Jennifer

So much stress has been alleviated since I accepted some former not so good quarks about myself and I just chose to work them in a positive and productive way.  This is a wonderful thing for weight loss… reduced stress!  I have been a former perfectionsist when it came to my food journals.  NO more journalling for me, as I have said before !!!  I even use to tell myself that having something a little naughty would even make it more ideal cause the last thing I would want to be was too perfect.  Craziness !  TOO much thinking. Some just do not get this, thank goodness.  Trust me, I am glad to have become mostly free of it, well as much as I can be so that I feel content.  

THE NEATEST thing was reworking my thoughts so that I am still journalling, but I am journalling the things I need to do, do not want to do, even the things I think I do not deserve to do.  Just 3 things, simple and quick into my journal.  Some mantras too that I am working on to teach myself new positive ways of being.  And every so often I have an ahh huh! moment about myself.  Tis great for me.  Like “oh yeh, I am not a Domestic Goddess and I DO NOT HAVE TO DO THE LAUNDRY AND CLEAN RIGHT NOW.  I have better things to do for myself.”   This is my process of creating better self esteem and I am thankful that in a still moment, the answer came to me to not fight who I am.  Just work it out !!!  

Knowing what to cut, what to add and what to keep is just great for me, someone who is more prone to self-induced stress/depression.  

Last night, Enjoyment!  Friends, games, games, games and food were great!  Ahh  …. guacamole !!!  I made Alton Brown’s recipe except I cut the onions and cayenne in half and that seemed good.   Not sure if cumin was essential, but everyone loved it.  Mexican night was fantastic…. blah blah, how could it not be!  Hehe….  Then after games they brought out the cake, real whipped cream and raspberries comes out after game night!!!  Really?  Are we freaking serious!  Yep.  There was no way I was saying no as I have been doing great and my mouth really wants that taste.  That is a combination of flavors that has not ever touched my tastebuds!  So…. I have the small portion and it would seem like deprivation, BUT NO!  It was perfect.   I got in several glorious bites of the first time flavor (MY fave food experience) and it was wonderful.  This is key for me.  Knowing what I want and enjoying it completely…  And this works well in all areas of course!  ;) 

An example of saying a big fat NO, was yesterday David offering me a Wagon Wheel and I just had to say no.  I ate those growing up as an over weight child and really, dry fluffy blah!  PLUS, I did not want that because it is not something I thought I would really enjoy.  Besides there was a knowledge or fear that if I had one, I might want more at some point…  Why would I do that to myself when it was easy-ish to say no in the moment?!  So, it all worked out.  When I waited for the real treat, the pleasure was maximum!

It would seem I am not really doing Dr Oz’s program as I am a cheater!!!  But I do not care.  What I am doing is working well for me.  Making thoughtful choices…. and atleast keeping the healthy habits in mind.  Oh, but exercise is a daily goal and it is light, moderate and sometimes more intense.  Just depends on the day and how I feel.   

Scale said 178 in the middle of the week and 18o today.  So I will change my ticker one.  The scale would have showed less had we not snacked and ate late, and that is all right.  I WILL TAKE IT  because it actually feels like I might have actually lost a big ol’ pound!  Thankful….

Jasmine Green loose leaf tea cheers !

So I have been working on feeding the hunger in the last few days.  But I can be Ms Snacker for no reason other then fear, boredom, sadness, loneliness and I know I am no different then any other emotional eater.  Grrr….I am going to start to stop thinking of myself as that EEer.  I mean I do not really think about food so much, like I use to, but it’s still my go to after weeks and weeks of success.  Well it has been weeks and weeks of just eating, enjoying, some EE and just living.  Not dealing well with stress.  So I am officially no longer an Emotional Eater.  *smiles* 

So I am in pursuit to improve my physical view of the lower half of my body.  So NO MORE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.  I have to see myself like a goddess or really just quit this all.  So I am chosing to program my thinking and why not start this with being fun and giving myself a nickname…. Limber Limbs, Lightening Legs, Beautiful Legs, Hawt Legs.   Hehe… it’s fun to have a nickname.  :P    Yeh I figured out the poll thing.  LOL 

I want to become what I think….a more positive me!  A successful me!  Thanks to a friend who reminded me that thinking positive brings positive results.

