Jennifer

I do not want to vent.  Sometimes I have experienced even more stress when I vent.  Ok, maybe venting the stress in a forest might be ideal because then you would not make others toxic with stress.  Then it would not spread and come back.  I think sometimes it’s a good idea to just breath and listen to a relaxing CD.  I have experienced good results with this.  I have been writing the boo hoo’s for years and it does not cut it.  So….. no toxins released into cyberspace today! *smiles*

What also does not work, getting all cocky about feeling you have overcome something just because it has been working for weeks and weeks.  There must be written somewhere in some Big Book that if you temp the gods or god, they will give you another lesson.  *Bam!* Well I think I did at least a couple times in a few blogs….lol.   At least there is no beating me up.  It’s up to me…..now.

I think I can be normal with eating (my normal), deal well most of the time with the issues of the day, work out normally for me and still lose about half a pound a week.  *fingers crossed*  Will I be down another pound on Friday?  We will see.

Eat when hungry.

Eat what I will enjoy.  (For me this means taking time to prepare good whole foods MORE often and enjoying the food that other’s prepare.)

Eat with awareness and eat slowly.  Sensually eat.

Stop eating when full or pleasantly satisfied. - of course this is the brillance of Mr. McKenna 

A little more processed foods and internal stress lately has certainly broken my balance.  Well,  adjust.

Cheers to a great weekend and coming week……….

Peace in focus.

SO, people promoting organic foods have NEVER claimed that the nutritional value of the food is any better then non organic.  I mean I have not heard or read this.

Fruit and vegetables, regardless of how we try to interfer with their greatness still have similar or the same vitamins and minerals.  Ok…..

Food that must travel a long distance will always have their enzymes inhibited so that they remain fresher and this is not ideal.   Our bodies are in need of these enzymes for good digestion and good health.   But again, one does what they can.  Eating as much raw foods as possible, and maybe local is an option, is ideal.  But one thing, it can become a little overwhelming to worry about food all the time.  Trust me, I know!   Much better to relax and impliment newness slowly.  And also with the knowledge that there are no certainties in life.  I think for me, less stress is just a better way to live.  Living perfectly with the hopes that the rewards will be ideal only creates internal stress.  SO Relax……..hehe.  No kidding!  Yah….. love those breakthroughs.

So what a useless article in my opionion put out by the British and found in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.  I am sure it’s not.   I can not wait to read the actual artical to see who funded the study.  Laughable!  Well I am pre-judging it only to be confrontational.  lol  But it’s good to think!! and not just believe.  I have read studies that prove their point but are not at all logical.  I look forward to actually reading it.  I refuse to pay for it though.  :P  (ok… it was funded by the UK Food Standards Agency.)

The best food is food that is grown with the least chemicals (no chemicals would be ideal, ya know it that ideal world we all dream of…lol)  and the food that also has the least chemicals added to it.  No chemicals is even better!!!  Chemicals may not have a short term effect on the body as most healthy bodies can deal pretty well at clearing these substances from the body.  Still it is best to avoid chemicals as we are around them where ever we go.  Why not avoid if possible?  The less stress (chemical, excess physical and emotional) we put on our bodies the better off our health will be.

I think we are doing very well if we are eating as much whole foods as we can and enjoying them in all their loveliness.  Throughly washed non organic or washed organic produce is better then any food that is altered.  Any attempt to eat whole instead of processed foods is a great way to feel lighter, happier and healthier.

Convenience food or whole food preparation?  I respect this dilemma, but health has to be somewhere on our top 5 things to do, no? And then there is always balance with everything….

I tried my first persimmon today!!! Yum.  Thank you to some U.S. farmer or likely some large production company.  LOVED the fleshy texture and it’t slight sweetness…YUM.  It went so well with my B.C. blueberries.  This is our world.

Ahhhhhh, someday I will have a little garden of yummies…..

