Jennifer

Had a bit of a tough go lately with eating too fast which slow eating is key to my success.  My mind seems to be everywhere, but not so much on the enjoyment.  Well not today.  Today I make food awareness and pleasure a part of the routine!  Fresh, fresh, fresh food.  Now what is there not to love!

And a thank you to a friend who said to me and I am paraphrasing, ‘you had this kind of a day (yesterday, not ideal), but you are going to have a more balanced day tomorrow, right?! ‘  Hehe….. very nice one!!   *HUGE smiles*

Wishing everyone a peaceful and happy day….

Tea cheers to you.

 So Ms Jenny McCarthy has inspired me to rethink more commitments for my 30 days.  Well it was not JUST her. See, my consumption of chocolate in the last week has been at an all time high.  I know the weight of the dark Hershey chocolate chip bag and in secret I ate one and bought another because I felt so naughty.  When you put your plastics in the recycling bag, they are NOT easily forgotten, like in the past when I just put them into the garbage.  This new lifestyle of recycling is good in many ways - no lying or “forgetting” allowed.  Like buying another bag of chips would actually last, NO of course not.  Plus we indulged in more chocolate last night.  My god!   So, after reading Jenny’s blog (see Oprah.com)  about how she is challenging herself with no eating after 7PM and no sugar for JUST 30 days, I too am making some neccessary changes.

I am eating before 7PM.  Last night stretched to 7:30 and the night before was 8:00ish.  So no more of this.  Still it was my meals, no snacking after, but still.  8:00 is too late for me.  I have been successful for 5 official nights now.  *Pats self on back*  (Will feed true hunger with reasonable food as to not stress myself.  Just NO MINDLESS eating.)

I am eating sugar/sweetener-free.  YIKES, hey?  This is the biggest thing for me.  This and chocolate have become a little addiction lately.  I say one tablespoon of my Mom’s strawberry jam but no it is double and a little more.  This will mean virtually nothing processed and that is just fine with me. Not eating at night has been a breeze, I am going to feel this missing in my life for awhile but I know I will be better for it.

I am also eating a chemical/additive-free diet.  I am not going to preach about this badness.  I know it is crap and this is for me.  When I grabbed an antihistamine the other night because I was so uncomfortable, that was shocking.  But you can be damn sure I will be not eating the crap that made me feel so awful in the first place, well for 30 days for sure!

Seriously if my Mother bitches about her seasonal allergies again I may snap on her ass too (see I kind of snapped on MY ass/self..lol).  She smokes and then proceeds to blame everything outside of her own actions.  *shakes head*  WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES???  What ever, me thinking about the past chocolate and sugar binges is not productive.  Some professionals think it may not even be helpful to figure out why we eat/behave as we do.  The most productive thing might be to actually retrain ourselves with new behaviors.  No more over thinking things.  It is unproductive in a world and big brain that may be beyond understanding.  Much less stressful to just chose to make new choices and do so in a supporting environment.  So this is what the 30 day challenge is about….retraining.

What I have learned in my studies….. It is natural to have cravings if one is not getting the proper balance of nutrients.  Like if one eats a higher protein diet (and I have been doing this to deal with some hypothyroid-like symptoms and things are improving and the weight is coming off little by little) one will need NEED more water and will desire more sugar (carbs).   (Also people will NEED more calcium.  This is why those with a low fat vegetarian diet do not require as much calcium as those who eat high fat dairy, meat and sugar diet.) And because the body really wants it instantly, it will often want the simple sugar and not necessarily the bread or the pasta.  Hmmm…. I think I experienced this.  Only I am not a child and with this challenge, I have to be aware and eat the little more healthy carbohydrates in balance.  Because seriously sugars are prime feedings for disease/cancer.  God and I know this too.  Well, cheers to changes.  There is no stress because it is 30 days, but I would like to develop healthier choices.  That is the goal-Life long health and weight loss.

The thing that is keeping my moods (well some moodiness with the sugar! duh!) in check and helping to create my past shapely legs, OF COURSE the exercise!  Not eating at night is helpful because I am sleeping better too and there is less slow moving food in my gutt.   All good things.  Especially the Hard Body Yoga.  I think my legs MUST be looking FINE.  David has said he would like to try!  I told him when he does it to take it easy the first time.  I am so excited to have an exercise partner, maybe, hopefully…..hehe.