Lately my inner dominatrix got the better of me and I was enticed back into the world of WW.  But I do not even care.  I am not perfecct!   I am not counting points like I use to.  You know, every single point.  Well this time I am rhinkinf about giving Core a real go which means whole foods (in my opinion) for the most part and only counting the non-Core foods which means I have 35 for 7 days.  Also, no measuring and eating until only until satisfied.  I could start today, because yesterday 3 wonderful tasting peanut cookies (one in the form of the dough) were enjoyed 100%.  That would be 12 points down right there.  Yikes!  Sure there were some consequences, and maybe some day I might really get that legumes are not so damn good for me, but I just felt like I wanted so bad.  So I did not deny.  I am not even going to do what I use to do which would be to say NO MORE, cause I know, I WILL WANT, WANT, WANT.  Just going about my day thinking about the joys in my life and having fun.  Getting my stuff done so I can get onto a better stage of life, but still enjoying these moments.

I am not sure what is better…. Start counting my extra points (foods that do not fall into the category of whole foods) on the weekend, this way I have to be good over the week because I am out of points….OR save them starting Monday and then have the weekend to enjoy.   Well I think an experiement is in order.  I will start today, knowing that we are going to the theater and we are having treats.  And then I will feel out the week and see if I am deprived.  I hypothesize (lol) that starting on a Monday and saving up I will feel less like depriving.  If I have the points to freely chose what I can do with them, knowing that we usually like our treats on the weekend (even white rice sushi and sourdough bread are treats as they are NOT Core) then I will be more into eating mostly Core/whole during the week.  But there is nothing as awful on my brain as spending the whole wod having fun, only to have nothing left and then I seem to want more and more and more.

So why the big deal?  Why even do Weight Watchers?  Well I just enjoy my food, but the weight does not want to budge.  There are certain foods that I struggle with when I do not pay attention.  So, I will eat well with the whole (watching the whole grains portions, but still eating them, no recording) but watch the simple sugars and simple startches and will record them.  No meetings.  No journalling.  Just recording the numerical value of non-Core foods.  No depriving… and remembering that non-Core foods are not as nutritious but they ARE not bad.  They simply are foods that contain less vitamins, less minerals, less fiber and I need to monitor my intake.  Maybe I want to be controlled just a little, BUT NOT TOO MUCH.  Life is no fun with out balance.

A special note on healthy fat though… I am not recording healthy fats and the extra oil as Core.  I am simply going with what my intuition tells me is good.  With my ear eczema and sometimes dry skin, I need to just eat as my body tells me to when it comes to the healthy fats especially. 

Yah, off to enjoy my berry almond milk smoothie, pilates work out,  a 3-D movie and a charity steak dinner.

 So it was a night for the spirit.  I was really impressed with the Nickelback concert.  We had these tickets since before Christmas and it was such a treat.  Granted, I had no hearing for about 3 hours after the concert, but hey you only live once.  No complaining.  I am onlying seeing the beauty and heat of the night.  WOW, I have not seen that much fire in an enclosed building EVER!  WOW!!!   I am so glad that I am not young and hung over like so many…. MY GAWD!  The beer and more beer and more beer….

The big band with a moving sound from little Hanna, Alberta.  They still make me move better when I have weights in my hands.  :) 

 Yesterday was a weird day for the Eats, but it was fun to just be free.  Still I ate to the point of being satisfied and stopped.  It was a really fine day for sure with Dim Sum being the main fun meal.  My fave… the shrimp!

 

It is a new day to eat veggies.  The closest thing to a veggie I ate yesterday was mushrooms.  Had a grapefruit and half a pear.  I swear, I feel awesome today, the day after.  Still, my body is saying a few veggies please!!!  And yes another steamed pork bun too please!  Like a child.  “No, you had one and a half yesterday.  You are good for awhile.  Now eat some balanced meals.”

And how can something so white, taste so good?  Treats.  Mine was a steamed pork bun.  YUM.

 

In a book I was reading the other day, the author stated that though she has a view that is optimum eating for most, she could not fault a friend who ate what ever the heck he wanted, BUT he just did not become toxic by over eating.  He stopped at That Point, when the body is saying DONE, even though the mouth is saying MORE PLEASE (now).  So.  It was a yummy day where I did not think so much.  I felt life and lived it.  But I feel that I must give my intuition the respect it deserves too.  Everything in me is telling me to respect how I have not been feeling so well again and DO SOMETHING…. gently and with a smile.  A real one….. 

And not be obsessed with that oral fixation that rules the emptiness!!! 