So, it’s been 18 days since officially weighing in and I am down ONE POUND.  YAH!!!  Though I thought it might have been more, I will take it!  169 just puts a smile on my face.  Nothing has been easy, accept I am not judging myself when I eat anything so this makes living pleasant.  I am eating healthy the majority of the time opting for real and whole food most often.  The old habits of extreme “good” foods followed by multiple treats and sweets are no more.  This new way of listeing to what my body wants and only eating when hungry (SLOWLY…still must be aware of this) has me feeling healthy in mind, body and my little spirit.   I still have stressors of course, but myabe I am enjoying the moments a little more.  I am seeing and feeling the present certainly more.  This is something I strived for but somehow did not achieve so well.  If anyone asks about my future, I can only wonder if they know theirs and are trying to avoid their thoughts of the unknown.  Or maybe they are just curious as I am so darn slow…lol   The future now seems to be the scaries thing of all.  I am conquering other fears I think, but the future still will get me sweating if I do not FOCUS….hehe   If I don’t see my Now, I will never get what I want later.

I joke with the scale when ever I want which is more then I have and savor dark chocolate.  Ha!  My mini goal is 9 pounds away.  I am so competitive with my self it’s not even funny.  But the difference now is that there is no judgement or any other kind of self abuse - NO nasty words except when I want a laughable spanking.  Should work on never saying “my thighs are fat” (they are compared to the rest of myself and this is just fact) and there are certain funnies that should never leave the playground.  And really it is good to be playful with myself I am finding.  Haha…. Still it will be one of my goals in life to always share THAT WE MUST LOVE OURSELVES, first and usually.  Always is just a tough and unrealistic goal.  I believe staying positive will assist the body on any of it’s many endevours though.

My mini goal may be a healthy weight for me, I am not sure.  For the longest time I was my only hindrance.  But I FINALLY have me as my biggest supporter. I thought at times I had me, but I didn’t.  And when I did not have me, I needed this site.  I am so very thankful for the most wonderful hearts out there who just inspire and try…try different things even, like listening to their own precious bodies.  Eventually what works becomes evident and it’s different for all.  And when it’s no longer a battle, life seems to feel like a new beginning.  I am really feeling this.  Such a girl I am, all teary….  Where I have been in my mind and where I am now in my mind are centuries apart and for this growth I am thankful to all my buddies and teachers for without you sharing your wisdom over the years, I would still be stuck I am sure.  I am unstuck and I am free of that old and tiresome battle.  I say this now as I have never achieved that balance within myself.  I desired it and so I have spoke of it’s loveliness often, but did not know.  I feel like I can deal with anything.  Now isn’t this The Life, as it is truly going to give it to me now!  Hehe… little early AM sarcasm.

Note on physical accomplishments- I can do a number of lunges when my body tells me to and this is assisting with the definition in my legs and behind.  This is a huge deal and is my greatest indicator that I am physically balanced.  Last year I could not do this.  My knees were crinkly in sound  and weak.  But doing things like cardio, strength training, walking and flexibility like yoga and pilates (a moderate amount…NOT hours and hours) type movements and just getting everything together in my life is really helping.  By this I mean dealing with the propper way to eat for myself and thinking better…hehe.   I still smile as I recall a young man who I met once who was not the smartest but he was still smarter then most that I have known.  He said, “just think right!”  That was the answer, but I had to discover the path.   The CD is my saving grace and I will be using more of Paul McKenna’s CDs as I tackle more of my minds complexities and entanglements.   Should be completely entertaining as I struggle with new things that are not weight related….  Really laughable.  That will be my goal- to live life light-heartedly and to welcome newness and joy.Peace!

I was not going to plant anything this year, but decided it was not in me to not have fresh herbs.  So this is what I am enjoying these days…

ROSEMARY - the herb that in my opinion makes you feel wonderful and high on life.  Some say it’s an aphrodisiac.  Well aren’t most things as long as they appeal to an individuals senses.