So I am losing weight slowly.  But the scale is nearly dead and my computer is DEAD.  I posted that it was slowly taking a downward turn (shutting off when ever it wanted) well, it is DEAD.  So, it will be awhile before I have a new one.  I am using my sweetie’s and truly it feels like a beast compared to my laptop…lol  Anyways I am thankful for the use.  But I will be on the computer less for awhile.

If I should faulter a little with my 3 personal challenges I WILL let ya know.  Here I am, honest with me (YAH!) and I will also be honest with you.  Buddyslim is a part of my life.  I just have to use it affectively.  ;)  I will be posting a new picture at the beginning of summer along with my ticker.  The old ticker has been out of commision but it WILL be back then.  When my metabolism slowed, so did my spirit.   But I am happy to say, both are soaring.  Well it just seems good to see some slight visual changes.  I will take this ride on the turtle ANY DAY !

I feel like I’m letting everyone down in my life and I had a few moments where I let myself down too, but it stops when I allow it to.  My mind just persists sometimes….  But time to focus on some other necessities.  So today, right now, is the opportunity to be the warrior in my life.

Thank you to Melanie for this wonderful image!  I needed this as a little reminder.  No one else is going to live this life for me.  Time to stand by my decisions without the guilt.

Life.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. “

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

And this is so I don’t take things too too seriously.  Fun….

Feeling sad about some personal life stuff and I am facing one meal of emotional eating head on (with peace) realising that I do not want it to continue.   The portions were fine, but for health reasons I need to not chose poorly.  No matter what B.S. stress is going on, IT IS SO NOT WORTH screwing myself over. I am better than this!  I deserve better then this!  I just need to be a little thoughtful of my choices today. I am calling it Emotion Awareness Day.  When I feel a negative emotion today, I am going to write it down and think for a minute of two about it. How will I just identify the emotion when I never seem to any other time?  I will be wanting dairy or chocolate!  This I know of me.  Anyways, when I want, I will just identify the emotion I am really feeling, feel that emotion, be uncomfortable for a few minutes and deal. I am strong and I have lost about 10 pounds of those that I gained. I am not about to start up again with some old bad habits.  Nothing and nobody is worth me emotional eating.  Those food choices will only screw with my body chemisty and I want to feel hot, sexy, awesome and beautiful.  Poor choices will cause me to go inward and I desire a more extroverted me.  I will post any emotions and how I dealt with them here.  This is me, being proactive today.  I would rather be here for me, then silent with myself.  I am afraid to not be here at Buddyslim today.  So, I am here, hopeful and proactive. 

*smiles*March 26, 2009.

*signed*   Me - Jennifer L. P.

Remember: I love myself today!

Today I felt the following emotions and this is how I dealt with them:  (Hey, just writing this, I could be hyper-aware and not WANT, well it could happen. :):)  But I am hoping forethought is my insurance.  I have come so far in my thinking.  Not being so restricted and really respecting the needs of my body.   I have actually lost weight by exercising a little less, eating mostly whole foods and respecting my hunger and satisfaction.   I WILL learn to deal with the uncommon and unpleasant emotions damnit….lol  *said in a cutsy fun way* UPDATE:

So I am reading a required text called Aging Well by George E. Vaillant right now.  Some good, some boring but I need to share a little of the good here, because I would like the lessons and words of others to stay with me.

“Inspiration….is a metaphor for how we take other people inside.  Through our lungs, through our guts, and through our hearts.”

A woman was asked “What have you learned from your children?” - And her response:

“Gee, from John, the oldest one, I’m learning more about how to get along with people and how to see something good in everyone…patience and loving people…. From Clarinda, I think she’s taught me to be somewhat passive….thoughtful before you speak… From little Judy, she’s not little, but she’s just a baby (40), and she says ‘don’t call me the baby’.  That’s why I do it because I know she will say this.  She is so jovial, so warm.  She makes me smile, and I have to smile more sometimes then I do because I forget to smile.  She sings.  She makes me sing with her.  I love to sing, but I don’t do it anymore when I’m here alone.  I wish I would.  I use to sing when I did the housework.  They’re all just an inspiration to me.”