Note to self:  I was not breast fed as a baby!  I recieved a cow milk formula and so when I want love, I crave dairy.  Realising this, I HAVE BEEN NOT craving dairy.  Chocolate is not dairy right?  Well that is George, not me.  LOL

My spider senses are telling me to respect the changes in my body and lack there of.  Use what I know and see if it works.  Something came over me yesterday AM.  It was kind of a little turning point.  I have learned enough in my studies to not cause me to feel insane with the unknown.  Sure I do not know everything and I never will.  But when it comes to my health I have often been confused.  But so what if I was not breast fed and did not acquire the benefits and so what if I have health issues and have to eat better it would seem then some.  I have what I have and I better be thanful for it.  AND I AM.  I am so thankful and so much more at peace with just Being.  If something does not work, if I want to try 7 jobs before I find the thing that makes me happy, SO WHAT.  Just try.  Just relax and enjoy the new.  Where is this all coming from?  I found peace this week in my lack of progress!  Then it came to me in the stillness of a Saturday morning.  Not having success and not having one bloody answer made it okay to just Be and know that trying something was something New.  And it too would lead me somewhere else.  Now, this is a calm I could get use to…… Ha.  Until life ruffles my feathers, AGAIN.   Ok.

I will take it!

Off to spend a relaxing day with my two sweeties……

Quiz:

What is Jennifer’s favorite concert she has ever seen?

a)Bon Jovi  b)James Blunt  c)Beyonce  d)Nickelback  e)Metallica  f)all of the times I have seen Bif Naked  g)the couple times I have seen The Tea Party  h)New Kids on the Block (in the 90s…lol)  i)Jann Arden  j)Def Leppard

 THE ANSWER - James Blunt….. oh yes!  YES, yes, Yes, YES!  And, Bif.  I love my Bif.  Boy though as I think about it, they all were fantastic moments in time.

Buddyslim Politics.  Does it seem crazy OR is it a glitch that some blogs remain at the top of the list while others, new buddies especially who are wishing for sincere support, get placed at the bottom of the list?  All because in the options setting you can change the time so that one’s blog stays high?  Why?   I think it only fair that when a blog is posted that it goes to the top of the list.  This should not be a place that represents popularity, but rather should be a place that encourages weight loss support for those who need it.  If this is a concern of yours, please do NOT comment on this blog about this.  It is not affective.  Please write Dr. Marc an email with your concerns if you have any.  

My blog usually goes to about the 10th or so position and I did not know why until I read a buddies blog stating how this happens.  I adjusted the numbers for this blog so people would see it and read it.  But my settings are back to normal.  If one could answer a question for me, :) what is the purpose of this setting option?  I did care a lot about the answer, but now, not so so much I guess.    

FEBRUARY !!!  Ohhh-yeh!

So I have been thinking that Change is indeed a fine and wonderful little word.  And when actions support it, well that is just wonderful.  But what do I want for myself?  I have been thinking about how I feel about food.  Normally the only time I want food it is when I am emotional (not really much of this AT ALL *smiles* lately) and obviously when I am hungry.  I have not been craving anything.  I just eat when I am hungry and aim for whole and balanced food.  I like that a lot.  I start to get that feeling of how smaller, non-obsessed people (with food anyways) must feel.  It is so peaceful to imagine that. 

Earlier this week I felt that overwhelming sense of fear with foods and that is something I need to address at least in words because that is not a way I want to live.  But when you feel awful when you eat certain things, or like a buddy suggest, certain combinations, well it kind of makes you wonder about food choices.  I have found peace in the fact that this will be over.  *fingers crossed*  I do have an itsy-bitsy fear that the allergist will say, you are not allergic to anything.  I mean I do not want to have an allergy or sensitivity, but I want an answer to the awful feelings.  So, fear.  Well after a good week I did have a day yesterday where I just fed myself well/a lot and I felt so good.  Asian Curry Chicken, Chicken Salad Rolls (no vermicelli, only veggies and chicken) and Singapore Noodles w/ loads of veggies.  I ate a lot compared to what I have been eating and felt awesome in all ways!!!

 Then I thought to myself, that was such an awesome treat.  No I do not want this every week, but damn.  I do love food!  Eating like this, on whole food/almost no sugar seemed to make me really appreciate it that much more.  I do not even want any more today.  It was that, a damn fine meal.  But now I want the simpler foods.  One thing is for sure, changes are seen in this body and I do not need the scale to reaffirm this. 

