disease/cancer.  God and I know this too.  Well, cheers to changes.  There is no stress because it is 30 days, but I would like to develop healthier choices.  That is the goal-Life long health and weight loss.

The thing that is keeping my moods (well some moodiness with the sugar! duh!) in check and helping to create my past shapely legs, OF COURSE the exercise!  Not eating at night is helpful because I am sleeping better too and there is less slow moving food in my gutt.   All good things.  Especially the Hard Body Yoga.  I think my legs MUST be looking FINE.  David has said he would like to try!  I told him when he does it to take it easy the first time.  I am so excited to have an exercise partner, maybe, hopefully…..hehe.

So I am losing weight slowly.  But the scale is nearly dead and my computer is DEAD.  I posted that it was slowly taking a downward turn (shutting off when ever it wanted) well, it is DEAD.  So, it will be awhile before I have a new one.  I am using my sweetie’s and truly it feels like a beast compared to my laptop…lol  Anyways I am thankful for the use.  But I will be on the computer less for awhile.

If I should faulter a little with my 3 personal challenges I WILL let ya know.  Here I am, honest with me (YAH!) and I will also be honest with you.  Buddyslim is a part of my life.  I just have to use it affectively.  ;)  I will be posting a new picture at the beginning of summer along with my ticker.  The old ticker has been out of commision but it WILL be back then.  When my metabolism slowed, so did my spirit.   But I am happy to say, both are soaring.  Well it just seems good to see some slight visual changes.  I will take this ride on the turtle ANY DAY !