“When we are old, our lives become the sum of all whom we have loved.  It is important not to waste anyone.”

When one is asked what the prescription for aging is…. “Share Socrates’ love for the search, while knowing no answer will be found [The font appeared different for me with this phrase as if some inner guide wanted me to really see it]….Exercise the little grey cells (keep learning), work and love.  Show respect for and try and take care of the planet…Don’t dwell on the past except when blue and then only to remind oneself that those problems that seemed insurmountable often weren’t.  Try not to worry about the future.  It’s not over til it’s over.”

I think there are various paths that bring us to different blury points in our lives and there are people who impact our lives along these paths.  I just want to enjoy how I am feeling right now, knowing that along with some knowledge and personal growth, a few wonderful friendships have been made here at Buddyslim.

So on this day when I go and visit my Grandmother (extremely mixed feelings with this woman) I think to myself, what is something truly positive and wonderful about her and also something I have learned from her?  She is not well so if it is meant to be, and I would like it to be, I would like to feel how I am now and not bring the Old into those present moments with her.

As a buddy so sweetly reminded me… do not let anything get you down.  And this is what has been really helping me in all areas of my life, including weight loss - not sweating the small and big stuff.  Somethings can be written about and talked about to death…until they have no meaning anymore.  So very laughable sometimes, you know, if thoughts and feelings are removed from the cartoon image of it all.  Is this all a big comic strip?

This above is for my Grandmother. Hehe…..  She might laugh and I would laugh with her. 

NOW, I can start my day!  Oscar woke me up early, but now I really feel spry……hehe.

Have a great weekend.

There is a lot going on in my head these days.  Even when I am trying to sleep.  I was awake at 5 AM and just could not go back to sleep.  So I got up and have a nice warm bath….bergamont and lemon scented oils. and the clarifying light of one candle.  Sure the oils sound and should be invigorating, and I really worked some things out in my head (now I must believe in ME and follow my thoughts), but soon after a bath and a shower I was anything but invigorated.  I was TIRED, so off to bed I went.  What a great sleep.   I just needed to be okay with where my thoughts were going and as the words on my wall say….”Relax”, ”Imagine” and “Believe”.

Oprah has been such a big source of inspiration lately.  I just respect her so much.  She struggles as do I and we all must work at this.  But her shows and I am taping them all this week and will be watching all her webcasts next week have really gotten me onto a better and more effective way of thinking.  “This is not a weight issue, it is a love issue!”  NO KIDDING!  :)  I know this, but she has really focussed my thinking.  I do not just feel like I am drowning as I have felt sometimes.

Some important questions she has raised:

How am I putting myself on the top of my priority list?  - my list is specific, but generally I have made a night time routine that I must do in order to relax, perform and enjoy regular activity, eat well and realize that food is not the problem.  Not knowing myself and thinking food is the problem IS THE PROBLEM.  Food is not the problem! 

How am I finding the balance?

What do I crave?

Will I fall in love with myself this year?  (and the correct answer IS…… if I address what I am craving, I indeed will be able to do this.)

What do I want?

How am I honoring my needs?

Why am I worthy of getting healthy this year? 

And normally or should I say lately since coming into the light, I do not say no to any foods.  But you know, as long as I am not content in my mind and spirt, some foods just seem unfit for my environment.  Yes I am picking on the foods, but I do not want to be tempted.   Ok, no I am not picking on them!  I am just putting myself on my priority list!  I said food is not the problem and it is not, but I need to honor myself and better choices.

So a list Oprah suggested making is:

List 3 foods I will stop buying and having in the house? On my list is pudding mixes, crap sauces, all wheat flour and white sugar.  (lol… I wanted to make a cake so bad yesterday (WHY I ask myself ???) and realize we donated the only unopenned bag of sugar this Christmas.  It was around here for a year…lol  And Splenda was not going in my cake. NO CAKE.  :P)

List 3 foods you will add to your shopping list?  I could only think of one healthy thing I do not eat.  Artichokes.  I tried once and it tasted like ass! - a figure of speech ladies.   So if you have any tips or suggestions on how to prepare/eat this food in a healthy way, I would love to add this nutritious food to my cart.  Thanks. 