When I was 152 after being at buddyslim for a few months and SO CLOSE to my set goal weight at the time, I was so disgusted that my body was not what I had hoped.  But letting the number go and just realising that I have a body to create AND THE NUMBER DOES NOT MATTER and that the process in getting there is kind of fun.  Sculpting a firm and True body is much more important to me then a saggy, baggy number-”perfect” body. 

So, these are the things that I am gently holding in my hand and in my thoughts as I begin this month.  Should I say that knowing that I usually mess things up?  I feel like I can tempt it.  I finally know what I want and it IS attainable.  I think in the past I have had doubts.  Like what if my partner and I do not eat the same things and what if we do not eat out enough to satisfy our desires?  So often, WE know, eating out is just unsatisfying, disappointing….  Well,  I have told him, when I want something, I will have it.  He can have whatever he wants.  Tis the Intuitive way!  :)  But the days of me eating because it is there, well that is reserved for those times when I am a little emotional IF I CHOSE and I will have those times I am nearly positive.  But there is no need to make a bigger deal out of it then it is.  It is one moment and time and it stops when the mind allows it to stop.  Why is this sooooo easy now?  This week when I fed my body the nutrients it needed with out all the added chemicals and sugars to mess with my brain (emotions) and body (health) I felt the peace.  Like no cake or cookie could entice me into feeling any other way.  Health and sanity (and I can feel crazy at times) was the big prize!  Now that was achieving peace in mind, body and spirit.   Before I achieved this state by means of control and now, that toxic way of thinking has been shead.  Back into the soil, it is sure to come forth again.  But in smaller amounts?  I think so.  The fear has gone away in this aspect of my life anyways. 

Nearly all whole and nearly no sugar.  Intuitive Eating is my guide, which means I am the one living this life, uninfluenced by the bloody and perverse advertisements and ideals we too often bow to. 

My body knows best.

The Plan:  All weeks, no less then 5 days and preferably 6 days of activity

First & Third week- Structured - Strength MWF, cardio/walking M-F and whatever

Second & Fouth week-Unstructured - whatever I feel I want to do and I feel my body needs

Have a wonderful day, week and month!  I am not going to be on quite as much, as this is just what my everything in me tells me I need to do.  I think I might be finally on a roll, but I need to not procrastinate. 

I know that a lack of regular exercise has compounded everything lately, so after reading my buddies blogs, I have decided to put consistancy and love for my body into practice.  On my Christmas list: a calm mind and maintenance. Any loss is a bonus. 

I am being accountable HERE and will share..mostly for me.

Well only my choices and actions will gets results.  I do not want to forget anyone, but the buddies that come to mind who get things done are Kama, Catrina, Shannon, Anj and Lori.  Jane too has been doing absolutely awesome with her new diet.  And Jo, we have these ups and downs, but you have been my inspiration since you have been back.  Things are rough sometimes and it catches us when we least expect, but you have been doing so well, so please remember the progress and strides you have made to bring activity back into your life.  *hugs*  Clearly you gals are going to be on the Nicely done list!  Kudos to these woman and everyone else who is consistant and no matter what, eating reasonably and WORKING OUT CONSISTANTLY!  Yeh baby.  Some of us just slip and fall nearly off the radar, but getting back to it is key for many of us.  Loved the messages of not getting down on yourselves, but rather just starting new, each and every day and moment.  I love this and I wish we all could just shout it from the roof tops.

For the rest of this month and beyond (but I will focus on this, this month)…. EXERCISE!  Everyday I will do something and no less them 30 minutes.  Yes, even on Christmas day.  My parents have a recumbant bike so that will be a nice change.  I am aiming to alternate cardio/long walks and pilates/yoga but any activity will do.  Fun and energizing activity.  I think it is time to get back to some Wii boxing and bowling too. 

After all, balance is essential for good health and happiness.

I am already thinking about all the treats.  Had some yesterday at an old clients apartment.  This is what she does, herbal tea (she can not have caffeine) and treats.   Key for me is to know what I love and enjoy portions.  Yesterday I had a few too many cookies and cakes, but the long walk in the blistering cold had to at least balance the sweets.  Ha!

Still what am I looking forward to having?

My Mom’s date cookies, wheat salad (yummy and ONCE A YEAR, yah), turkey, homemade cranberry sauce (I will make,  my Mom is an open the can lady), sweet potatoes, egg nog, Turtles (I LOVE TURTLES), my Aunts broccoli salad, fruit cake.  Yep if I can get a little of this in, I will be a happy gal.  The big goal when I go home…. not to be the old me who just says it’s ok to get let loose.  Portions are still important and I do not mean for weight loss.  I mean I am forseeing the results of ‘letting go’ and I want to be good in my mind and not let the food be a comfort blanket.  Fun, pleasurable treats and some progress (in mind and maybe in body, maintaining is cool) to start the New Year.  This is what is on my list this month. 