BASIL - Just all around wonderful, refreshing and wonderful to eat whenever.   I will savor some basil cream cheese at some point.  YUM.

MINT - It seems so fragile and yet it grows like a weed… LOVE it and I will get creative with this one.  Not just tea and salads!

LAVENDER-Calming and perfect smelling.  Maybe I will even see some flowers.  lol  I did plant it a bit late.  *fingers crossed*

Must see the beauty…

Even in a day like Thursday! My new weigh in day.  I knew I would change it from Monday to any other day. 

When it seems like things are so freaking crappy, there is still BS to vent on.  I have had a couple poor days, but I just do not want to start the week negatively.  It’s occured to me, I am growing as a person and I feel good about what is going on in my head and heart.  But sometimes it seems that everyone around me has different ideas.  What will come next?  Will I be able to breathe and not get emotional over the fact that the people in my world are wanting things that are completely different than myself.  I want what I want and today I make every effort to block out the toxins that have plagued me for so long.  Well I guess it’s good to release them and find the peace.  No matter what.

Today I will feed myself as my body requires.   The frack I will let other peoples Ideas lead me into the kitchen of hell where I have practicly lived my life in trying to find comfort.  It does not even matter what people want.  The only thing that matters in this moment is me not letting the stress of yesterday ooze into MY MONDAY, today.  This is my life and I really need to start feeling powerful in my life.  I need to NOT close any doors.  Only I can stop myself.  Only I can move forward.   No one’s ideas or hopes will shatter me.    Why have I let this happen so often? That disempowering kind of thinking is so leaving my mind.   It may not happen like *snap* that, but this is the first time that I am mad, not weak, with how other people’s issues affect me.  Why would I do that?  Why would I try to be something that I am not ?

What do I want?  OK

What do I want for today?   I know where the power is….within me!  No kidding.  Why would that become so unclear in life?  So eat for me and my health and get onto the business of the day, because this is what the universe desires of me.  There is no telling where I might be in my life someday.  But I can only get there if I live well now.

Today’s no thinking menu:  (s0 I just do  not chose some cold cereal because I feel lazy)

B-Spinach shake, egg salad w/ bread and butter pickles on a cibatta bread

L-veggie chili soup and salad, couple olives

S-Franks chicken and sweet potato fries, mixed beans and carrots, raw celery

sn? whatever for hunger

Special attention to complex carbs today as I know, to not do so would be a way for me to only feel weak and become depressed.  I have no time for this.  Feeding the body so it will give me good results…

Beautiful, intense song for those who appreciate the greatness of the one and only Eminem.  Maynot want to listen to this if you are depressed.  I love the song, but when sad, Josh Grobin is such a better choice.  Dreamy……..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAw9axFwzvU

Peace to me, peace to you.

Had a bit of a tough go lately with eating too fast which slow eating is key to my success.  My mind seems to be everywhere, but not so much on the enjoyment.  Well not today.  Today I make food awareness and pleasure a part of the routine!  Fresh, fresh, fresh food.  Now what is there not to love!

And a thank you to a friend who said to me and I am paraphrasing, ‘you had this kind of a day (yesterday, not ideal), but you are going to have a more balanced day tomorrow, right?! ‘  Hehe….. very nice one!!   *HUGE smiles*

Wishing everyone a peaceful and happy day….

Tea cheers to you.

I am REALLY glad I am not weighing in tomorrow.  I gave myself a couple weeks before doing so again.  Yah!