I am journalling and listening to the voice in my head.  It is really hard because I am a doubter of myself and I do not even want to share with anyone what is going on in my head.  I just need to believe and not worry about what others will think.  THIS IS MY LIFE! 

I am keeping up with my fitness log in a previous blog and really enjoying it too.  Feeling strong….

Note: as I wrote about earlier, the yogurt is just awesome, though I think I prefer 1% over skim milk.  Went to the store the other night as Oscar NEEDED tuna and I needed milk and David wanted a treat.  I resisted buying a treat, because yogurt would be my treat in 12 hours plus, but I did indulge and bought a magazine instead of something sweet.  Good good times.

Hope all are having a great week.  Love you…..

When I think about Thanksgiving I think of giving thanks for all the things that are in my life, but I must confess I did not think of those who have given up so much and lost so much as well. I am thankful for my loved ones and friends and I appreciate and think of the struggles of The Many.

I do not believe the majority of the exchanges made with early explorers, settlers,  priests, governments and Native Americans/Canadians were made fairly. We know this. We are not our forefathers and mothers and so we can not feel poorly for what was done to the true First Peoples of this great continent. But I think it is important to know that First Nations people struggle in our society due to numerous socio-economic, health and racial issues and that there livelihoods today are mostly a result of early conditions and experiences. That without saying, Aboriginal people have a rich and beautiful culture and a strength that will help them grow and hopefully help them to achieve very prosperous futures. I see this lately more and more where Aboriginal companies and leaders are flourishing, but still I see extreme poverty too.  As with everything in life, it takes time, determination, strength and voices.   

Today when I require a little more strength and determination I look to those who also struggle and I find beautiful character that is so admirable. Thank you to all my wonderful buddies here. I have found peace in some necessary escapism lately and this is okay. More on this later. I will say, I am treating this body more like a temple and living life quite moderately. I am making it a part of my day to breathe, just breathe and feel the perfection of The Moment.  Peace and love to Everyone……

Just a question…..  “All villages matter !!!”  - Who said this?  Barak Obama or Colin Powell?

Changing, inclusive, beaUtiful America !!!

We are a huge group with interesting ideas here at Buddyslim and though sometimes we disagree, we are truly stronger with each other by our cyber-sides.  People are hurting, so let’s understand that change is difficult for many. 

I feel hope as I turn on the TV.  I have to admit I did not feel for sure that it would happen.  After last election where I just was so confident of the pending results and only was left shocked.  Mouth on the floor….  But there is so much hope and energy in me now, it is almost overwhelming.  I CAN NOT imagine what it is like to be a part of this huge moment in history.  Yet, I do believe that others outside the US feel this way too.  Change and hope and SCREAM !  :)  When I got home it seemed right to snack on something - I was anxious.    BUT I WAS TOO EXCITED WHEN I LEARNED THE NEWS.  Food was forgotten. 

The show last night was a bit disappointing (TSO) and David was perhaps more so.  So we left early to get home before we were stuck in traffic and had to hear the results on the radio.  I quickly turned on the TV.  Katie Couric announced the winner and I felt like I was in a dream.  The only thing that is bringing me to a bit of an ugly reality is the Obama bashing and racism that has been sparked a little more.  I am hoping and praying that everyone can come together and ride this Hope all the way towards Peace. 

Peace to everyone!

So I found a fantastic new show (new to me) and I love that it is only 20 some minutes to watch one episode and yet it is nearly 20 minutes of smiling and laughing and this feels so wonderful.   Increased SEROTONIN !!!

The Big Bang Theory is so fantastic!!!  I laughed my behind off. 

It is early to talk about my experience with St. John’s Wort, but I like it.  I do not take it early in the day because I would feel tired all day.  But I take it minimally and I feel comfortable starting out small.  I sleep so well and wake up refreshed.  I am not constipated at all THANK GOODNESS.  What I have found is that I have had a decreased desire to emotionally eat or eat out of boredom.  I feel more content to just be still.  I was feeling a little OCD before, but I feel good.  It is too bad that it interferes with the birth control pill because it could potentially be helpful for people who experience mild to moderate depression.  It is so awesome to have not cried this weekend and truly, that says something.  It was a good weekend and many things have increase my serotonin.