Accountability List:

Dec. 3 - 45 min. walk in the cold

Dec. 4 - 18 min pilates (butt and thigh), 5 min. of continueous Ab work (alternating specific muscle groups) & 20 min. walk 

 Nasty little puss!!!

 

Little freaky….

 

 

This candy and me alone in one room.  NOT going to happen.  

 

Other creepy/scary things……

My Date with a burger:

I really, really enjoyed my first (notice I did say NOT last) Big Bacon Classic last night from Wendy’s.  I mean I enjoyed it so much.  I do believe this is because I was so hungry and I did not wolf it down.  I savored every bite and when I was done, I felt great.   Priming a bathroom is active work….bending, stretching.  So, we ate out (our bad!!!) but I ate without guilt and without worries.  It was heaven and it is darn right creepy I found heaven in eating that and yet I still feel good about it.    Seriously, it is like a BLT with cheese and beef (no mayo - only because I do not like it goopy and half the onions).  YUM.  David was SO shocked I loved it.  So why is this so weird for me?  I do not usually feel like I want red meat.  It just does not appeal.  Last night I ate without judgment and I feel terrific (Intuitive Eating influence).  Today I eat with more intention and move my derriere!  More veggies for me…. today I want a nice salad.  It is nice that I can go with the flow and let my intuition determine my intake.  Can I lose weight this way?  A burger a couple times a month, eating healthy and  portion-minded…. Today I feel acceptance of my body.  Have not felt this lately.   I just choose to tighten things up a bit…. I love my thighs.  I love my thighs today!   

Today I paint the bathroom ‘kitten white’.  Yesterday (and lately)  I was so exhausted (for a variety of reasons, some unknown and creeping me out), get this, I let DAVID decide the bathroom color.  He chose ‘kitten white’ and I said, OK.  Hopefully this choice was not made hastily…..lol  We have been thinking about it forever and a day!!  I just could not decide.  I AM NOT PAINTING OVER IT.  Primer is NOT as thick as I think it should be I swear!  :)  Anyways, it is safe and I think we will LOVE our little spa retreat when it is finally done.  It will be done tonight I believe. 

Like I said, random and creepy……

Some freaky guy who is everywhere in my city – along the walking path sitting on the bench watching people go by and occasionally taking pictures with his big camera, once was at my work, has walked through our parking lot where we live, saw him at the Mac’s store behind our condo.  Though I usually see him in the cooler weather, I did see him that once walking with really really short shorts and pimp sunglasses.  Clearly he lives in my area.  Why is it that when you fear something or someone it is ever occurring?  Ok, I am somewhat paranoid, but it’s creepy!

 

Creepy and cool – “Don’t leave me.”  Says a woman I was caring for 2 weeks before she dies.  I feel it was a blessing that I was there with her when she finally went to a better place, but still…..maybe eerie more then creepy.

 

“GET OUT OF HERE OR I WILL…. *Falling to the floor with still that death glare* KILL YOU!” – 90 year old out-of-control client with dementia at 3AM.

 

Creepiest thing a guy ever said to a girl – “I just finished dinner and I thought it would be good dessert to gnaw on you.”   OK, I made this up.  The actual line delivered to me on my answering machine was “I just finished dinner and I thought it would be good dessert to talk to you.”   Haha…. Now which is creepiest?  Haha.. clearly I have the creepier mind.  He was  a cutey and very well behaved.

 

Creepy cool line in a movie – “I want to crack your head open and see what’s inside” (Jake Jyllenhaal in The Good Girl”).  I guess this makes me creepy for thinking this, but Jake is so cute and strange in this movie.

 

Sign that reads – “Trespassers will be eaten!”

 

When someone on a blog was asked what the meaning of life is - “Life is meaning less. You live, you learn, you get married, you had kids, you grow old, and you die. Life is meaning less.”  YIKES the cynicism of today’s youth!  lol  Anyways, tis creepy that when I have gotten into my funks, I think this way too.

RED RUM !!! - Love Jack!