Well we did the extraordinary and we just went out to a club and had fun for no reason other then FUN.  There was not even any kind of a performance or Bif…lol   See David kind of dared me but it was not much of a dare really.  I just did not want to have another boring night of the same old same old.   Here I was showering, putting my makeup on and drinking our best red wine… it was a true occasion!  lol

Not so much dancing but a lot of playing pool so that was fun.  And we met a new couple soon after we started playing our game of pool.   It’s so funny because I am sure people know what it’s like to wait for someone to call when they have given their number, well as a couple we are feeling the same thing.  Will they call and maybe sometime we can get together and play Settlers of Catan?  Boy o boy though, this woman was so lacking in self esteem.  Could it have been the alcohol?  I think all know that just brings out the truth of one’s feelings.  *sigh*  She was absolute JOY and fun and silly, but sad too.  Nothing like a parent to tell ya you are fat over and over.  Well this came out of her towards the end of the night (drunk) and it did not even put any downer on the night.  It was all just that good.  Who doesn’t have issues?  The point is we are all at different places and no matter what, we are all beautiful.  Even if a leg is burned and scared (hers is) or she feels a little self conscious to take off her sweater as she feels fat (been there but last night this was her too) 0r one just does not feel smart (yep!)) or someone just does not feel healthy (YES)…… we as woman are still beautiful works in progress.  And any step in the right direction at any speed is still living one’s best life I think.  Sometimes all I can seem to take is baby steps, but it’s something anyways.

So, MUST MUST MUST get back to the program a bit more.  The thing about doing Paul McKenna’s program is that it does not seem like effort and so it quickly can leave one’s thought and though it’s slight in effort, it is huge in results.  Still you have to follow the plan even if it’s completely logical - it’s how healthy weight people eat for goodness sake!  Because we did not expect to go out yesterday I missed listening to the CD.  Also a little too quick to eat late last night (martini’s will do this! )   So, back to the program and no regrets!  It was not just last night.  I have been slipping  a little with personal life stuff.  If there is one thing we all know, this part of our journey takes effort.  I slacked, but I am back to the Golden Rules -  Eat when hungry, eat what you want (I like healthy food most often, thank goodness), eat with awareness and enjoy and stop eating when full.  Also need to listen to the CD everyday and maybe play with some of the techniques in the book. 

MUST enjoy……………………. yummy, MANGO….. heaven in a bowl and the fragrant perfection of bergamot in my Earl Grey tea…  And the body is saying, protein today.

“Give me some protein.”

“You’re the boss!”

Another 5 down over the last 2 weeks.  10 left until the mini goal/goal(?).

Feeding only my hunger with good and desirable foods and enjoying….

Cheers to doing my best… with all that is in me….

Something fun to share: Wii boxing on the mini trampoline.  Good times.

-next weigh in, in 2 weeks.

This is about discovering MY inner goddess.  And I will keep searching until she is revealed!

I have been doubting myself all my life and of course this also spill into eating.  I have struggled so much with diet and what is right or what is maybe not so ideal for weight loss/health and then finally through the help of a friend and by listening to my inner self with the help of my friend Paul (lol…he feels like a friend now as I listen to his CD every day), I know what is right for me.  Nothing a little light hypnosis won’t cure!  Well it has for me.  *knocks on wood*  Well I am always dramatic and excited about something that is working.  But eating only when hungry, stopping when content and enjoying the foods I want to eat, real food, is just working.  There is a freedom that I have never experienced.  My mind is quiet, at least with food anyways.  I have been searching for a type of wisdom that is outside of me and Paul McKenna helped me to find this strength in me.  I followed his principles before (I can make you thin… kind of laughable just to write the words) but I did not have the tools/book or the CD so I gave up.  His words now spill into me everyday and they will as he suggests, for 2 weeks.  What a change!

This AM I was stressed but it was a different feeling.  I felt it while I prepared some homemade garlic herb foccacia bread topped with Kalamata olives.  Kneading the dough was a good help too…hehe.   And the stress disappeared and the peace came back.   No matter what happens outside of me, I always have the will to find my center, feel me and do what is right for me.  And so each food I eat is an offering of peace and energy and it is savoured of course with out judgement.  It just IS.  And this is something I pray sticks.  It is natural and it is with out bullshit brainwashing.  Still there will always be a part of me that knows that fruit and flax oil are better choices then simple sugar and potato chips.   And the body will crave fat in any form when it needs the helpful fats.   Still when I have those delights, my goal is to treat them as such and not criticize.  Only the body knows what is true.  Says my teaching self to my student self.