After my fasting blood test yesterday I was so hungry and I ate and ate yesterday.  Seriously I rarely go 14 hours with out eating.  I kind of felt like I might faint, but did not.  YAH.  I am not judging what I ate or how much, but I did eat a lot and I know this because I felt FULL.  Not sure how many  calories or points and I am good with this.   So I am maintaining and my spirits are good.  Though this week I would like to see some progress (any) because I finally feel a little better.  Energy is not optimum, but still it is time.

Love the new tub and more and more baths with candles……..

Whole grains (brown rice, quinoa, etc.), fish, fruits and vegetables, water, good healthy fats (salmon oil, hemp seeds, flax, nuts and seeds) vitamins, treats in moderation and light-moderate exercise (6/7 days).   David and I have decided no eating out until the end of the week.  No sugary desserts and instead we are chosing fruit.  I know this is not really a principle that Intuitive Eating believes in, but my sweetie suggested it (not me who usually says such things), so I think he has been feeling a bit like he wants to see changes for himself.  It will be good for both of us.   I also will be continuing to respect my full feeling……

Have a wonderful week Buddies!  Chamomile tea cheers.  *clink*

Well I have not been consistent with the Intuitive Eating this week as there have been a few high emotions and chaos in our condo-stuff everywhere….

Well mostly it has been due to renovations and some intensity with me not saying what I want.  No I do not want the slightly disgusting granite counter top for the bathroom even though it is right there at Home Depot.  It did not fit and making it fit would be crazy and regretful.  But he wanted to be handy.  And I sure wanted our bathroom ready before mid November, but this is the way it has got to be.  So the custom made tub and sink are a go.  I should have expressed my opinion early, but of course I CAVED (low self esteem) and said ok to the better of the 3 bad choices.  Well it was awful so we wait and David got more of a work out then he had wanted returning the sink.  My bad.  But, all confusion and frustration can come to a beautiful conclusion IF the two minds work, see and feel together….so I found this week.

Weight loss stuff…..No I do not want to put junk food in me unless it is the kind I chose.  Small, delightful, wonderful on occasion and not every day treats.   Wonderful food from the earth most of the time…this is my plan.  I am not trying to over think food too much, yet the dilemma - I WANT CHANGE!

We have gotten pudgy and we both have agreed to live our lives together a little differently.  If this goes well, I shall discuss this more later, I think.  But I am not having the great expectations that I sometimes do have.  We are just going to see how things go.  Communication is sure the key!  Sometimes you need the intensity to get things out in the open.  This week I am thankful for honesty and the perfection of the principle to live in the moment and not in the past.  Have an issue, say things that create tension, BUT BE IN THE BLOODY GREAT MOMENT NOW……  I rocked!  Together, we are rocking!

This week I work on cleaning up my system a bit (mostly whole foods and juice of a lemon each AM and I am thinking green - improving my liver function and getting plenty of vitamin K)

So, I am creating a lifestyle for myself and I am fully aware that things are not going to be all hunky dory every week because things happen..  Now, I try and be a little more respectful of myself and live this life as it was meant to be lived.  Fully.  With beauty.  Respectfully.   Mindfully with Me in mind.  I have gotten into a bit of a multi year funk thinking that I somehow do not deserve to put myself first in my mind.  This nasty mentality has really lowered the meter reading on my confidence.  This is simply not a good way to live.  I want to know what I want and say what I want.  I am woman, here me roar.  Oh yeh, ENERGY!

Other goals too, but that is for me to not share with you here….hehe.  I am just not in that kind of a mood.  ;)  No kissing.  No telling.   A little conservative sometimes, Liberal too on occasion, but I am New Jack City excited everyday!!!  Everyday is a new day to make things memorable and exciting.  I think I like a little world where I can be conscious of what I need for my personal growth and yet still be in a society where people care and take care of each other.

I am really thankful for all my buddies here who have been so wonderful.  I think you all are terrific and I look forward to catching up this weekend.  So tea cheers to Buddyslim and You.  You are beaUtiful and you better not forget it!  Ha!  *fiesty mood*

*hugs*

And to Nikki, I am wearing my lipstick…. hehe

*dances to “It’s My Life” by No Doubt*

PLAN FOR THE WEEK: Lemon water every AM, plenty of water through out the day and be aware of the 10 principles of Intuitive Eating.   Make sure I take my vitamins everyday.