 

Some creepy facts from “1001 horrible FACTS: A yukkopedia of gross truths about everything” by Anne Rooney

 

In the 1800s, it was common to mix ground bones into flour to make it go further.  (My thought is – animal bones? – how is this different then gelatin capsules or Jello?  Or was it not animal bones? YIKES.)

 

Honey is bee vomit.  Bees drink nectar from flowers which they turn into honey before sicking it back up to store in the hive.  (To all vegans or anyone ones who does not eat honey, Yah for you.   I guess it is the bees who might be laughing at us….hehe.  I love honey!)

 

There is a cheese called cabrales and when it is ‘con gusano’ it means it is crawling with maggots.  YUCKO!

 

In 1971, a man found the head of a mouse in a bar of chocolate.  (Poor mouse!  What a way to die. You just know there is a scary ghost mouse flying around torturing some chocolate factory employees!)

 

Marmite, an English spread for toast, is made with left-over yeasty sludge from brewing beer. Grief!

 

Yeast is tiny fungi (mould), present in bread, bear and wine.  The yeast eat sugar in the ingredients, making the gas which forms the bubbles in beer, wine and the holes in bread.

 

The Aztec dish tiacatalalli was a stew made from corn and human beings.  -all righty then!

 

Shiokara is Japanese dish made by fermenting squid in old fish guts.  (I love sushi, but me thinks this is not for me!)

 

And may you have no creepy crawlies in your meals today!  Hehe.

 

And I must not forget Dru!

 

Drusilla:  ”I met an old man.  Didn’t like him.  He got stuck in my teeth.  But then the Moon started whispering to me… All sorts of dreadful things.”  (from Buffy the Vampire Slayer)  - I love Drusilla.  She’s a vampire character and is drop dead gorgeous and oh so hilarious, but the words she speaks can be deadly creepy.

 

Spike is not so bad himself ;)  (Note: Spike is the opposite of creepy…hehe.  My opinion.)

All things creepy can appear beautiful and all things beautiful can be creepy, disguised.  

And though it is early, Happy Halloween !!!

 P.S.: Apparently Buddyslim is creepy too because it placed this blog second after my last blog post on my homepage.  Gremlins I tell ya!

 

 

Festive Literature –

 

http://listverse.com/literature/top-10-creepiest-tales-of-edgar-allan-poe/  -the literary crafter of creepy….  Great find and I thought I would share.

So the last food hit my lips at 7:45 which is too late to be eating for me, but life happens.  Teeth are brushed and flossed and I am sipping on my decaf green tea.

Did my tea inventory because I want to get back to replacing the careless snacking with a variety of teas.  I have indulged the last couple days and the cravings are not evil.  The moody beast just must have her days too.  They are not even regrettable.  That kind of thinking is what I am trying to avoid.

TEAS to choose from:

Matcha Tea - NEW today

Green Sencha tea

Green tea Goji Berry

Tetley decaf Green tea

Decaf Earl Grey

Lavender Earl Grey

Vanilla Earl Grey

Cream Earl Grey tea

White tea

Organic White Chai tea

Ayurvedic Herbal Infusion Woman’s tea

Kama Sutra Chai tea

Decaf Green tea

Peppermint tea

Ginger tea

Chamomile tea

Cherry tea

Red Rose black tea

Rooibos tea

Tea cheers to me and you.

Today I loved chocolate SO MUCH.  Off to work out a little.

Might do a little check in most nights to be accountable. (inspired by a buddy)  I am pleasant and so much happier when I am seeing improvements.

Oh and I picked up Carmen Electra’s DVD for fun.  I love that it is low impact!! (also inspired by a buddy who loves it)

Sweet dreams to all. 

Well I have not been consistent with the Intuitive Eating this week as there have been a few high emotions and chaos in our condo-stuff everywhere….

Well mostly it has been due to renovations and some intensity with me not saying what I want.  No I do not want the slightly disgusting granite counter top for the bathroom even though it is right there at Home Depot.  It did not fit and making it fit would be crazy and regretful.  But he wanted to be handy.  And I sure wanted our bathroom ready before mid November, but this is the way it has got to be.  So the custom made tub and sink are a go.  I should have expressed my opinion early, but of course I CAVED (low self esteem) and said ok to the better of the 3 bad choices.  Well it was awful so we wait and David got more of a work out then he had wanted returning the sink.  My bad.  But, all confusion and frustration can come to a beautiful conclusion IF the two minds work, see and feel together….so I found this week.