It is funny how the fear of the loss of someone special or not losing fat can make you do incredibly stupid things.  Blah! 

“In Buddhism, there is a practice called “Touching the Earth” that can help us realize our wish to generate the energies of love, compassion, joy, and equanimity. During the practice, we touch the Earth deeply six times, surrendering ourselves to the Earth and to our own true nature. We touch the Earth with our forehead, our two legs, and our two hands, so that our mind and body form a perfect whole, allowing us to tanscend our small self. We surrender our pride, notions, fears, resentments, and even our hopes, and enter the world of “things as they are.” Touching the Earth is an effective yogic practice. We return to our own source of wisdom and are no longer separate and apart from our Mother Earth.”

-From Teaching Love, by Thich Nhat Hanh

Just listening to Black Uhuru’s Party Next Door.   Nothing feels as sexy as music that just makes you move with seemingly no effort.  Fun.

….the number until I reach my mini goal.  One down.

Strength Contract will be completed by tomorrow, though I did not exercise everyday, no kidding, I did all right.  Posted on a previous blog.

Onward and hopefully downward with a renewed interest in pilates and yoga.  I am looking into taking a class, one or the other.  Will see about the cost and types.  But this will be something I do that is outside my comfort box.  Until I take a class I have a stack of DVDs to help create my body.

One cool thing, when I started here at BS I bought an on-sale satin camosole that I was sure would fit and it did not.  Well it sat in my drawer for a long time, then last week I tried it on for shits and giggles and wow, it is no longer tight around my rib cage.  IT FITS!  I am stoked!  :P  Yah for good surprises.

Most things that happen are really just not worth fretting over.  This week I work even a little more on not sweating the small stuff.

Who says you can’t send a booster note to yourself….lol  Well technically you can’t, but it is the little things we do for ourselves and the positive affirmations to ourselves.  Or even last week when I took note of what I wanted to say to myself and I said I wanted to avoid the negative words in my head.  All these things matter.  And I was not perfect at keeping the negative out.  But I have some new tricks up my sleeve.  Nothing will stop me from creating my best self in mind, body and spirit.  But my efforts come with a gentle touch and this is most soothing to me.

So, my countdown to my mini goal is on.  WW is good again.  It seems fresh and though I know it will bug me at some point, I am putting my big girl panties on (they still are fun though) and remembering to love myself, enjoy life and adhere to portions.  Of course the points were over this weekend and I enjoyed a little TOO much.  But even going over a little, ok a lot is still better then watching things skid completely off the path meal after meal.  This week more Balance and listening to my hunger.  This week I reward my body with healthy choices.  I am such a broken record!!!!

I want to give thanks for all that this body does for me and want to show it, good eats and respect.  This past week was such a scary week with the loss of Michael Jackson and it has had me thinking about my Grandmother whom I never met.  She died of heart problems when my Mom was 13 years old and sometimes lately I feel my heart is sad and over stressed.  So I am going to take note of my body signals and intuitively do what is best for me.

I use to do the unusual things, the fun things and did not care about anything that people thought.  Well I have wilted a bit and this week is about picking myself up and daring myself to be that person who just rocked her world.  So I dare myself to do the extraordinary and really think of this week as my last.  What would I do if it was my last?   Working on those fears, those fears that keep me all locked up and in pain.

Life is too short to sweat the small and it is all too short to not live… Repetition is good for memory…lol

I posed a question to myself about how I could be accountable to drop a couple and feel better.  Well I just enjoyed my food, tried to eat moderately, worked out when I could and stopped when I felt I needed, enjoyed a mini home spa and followed some good wisdom both from a friend and from my inner self.

Wishing everyone a great week.

Tappy tap tap tap!    Beating to my own drum……

Earl grey tea cheers to you !