Weight loss stuff…..No I do not want to put junk food in me unless it is the kind I chose.  Small, delightful, wonderful on occasion and not every day treats.   Wonderful food from the earth most of the time…this is my plan.  I am not trying to over think food too much, yet the dilemma - I WANT CHANGE!

We have gotten pudgy and we both have agreed to live our lives together a little differently.  If this goes well, I shall discuss this more later, I think.  But I am not having the great expectations that I sometimes do have.  We are just going to see how things go.  Communication is sure the key!  Sometimes you need the intensity to get things out in the open.  This week I am thankful for honesty and the perfection of the principle to live in the moment and not in the past.  Have an issue, say things that create tension, BUT BE IN THE BLOODY GREAT MOMENT NOW……  I rocked!  Together, we are rocking!

This week I work on cleaning up my system a bit (mostly whole foods and juice of a lemon each AM and I am thinking green - improving my liver function and getting plenty of vitamin K)

So, I am creating a lifestyle for myself and I am fully aware that things are not going to be all hunky dory every week because things happen..  Now, I try and be a little more respectful of myself and live this life as it was meant to be lived.  Fully.  With beauty.  Respectfully.   Mindfully with Me in mind.  I have gotten into a bit of a multi year funk thinking that I somehow do not deserve to put myself first in my mind.  This nasty mentality has really lowered the meter reading on my confidence.  This is simply not a good way to live.  I want to know what I want and say what I want.  I am woman, here me roar.  Oh yeh, ENERGY!

Other goals too, but that is for me to not share with you here….hehe.  I am just not in that kind of a mood.  ;)  No kissing.  No telling.   A little conservative sometimes, Liberal too on occasion, but I am New Jack City excited everyday!!!  Everyday is a new day to make things memorable and exciting.  I think I like a little world where I can be conscious of what I need for my personal growth and yet still be in a society where people care and take care of each other.

I am really thankful for all my buddies here who have been so wonderful.  I think you all are terrific and I look forward to catching up this weekend.  So tea cheers to Buddyslim and You.  You are beaUtiful and you better not forget it!  Ha!  *fiesty mood*

*hugs*

And to Nikki, I am wearing my lipstick…. hehe

*dances to “It’s My Life” by No Doubt*

PLAN FOR THE WEEK: Lemon water every AM, plenty of water through out the day and be aware of the 10 principles of Intuitive Eating.   Make sure I take my vitamins everyday.

FIRST: Thank you to my buddies who were there for me at various times.  You are so fantastic !!!

Second: Intuitive Eating -  This is truly the only way for me!  That without saying, I have needed to just keep in mind points because I am either not eating enough or I eat too much later in the day and that DOES NOT work….lol  As we know.  So I am trying to reject the extreme diet mentality, but I am still trying to be aware, of course.

This is no excuse, but someone in my family has a very serious health condition and I did EE (emotionally eat) this week. I was not allowed to call this person because I was not suppose to know, but things are Out now and I can communicate, thank goodness.  Things are going to be tough, but I believe things will be ok.  I have to believe!

Anyways, I knew I was doing it (EE) and I just did it.  Well I was at least with the food when I was doing it.  Half way through what ever I was eating (snacking foods or left overs, I can not actually recall as it was days ago) I do remember that I made myself slow down and that was good.  I have figured it out, if I can actually BE WITH THE FOOD in those moments, it does not seem like the old EE at all.  So this is improvement.  And then this week, I did very well, so all in all a good week with the food.

I have been honoring my hunger for the most part and this is so empowering.   When I was out with my client I had my lunch and she had hers.  I was so satisfied with my sushi I did not feel like I needed another thing.  She told me she bought me one of those cookies from Subway and I felt like I could have a taste and so I took of a piece for the taste, but that was satisfying enough.  I was full.  I respected my fullness!!  Food is not the enemy.  Not even the choice I made to eat a few plus a few more chocolates yesterday was evil or sinful.  It was what it was.  Thank goodness.  I was not good this week and I was not bad.  I just enjoyed life, moved as much as I could and feel content.  Have I lost, I do not know.  But my head is on straight and I am ready to have another great week.

This week, because I have been doing pretty well with the top 6 of the 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating, this week I kind of pay a bit more attention the the last 4.  I have kept them in mind, but I do find it a little consuming, overwhelming and just unnecessary to do it all, so to speak.  I naturally did what I could and now, I can work on those things I struggled a little with and move on to being a little more attentively with the others.  All good here my buddies.

THIS WEEK I learned that I can sit on my butt and not axiously move to the kitchen because I do not like where my head is at.  It can happen.  I also learned and is not diet related, but I learned that this life is so precious and in an instant EVERYTHING can change, so it is good to make each moment count.  It is so important to make ammends and do now what you in the past put off.

10 Principles of Intuitive Eating

1.  Reject the diet mentality - pretty close though I think points are ingrained and helpful for eating enough and then not going over board. It is a tool.

2.  Honor your hunger- no starving, lol, like I have never done this anyways.  When hungry I did just eat something little to tide me over.

3.  Make peace with your food - a little EE, but I feel good with this, but will still be aware.

4.  Challenge the food police - no bad foods.  I started to see carbs as something to avoid just for awhile and then I realized this would only make me stupid, LITERALLY.  So I checked that reality and enjoyed moderately.

5.  Respect your fullness - did VERY well with this.  No discomfort this week.  Though I was pleasantly full after the mole sauce, chicken and beans at Labamba!  Wow… pumpkin seed mole sauce - YUM!

6.  Discover the satisfaction factor - a little of anything that I desired in the moment, savoring slowly, was simply the only way to live.  Pleasure and moderation.  Should have bought better quality chocolates yesterday and had a little less.  But all is good.  No regrets, but rather lessons to learn from.

7.  Honor your feelings without using food - work on to be more consistent

8.  Respect your body - continue……..

9.  Exercise - feel the difference  — keep it up!  I did a lot of walking this week and pilates.  Some pain prevented me from doing certain activities, but that is life.  I did what I could and I am happy about this.  I was not so happy in some of the moments when I felt like I could not do this or that.  But I GOT OVER IT and did not dwell for too long…hehe

10. Honor your health  - my motto that is old, but some how I always must carry it in my pocket like a pebble for those times when it does not seem to be important.

The most important thing for me to remember and this is an Intuitive Eating philosophy, “you will not get a nutrient deficiency or weight gain from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating.  It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.”

So I weighed in early to, a sneak preview so to speak, but the scale was giving me 3 completely different numbers. Hmmm…. I do not care about finding a new scale either. I will get weighed at the doctors soon enough when I go for my physical. I do not need the scale to tell me my my size 10s are snug. Wore them today. So I know what I need to do, but I do not feel pressure or ticked off. Time to eat like a thin chick, but more importantly then watching those portions and drinking plenty of fluids is to continue with the exercise. My size has not changed really. I am still 30/41 (wasit/hips) so I just need to get smart. I saw a direct correlation with stress and FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, love handles ??? All righty! Yeh that was good feed back. Junk plus stress equals badness….bad love (handles). Anyways, I am not giving up on my goals, but if my 10s are comfortable, I am pretty okay with this. Why the surrendering/attitude change?

I LOVE HOW MY OVER ALL BODY LOOKS. No it is not perfect, but I look better when I am a little more fuller on top. I start dieting TOO much and I look weird on top, BUT I figure a bit slower, more definition on the bottom, maybe another permanent 10 lost this year, and maybe this is good Jennifer speed.

This week has been really tough for me. I do not like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day for personal reasons. But if I can start to put those foods down before things get out of hand, well then I say I am a success. There are times when in life I have felt completely alone and scared and I ate and ate and ate. Those behaviors are still with me, but my past does not define me. I am grateful for a smaller stomach that does not allow for lots of food. That is the thing with eating slow, the hunger comes quicker. And so I do not have to keep going. I can have some cake or whatever and then I can stop. Thin people eat whatever, they just do not eat it ALL! And when I do indulge, a bit too much, well there is always activity. I love movement. My muscles are doing some good work for me these days. They are keeping my form pretty decent. What else can a girl ask for? Love for me? Yeh, not getting down on myself is the BEST NEWS I HAVE TO SHARE. I feel cool and calm and motivated.

OK… I will ask…. I want to find a flattering bathing suit. Thank you Santa. But I think this will require going to a real swim suit store and not Walmart…. they are so awful…all of them! lol The colors, the weird buckles- bamboo and metal, the styles….. YUCK! NO bling bling! I do need to try in on though. I just can not order on line. Am I procrastinating? Entirely possible.

What I am most pleased with, MY MOM who is over weight and has high cholesterol is going on and on about how she is changing her food choices. I think this is so awesome, but everyone has to come to that certain thing, IN THEIR OWN TIME. Had a good conversation with her today.

Ahhh…… finding some balance and enjoying this ride. I hope you are too. Have a great week! *hugs*